Title: Lies
Rating: R for sexual situations, language, and future violence.
Chapter 5: Trials & Tribulations
Chapter Summary: Lily reflects on an age-old trial of deciding who to love...be it James or Sirius. Feeling awful, she gets with Sirius again...

***********************************************************

As a result from all this, Lily felt like she was suddenly disconnected from the world. She hardly ever spoke with James, couldn't see Sirius... her whole world had collapsed around her, leaving her stumbling through the wreckage of deceit and betrayal.

One day, some invisible force took her to the attic, unknowingly because she felt like she needed some sort of rememberance of her childhood...when everything seemed right. It was a dusty, five-feet-tall hole in the ceiling, but it was an attic, and it held the things most dear to her. She blew the dust off a familiar-looking trunk emblazoned with:

LILY AMANDA EVANS
HOGWARTS 1976

The opening rim was practically rusted, but Lily proceeded to lift the top and peer down at its contents.

A wave of nostalgia rushed over her as she recognized a collection of schoolbooks, graded assignments, and old quills. Her black robes sat folded neatly in the corner; she took them out and held them under her chin, gaping at how small she used to be. Snapshots and other magical devices were cluttered around the middle, the ink and parchment all presumably withered and useless.

One item caught Lily's eye...it was a diary. Her old diary from seventh year. She had others upstairs from earlier periods, but how strange it was that seventh year's was here. What was she doing, keeping it apart? Why was it here, of all places...?

Then she remembered. God, the memories flooded back like a tidal wave of tears and laughter rolled into one. Lily opened the red-bound book and a single, dried, book-pressed rose fell out.

***
FLASHBACK
***

"I want you all to write me a five-page essay on the War of the Wizards in 1593, due Friday, and include details on the mass murdering of all French Veelas as a result of the repeal at the Office of Magical Creatures," said Professor Hart. The bell rang as the students proceeded to pack up their things, anxious to get away from the rigors of History of Magic, a truly boring subject.

"Five pages?!" exclaimed Marissa. "How am I supposed to do that above all my Charms research?"

"It's okay, we have a week!" Julie responded, wondering how on earth she put up with Marissa. "Besides, the Charms stuff isn't that hard. You know Professor Boobly-Fink [a/n: lol!] isn't too picky."

Beside them, Lily was concentrating on a crumpled piece of paper, obviously containing some sort of delightful news.

"Lily?" Julie waved her hand in front of her face, but to no avail. "Hell-oooo!!!" Sneaking a peek at the paper, she grinned, turned to Marissa, and said, "It's from James."

"James?" said Lily, lifting her head.

"Yes, didn't James send you another love note?" They giggled.

"Ermm...right. It's a note from...*James*" Lily, appearing distressed, scrunched the note into her pocket and led them out of the room. Marissa and Julie glanced ucomfortably at each other.

*~*~*~*

"Sirius...where are we going?"

"Sshh! We can't let anybody hear us. And James doesn't know I took his cloak."

Lily and Sirius were sneaking away from the Hogwarts castle that evening, under James' famous Invisibility Cloak. The moon was rising slowing, casting milky light across the trees in the Forbidden Forest...which was where they were headed at the moment.

"The Forbidden Forest?"

He laughed. "Right. There's no place else to go in that castle where we are'nt being watched or followed. There's absolutely no privacy. Especially with those first years running around."

"Lest we forget *we* used to be 'those first years,'" Lily responded. "But...what are we doing that requires so much *privacy*?"

"Just wait."

She had no idea.

They hurried into the forest, Lily surprised and Sirius rather anticipating. From the light of his wand, they made their way to an empty clearing, surrounded by twelve or so tall, oak trees. The area was almost completely hidden away from the nearby village and, more importantly, the castle. Sirius pointed his wand to the ground and whispered an incantation. The ground became clean and about as soft as a hundred pillows. Impressed, Lily sat and marveled at this clever spell.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" He kneeled beside her.

"I figured I might need it one day." She had no idea what this meant, but proceeded to talk...

