DUDE, WHERE'S MY COW?????

Overview: Two guys in Flowerbud wake up the day of the cow festival with 1 question: Dude, Where's my cow??

Written by: John
Date: January 10-12 2002
A Harvest Moon Story
Comedy-Parody
Rated: PG-13


A boy from flowerbud, Gray wakes up and puts on some pants, he runs into the other room where the other guy Cliff as he watches the horse racing channel. Cliff sits there scratching his head as he watches.

Cliff: Hey Gray.
Gray: Hi cliff.

The pastor walks out of the bathroom goes to the kitchen and gets a kleenex.

Pastor: Hi fella's.
Cliff: Hello pastor.

The pastor walks back into the bathroom.

Gray: Hey Cliff.
Cliff: What?
Gray: Why does the pastor live in our bathroom?
Cliff: I dont know, do you know him?
Gray: Yeah but i didnt invite him.

They both shrug. And Cliff watches the TV again.

Gray: Hey Cliff.
Cliff: Yeah.
Gray: What did we do last night.
Cliff: (looks around) I dont know.
Gray: Didnt someone have a party?
Cliff: Yeah our girlfirends must of.
Gray: Mary and Ann?
Cliff: Yeah.
Gray: okay.
Cliff: Were we there?
Gray: Well i guess we were.
(they shrug again)

Gray: He Cliff were we suppose to do something today?
Cliff: I think so...
Gray: Well what is today?
Cliff: Uhh sunday?
Gray: Yeah i think it is.
Cliff: Wasnt there the festival?
Gray: Well if there was a party last night then why would there be a festival today?
Cliff: Good point.
Gray: Was there a party?
Cliff: We agreed that there must have been a party last night.
Gray: Yeah.
Cliff: Wait..
Gray: What?
Cliff: Werent we going to enter your cow to the cow festival for today?
Gray: Wow, YOUR RIGHT.
Cliff: So we feed your cow and bring him over early.
Gray: good thinking.

Cliff: I wonder if we have any messages.
(clicks a button)

(The message comes on)

Ann: Thanks for having the party last night.
Mary: You trashed the whole place.
Ann: You came over with wine, beer and weed!
Mary: You assholes!
Ann: We are still cleaning!
Mary: And the cops came.
Ann: And we got in trouble thanks a lot!
Mary: And you must of forgot out anniversary.
Ann: And it is....TODAY!
(beep)

Cliff: Wow they sound mad.
Gary: they probably didnt get enough sleep.
Cliff: They are such party animals.
Gary: Yeah
(they laugh)

Gary: It's our anniversary.
Cliff: Did we get them anything.
Gary: I guess we did.
Cliff: We would be bad people if we totally forgot.
Gary: Didnt we get them something at the shop?
Cliff: Yeah the shop keeper must have something on reserve for us.
Gary: Okay we get my cow.
Cliff: Enter in the festival early.
Gary: We leave for a little while.
Cliff: Get them their gifts.
Gary: Help clean their house.
Cliff: And go to the festival.
Both: OKAY.

Cliff: Let's get your cow.
Gary: Sure thing.

They both walk outside and look back and forth.

Cliff: Where's your cow dude?
Gary: Dude, where's my cow?
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?
Gary: Dude where's my cow?
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?
(Cliff starts to laugh)
Gary: Dude the cows gone dude.
Cliff: Where's your cow dude?
Gary: Stop that's annoying.
Cliff: Okay lets look in the barn.
(they go to the barn and there's nothing there)

Gary: Okay we need to go see someone and retrace our steps from last night.
Cliff: Yeah, Jack can help!

They walk down the street.

Gary: I dont like walking.
Cliff: No way dude.
Gary: Look there's Elli's Grandmother!

Gary runs to the street and tries to stop Elli's Grandmother and she runs him over.

Gary: Owww she must be blind. I guess we have to walk.
Grandmother: (looks behind) Fuckin stoners, i wish he would have died from the impact.
(she keeps driving)

Gary and Cliff walk to Jack's house and go behind to the back of the house.

Cliff: Can you help us retrace our steps?
Jack: Retrace your steps, i can help with.
Gray: (whispers to Cliff) why does he talk like that?
(they both shrug)
Jack: Concentrate you must.
Jack: HUMMMMMMM
(Cliff and Gray look at the dog)
Jack: HUUUUMMMMM
Gray: Hey does your dog do anything?
Jack: Talented the dog is.
Cliff: What's he do?
Jack: Come here badass. Come see daddy. (holds up a pipe)
Badass: (smokes the pipe)
Cliff: COOOOLLLL.
Gray: Whoa.
Jack: Awesome it is dudes.
(the dog falls over)

Gray: Hey lets get some food.
Cliff: How about Chinese?
Gray: Sure.
Cliff: Sweet.
Cliff: Give us a lift Jack.
Jack: Lift i will give, dudes.

They all go in Jack's care to the Chinese fooood place and drive to the order place.

Lady: Hello, how may i help?
Gray: Okay, ill have 3 orders of chicken fried rice.
Lady: And den?
Gray: and some sweet and sour soup.
Lady: and den?
Cliff: fortune cookies.
Gray: Oh yeah and some fortune cookies.
Lady: And den?
Gray: ....im done ordering.
Lady: And den.
Gray: Do you understand?
Lady: And den?
Gray: No and den.
Lady: And den?
Gray: No and den.
Gray: No and den!
Lady :And den?
Gray: dont make me come in there and shit down your throat!
(silence)
Lady: And den and den and den
(Gray clams the ordering place and they drive off)

Gray: okay.....
Cliff: Taco's!
Gray: Sounds good.
Jack: Tacos it will be.
(they drive to the ordering place)

Man: Hola.
Gray: I would like 3 small tacos.
Man: y que?
Gray: Some Salsa chicken.
Man: y que?
Gray: And some tortilla chips.
Man: y que?
Gray: Im done!
Man: y que?
Gray: You fast food people are pissing me off!
Man: y que?
Cliff: Okay lets leave Jack.
Gray: Lets get out of here, move your ass!

(The car stops and they get thrown out of the car)

Cliff: Jack come back.
Gray: I think you made him mad.
Cliff: Im not the one who called the Harvest Godess a bitch!
Gray: I couldnt help it!
Cliff: Now where do we go?
Gray: Let's go see our girlfriends.
Cliff: Good idea.

Cliff and Gray walk to their girlfriends house. Outside the windows are broken, and there is a tree on fire.


TO CONTINUE GO TO CHAPTER - TWO