Title: Gandalf the Grey Did Not Wake Up Gay (1/1)

Author: Liz Huisman

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Totally not mine, but you should know that by now.

Summary: See title. Heheh…

A/N: A twist of the finest kind. Other Woke Up Gay stories (though none LotR related) may be found at (www.dymphna.net/wakeupgay). R/R, as usual, because I love reviews!

P.S. STORY ALERT! New chapter in 'And the Angels Were Silent', for the many people who are waiting. If you are not waiting, and have not read this story, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? (Sorry… shameless promotion. I know, I know…) Also, got another 'Woke Up Gay' story, 'This Random Orc Woke Up Gay'. Really funny, if I do say so myself. Also, a couple of angsty fics that are starving to be read. (Can't you just tell I'm totally a reviewnut?) On with the show!





One fine day, Gandalf the Grey did not wake up gay.

He didn't notice any changes in himself, nor did he feel an urge to go prance with the rest of the Fellowship (minus Pippin and Gimli, who have not yet experience awakenings…). He didn't want to play leapfrog, or start a conga line. Or join one, for that matter.

Gandalf was just still Gandalf, with his Gandalf-looks. He was aware that something strange was happening to his companions, and he was sure that it was not the water.

He, because all wizards are just that smart, figured out that they had all woken up gay. He didn't need it to happen to himself (and he was relieved that such a thing had not happened), but he knew.

Not that he'd had any experience, of course. Just keep telling yourself that that was NOT what happened to you and Saruman. It was not. It was not, he repeated over and over in his head, unsuccessfully attempting to convince himself that he had no experience.

He had.

(That's why he knew so quickly. It was a lie when the Author stated that he knew because wizards were just that smart.)

He really hadn't needed to think about any of that, though. At the sound of Frodo running from Boromir, yelling 'I'm not a pimp! I do not pimp out my friends! Go away!', he would have figured it out anyway.

(Okay, okay! That was a lie too.)

Gandalf wondered why he hadn't woken up gay again. NOT AGAIN! I HAVEN'T BEFORE!

(That's also a lie.)

He also wondered why Pippin and Gimli hadn't woken up gay yet, though he thought it might have something to do with the author not having enough time to wake them up gay as of yet.

(For once, not a lie.)

Gandalf was worried about the day that all eight of them had finally woken up gay, and all eight began to prance around, and form conga lines, and play leapfrog.

The most frightening thought, though, was the thought of HE himself waking up gay again one of these days.

DIDN'T I JUST SAY I HADN'T WOKEN UP GAY BEFORE?

(Gandalf is a liar.)

I CANNOT TELL A LIE!

(Liar, liar, pants on fire.)

WHAT? WHERE? I DO NOT LIE, AND MY PANTS ARE NOT ON FIRE. I DO NOT WEAR PANTS!

(Eat a piece of electric wire.)

HOW UNHEALTHY.

(The author will now end this hilarious fight. She does not like having to lower herself to a second-grade level to complete this story.)

Gandalf was in thought when Frodo came flying over and landed right on top of him.

"I'm sorry, Gandalf! I'm trying to convince Boromir that I'm NOT A PIMP!" he cried, his last words directed at the panting Boromir.

"Quite alright, quite alright."

Frodo hopped up and began to run again.

THIS HAS NOT HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE, I SWEAR.

(And George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree.)



END

(Heh. Heh… HEH!)