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2 Atonement for Sins of the Driver

It had been hours since Rob had left, but the manager of Pizza Hell was too busy kissing district manager ass to notice. Unfortunately, the situation was brought to their attention by a very startling phone call.

"Thank you for calling Pizza Hell, will this be delivery or carry out?" Michelle the Pizza Slut grunted into the phone. The endless barrage of stupid customers had drained her of her will to live, and she was simply droning on until 9 o'clock rolled around and she would be released from her bonds.

"I need to speak to your manager!" the voice on the other end irately boomed.

"Um.what exactly is the problem?" Michelle figured she could wrestle this situation under control herself, because Craig, the ass-kissing manager, usually only indulged in the customer's most outrageous whims instead of trying to solve problems, and ended up giving them enormous egos that came back to haunt the less fortunate denizens of Pizza Hell.

"First off, my pizza was cold and late, but to top it off, the son-of-a- bitch that you sent to deliver it rudely demanded that I give him a tip for his inadequate services! I had no choice but to stab him and string him up in a cube in my living room! I demand to be compensated!" The customer yelled, causing Michelle to cringe. She was too tired to deal with this shit. Might as well just hand it over to Craig and let him eat this guy's banana!

"Hold on one second while I get the manager." Michelle put the customer on hold and went looking for Craig, who as usual had his face lodged in the district manager's ass crack.

"Erm.excuse me, sir.." Michelle tapped Craig on the back.

"What seems to be the problem?" Craig lifted his head to address her. His nose had a bit of a brown spot on it.

"This guy on the phone had problems with his pizza, and I think he stabbed Rob." Michelle easily guessed which driver had the balls to ask for a tip after giving such crappy service.

"Ok! I'll deal with it!" Craig strutted over to the phone and began conversing with the customer. Michelle leaned in a little to try to overhear what kind of bizarre demands Craig was going to fulfill. All she could pick up was something about three golden skulls, the Hope diamond, and a virgin for sacrifice. Typical. Craig asked for the customer's phone number, and pulled up the order and the address on a computer screen. Seems this was a Mr. P. Head who lived all the way out in the new district of Silent Hill. This was all she could discern, because at that moment, the phone rang and she had to take care of another call. During this call, the customer switched orders so many times, that it was already way passed 9 o'clock when she finished. Quittin' time! She started humming Devo's song "Clock Out" as she shuffled over to the Pizza Hell computer to clock out. Craig intercepted her.

"Don't bother clocking out. There's no need to record your presence here any more. You're going out to Silent Hill to deliver a pizza." He said.

"What for? I'm not a driver! And even if I did deliver a pizza, wouldn't I be coming back, and there would be a reason to record my presence.?" Michelle grew increasingly alarmed.

"The customer has demanded a llama, three gold-encrusted human skulls, a mink coat, a keg of beer, and a virgin for sacrifice." The district manager informed her. " We put all of the names of Pizza Hell virgins in a bag, and drew out your name."

That wasn't particularly hard, considering the only other virgin in Pizza Hell was Michelle's fellow Pizza Slut, Sarah Calvin. They were only Pizza Sluts by names, not by deeds.

"Why did you do this, Craig? That llama doesn't deserve this!" Michelle growled.

"Happy customers mean repeat customers, which mean more money for the All- Encompassing Pizza God, I mean, Pizza Hell!" Craig merrily chirped.

"But if I'm gone," Michelle added, "That means you have to answer your own phones!"

She watched as the little gears in Craig's brain turned, but in the end, her statement made no impact.

"Go on into the Closet of Atonement and get what you need while we make his pizza!" Craig commanded. Michelle had no choice. She grabbed the llama from the Pizza Hell corral out in back and loaded it up with the customer's tribute. She lay the fur coat down as a sort of saddle, managed to get the three gold skulls into a bag, and tied the beer keg to the back. On her way out, they handed her the steaming hot pizza. As she rode off for Silent Hill atop her downy soft steed, she waved goodbye to Sarah. The Pizza Slaves out front asked her to buy cigarettes for them since she was going out, and for once she agreed, knowing she wasn't coming back. As she traveled to Silent Hill, she came to terms with her situation- after all; being a virgin sacrifice was probably more fun than being a Pizza Slut.

Silent Hill wasn't such a bad town. It was lined with rather quaint and antiquated shops and houses. Looking on the ticket, she saw that her destination was the Silent Hill Historical Society. She made her way through the swirling fog-lined streets, thinking she was getting closer, but only to find herself confronted with several dead ends. She saw what appeared to be a woman in the dense fog walking down the streets, and she urged her llama towards her.

"Excuse me!" Michelle called out. "Do you know how to get to the Silent Hill Historical Society?"

The woman swung around. Her face was bubbling and distorted. Michelle tried not to openly show her interest in the deformity, but couldn't help but hint at her disgust towards the woman's outfit- she was dressed like a tacky strip-o-gram nurse! The "nurse" let out a low moan.

