Title: "The Knowing"
Author: Mala
E-mail: malisita@yahoo.com
Fandom: "Alias", episode 1.11, "The Confession."
Rating/Classification: 'PG-13' for language, angst. V/S-ish, Vaughn POV.
Disclaimer: I still don't own him. Really.
Summary: Just a little POV ficlet for the end of the episode. Vaughn's guilt-laden musings. Like I'd ever write anything else?
You suspected. And then you knew. And now you know again. And it's a hothardrush and your head is spinning and your stomach lurches and you wonder, Oh God, you wonder how come the filth doesn't touch her and she's still so beautiful. Pale and drawn like some kind of angel. You wonder why you don't see her wrapped in a haze of blood. You wonder how...why...how can you...?
But you know you still do. You always will.
And they all sit silentlikestone around the conference table and you know they are making note of every breath you don't take and how she looks like she might slip from her chair.
They have no sympathy.
Except Jack Bristow. Jack who turned out not to be a traitor to his country...just the husband of one.
And Jack doesn't give a motherfucking damn about you.
Which makes two of you...because all you care about is her.
You want to reach for her hand under the table, squeeze it, and swallow the lump of grief in your mouth. You want to blink away the knowing in your eyes and tell her it's all right.
"It's okay, Sydney. Your mother killed my father, but I still love you."
"I'm still madcrazypassionately in love with you and isn't that just the most fucked up thing in the world?"
But you say nothing.
As the cold-faced men in their suits file out, she stares straight ahead. She can't look at you and you hear the tiny, rasping sigh tear from her throat. Tears of disbelief have all ready spilled down her cheeks but this desperate sound is somehow worse.
Her mother killed your father.
And you both know it's not okay.
You don't know that it will ever be okay.
But you know how you feel about her.
You know how you see her.
Beautifulwomanstrong.
And you know that will never change.
--end--
January 10, 2001.
Author: Mala
E-mail: malisita@yahoo.com
Fandom: "Alias", episode 1.11, "The Confession."
Rating/Classification: 'PG-13' for language, angst. V/S-ish, Vaughn POV.
Disclaimer: I still don't own him. Really.
Summary: Just a little POV ficlet for the end of the episode. Vaughn's guilt-laden musings. Like I'd ever write anything else?
You suspected. And then you knew. And now you know again. And it's a hothardrush and your head is spinning and your stomach lurches and you wonder, Oh God, you wonder how come the filth doesn't touch her and she's still so beautiful. Pale and drawn like some kind of angel. You wonder why you don't see her wrapped in a haze of blood. You wonder how...why...how can you...?
But you know you still do. You always will.
And they all sit silentlikestone around the conference table and you know they are making note of every breath you don't take and how she looks like she might slip from her chair.
They have no sympathy.
Except Jack Bristow. Jack who turned out not to be a traitor to his country...just the husband of one.
And Jack doesn't give a motherfucking damn about you.
Which makes two of you...because all you care about is her.
You want to reach for her hand under the table, squeeze it, and swallow the lump of grief in your mouth. You want to blink away the knowing in your eyes and tell her it's all right.
"It's okay, Sydney. Your mother killed my father, but I still love you."
"I'm still madcrazypassionately in love with you and isn't that just the most fucked up thing in the world?"
But you say nothing.
As the cold-faced men in their suits file out, she stares straight ahead. She can't look at you and you hear the tiny, rasping sigh tear from her throat. Tears of disbelief have all ready spilled down her cheeks but this desperate sound is somehow worse.
Her mother killed your father.
And you both know it's not okay.
You don't know that it will ever be okay.
But you know how you feel about her.
You know how you see her.
Beautifulwomanstrong.
And you know that will never change.
--end--
January 10, 2001.
