Part Fifteen: Lost and Found
Harry ran blindly until the painful stitch in his side forced him to stop. Even then he kept walking with slow, hitching steps, until the pain subsided. He deliberately forced his mind into a blank page. He didn't want to think. Didn't want to consider Glynnis' words. He knew he'd hurt her with what he'd said, knew that she was probably frantic with worry, but he didn't care. Not yet. He only wanted the emptiness for now. The emptiness meant he didn't have to face his past. Or his future. All he cared about was the present. He would concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Then, when he was so tired he couldn't move, he would think about it.
A dull throbbing in his shoulder reminded him that he'd pulled his arm out of the sling when he started off and he stopped a moment to ease the hurting limb back into place. Only then did he take time to notice his surroundings.
Harry was on a small side street that was lined with shops and businesses. He realized, with a little alarm, that some places were closing for the day. He'd not been aware of the time but a distant chiming alerted him to the fact that he'd been gone for several hours. It also occurred to Harry that he was quite exhausted. He sat down heavily on the enclosed stoop of an empty shop and leaned back into the small doorway. From here he could see what was happening around him without drawing undo attention to himself. He watched as people went about their lives, oblivious to him. He wondered what it would be like to be normal. To never know that dark, evil wizards lurked in the shadows. To never know the crippling agony of a crucius spell. To never have been orphaned. Or widowed. The thought came unbidden to his mind. He brushed it aside. To never have had your family destroyed by a single curse. You aren't the only one. Harry turned his head to the side as if to avoid the thoughts of his own making. You aren't the only one who's suffered. "No! I won't think of this now!" he cried to himself. Your mother. Your father. Cedric. "No, no," he moaned, his hands covering his ears. The Diggorys. Neville. Sirius. Glynnis. Hot tears burned down Harry's face as he realized he couldn't avoid it any longer. "Sirius lied to me. Glynnis lied to me," he told himself. No one lied. The didn't tell you because they wanted to be sure you were strong enough. "That's not true! The didn't want me to know!" he yelled to his subconscious. No, Harry. You are wrong. Sirius and Glynnis love you. They want you to be happy. "Sirius loved my parents. Glynnis loved her son. They are both using me to replace what they've lost!" Harry wasn't going to let his own inner voice reason with him, even though he suspected it was telling the truth. Why won't you let yourself be happy, Harry?
The question came from deep within his soul and it startled him. He thought about it for a while. "I feel like I'm betraying my parents. I feel like I'm replacing them. And that's not right. Is it?" Harry wasn't sure. He wanted to remain true to his mother and father. After all, they died so he could live. But he didn't remember them. He never really even knew them. All he ever knew was misery with the Dursleys, and even at Hogwarts, he often felt like an outsider. With Glynnis and Sirius you felt like you belonged. "My parents . . . " You're parents would want you to be
happy. They didn't give their lives so that yours would be miserable. They expected Sirius to raise you. They never knew you'd end up with the Vernon and Petunia. "But . . . " Stop making excuses, Harry. You want to be with them. You want to be part of a family. So do they. Why are you fighting it so? Harry blinked. "I don't really know," he said aloud.
Harry, what is it you want? A vision came, unbidden, into his mind. A house surrounded by flowers. Laughter. Sirius sitting by his side when he woke up for the first time after removing the blade. Glynnis teasing him about girls while they prepared tea. Love. He wiped his eyes. "I want to go home," he said aloud. Harry wasn't sure, but it seemed to him that his subconscious breathed a sigh of relief. He picked himself up off the shop steps and headed for the intersection ahead, intent on returning to his family. He smiled. "My family," he said to himself. It sounded nice. Harry reached the main street and looked around. Traffic moved by quickly and tall buildings dwarfed smaller food shops.
It was with somewhat of a shock that Harry realized he had no wand, no money, and no idea where he was.
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"Do you have any idea where we are?" Sirius asked mentally. He and Glynnis were walking along a crowded street, looking for Harry. He was disguised as the dog, using his finely tuned canine senses to locate his missing godson.
Glynnis shook her head. "I have no idea," she said aloud, having long ago abandoned speaking to him with her mind. It was harder than she thought to maintain a telepathic link, and she was conserving her strength by keeping only Sirius online mentally. Sirius could hear a tinge of pain in her voice.
"Is the headache any better?" he asked.
"A little," she admitted wearily. "It's still hard to keep up with you, though."
"I imagine it's because you're not used to it. Like anything, it'll improve with practice," Sirius assured her.
"Hmm. I suppose. Remind me to ask Doctor Attlewart about it when he comes back, will you? He's due back tomorrow to check on Harry." Glynnis' voice caught in her throat upon saying the name and the tears she'd been holding back threatened to spill over. She ducked, suddenly, into a small alley, sat down on the hard stones, and buried her face in her hands. Sirius put a paw on her lap.
"Glynnie. It's alright! We'll find him. I've still got his scent. He can't be far."