"Um, I'm trying to get to the residence of a Mr. P. Head. Do you know how to get there?" Michelle tried again. This time, the nurse shrieked and quickly stumbled away. Maybe she had a fear of llamas, Michelle reasoned. She carried on, worriedly checking the pizza, seeing if it was still warm. About twenty minutes had passed, when she heard footsteps quickly approaching from behind. She glanced back and saw a man running though the deserted streets. He tried to ignore her, but his head swiveled to look at her, as if it was beyond his control. She heard him mutter "Aw, Hell, what now?" as he made his way towards her. He stopped in front of her, wheezing hard from the exertion of his run.

"Hi." Michelle mumbled. "Can you tell me how to get to the Silent Hill Historical Society?"

"Yeah.I.think.I.can.." The man panted. "Why.are.you.going?"

"Well, I have to deliver a pizza to Mr. P. Head."

"Oh.never heard of him. I think it's back that way." He pointed down a winding road. "I'm on my way to the apartments. Wanna come?" he implored.

"You want me to follow you around and get sliced up accidentally with that chainsaw?" She pointed to the tool he wielded. "Not this time."

"Ok. Suit yourself!" He jogged off into the mist once more. She continued down a long and winding road towards the shape of a building she could just make out in the darkness. Rob's empty car was poorly parked in the parking lot, left askew between two yellow lines. The sign out front signaled that her journey was at an end. She dismounted the llama and knocked on the doors. They promptly opened.

The man standing in the doorway was the most handsome man Michelle had ever seen in her life. He had excellent taste in shoes, evident by the black boots he wore, and his butcher's apron was quite fetching. His arms were wiry but muscular, and he had a precious little potbelly she could barely restrain herself from rubbing, like a big, bloody Buddha. His head was finely tapered into a beautiful, gleaming pyramid from which his deep, sensual voice emanated.

"Wow! That was pretty fast!" He snatched the pizza from her trembling hands and threw open the box. "Still hot!" He crammed a large, steaming slice into his pyramid, slurping up the excess grease. "So, did you bring everything?" He looked over her cargo, making sure it contained everything he had requested. "Wow. You guys are total suckers! I didn't think you'd really bring me all of this stuff. I should get pissed off at you more often." Michelle rolled her eyes as Craig's obsequiousness worked it's magic on customer's minds. When Mr. Head stopped in front of Michelle to examine her, she felt weak and naked. Looking deeply into his pyramid.thing.she felt her heart go all a-flutter.

"So, you're the virgin sacrifice, eh?"

"Yes, sir." She squeaked.

"I can see why you're still a virgin." He chuckled. Michelle was too smitten to be insulted. The way she was feeling about Mr. Head, she wasn't sure if her virginal condition would last much longer!

"Let's get all this stuff back to my place." He grunted as he made his ways down the halls. He set a pretty quick pace, and Michelle had difficulty keeping up with him, especially being so weak in the knees. With his strange gait, she had to keep biting her fingers to restrain herself from pinching his cute little ass. It was a long way through a complex maze to his house, and with each step, Michelle felt more and more capable of doing unspeakable things to Mr. Head. Finally, they arrived.

"Just go ahead and have a seat on the couch." Mr. Head motioned her into the living room as he began unpacking his loot. Michelle just about sunk into the comfortable cushions on his huge couch. It was positioned facing a big screen TV, which sat between two cubes that had people strung up in them. She recognized one as Rob and couldn't help but smirk- he had finally gotten his come-uppance. At the foot of the TV were several video game systems ranging from old Ataris to a Play Station 2, a Dreamcast, and a Gamecube. Maybe he would let her play Maniac Mansion on his 8-bit Nintendo before she was sacrificed. Maybe she could think of something better and naughtier to do with her last request. Mr. Head grabbed the keg and chugged it down as if it were a regular can of beer. When he was finished, he smashed the keg on the side of his head and tossed it onto a pile of other crushed kegs in the corner. He then put on the fur coat and pranced around the living room.

"Check this out! Big Pimpin'!"

Michelle giggled.

"How much do you think these would go for on Ebay?" He held up the golden skulls.

Michelle shrugged. He arranged the skulls on top of his TV.

"Ooh! Now my petting zoo is complete!" He said as he eagerly stroked the llama. The llama simply spit on him in defiance, and as the cud struck his head it made the same sound as a resonating spittoon. Mr. Head didn't seem to mind. He lead it away through a door which had the words "petting zoo" scribbled across it in blood, leaving Michelle to contemplate her surroundings. It was just an ordinary apartment nestled in the bowels of a museum, which used to be a jail for the criminally insane. It was rather cozy, in fact. She leafed through the magazines on the coffee table. His full name was Pyramid Head, and he had subscriptions to Bizarre Magazine, Big Honkers, Motorcycle Madness, and Entertainment Weekly. She had just started on a juicy article about Thai transvestites, when Pyramid Head marched back upstairs, sans llama.

"Well, that's that! Looks like Ripley is going to have a good life with Dale, my goat, and Blood Monkey, my pot bellied pig. She made herself right at home!" Pyramid Head lumbered over to a closet.

