THE PYRAMID HEAD PARTY
Pyramid Head must've been really determined to get wherever he was going because he made record time hauling his ass out of those apartments, Great Knife and all. Michelle had to practically run after him as he dragged his way to the Brookhaven hospital. As they neared it, the sound of the klaxon grew louder and louder. Michelle had to clap her hands firmly over her ears to tolerate traveling towards the hospital. Though her eyes were watering, half from the chill of the night air and half from the excruciating pain of the siren, she saw other pyramid headed figures lumbering towards a similar destination. The alarm shut off abruptly, and it was replaced with the shuffling of hundreds of heavy feet filling the night air.
"Where are we going? What's going on?" Michelle tugged on Pyramid Head's arm. He jumped, startled, as if he had forgotten she existed.
"Oh, you're still here?" He stooped, staring at Michelle eye to pyramid.
"Of course I'm still here! What else am I going to do? Now would you tell me what's going on?" she questioned anxiously.
"Well, it's happy hour." He said, as if that simple statement would answer everything. Michelle still stared blankly at him. He gave a raspy, exasperated sigh. "Well, sometimes the guys get together and throw a keg party, and we all drink and have a good time. If you're going to be a pyramid head, you've got to learn these things. You should be ashamed of yourself! In fact, I'm ashamed of you. I can't be seen with you! You're going to make me look stupid." He turned away.
"Oh, please take me with you! I'll be really good, and quiet- I swear, you won't even know I'm there!" she did jumping jacks of pleading exuberance. He turned back, grasping a patient demon in his hands.
"It's just that you're not bloody enough!" he chuckled, slicing the writhing being in half, practically hosing Michelle down with it's blood. Pyramid Head gleaned many a satisfying giggle from this, watching Michelle twist and shout in the fountain of blood. When he was finished, Michelle was almost as bloody as he was, and much more pissed off. His plan was going splendidly; she should hate him in no time.
"There you go. You look a little more decent. And give me that stupid knife before you poke your own stupid eye out!" He tried to snatch the Not-So- Great-Knife from her grimy paws, but she simply shoved it down her apron and out of sight.
"And don't speak until I tell you to. I don't want you saying something dumb in front of my friends."
"Ok." She agreed, but only to be able to follow him to the party. He continued on with Michelle close on his heels. They used a side entrance of the hospital, from which they continued on into the basement. It seemed to be a combination/extension of the pyramid head labyrinth and the hospital itself. Several pyramid heads would pass them, and since they all looked so similar (same black boots, same apron, same pyramid for a head) she held on to her man. She tied herself to his apron strings, if you will.
"I'll take back that piñata, it's wasted on you- just spinning that pool cue all over the room! And give back the blindfold that's under your shoe! Let's drink, drink; this town is so great! Drink, drink, 'cuz it's never too late to drink, drink, to no big surprise! But what words rhyme with buried alive? What words rhyme with buried alive?" They Might Be Giant's song "Drink" sounded odd emanating from the gathering of pyramid heads and echoing off the walls of the secluded hospital's basement. Some of them were already quite drunk, judging by the way they slurred or forgot most of the chorus. Pyramid Head quickened his pace, and they finally made it to the main area where the party was in full swing. And what a party it was! Every pyramid head held a keg aloft as they sang their drinking songs; there was a dance floor, a make out room, and even an area where they seemed to be playing a strange sort of game with a local yokel. If there's one thing these guys like to do, Michelle noted, they like to drink. Pyramid Head instantly sliced through the crowd and snatched up a keg for himself.
"Here you go." He tossed a keg nonchalantly at Michelle, who was forced to dodge it.
"I can't drink, let alone hold, a whole keg!" she shouted. A hush came over the crowd.
"Oh, geez, you're embarrassing me already…" Pyramid Head hissed at her under his breath. A few pyramid heads made their way over.
"Hey, who's your little friend, here?" A trimmer pyramid head with a nearly clean apron came up and gave Michelle a solid poke in the head. She scampered behind P. Head for protection.
