Author's Note: Thank you so much to all of the following people:
~*Spot'sFairy*~, Daylight, Steven, dbzlives, jik, Mercuria. They were
really nice and reviewed since I posted Chapter 3. Thank you so much!
Chapter 4: In the Forests of Briské
While on the Gondolas, Gandalf continued to talk about the painful ways in which they might be tortured to death, while Aragorn constructed a crude origami crane from his piece of tin foil. Legolas was reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand, Sam and Frodo were having a thumb war, and Gimli was throwing starfish onto unsuspecting people below.
". . . and so, after months of starvation and terrible beatings, we may all be forced to watch Josh Hartnett movies. . . " said Gandalf.
"That doesn't sound that bad. I mean Josh Hartnett has done some decent work. " Said Gimli, as he dropped his last starfish.
". . . surrounded by teenage girls!" finished Gandalf.
"Nooooo! The screaming will detract from all the cinematic value of such avant-garde films as 'The Faculty'" said Gimli horrified.
"Where are we going, Gandalf?" asked Legolas.
"To the forests of Briské," said Gandalf, "they're a new addition to middle earth, very evil! It is in the dark and mirky depths of the forest that a great power has arisen."
"What is it?" asked Legolas.
Gandalf paused for a minute in deep reflection, as if the evil he were about to name were so sinister, so diabolical, that the mere mention of it weighed heavily upon his heart and he could not speak. Finally, he summoned his strength, and whispered in his most ominous tone, "Kitties."
There was a moment of silence after this pronouncement which was soon followed by violent fits of laughter from every member of the Fellowship. "Be serious, Gandalf!" said Frodo after he had regained his ability to speak, "Kitties are going to destroy the world? Kitties are going to make us watch Brad Pitt movies?"
"Josh Hartnett!" screamed an obviously annoyed Gandalf, "and yes, the kitties will. They are evil kitties! A powerful elven sorceress rules them. She sends them to do her sinister bidding. Nobody ever suspects the cute, little kitties of mischief!"
"Right," said Legolas, "let me get this straight. A powerful elven sorceress lives in the forest training kitties to do evil and we must stop her or the world is doomed?"
"Yes."
"BWHAHAHAHA!" said the Fellowship.
"It's not funny!" said Gandalf, "we're almost there. Watch your step getting off."
The Fellowship was still laughing at Gandalf as they walked past the sign that said "Welcome to the evil forests of Briské. Enjoy your stay." Suddenly the air around them became very thick and heavy. The forest had grown very dense and shut out all sunlight. The trees were black and gloomy. There was no movement or sound, although every few minutes Legolas would kick a tree and say, "I heard that!" Soon the Fellowship had to walk single file as their path had become so thin. Everyone felt as though a great weight had been put on them and their voices were caught in their throats. Everyone, that is, except Legolas who was whistling "Somewhere over the Rainbow." Suddenly, a team of archers surrounded them.
"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" said the Gandalf the Grey, Aragorn son of Arathorn and exiled King of Gondor, Frodo son of Drogo, Sam the ambiguous, and Gimli. . . just Gimli.
"Hahahahah!" said Legolas bent over with laughter, "Look! Look! Hahahah! They have little bows and arrows! This is the funniest thing I've ever seen!"
Suddenly a beautiful elf clad all in shimmering white robes stepped out from behind a tree. Her skin was pale and smooth as ivory. Her hair was red and cascaded down her back to her knees. She carried a shimmering mithril sword in her fair and well-manicured hand. She stepped over to Legolas who was still laughing and slapped him in the face.
"Estás riendo de mis guerreros gatitos, chico?"
"What?"
"Oh, you are the puny English elf" said the beautiful flame-haired elf in a perfect American accent, "are you laughing at my kitty warriors?"
"Well," said Legolas looking at a fluffy brown and white kitty with a pink bow and an arrow aimed at him, "They're kitties."
"I see your point. We tried to get evil birds to do our bidding, but Sauron ordered the last nine. Kitties are surprisingly easy to train though, and they can be vicious."
"Really?"
"No," sighed the elf, "not really, but have you ever tried mounting an evil army? It's not as easy as some people think! Anyway, you are coming with me to see the Queen. She will know what to do with you."