"Ripley?"

"From Alien. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing."

Pyramid Head dragged an immense knife and a lengthy lance from the closet and laid them on the floor in the living room.

"Eenie-meenie-miney-moe." He began mumbling, pointing back and forth between the two instruments.

"This is for my sacrifice, right?" Michelle inquired.

"Yes! Aw, heck, you made me lose my concentration! Now I have to start all over again!" Pyramid Head scratched his pyramid head.

"Whom are you sacrificing me to?"

"No one in particular. Just thought it would be fun." He shrugged.

"Oh."

He resumed his chanting.

"Well, if it's all the same to you." she interjected again "I'd rather go with the big knife there."

"I don't know.that knife is so damn heavy, it irritates my hernia!" he whined.

"But it looks so cool!" She stroked the enormous blade. "And it's so.big!"

Pyramid Head coughed slightly. Michelle crouched over the knife and started petting it, with a rather wide grin that she hoped would further her self- preservation. She picked it up and tried to handle it, but just ended up looking ridiculous. The damn thing weighed probably as much as she did. Pyramid Head looked down on the small girl lugging his Great Knife around his living room, wearing her little apron, and a weird little thought crept into his mind.Maybe, just maybe, he could train her to use the knife, and make her a little pyramid hat, and he could let her do his judging for him so he could stay home and get drunk and play video games! Yeah, that's the ticket!

"Say, little girl."

"My name's Michelle, P. Baby."

"And my name's Pyramid Head! Not 'P. Baby'!! What the hell is wrong with you? Anyways.maybe I'll keep you around. But you'll have to earn your keep, and in exchange, I'll train you to do the stuff that I do. You can be Pyramid Head Junior, or something." Pyramid Head patted her on the shoulder.

"You mean it?" She leaned in closely to him, gazing deeply into his pyramid. This made him a bit uncomfortable.

"Um, sure. Might as well give it a try. Who's going to judge and butcher when I'm gone, right?" He tried to back away.

"Oh, Pyramid, you're so good to me!" And with this, she lunged towards him with amorous intent, still clutching the Great Knife.

"Hey.what're you..cut that out.I.I .I!" Pyramid Head didn't like this attention, and he panicked. She gripped the lapel of his fur coat, leaning in closer and closer. With one swift motion (well, as swift as an out-of- shape guy with a heavy pyramid for a head can move) he slipped out of the coat and took off down the halls of the labyrinth. As he ran down those halls, he heard her cry "I'm going to find you!" accompanied by a disturbing giggle and the scraping of the Great Knife on the floor.

*************************************************

".And then I found you in that corner." Michelle concluded the story. Pyramid Head grunted in reply, kicked open the door to his apartment, and dropped Michelle on the couch once more. He wrenched the Great Knife from her grip and threw it in the closet with the spear. Pacing in front of her, with hands on hips, he considered this situation: on the one hand, he could just slice her in half and be done with her affections, but on the other, he could play hooky all he wanted and leave her to do his dirty work for him if he could tolerate her long enough to train her! The latter seemed to have more advantages, after all, and he decided they had just gotten off to a bad start. He simply had to break her of this fondness. That couldn't be so hard- all he had to do was treat her rough, and soon she would see him as a big jerk and lose her taste for him, and that seemed easy enough to do, being that he was the big tough Pyramid Head.

"Now, look here!" He barked at her suddenly, about to command her. She was leafing through his job folder, which he had left on the coffee table. "Hey! What are you doing?!"

"I'm just trying to find out what your job is about." She replied. At least she was eager to learn.

"I'll tell you everything you need to know! Gimme that!" he snatched the folder from her hands. "I didn't tell you to go touching my stuff!" He checked to see that all of the papers were in order, and then sat on the couch next to her to begin explaining the facts of pyramid life. "Ok, being a pyramid head means you have to judge people. The central agency sends you a little booklet on who you're supposed to judge, and then you have to call them over to Silent Hill."

"So, you have an organization?" She questioned, scooting closer to him on the couch.

"Um, yeah. Anyways, after you call them, you basically just lead them around town, leaving them clues as to why they're here. Usually, the people we get are deranged loonies, like this guy, James." He pointed to the little photo of his victim clipped to the front of the folder. "I wrote him a letter as his dead wife Mary, calling him to his 'special place'. See, he's totally deluded himself into forgetting that he killed her. Thus, we must judge him."

"I saw that guy on the street!" Michelle exclaimed. "He said he was going over to the apartments!"

"Shit! I have to go!" Pyramid Head leapt up from the couch and dashed towards the closet. He again seemed to be faced with the same decision, but grabbed the knife and began hauling it out the door. "Don't touch anything, you hear me?!!!" he threatened as the door shut behind him. Michelle sat alone in the apartment for a few minutes, listening to the receding scrape of the Great Knife on the metal hallway's floor. After a moment of hesitation, she decided to follow Pyramid Head, to try to get a head start on her education.