"Oh, Sirius! He's so alone and I know he must be tired and hungry and he's got no money, no wand. And he's hurting so inside, I know it! Oh, why did I say anything? And why did I insist we wait before going after him? I should've sent you after him straightaway!" Glynnis' anguish got the better of her and she broke down in sobs. Strong arms gathered her in and she felt herself pulled against Sirius' warm chest. She huddled against him, letting her grief over reliving the past and the worry over Harry's disappearance spill out in a torrent.
"It's all my fault," she muttered brokenly. "I should never have told him. Told you. I should have let it lie in the past where it belongs."
"Don't say that!" Sirius admonished, gently. "You had every right to tell him. To tell me. And we had every right to know. This is important. It's important to who you are, and who we are, and who I know we will become. Harry just wasn't expecting it, that's all. And I don't think he's fully recovered from the events of the Triwizard Tournament, either. It was just too much for him right now."
"Then I should have waited," she wailed.
"He would have to know sooner or later. And who's to say that later may have been worse. No, Glynnie, you did the right thing. Harry will come round. You gave him time to sort it out. We all agreed that was a wise course. I think it's very likely he's on his way home right now."
Glynnis sniffed. "You think so?"
Sirius nodded against her head. "Yes, I do."
Glynnis wiped her face on her sleeve and looked up at him, then quickly looked away. "Oh, goodness, I must look a fright!" She began to frantically pat her pockets, looking for a tissue.
"Here." Sirius handed her a handkerchief.
"Thanks," she mumbled. Then she looked up again at him, her eyes wide with fear. "Sirius! You're yourself! Did anyone see you? Oh, no! I should never . . . "
He stopped her with a finger against her lips. "Ah-ah. I've not got another," he said with a smile, indicating the now soggy handkerchief. "No one saw me. Even in your distress you were level headed enough to get off the street. No, everyone of these folks is busy going about their business which is, I imagine, going home. And that is where we are headed as soon as we find Harry. Now, perhaps, if you feel up to it, you might try calling him." Glynnis looked up at him, confused. He smiled and lightly tapped her temple.
"Oh, yes," she laughed shakily. "That. I think I'm right enough to give it a try. Just let me breathe a moment first." She sighed and lay her head against the man beside her. It had been so long since she'd had anyone to comfort her. It was a wonderful feeling. And even though she was dreadfully worried about finding Harry, a part of her was willing to linger in this moment.
Sirius wrapped his arms around Glynnis and felt her sigh against him. "I wish I could figure out what good I'd done in my wretched, self-serving youth to deserve her," he thought. Then he laughed.
Glynnis glanced up at him through lowered lashes. "What's so funny?" she asked suspiciously.
"Me," he said with a grin. "I was just thinking that I must have done something truly amazing to earn you. I just wish I could remember what it was."
She smiled against him. "Did you help old ladies across the street? Maybe rescued a litter of kittens from a burning building?"
He shook his head. "Not that I can recall."
"How about leaping tall buildings in a single bound?"
It was Sirius' turn to be confused. "What?" he asked.
Glynnis giggled. "Never mind."
Sirius pulled her close in a fierce hug. "You say the strangest things, sometimes."
Her eyes widened. "I say strange things? I'm not the one who can turn into a dog willy nilly."
Sirius elevated his nose and looked down at her. "That is because you are but a mere Muggle and I am a great wizard."
"Ah. I see," she said, standing up and brushing dirt off her skirt. "Well, there's one thing you definitely have that I don't, Rover."
"And what's that," Sirius asked, noticing the playful smirk that played across her mouth.
Glynnis braced herself to run and turned toward the street. "Fleas."
*****************
Harry wandered around for a few blocks, searching for anything familiar. Finally, exhausted and hungry he plopped down on a bench outside a large building. "I'll never get home," he groaned. He'd already tried flagging down the Knight Bus but realized he couldn't do it without his wand. He'd tried asking directions, but everyone he'd run into told him something different and soon he was more confused than ever. And to top it all off, twilight was approaching. "Think, Harry," he said aloud.
"Harry!"
He heard his name and looked around. "Glynnis?"
"Harry, where are you?"
"I'm right here!" he called. "Where are you?"
"Harry! Can you hear me?"
"Of course I can hear . . . " Harry started then he stopped and muttered a curse he'd heard on one of Dudley's favorite television shows. "Doh!" He slapped a hand to his head. "You are such an idiot sometimes, Potter." Harry took deep breath and concentrated on her voice in his head. "Glynnis."
"Harry! Are you alright?" He could hear the concern in her voice and it humbled him. How could have ever doubted that she was sincere?
"I'm fine. I'm just . . . " He couldn't admit it.
"Just what?"
"I'm lost," he confessed.
"Oh, Harry." Harry could hear laughter coloring her thoughts. "We're on our way. Sirius is tracking you and we should be there soon. Can you give me landmark to look for?"
Harry looked around. "I'm in some sort of business area. There's a large gray building behind me." Harry turned to check the name. The setting sun glinted off the burnished bronze sign on the facade. "Oh, no," he groaned.
"Harry?"
Harry turned away from the gleaming letters. "I'm at Grunnings."
