DUDE, WHERE'S MY COW????

CHAPTER DOS, TWO, 2


Gray: Wow we really trashed the place bad.
Cliff: They must be pissed.
Gray: Okay lets go in.

They walk inside the house. It is clean inside though and Karen and Ann stand in the doorway.

Gray: Hi.
Cliff: We would have helped clean up but it looks like you've done it.
Karen: Yeah with the cops watching us!
Cliff: Why?
Ann: Because you guys were smoking weed!
Gray: We would never do that.
Karen: Really? How about last night?
Cliff: Are you sure that was weed?
Ann: YEAH!
Karen: And today is our anniversary.
Cliff: I bet you didnt get us anything either.
Gray: Well we have had some problems toady.

Both Gray and Cliff get thrown out of the house and onto the lawn.

Gray: They're pissed dude.
Cliff: I know. What are we going to do?
Gray: What should we get them?
Cliff: Flowers and chocolate. They love chocolate.
Gray: Where do we get the money?
Cliff: I have a plan!
Gray: What?
Cliff: We find your cow.
Cliff: We win the festival.
Cliff: And get them the greatest present we could get!
Gray: yeah. your right. But my cow wont win.
Cliff: You have to have faith!
Cliff: You have the best cow in town!
Gray: Your right, i need confidence!
Gray: Lets go find my cow!!!
Cliff: YEAH!

Cliff and Gray start walking into town and they get kidnapped by some people in a van and get dragged in.

Guy: Are you Cliff and Gray?
Gray: Maybe who is this?
Guy: We are followers of the harvest godess. We have been told you have the superior milker.
Cliff: The super what?
Guy: The superior milker.
Cliff: What's it do?
Guy: Once used a cow can become the most beautiful and most talented.
Gray: SWEET.
Cliff: So we had this last night?
Guy: Yeah.
Cliff: Well we dont remember anything.
Guy: You are in great danger. Dont trust anyone!

They get thrown back out of the van onto the street.

Cliff: Wow that was weird.
Gray: Yeah.
Ciff: Let's go.

They keep walking and Harris comes up to them with a police car and forces them in and he goes to the station.

Harris: Where were you last night?
Gray: We dont remember.
Harris: Dont tell me that shit, where were you?
Cliff: We dont remember!
Harris: Your cow was seen running from a major drug deal.
Gray: Really?
Harris: If you take us to the drug dealer we will let you go.
Cliff: I guess thats our only choice!
Harris: Yeah, go find him! We will be watching you.

Cliff and Gray leave the station and go back out on the street.

Cliff: Who sells drugs?
Gray: Well our girlfriends said we came with weed.
Cliff: Who is the only person we get drugs from?
(they both look at eachother)
Both: CHEF!!!!!!!!!1

They run to his hut and go inside.

Gray: Chef!
Chef: What? Here for more?
Cliff: We bought some from you last night?
Chef: Hell yeah, lots of stuff.
Gray: Did you see our cow?
Chef: I dont see no cow but i was in here the whole time.
Cliff: Okay i see.
(Harris comes in)
Harris: So this is the drug dealer?
Chef: you busted me?
Chef: I gave you shit half off and you bust me?!
(they take him out)
Harris: We need you to come back to the station. We have some info about your cow.
Gray: you found it?!
Harris: I think so.
Cliff: SWEET.
Gray: Lets go.

Harris drives them to the station and Cliff and Gray are told you talk to Rick, a helper at the station.

Cliff: Hey rick.
Rick: Hello fella's.
Gray: you...you have my cow?
Rick: yes i do.
(types on the computer)
Gray: good.
Rick: Oh boy....hmmm....wait....
Gray: What is it?
Rick: Did you say you wanted the cow back or you wanted it butchered?
Gray: umm we want the cow back.
Rick: Well i just sent it to the shop.
Cliff: Rick....
Rick: Want a donut? I've eaten 813 this month!
(they shrug and eat the donut)
Rick: You can still get it back if you go to the shop right away.
CLiff: Okay.
Gray: Thanks Rick.

They walk down the street and goes to the butcher shop.

