Marching Band – A Low Brass View
As can be told by any low brass member, the low brass downright rules. If anybody disagrees with this statement, they lose their head by a tromboneectomy. The rules of the low brass are very simple: kick ass. When out on the field competing, the extremely scary vibrating in the stands can only be described as the sounds of the low brass. The competition of "who's the best section" is extremely deep, but in the end, it is the low brass that comes out on top. For stupid people who don't know who the members of the low brass are, they are: trombone, baritone, tuba, and at times, tenor and baritone saxes (when lucky enough). When bored during multiple hour practices, one can find extreme enjoyment out of low brass instruments. "Lightsaber" fighting (Star Wars) with trombones is one of the greatest time passers (WARNING: DO NOT USE A BRAND NEW TROMBONE FOR ANY OF THESE FUN THINGS.) Another "new invention" is the combination of javelin and shot put into one, with the use of the slide casing as the stick/ball. Depending on the way the slide is directed, the casing can be thrown up for height, across the body for distance, and underhand for target practice. Coming up with ideas like this are very helpful in 7-8 hour practices. Pretending to have been eaten by the tuba is another time passers…just stick your shoes in the bell of the tuba (preferably sousaphone) and have the rest of your section scream about how "you were eaten by the tuba". Throwing a marching baritone in the air is enjoyable, as is seeing how many times you can spin a trombone without dropping it is also fun. All these past things have been experimented. Getting in to physical fights with your section leader proves great fun, especially to scare the freshman in the beginning of the season. Having your section leader scream "this is what I'm going to do to you if you don't listen to me!" as you are getting the crap beat out of you (in a friendly way) proves even more exciting. Forcing the section to do 5 pushups for each time a person is late is a worthy punishment, although forcing the late person to do the pushups with the sousaphone on their back is even better. For trombone players, remember: if your trigger snaps during a performance, yell "OH SHIT!" and attempt to remember how to play low C in 6th position. (This was experienced by me although luckily it was during a practice…it wasn't even my horn too!) No matter what anybody says (especially flutes or clarinets), you (if you are a member of the low brass) are better than them and always will be. They may think they are so "cool" just because they have the melody so much, but remember that the melody in the low brass is much cooler (especially tuba solos). If your section leader is a trombone player, remind him or her that although part of the loving low brass family, baritone players sometimes just need to be beaten to a pulp. And if that doesn't work, duct tape is always somewhere around. Remember that no matter what any music store says, THERE IS NO LYRE THAT WILL EVER FIT YOUR INSTRUMENT!!!!!!! For trombones, I suggest using medical tape to hold your lyre on, instead of scotch or masking, just because for some reason it holds better. If you hate the people that sit in front of you during a football game, do not remind them that they are sitting in front of a trombone and then "accidentally" take their heads off. As the season goes on, you may notice stupid woodwinds claiming they want to learn trombone, except then they say to you, "teach me how to play trombone, how to get a sound out of the mouthpiece, and how to read bass clef." YEA RIGHT! Just ignore them (or give them a tromboneectomy) and tell them to go back to their stupid woodwind sections.
As can be told by any low brass member, the low brass downright rules. If anybody disagrees with this statement, they lose their head by a tromboneectomy. The rules of the low brass are very simple: kick ass. When out on the field competing, the extremely scary vibrating in the stands can only be described as the sounds of the low brass. The competition of "who's the best section" is extremely deep, but in the end, it is the low brass that comes out on top. For stupid people who don't know who the members of the low brass are, they are: trombone, baritone, tuba, and at times, tenor and baritone saxes (when lucky enough). When bored during multiple hour practices, one can find extreme enjoyment out of low brass instruments. "Lightsaber" fighting (Star Wars) with trombones is one of the greatest time passers (WARNING: DO NOT USE A BRAND NEW TROMBONE FOR ANY OF THESE FUN THINGS.) Another "new invention" is the combination of javelin and shot put into one, with the use of the slide casing as the stick/ball. Depending on the way the slide is directed, the casing can be thrown up for height, across the body for distance, and underhand for target practice. Coming up with ideas like this are very helpful in 7-8 hour practices. Pretending to have been eaten by the tuba is another time passers…just stick your shoes in the bell of the tuba (preferably sousaphone) and have the rest of your section scream about how "you were eaten by the tuba". Throwing a marching baritone in the air is enjoyable, as is seeing how many times you can spin a trombone without dropping it is also fun. All these past things have been experimented. Getting in to physical fights with your section leader proves great fun, especially to scare the freshman in the beginning of the season. Having your section leader scream "this is what I'm going to do to you if you don't listen to me!" as you are getting the crap beat out of you (in a friendly way) proves even more exciting. Forcing the section to do 5 pushups for each time a person is late is a worthy punishment, although forcing the late person to do the pushups with the sousaphone on their back is even better. For trombone players, remember: if your trigger snaps during a performance, yell "OH SHIT!" and attempt to remember how to play low C in 6th position. (This was experienced by me although luckily it was during a practice…it wasn't even my horn too!) No matter what anybody says (especially flutes or clarinets), you (if you are a member of the low brass) are better than them and always will be. They may think they are so "cool" just because they have the melody so much, but remember that the melody in the low brass is much cooler (especially tuba solos). If your section leader is a trombone player, remind him or her that although part of the loving low brass family, baritone players sometimes just need to be beaten to a pulp. And if that doesn't work, duct tape is always somewhere around. Remember that no matter what any music store says, THERE IS NO LYRE THAT WILL EVER FIT YOUR INSTRUMENT!!!!!!! For trombones, I suggest using medical tape to hold your lyre on, instead of scotch or masking, just because for some reason it holds better. If you hate the people that sit in front of you during a football game, do not remind them that they are sitting in front of a trombone and then "accidentally" take their heads off. As the season goes on, you may notice stupid woodwinds claiming they want to learn trombone, except then they say to you, "teach me how to play trombone, how to get a sound out of the mouthpiece, and how to read bass clef." YEA RIGHT! Just ignore them (or give them a tromboneectomy) and tell them to go back to their stupid woodwind sections.