"Sirius...they all think it's James. The notes, the flowers...what am I supposed to do? He's madly in love with me, and all the while I'm sneaking off with you to go kiss behind the greenhouses." She paused. "And everyone's certain that he's about to ask me to marry him! Sirius..." She almost let a tear slide down her face, "I can't do this anymore. I love *you*"

"Lily, I see it also. Don't think I'm just oblivious." He looked at her. "Sometimes, I just want to yell at James that you're mine and he has no right to come in. But Lily...it's impossible to guard against now. We're in seventh year, it's too late for us to come out and proclaim our 'undying love.'" She smiled a bit.

"But Sirius, it just MIGHT be too late...how in the world will I be able to - " He cut her off by tapping his wand at the air and producing a beautiful pink rose.

"It's the best I can do." She took it.

"What, you mean the flower?" Lily tipped her face towards it and smelled the sweet perfume.

"No, I mean...just being here with you. Until we find a way to tell James, we can just be here." He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, planting his lips on hers. She let the flower fall from her hands as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Their embrace grew increasingly passionate as they were swept up in the erotica of the kiss. Seizing the moment, Sirius moved forward and gently edged Lily to the ground. She knew what was coming, but didn't have the strength to resist it.

She let him move his hands to the clasps on the neck of her robes, slowly undoing them and sliding the sleeves down her shoulders. Lily did the same to him, as they stripped off each other's under layers of clothing. They continued to kiss, until Sirius's hands began roaming down her body. Lily broke away and gave in to his touch.

Minutes later, Lily and Sirius were in each other physically. They rocked back and forth in a rhythm, their bodies complimenting each other's beautifully. They finally climaxed and poured into each other.

Exhausted, they collapsed on the ground, sweating and still holding each other like forever. Lily looked at Sirius and touched his face, finally believing they were meant to be together.

The rose lay on the ground beside them.

***
FIN
***

So she still had it. She still had the little flower, an ominent reminder of that night during seventh year. Still rather ashamed she had done such a thing at age seventeen, Lily flipped through the diary pages to early April, where she read the following under April 4:

*Dear Diary,
I lost my virginity to Sirius tonight...*

Lily stopped reading there. She closed the book, but somehow not at all ashamed anymore. She had done the right thing. It convinced her that Sirius was still supposed to be hers. Regaining her strength, Lily flipped open the diary and continued to read. She had sudden images of her crying over her would-be loss of having Sirius, her uncomfortable interludes with James. Why didn't I say no to him? she thought. Lily was always the nice one, though. It would'nt have been at all like her to turn down the attentions of an attractive and intelligent young man...even though Sirius fit those qualities, as well.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Lily?" Sirius opened the door. "Why are you here?" She stepped inside.

"I just need to see you again. I've been - " She took a breath. "I've been thinking a lot, about how when we were in school and James liked me but I loved you...the point is that we were wrong. It wasn't too late." Lily embraced him. 'I should have never made the mistake of marrying James."

"So you're figuring it out now. After five years of unhappiness with him?" They walked into the living room, still hugging. Lily was almost in tears.

"I'm sorry, Sirius...I'm sorry I ever did that. Even at our wedding, it was as if my fingers were crossed and I didn't plan to be with this man for the rest of my life. And then, almost a whole *year* later, I go back to you and allow my 'husband' to know what we're up to." Instead of a response, all she got was a kiss. As if on "auto-pilot," the two laid down and made illegal love once more.


*******************************************************************

A/N: All right...the reviews have been coming in REAL slow. FF has made it easier with just a pop-up window (no more pushing the "back" button umpteen hundred times) so please? Thanx.

Note to Prongs: I hope I answered your question. Lily was just in turmoil at the time of her marraige to James, and to put it simply, she wasn't brave enough to speak out. Now she's living with the consequences of an unhappy marraige, a deadly affair, and the suspicions of her husband (wow...sounds like a soap opera!). In other words, Lily is dumb (at least in my story) and didn't think that marrying James would cause so much hurt. The moral of this story? Trust your heart and follow your dream.

Disclaimer: She's upset at her characters participating in such unGodly activities (lol) but they still belong to her...J.K. Rowling, I mean.

Luv Always,
sexy_fleur
...the new L/S shipper!