To Be Continued.
This is the part where I shamelessly beg for reviews. Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
Chapter 4: In the Forests of Briské
While on the Gondolas, Gandalf continued to talk about the painful ways in which they might be tortured to death, while Aragorn constructed a crude origami crane from his piece of tin foil. Legolas was reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand, Sam and Frodo were having a thumb war, and Gimli was throwing starfish onto unsuspecting people below.
". . . and so, after months of starvation and terrible beatings, we may all be forced to watch Josh Hartnett movies. . . " said Gandalf.
"That doesn't sound that bad. I mean Josh Hartnett has done some decent work. " Said Gimli, as he dropped his last starfish.
". . . surrounded by teenage girls!" finished Gandalf.
"Nooooo! The screaming will detract from all the cinematic value of such avant-garde films as 'The Faculty'" said Gimli horrified.
"Where are we going, Gandalf?" asked Legolas.
"To the forests of Briské," said Gandalf, "they're a new addition to middle earth, very evil! It is in the dark and mirky depths of the forest that a great power has arisen."
"What is it?" asked Legolas.
Gandalf paused for a minute in deep reflection, as if the evil he were about to name were so sinister, so diabolical, that the mere mention of it weighed heavily upon his heart and he could not speak. Finally, he summoned his strength, and whispered in his most ominous tone, "Kitties."
There was a moment of silence after this pronouncement which was soon followed by violent fits of laughter from every member of the Fellowship. "Be serious, Gandalf!" said Frodo after he had regained his ability to speak, "Kitties are going to destroy the world? Kitties are going to make us watch Brad Pitt movies?"
"Josh Hartnett!" screamed an obviously annoyed Gandalf, "and yes, the kitties will. They are evil kitties! A powerful elven sorceress rules them. She sends them to do her sinister bidding. Nobody ever suspects the cute, little kitties of mischief!"
"Right," said Legolas, "let me get this straight. A powerful elven sorceress lives in the forest training kitties to do evil and we must stop her or the world is doomed?"
"Yes."
"BWHAHAHAHA!" said the Fellowship.
"It's not funny!" said Gandalf, "we're almost there. Watch your step getting off."
The Fellowship was still laughing at Gandalf as they walked past the sign that said "Welcome to the evil forests of Briské. Enjoy your stay." Suddenly the air around them became very thick and heavy. The forest had grown very dense and shut out all sunlight. The trees were black and gloomy. There was no movement or sound, although every few minutes Legolas would kick a tree and say, "I heard that!" Soon the Fellowship had to walk single file as their path had become so thin. Everyone felt as though a great weight had been put on them and their voices were caught in their throats. Everyone, that is, except Legolas who was whistling "Somewhere over the Rainbow." Suddenly, a team of archers surrounded them.
"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" said the Gandalf the Grey, Aragorn son of Arathorn and exiled King of Gondor, Frodo son of Drogo, Sam the ambiguous, and Gimli. . . just Gimli.
"Hahahahah!" said Legolas bent over with laughter, "Look! Look! Hahahah! They have little bows and arrows! This is the funniest thing I've ever seen!"
Suddenly a beautiful elf clad all in shimmering white robes stepped out from behind a tree. Her skin was pale and smooth as ivory. Her hair was red and cascaded down her back to her knees. She carried a shimmering mithril sword in her fair and well-manicured hand. She stepped over to Legolas who was still laughing and slapped him in the face.
"Estás riendo de mis guerreros gatitos, chico?"
"What?"
"Oh, you are the puny English elf" said the beautiful flame-haired elf in a perfect American accent, "are you laughing at my kitty warriors?"
"Well," said Legolas looking at a fluffy brown and white kitty with a pink bow and an arrow aimed at him, "They're kitties."
"I see your point. We tried to get evil birds to do our bidding, but Sauron ordered the last nine. Kitties are surprisingly easy to train though, and they can be vicious."
"Really?"
"No," sighed the elf, "not really, but have you ever tried mounting an evil army? It's not as easy as some people think! Anyway, you are coming with me to see the Queen. She will know what to do with you."
To Be Continued.
This is the part where I shamelessly beg for reviews. Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
