Thank you so much to the following people who reviewed my story: Trinity, Wildwolf, and Mercuria. Thank you nice people.

Author's Note: Since fanfiction.net only crashes when I'm about to post something, I think I'll add an author's note. Orlando Bloom is hot.

Chapter 8: Moria

The Fellowship of the Passion Fruit rode their stolen dune buggies to the entrance of Moria. There, Gandalf read off the elven inscription on the door, "It says," began Gandalf, when suddenly one of the dune buggies spontaneously combusted making part of what Gandalf said inaudible. ". . . speak friend and enter." he finished.

"My dune buggy blew up," said Gimli.

"Who cares?" said Gandalf.

"How do we get in?" asked Mercedes.

"Well. . ." began Gandalf.

"I didn't ask you," said Mercedes tactlessly, "I asked Legolas. Oh, he's so dreamy! I just love those cute ears and he's so strong and valiant!"

The Fellowship turned around and stared at her, even Fluffy.

"Oh," said Mercedes turning red, "that last part was supposed to be an interior monologue. Oops."

"Hey," said Gandalf, "enough fluff in this story! We must go to our certain doom in Moria. Legolas, the crazy cat chick is right."

"You like my ears?"

"No. . . well. . . that's a different story. I meant, you are the only one smart enough to get in. Open the doors."

"Well, the wall says. . ." suddenly another dune buggy exploded, making the first part of what Legolas said inaudible. ". . .speak friend and enter." he finished.

"My dune buggy blew up." Said Mercedes.

"Who cares?" said Gandalf.

"Ahem," said Legolas, tapping his cute little foot impatiently, "I wasn't finished. It says below that, 'Out of order, please use side door.'" So the Fellowship walked to their right until they found a side door.

"It says," began Legolas, "turn knob and pull."

"It won't budge!" said Gandalf, "the earth is doomed, we all might as well. . ."

"You're pushing, Gandalf. You have to pull."

Legolas opened the door and the Fellowship walked inside. It was very dark and they could not see anything. "Which way, Gandalf?" asked Legolas.

"To the Visitor Center!" said Mercedes. So they went to the Visitor Center where they obtained a map of Moria, step-by-step directions to the Balrog, information pamphlets about the history of Moria, and complementary buttons and bumper stickers. Then they followed the directions to the cave of the Balrog.

"Hello there," said Legolas, stepping into the dark cave, "is there a demon of the ancient world in here?"

"He's so brave!" said Mercedes, "Legolas, watch out!"

A great fiery beast had appeared in the cave. "Fly you fools!" said Gandalf. The Fellowship ran across a bridge and Gandalf turned around to confront the Balrog. "You shall not pass!" he screamed.

"Try to stop me," said the Balrog.

"Okay," said Gandalf.

"I bet you can't"

"I bet I can"

"No you can't, I'm a demon of the ancient world. Nah nah!" Gandalf slapped the Balrog, who started to cry.

"That was so mean. I have feelings, too." Suddenly, the bridge collapsed under them and they both fell into a bottomless pit.

The Fellowship contemplated what had just passed for a few minutes. "That was unexpected" said Gimli finally.

"I guess even if you bring in Captain Planet to destroy the Ring in the first chapter, you're still a slave to the books." Said Legolas.

"Let's find the computer!" said Mercedes, "and so then my queen will get married to Aragorn, and Legolas and I can get married and have wild, passionate. . ."

"NO FLUFF!" echoed Gandalf's distant voice from the chasm.

"I think I lost my interior monologue," said Mercedes turning red again.

The Fellowship walked back across the bridge, even though there was a gaping hole in it. They found the cave of the Balrog, and within it was the precious computer. The Fellowship placed an online order for a passion fruit and paid for it with the Balrog's credit card, which they stole from his pants.

Then the Fellowship crossed over the bridge with the gaping hole in it again and exited Moria. "We'll have the passion fruit in a week and hopefully Aragorn reclaimed his throne. The world is saved!" said Gimli.

"Should we go to Gondor, Legolas?" asked Mercedes.

"Gandalf wouldn't have wanted us to," said Legolas.

"He probably would want us to go someplace evil," said Gimli, "let's go to Lothlórien. I hear there's lots of evil there, really scary."

"Not really" said Legolas, "there's no evil, unless you bring it in with you. If you bring it in, you have to declare it at customs and it takes a long time because of all the red tape. Most people who go to Lórien just leave their evil at home."

"That's interesting."

"I know."

"Let's go anyway."

TO BE CONTINUED