Day 1- Shinra News, on location

*Shinra Logo appears and the words 'ON LOCATION' fill up the screen as we see Tifa and Cloud 'who has a drinking problem' sit down behind the desk which is located in the hotel at Dollet

Tifa: Hello, and welcome to Shinra News

Cloud: Gwwwwafeeeee *Collapses and releases the bottle of whiskey which was in his hand*

Tifa: O.o…anyway, the main news tonight, Terror has struck the citizens of Midgar as Jenova returns and plans on killing us all, here is some footage we got of Jenova

*Jenova appears on screen*

Jenova: Garrrrweeeeeefoooooooooooosheeeeeeewaaaaaaaaa *falls over* haaa haa haa

*Jenova stumbles over to Cloud*

Jenova: The is *hic* the greatest idea ever *hic*

Cloud: *passes out*

-Clip ends-

Tifa: Well that explains how Mr. lifestream over there got drunk

Cloud: Why I *hic* outta punchcha *Attempts to hit Tifa bit misses, ultimately making Cloud tilt to far on his seat and fall on the ground, laughing hysterically *

Tifa: *Mumbling* sometimes I wonder why I bothe..*notices camera* In a non related article, Vincent Valentines alter-ego 'Galian Beast' is rampaging around Lindblum, Zidane Tribal reports

*Camera crosses over to Zidane*

Zidane: *Eating Lunch*…..what's going on, what's with the cameras

Tifa: Vincent is rampaging around the city

Zidane: Really?…I never got told that

Sephiroth: *Off screen* heh heh heh *Snickers even more*

Tifa: Please excuse us from the phoney report

Squall: *Replaces Cloud* Over in Mideel, Sephiroth has found something amazing, lets check it out

*Sephiroth appears on screen*

Sephiroth: Way up here at 1000ft above Mideel, you can see little moving creatures on the ground, which means that there are giant ants

Tifa: Um Sephy…..2 problems

Sephy: And those are?

Tifa: First off, you are only 2 cm of the ground, we can see people walking beside you, and 2nd THOSE ARE ANTS YOU RETARTED EXCUSE FOR A REPORTER

Sephy: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Sephiroth Clone #7: I……thi….nk………you need………a………hu…….g

Sephy: Oh Shut up

*Cloud appears on screen drinking more beer*

Tifa: STOP IT ALREADY!

Squall: *O.o* In a less disturbing and otherwise boring story, Don Corneo has just won 12344232434 gill

We now cross over to Vivi (Suddenly forgets report, and starts doing the Tango)

Tifa: Well cross over to Vivi….now Gets tranquilizers)

*Vivi appears*

Vivi: I'm here with Don Corneo who has just won…a lot of money

Don Corneo: Hoooo hooooo hoooooo

Vivi: SANTA *Lunges at Don*

Yuffie: *Walks out of the Don's room* YOU GET THAT %)*&%ING CAMERA OUTTA HERE *Throws beer bottles at the screen*

*Screams and Vivi making gift suggestion can be heard for a few moments before the screen goes blank*

Squall: WHY CAN'T WE JUST HAVE ONE REPORT THAT GOES RIGHT!!

Tifa: It's a weird and wacky world

Squall: *Pulls out hair* I CAN'T TAKE IT *Runs off set screaming like a 5- year-old girl*

Tifa: Sh*t, ok, it's time for our entertainment part of the show

-A new Broadway musical is being created (Can't see how that's entertainment) but anyway, it's called Final Fantasy: The Musical, we cross over to Cait Sith whom is interviewing one of the cast members

Cait: Hello Cait Sith, how are you going

Cait: Very good Cait Sith

Cait: I just hafta ask myself this question, whats it about

Cait: I'm glad I asked that question, It's about Jenova trying to take over the world by making the FF gang go crazy by singing

Cait: I can't wait to see it, I hear I'm in it

Cait: Yes I am in it, while I am out in the audience, I'll be onstage!

Cait: Very good, nice to speak with me

Cait: Indubitably old chap

*Camera goes back to Tifa* (In case that confused you, Cait Sith was interviewing himself)

Tifa: Um…..er…….Final Fantasy: The Music, now being preformed in the Humor PG-13 section of Final Fantasy 7, Fan Fiction.net



*Long Silence as everyone tries to figure out what happened*



Tifa: R..right, in the last new incident for tonight, Tseng has just hijacked a bas full of turnips and is trying to go to the land of fruits, here is some videos from the speed chase that's happening

*Video airs with a crazy Tseng driving a bus with four or five police cars beside it*

Tseng: Hee hee.can't stop *eye twitches* bomb….FRUIT *eye twitches again* guns…police hee hee

I am the Angel of Death *aims bus at group of children* TURNIPS AWAY

*The group of kids run for their lives as Tseng throws turnips at them*

Tseng: LAND…is…*body starts to shake* THE GODS ARE CALLING ME *Picks up phone and throws it at the camera*

Tifa: I CAN'T TAKE IT!, get someone else to $&$ing do this sh*t *Runs off set crying*

*Credits roll showing Cait Sith talking to himself, then shows Jenova getting drunk and high*

---------------------------------------------------THE END------------------ ----------------------------------------------

Hope you like this one as much as the first, even better would be good

Hope to read good reviews soon, oh and if there's something I should fix just tell me (besides the spelling)