Guy: Can i help you?
Gray: Did you get a cow in here this morning?
Guy: Yeah i got 10 cows.
Gray: Well this one had brown dots though.
Guy: Oh yeah all the others had black dots.
Guy: Well someone is going to enjoy him.
Gray: WHAT?!
Cliff: You sliced and diced the poor little guy?
Guy: Oh no, i didnt mean it like that. Some guy wanted it so i sold it to him. (hits some meat with the butchers knife)
Gray: Give us the name please.
Guy: Actually i wrote down the name right here.
Cliff: Okay thanks (tried to grab the paper)
Guy: THE LAST GUY WHO STOLE SOMETHING HAD A MISSING HEAD!
Cliff: aahhh ahhhh
Guy: Hahahahaha
Guy: Let me check and see if i can give out the address.
(shoves the paper into a piece of meat so they dont get it and goes into the other room)

Cliff: Go get it.
Gray: No way.
Cliff: Justdo it.
Cliff: For the cows sake.
Gray: Fine.
(sticks his hand in the meat and gets stuck)
Gray: ummm
Cliff: What?
Gray: Im stuck!
Gray: I still want my head!
Gray: help me!
(the butcher comes back in)
Guy: I can give you the address, but i need your head first!
Gray: Ahhhh!
(pulls his hand and runs with the paper)
Guy: EHAHAHAHAHA

(they leave the store)

Cliff: Okay maybe we should cut back on the weed.
(gray punches him)
Cliff: Your right we shouldnt.
Gray: We have to go to dukes house.
Cliff: Okay
(they walk and open the door into a large yard)

Cliff: This place is creepy!
Gray: Lets just get the cow and come out of here!
(a few horses come in front of them)

Cliff: Ahhh!
Gray: A donkey!
Cliff: It's a horse.
Gray: donkey.
Cliff: Okay we run to the door and ring the bell.
Gray: good thinking.
Cliff: GO!
(they run up to the door and knock, a man with black hair knocks them on the head and the pass out, waking up later)

Duke: Your awake!
Both: Yeah.
Duke: You know what happens when people are caught trespassing?
Duke: They are thrown in jail for the rest of their lives!
Cliff: ahhh
Gray: I dont want to die!
Duke: You can leave, if you answer this question about horses.
Duke: What is the average speed of the stallion breed horse?
Gray: Ohhh we are going to die!
Cliff: Wait!
Cliff: The average running speed of the stallion is 17 miles per hour and they are the top breed to race proffessional.
Duke: Correct!!
Cliff: Horse racing channel(shrugs)
Duke: You can go now!
Gray: did you see our cow?
Duke: Yes, you want it back?
Gray: yeah the police made an error.
Duke: Okay follow me!
(they go into the empty barn)
Duke: It it it was right here!
Cliff: Ohhh dude.
Gray: Now we have to find it again.
Duke: Im very sorry about this.

They leave the house and go out. Cliff looks in his pocket.

Cliff: Hey a key for the locker at the restaurant.
Gray: Okay lets check it out.

They go to the restaurant/bar.

Cliff :Hey can we go to locker 91?
Guy: Sure, that way.
Gray: Thanks dude.
Cliff: Here we go.
Gray: Open it!
Guy: The superior milker better be in there.
Cliff: Whoa the freaky worshipping dudes!
Cliff: Okay ill open it.
(opens it)
Gray: Whats that?
Cliff: Looks like some.....weed? (throws it) How did that get in there?
Gray: Anything else?
Cliff: Yeah.
Gray: what?
Cliff: SWEEEEETTT! It's the good milking thing!
Guy: You found it!?
Cliff: Yup.
Gray: Wait!
Gray: We need that, so when we find the cow we could use it!
Guy: No give it to us!
Cliff: Dude wait!
Gray: What now?
Cliff: The cow is in here!
Gray: Really?
Cliff: It;s your cow milky!
Gray: Thats one big locker then.
Cliff: Hey dude.
Guy: What?
Cliff: Look a rainbow!
Guy: Where?
(Cliff punches him and he falls over)