Lethargy… my fatigued limbs seem unable to move. I paused, lying prone on the bed, eyes half lidded, lost in a moment of confusion. And waited for any recollection of last night to catch up with me.

/…Hisoka… You are so beautiful. And you're Mine./

/No. No! Get AWAY! His hands sliding up my bare skin with bruising force, holding me down ... So Helpless. Thrashing around weakly…Futilely…/

My heart gave a sudden jump, and breathless, I came fully awake, and sat up with a start.

"Hisoka…" Tentatively. "Are you okay?" Tsuzuki divides his attention between me and the tray of deserts he's holding, careful to avoid looking at me.

"I'm Fine." I snap, a little harsher than I intended, and immediately start regretting it. He looks a little more forlorn, like a kicked puppy, and sets his tray down on the nightstand by my bed.

"Are you sure?" He presses, sitting down on my bed, his worry-sick amethyst eyes looking straight into me, and puts a hand to my forehead. I turn my head quickly – to avoid his touch - before he can feel that I'm burning up.

I stare down at the blankets pooled around my lap. "Don't. Treat me like a Child."

"So, You eat breakfast, and then we'll go investigate the recent spate of 'ghosts' around here, okay?" Tsuzuki's tone changes abruptly, to that of one trying too hard to be cheerful. He knows I'm not fine, but he'll pretend along with me.

It's easier to let him comfort me in the dark, when we can pretend he can't see my tears…

Picking up the plate with the slice of horribly gooey chocolate cake, I take a few pokes at it with my fork, sticking my tongue out to taste a very tiny bit of the cream on top, making sure he sees I'm "eating". I swallow a bite of cake whole, and it's crumbly and tasteless, sticking on the way down.



We make our way through the familiar streets of Nagasaki… the crisp fresh air brings a brief respite to my random bouts of dizziness.

Blinking against the bright sunlight, I squint up at the cathedral. Tsuzuki, unusual subdued, lets out a soft sigh, and I know he's thinking of Maria Won.

"It can't be a coincidence." His hand tightens into a fist, determination reflecting on his face.

"Its not your fault," I offer, awkwardly, and he smiles at me, trying to reassure me that everything is okay and I shouldn't worry even one bit about him. But I do… I do because I…I care for him…I want to care for him…in ways that I can't admit to myself…

"Oi, Hisoka," Tsuzuki catches me by the hand lightly, and pulls me out of my reverie and into the tall, imposing, high ceilinged church. A nervy rush of excitement leaves me lightheaded as he touches me, and I smile involuntarily, ducking my head to hide it. Feeling this is new. And so fascinating…I feel the heat of a blush start on my cheeks.

Stop it….you're working! I remind myself, and if I can't look serious…and adult… I'll have to act it. Very sternly, I set my face and start looking around the church, hoping we can familiarize ourselves with it so we can find our way around in the dark - when the Ghosts come out.

The faint smell of incense lingers in the air, and the warm sunlight streams through the high stained-glass windows, bathing row after row of wooden church pews in their glorious bursts of colours. So quiet. Not momentarily quiet like something's going to happen, but quiet like the soft places you go before you fall asleep.

… Not somewhere that someone like Muraki would be …

I feel this sudden urge to kneel and pray to this… this god that never did anything for me.

/…crying out in this silence with shadows of jail bars falling across me…God. wherever you are. Please? The mice skitter across the cold, roughly hewn stone floor and run over my feet. They are getting bolder. /

The world makes a sudden turn around me, and the ground rushes up to greet me.

And I am falling…

I'm dimly aware of Tsuzuki rushing to catch me, cradling me gently in his arms as he picks me up, and the worry and fear and affection and bewilderment and guilt and tenderness as the world fades off to black.