Disclaimer

All rights and privileges to Rurouni Kenshin belong to

Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shuiesha, Sony Music Entertainment, and other

related parties. The characters of this story are used without

permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of

fiction is not meant for sale or profit. Please don't sue.

______________________________________________________________________

A Parody

______________________________________________________________________

Narrator: Welcome to yet another episode of "Lifestyles of Extra

ordinary People"

Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth master of Hitenmitsurugi ryu, he has

been living in is own secluded little hut For a long time, and will

most probably do so for the rest of the duration of his life.

Ever wonder, why Hiko chose pottery above any other forms of

craftsmanship and arts, like visual arts perhaps, oh well . . . anyway

his choice of this pottery making thingy will be explained later in

this episode.

Hiko has an unexplainable passion for sake, he just cannot get

through a day without sake, as a matter of fact he uses sake as a water

replacement, it has been observed that he never drinks water. He also

practices meditation, he does this mostly for hours and hours, either

day or night. Every now and then he would pull a handful of some kind

of powder from a pouch that he keeps beside him, and throws it in the

fire, creating white smoke, which slowly scatters and dissipates in

the room. . .

Hiko: Aaaaaaaah. . . . . . . . powdered sake. . . .

Narrator: He only stays in his own secluded little hut, as we have

mentioned earlier, except for his periodic replenishing of his sake

supply. (Doesn't he make it himself? Maybe, but this is my fic) This

event takes place at least twice a month.

Hiko now gathers ten of his best pots and some extras, ties them

together, throws it over his shoulder, and he is all set, now he makes

his way to town.

People greet him as he walks through town. Sometimes he would even

stop to play with the children.(Cute isn't it?)

Mother of child: Look mister Hiko is here why don't you go out and

play with him.

Narrator: This happens most of the time, why, when he's in a good

mood he distributes pots to people, free, . . . .and so it comes to

pass, Hiko has now made his way to the sake shop.

Shop owner: Well, if it isn't Hiko my best costumer, so you need

to buy more sake huh? Ran out already? Heh he he he. . . . .

Hiko: Well yes, so I'll trade the usual, three of my pots for a

pot of sake.

Shop owner: And of course I'll give you my usual discount, that'll

be two pots of sake for five of your genuine "Hiko made pots".

Hiko: there ten pots. . . .

Shop owner: and here's your sake . . . . . well, nice doing

business with you.

*SLAM* the shop owner shuts his store and a signs reads "closed

for the day".

Narrator: The shop owner shuts his shop just as Hiko's eyes

narrowed when he got to hold his sake. This protective behavior seems

to be triggered every time he gets a new supply of sake.

A dog walks by and sniffs at Hiko's leg's

Hiko: What's this evil that manifests itself at my leg! What?!

After my sake? Aaargh. . .

Now the dog can be seen flying through the air. A man sees this

and runs as fast as he can ahead of Hiko.

Man: HIKO IS CARRYING SAKE! HIDE THE CHILDREN! HIDE IN YOUR

HOUSES!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! Aaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Narrator: Now as we have observed Hiko's hostile reaction to

anything that poses a threat to his sake, we watch him walk through

the deserted streets, good thing everybody knows how Hiko is, huh,

what's this? Oh no.

Tourist: Yo man, hows it today, it's like I just wanna ask, um,

ya know, directions, say watchu got there, sake huh? Hey man like I

als. . .

Hiko: What? What vile treachery is this? Are you talking to me?

Are you making fun of my sake? Well?

Tourist: Huh? I. . .

Hiko: of course you're talking to me. Who else could you be

talking to. How, . . wait you must be after my sake. Of course you

are, we have just met and this is how you act. You are after my SAKE!

Tourist: r-r-r-re-rel-l-lax man, I ain't after your sake.

Hiko: you think you can sway me with your lies, you are after my

sake, you, YOU. . . .

Tourist: m-m-mom-m-my

Narrator: In a flash, Hiko drew his sword, and at the same time

placed his sake safely on the ground. It's the amakakeru ryu no

hirameki, Eww, his entrails are showing and he is flying through the

air, Hiko appears to have calculated him not to be cut in half, ack!

It's the nine-headed dragon thrust, ohh!

Well that ends it. The clean up crew will gather his body parts later.

And there goes Hiko on his way back to his own little hut.

Hiko: grumble...grumble...

Narrator: Hiko sometimes also experiences sleepwalking, though

this rarely occurs, this usually deals with sake. More seldom is that

it is a bad dream. For a more specific example, we will follow him

tonight, from a very safe distance of course. Now before we continue,

we will be back after these messages....

***

***

Narrator: Now were back, as of now we are watching Hiko as he

leaves the hut, and this looks bad he is carrying his katana. Oh! Now

he runs with super god speed towards town. So there is no point in

staying around here. We shall move our equipment into town......

