Author's Note: I must give my profuse thanks to the following extremely nice people: reiko-chan, Hello (I bet that's not their real name), anti- gravity, shadow, Queen Greenleaf, Phoenix Satori, Anele Greenleaf, briské, Asteria, Wildwolf, akai risu, AkumaTaka, and Mercedes O'Neill. Yay, thank you so much!

On a side note: Has anyone else seen "The Faculty?" All I did was yell at the TV, "No! You stupid alien, you better not hurt Frodo!" My friends thought I was pretty weird. Don't even get me started on the Matrix when Keanu Reeves tries to hurt Elrond.

Chapter 6: The Breaking of the Fellowship

The Fellowship left the forests of Briské with Mercedes, the beautiful elven warrior, and Fluffy, the Captain of the Kitty archers. The eight of them set up camp for the night.

"I hardly think that staying in a four-star hotel qualifies as 'setting up camp' Gandalf," said Legolas.

"Well, we needed a good night's sleep. Tomorrow we must make the long and treacherous journey to Gondor so Aragorn can reclaim his throne. There will be many perils for the road to the White City is wrought with danger."

"Gandalf, we're staying in the Gondor Hotel" said Legolas, "I don't think it will be a hard journey to the castle."

"What a minute," said Aragorn, "I thought we had to find an extremely good- looking, powerful, and stupid king. Why should I waste time reclaiming my throne when I should be looking for him?"

The Fellowship looked at each other without speaking. Then Gimli said, "Why don't we split up?"

"Why?" asked Gandalf.

"Well, Aragorn can't claim his throne alone, and we have to find a passion fruit."

"Gimli, that's remarkably intelligent," said Gandalf surprised, "Have you been talking to Legolas?"

"We bonded in Briské," said Gimli, "now we're best friends. Just goes to show you that even in the darkest times, the worst of enemies can put their differences aside."

"They cut that out of the movie," said Frodo helpfully.

"All right, then it is decided," said Gandalf, "we shall break the Fellowship. Frodo and Sam will accompany Aragorn while he reclaims his throne. Gimli, Legolas, and the cat chick shall accompany me while me travel to Isengard to seek the council of Saruman."

"Gandalf," said Mercedes, "Do not refer to me as 'the cat chick' and Saruman is evil."

"How do you know?"

"I saw the movie too."

"I have a broken sword," said Aragorn.

"Nobody cares" said Gandalf.



In the morning, Aragorn son of Arathorn and heir of Isildur, exiled King of Gondor, Wingfoot, Longshanks, Strider, Elfstone, and he who possesses the broken sword that cut the Ring from Sauron's hand but which never really does anything important except make people go "oooh, ahhhh!" set out to reclaim his throne. Frodo and Sam went too.

Aragorn was singing, "I love the fishes 'cause they're sooo delicious. Gone goldfising!"

"Aragorn, stop singing," said Frodo, "I was entrusted on this mission to get you to the castle and convince the Steward to hand over a really sweet job that's been in his family for thousands of years, and you're singing!"

"Gondor has no king; Gondor needs no king," said a deep voice from behind them.

"Wow," said Frodo, "are you the son of the Steward, Boromir?"

"Yes," said the deep voice.

"I am the King," said Aragorn in his most kingly voice, "gaze upon my broken sword and bow to me!"

"Wow!" said Boromir, "a broken sword! You must be the king! Now I will follow you even to my own death. Let us skip to the palace." And so, Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo, and Sam skipped up the road to the palace.

When the companions reached the palace, they were greeted by Denethor II, Steward of Gondor in a really big room. "Welcome to the Palace of Gondor, this is my really big room. Do you like it?"

"Very much," said Aragorn, "but now, I have to take it away from you because I am the King."

"No you're not"

"Yes I am. Look at my broken sword."

"Ooooh! You have the broken sword of Isildur! Now I will give up my lavish palace and rule of the City to you."

"Excellent"

Frodo looked at Sam and they both shrugged. "Well," said Frodo, "it's an absolutely horrible way to run a government, but at least he's king."

"I am the king! I am the king!" chanted Aragorn improvising a celebratory dance in the big room, "Hey! I just thought of something. Now that I am the extremely good-looking king of a huge realm, I can go look for the idiot king that the hot Spanish chick wanted."

"Um," said Frodo trying to restrain himself from running over and slapping Aragorn, "Don't worry about it. I'm sure Gandalf will find one for her."

"Okay then," said Aragorn, "let's have a feast!" And so there was a great feast in the palace of Gondor and all the citizens of the City gazed in wonder for their King had returned and brought with him the broken sword of Isildur, which all agreed was very impressive and shiny.

"Hey look," said Aragorn as dessert was brought in, "what are these funny looking fruits?"

"These are called passion-fruit," said the server, "they are tropical and average about three inches in diameter. The passion fruit has a thin rind of either a yellow or purplish color. Inside, they contain a tart juice and pulp as well as hundreds of edible seeds. The passion fruit is so- named because of its beautiful flower that reminded monks who saw it of the passion (crucifixion) of Christ. The passion fruit is only grown in Gondor and is a favorite of the rumored Spanish-speaking elves. The fruits you see before you are the very last of the harvest. You will not see another in Middle-Earth until the next harvest."

"That's interesting," replied Aragorn, "let's eat them." Frodo and Sam had been telling the Gondor ladies about their heroic destruction of the ring and had not overheard this exchange.

"Hey," said Sam, "what are these funny looking fruits?"

"These. . ." said Aragorn, who had forgotten their name but didn't want to sound dumb on his first day as King, "these are called purple. . . berry. . .yummyfruits."

"Purple berry yummyfruits?" asked Frodo.

"Yes."

And so the people of Gondor ate all the purple berry yummyfruits, leaving none left anywhere in Middle Earth for at least a year.

To Be Continued

Wow, that was a long chapter!

Next we will rejoin the other members of the Fellowship as they search for a passion fruit. Tell me what characters they should meet. If you want to, of course. If not, please review. Please! Just pretend I'm Orlando Bloom wearing my elf ears and asking you to review. Could you really say no to Orlando? What about Elijah? Come on, I sat through "The Faculty" for him.