Summary : Angel finds out Cordelia is dying
Spoiler :"Upcoming episode "Birthday"
Disclaimer : Aren't mine; just borrowing them
The worst thing in the world
What's the worst thing in the world . I guess many things come in mind there .
Spending several decades killing and torturing people that's bad . Turning on your own friends because they wanted to help you .That's bad . Setting the woman you've spent more than 150 years with on fire .That's pretty bad also .
But I doesn't compare to what I'm feeling now . I just found out Cordelia is dying . The woman I love more then anything in this world is dying and I can't do a damn thing about it . I feel like screaming and yelling . I feel like killing someone.It doesn't matter who . I just want to rip their hearts out . Why do they keep doing that to me ? Is this a way of punishing me for all the bad things I have done ? It just isn't fair . I've spent more than 200 years on this planet doing the most cruel things you can think off and I'm still here . She's only 21 and has never done anything wrong in her life . I'm not saying that she's a saint . Hell no , Everyone who knows Cordelia knows that she isn't a saint . She can be pretty bitchy if she wants too but that's just what makes her Cordelia . And the good things about her far outweigh the bad things . Why would they do something like that ? I just don't understand this anymore .
She doesn't know ,I know . I knew something was up but you know Cordy . Wouldn't spill a word .So I kinda beat it out of Skip . I know, I know .Not a very nice thing to do but I was on the verge of snapping . Even the thought of anything happening to her scares me to dead. I just get this restlessness inside and I doesn't go away until she's okay . But now I know that she isn't okay .She will never be okay again . I see her coming in the office everyday looking like crap . Of course I wouldn't tell her that . Any sensible person wouldn't dare say something like that to Cordelia even if it was true . Of course she is still beautiful . In my eyes she will always be that way . But her eyes have lost their old sparkle . It used to be vibrant and full of life .Now it's just empty and filled with fear and pain . I want to take her in my arms so badly and I want to tell her everything will be okay .But I can't . It will only make things worse .
I love her you know . I guess I have always loved her . In Sunnydale as a friend and now here as something more . I have felt this way for quite some time now . I mean what's not to love ? I still remember my little epiphany last year. I was a jerk I admit it, but she stood tall . She never blinked.She just stood there and told me to go to hell . She was so beautiful .That's the Cordy I remember . Brave , proud, never backing away from a challenge .
I have a secret to confess . At night when she goes home I follow her . I wait till she's inside and just wait until the sun comes up again . I don't tell her that . She would probably accuse me of stalking .
I don't wanna give her up . Right this moment I feel desperate . It's like there's this big , gapping hole in my heart and no matter what I do It won't close .
What am I supposed to do ? Tell her how I feel ? Tell her I know . Tell her I will be there there on the day she.... . I don't even wanna think about it .
The only thing I can think about is that the woman I love is dying and there's not a damn thing I can do about it .
Spoiler :"Upcoming episode "Birthday"
Disclaimer : Aren't mine; just borrowing them
The worst thing in the world
What's the worst thing in the world . I guess many things come in mind there .
Spending several decades killing and torturing people that's bad . Turning on your own friends because they wanted to help you .That's bad . Setting the woman you've spent more than 150 years with on fire .That's pretty bad also .
But I doesn't compare to what I'm feeling now . I just found out Cordelia is dying . The woman I love more then anything in this world is dying and I can't do a damn thing about it . I feel like screaming and yelling . I feel like killing someone.It doesn't matter who . I just want to rip their hearts out . Why do they keep doing that to me ? Is this a way of punishing me for all the bad things I have done ? It just isn't fair . I've spent more than 200 years on this planet doing the most cruel things you can think off and I'm still here . She's only 21 and has never done anything wrong in her life . I'm not saying that she's a saint . Hell no , Everyone who knows Cordelia knows that she isn't a saint . She can be pretty bitchy if she wants too but that's just what makes her Cordelia . And the good things about her far outweigh the bad things . Why would they do something like that ? I just don't understand this anymore .
She doesn't know ,I know . I knew something was up but you know Cordy . Wouldn't spill a word .So I kinda beat it out of Skip . I know, I know .Not a very nice thing to do but I was on the verge of snapping . Even the thought of anything happening to her scares me to dead. I just get this restlessness inside and I doesn't go away until she's okay . But now I know that she isn't okay .She will never be okay again . I see her coming in the office everyday looking like crap . Of course I wouldn't tell her that . Any sensible person wouldn't dare say something like that to Cordelia even if it was true . Of course she is still beautiful . In my eyes she will always be that way . But her eyes have lost their old sparkle . It used to be vibrant and full of life .Now it's just empty and filled with fear and pain . I want to take her in my arms so badly and I want to tell her everything will be okay .But I can't . It will only make things worse .
I love her you know . I guess I have always loved her . In Sunnydale as a friend and now here as something more . I have felt this way for quite some time now . I mean what's not to love ? I still remember my little epiphany last year. I was a jerk I admit it, but she stood tall . She never blinked.She just stood there and told me to go to hell . She was so beautiful .That's the Cordy I remember . Brave , proud, never backing away from a challenge .
I have a secret to confess . At night when she goes home I follow her . I wait till she's inside and just wait until the sun comes up again . I don't tell her that . She would probably accuse me of stalking .
I don't wanna give her up . Right this moment I feel desperate . It's like there's this big , gapping hole in my heart and no matter what I do It won't close .
What am I supposed to do ? Tell her how I feel ? Tell her I know . Tell her I will be there there on the day she.... . I don't even wanna think about it .
The only thing I can think about is that the woman I love is dying and there's not a damn thing I can do about it .