From where we are situated we can see Hiko as he runs back and

forth in the streets, good thing that everybody is asleep, otherwise

the streets would be full of either dead or incapacitated bodies.

Hiko: (while running in the streets in super god speed) no! no!

NO! your not getting my sake...nooOO

Suddenly a man came out walking from the shadows, he is wearing a

hat, and for some strange reason he has an irritating grin stuck on

his face.

Mysterious man: HeheHee....

Narrator: A strange man wearing a hat that has a strange grin

stuck on his face has come out from the shadows, and now has come into

plain view to Hiko (as if he is awake), Hiko stopped running around,

oh may the heavens have mercy on this man wearing a hat with a

strangely irritating grin on his face..

Hiko: ....

Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...

Hiko: ...

Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....

Hiko: ...

Man w/ hat and strange grin: hey... what are you looking at...

Hiko: ....you....

Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....

Hiko: ...you are after my sake!!!!

Man w/ hat and strange grin: huh!?....(sweat drop)

Hiko: YOU ARE AFTER MY SAKE!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!

Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...

Narrator: Hiko charges in with deadly precision, wow even with

Hiko's skill this man seems to have enough skill to block Hiko's

attacks, even if it means using both his swords (he is carrying two).

And yes, we have information about this man, the one with the hat

and the strange grin stuck on his face, his name is ...hey what's

this ...Jineh? Uh yes,...his name is Jineh, poor man.

Hiko: hyaaa....

Jineh: he he heee

Narrator: Hmmm, Hiko seems to have given up, he jumped back and

ceased his attacks. Both of them are still standing and unscratched,

...we have a movement, wait! What is this Hiko is running away?

C'mon crew let's follow him, HEY!! Watch out for that........

KZZZZT(static)

Narrator: Sorry for the temporary halt of our broadcast, we

experienced some technical difficulties, we followed Hiko's trail

to.....hmmm isn't this the Sagara residence, and the wall lays in

splinters, ...and look there is Sanosuke Sagara.....eew

(Sanosuke's head is smashed into the floor and is mumbling mostly

incoherent words)

Sano: duh...th...chik...en...mommy ...I ...don't ...wanna go to

schoo.... Toda....what hit......me...(more mumbling)

Narrator: Well, it seems that nothing important is taking place

here let's find Hiko again.....

Narrator: Look, there's Jineh walking down the street, huh?...

[rumble rumble rumble](the ground is shaking)

Jineh: (turns around to look) he he, WHAT IN HELL's NAME...

Hiko come in charging in with the Zanbat raised over Jineh's

head, [BLAM]

Hiko: dragon hammer! [BLAM]

Jineh: aaargh

Hiko: rising dragon! [BLAM]

Jineh: eeeeEEARgh

Hiko: Kuzu ryu zen!! [BLAM times 9]

Jineh: EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrgh (blood curdling scream)

Hiko: Amakakeru ryu no hirameki!!! [KABLAM]

Jineh: UUUUuuwaaah...EEEEEEEeeeeeeeaaaaaaaargh

Narrator: (dead pale) uh, Mr. Writer? Isn't this overkill....?

Hiko jumps to a rooftop and holds his cape

Hiko: LEARN! EVIL DOER!! Or you will be Hikoed by the "HIKO"

(jumps away) Mwahahahahahaa...(laughter fades into the night)

Narrator: Luckily Jineh is still alive..... or maybe he was better

off dead.

Jineh's ribs are all broken, his arms are dislocated and he is

carrying his liver in his hands, not to mention that he is dragging

the Zanbat still stuck in his leg.

Narrator: Well that about covers all for tonight, so...huh?! What

was that?

[rumble]...[rumble]...[rumble]...

Narrator: oh please, don't let it be...

Sanosuke: (steam coming out of his ears and with blood clot eyes)

haaah...haah...you can take my shoes,... you can take my... jacket,...

you can call me rooster head, I'll forgive you... BUT TAKE MY ZANBAT

WILL YOU!!!! AAAAAAAARGGH!!!!

Jineh: (turns pale, or maybe it's because of loss of blood)

n.n...noo....mom..my.....

He tries to run away, pitifully dragging the Zanbat. Sano catches

him and...

Sano: FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!!

[the ultimate BLAM]

Narrator: Well folks that about concludes this weeks episode of

"Lifestyles of Extraordinary People" See you next week, same time,

same station.

***

Man: Hey, Yumi stop shaking the floor will you...

Wife: What? I thought it was you...

Man: oh forget it, lets just get some sleep.

***

Sano: This is for my dog...[BLAM]

Sano: This is for my, uh,... wall...[BLAM]

Jineh: felleaaaaseshtaaafaaa....ghaaa

Sano: Hey!! don't you sware at me!! [BLAM]