"Nobody, just some chick I got from that Pizza Hell place. She's my uh, personal slave." Pyramid Head announced in a derogatory tone. "Here, if you can't handle a keg like a real pyramid head, I'll get you a little glass, for the little baby!" He sneered in a condescending tone. There was a bedpan lying crumpled in a corner that he snatched up and filled with beer and handed to Michelle. "Now shut your pie hole and drink!" he commanded. Michelle took an obedient sip, glancing around fearfully at the other curious pyramid heads. They were easily twice her size; huge brutes, half- drunk and mostly carrying spears. The ones who had come to look at the little intruder now simply regarded her "owner" in awe and chattered about how they, too, could procure little Pizza Slut slaves. P. Head seemed to further increase in popularity at her expense, and she almost didn't mind. Almost.
"Come along; let's go watch them play 'Drunken Dahlia'." Pyramid Head pulled her over to the game ring. The floor of the ring had numbers and letters painted in blood, and an older, Gypsy-ish looking woman was being fed bottles of vodka in one corner. Rippling giggles flitted through the crowd in anticipation.
"Are we going to foretell through gyromancy now?" the yokel asked, hiccupping and slurring worse than the onlookers.
"You bet!" Chuckled an older pyramid head who then grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a few hearty spins. They shoved her out into the middle of the room, letting her stumble and sway in the ring. A pyramid head standing on a high platform at one end of the ring with a good view of the proceedings wrote the letters on a chalkboard. It was beginning to spell 'H-A-R-R-Y-M-A', but unfortunately, that's as far as they got, because a huge pyramid head woman pushed Michelle to the ground and slapped the back of Pyramid Head's head.
"Pyramid Head!" she shrilly yelled.
"Oh, shit…" he grumbled, rubbing the spot she had struck him. Michelle slowly got back up to her feet, curious as to what this was all about.
"Who is that?" she whispered to P. Head.
"My ex-wife." He mumbled.
"So, you finally show your ugly face again! Where have you been? I haven't gotten a child support check for over a year, you bum!" she ranted on. The features that identified this creature as being the female of the species were her lumpy, yet noticeable, breasts, and her high, nagging voice. Other than that, pyramid heads were mostly uniform in size and shape.
"Where do you think I've been? And why should I give you any money, you whore? That's not my son! It's common biological law that female pyramid heads die after giving birth!" He retorted.
"Is that true?" A pubescent pyramid girl nervously squeaked.
"That's why we're such a lonely bunch!" A male solemnly raised his keg.
"And he doesn't look a thing like me! Why, he's small, and blue, and he's only got one eye! He doesn't even have a pyramid! The only reason you want money is because that…thing's father skipped town, and you're too fat, lazy, and stupid to get a job! " P. Head continued. By this time, Dahlia had collapsed in a drunken heap in the corner, and the ex- Mrs. Head and Mr. Head were circling each other menacingly, much to the crowd's amusement. Michelle noticed currency exchanging a few hands.
"It doesn't matter!" she haughtily sniffed. "You were married to me when I gave birth, so you're legally his father!"
"Bull shit!" At this, she rushed him head on, and sparks literally flew as their metallic heads collided. He dropped the Great Knife on the floor of ring. This sent the spectators into an uproar, and they all cheered and screamed. Michelle had to be nimble, lest the frenzied onlookers trample her. The two continued to clash, fingers interlocked, heads scraping and screeching together.
"I'll bet the reason you won't pay child support is because you've been slacking on your jobs…if you even get any anymore. Sure, once you were the best pyramid head out of all of them, but is that true any more? Do you still deserve the Great Knife? I hear that the central agency is only giving you soft little maniac boys who have bad aim and get all out of breath when they run! I'll bet that's not too different from yourself, hmm, fatso?" She taunted. The other pyramid heads hissed and booed her, and cheered P. Head on.
"I'll have you know," he grunted, banging the crown of his head against hers "those 'soft boys' take an unusual amount of finesse…something you'll never have or understand! It's not just a quick stalk-and-stab job, like the kind you've routinely botched, but an intricate and slow warping of their minds!" As he said this, he butted his head so fiercely against hers, she was knocked to the ground, skidding through and smearing the bloody letters. He stood over her majestically, reclaiming the Great Knife and holding it aloft triumphantly. The crowd went wild. They gathered him up on their shoulders and drunkenly paraded him about, leaving the defeated woman twisted melodramatically in the ring. Michelle was swept along, not wanting to really question what exactly had gone on. When the revelry had somewhat died down, a gruesome cackle filled the basement. They turned to see the ex Mrs. Head standing high above them, making her way to the upper levels of the hospital in an open-door freight elevator.
"I'll still have the last laugh!" She announced, waving a small, blue book in front of them. "This, for your information, is the great Mr. P. Head's diary. I'll leave it wherever the hell I feel like leaving it, and it doesn't matter to me who finds it first!" With this, the elevator lurched into the upper levels, leaving only the trace of her self-satisfied laugh echoing down the shaft. The crowd started whispering and mumbling amongst themselves. Certainly they wanted to see the contents of the book, but at the same time, they didn't want to inspire Pyramid Head's wrath. A great number of those gathered began excusing themselves to go to the bathroom.
"NOOOO!" Pyramid Head shrieked in a fairly girly fashion, as he leapt from his place of honor on their shoulders and thundered up a nearby stairwell.
Pyramid Head must've been really determined to get wherever he was going because he made record time hauling his ass out of those apartments, Great Knife and all. Michelle had to practically run after him as he dragged his way to the Brookhaven hospital. As they neared it, the sound of the klaxon grew louder and louder. Michelle had to clap her hands firmly over her ears to tolerate traveling towards the hospital. Though her eyes were watering, half from the chill of the night air and half from the excruciating pain of the siren, she saw other pyramid headed figures lumbering towards a similar destination. The alarm shut off abruptly, and it was replaced with the shuffling of hundreds of heavy feet filling the night air.
"Where are we going? What's going on?" Michelle tugged on Pyramid Head's arm. He jumped, startled, as if he had forgotten she existed.
"Oh, you're still here?" He stooped, staring at Michelle eye to pyramid.
"Of course I'm still here! What else am I going to do? Now would you tell me what's going on?" she questioned anxiously.
"Well, it's happy hour." He said, as if that simple statement would answer everything. Michelle still stared blankly at him. He gave a raspy, exasperated sigh. "Well, sometimes the guys get together and throw a keg party, and we all drink and have a good time. If you're going to be a pyramid head, you've got to learn these things. You should be ashamed of yourself! In fact, I'm ashamed of you. I can't be seen with you! You're going to make me look stupid." He turned away.
"Oh, please take me with you! I'll be really good, and quiet- I swear, you won't even know I'm there!" she did jumping jacks of pleading exuberance. He turned back, grasping a patient demon in his hands.
"It's just that you're not bloody enough!" he chuckled, slicing the writhing being in half, practically hosing Michelle down with it's blood. Pyramid Head gleaned many a satisfying giggle from this, watching Michelle twist and shout in the fountain of blood. When he was finished, Michelle was almost as bloody as he was, and much more pissed off. His plan was going splendidly; she should hate him in no time.
"There you go. You look a little more decent. And give me that stupid knife before you poke your own stupid eye out!" He tried to snatch the Not-So- Great-Knife from her grimy paws, but she simply shoved it down her apron and out of sight.
"And don't speak until I tell you to. I don't want you saying something dumb in front of my friends."
"Ok." She agreed, but only to be able to follow him to the party. He continued on with Michelle close on his heels. They used a side entrance of the hospital, from which they continued on into the basement. It seemed to be a combination/extension of the pyramid head labyrinth and the hospital itself. Several pyramid heads would pass them, and since they all looked so similar (same black boots, same apron, same pyramid for a head) she held on to her man. She tied herself to his apron strings, if you will.
"I'll take back that piñata, it's wasted on you- just spinning that pool cue all over the room! And give back the blindfold that's under your shoe! Let's drink, drink; this town is so great! Drink, drink, 'cuz it's never too late to drink, drink, to no big surprise! But what words rhyme with buried alive? What words rhyme with buried alive?" They Might Be Giant's song "Drink" sounded odd emanating from the gathering of pyramid heads and echoing off the walls of the secluded hospital's basement. Some of them were already quite drunk, judging by the way they slurred or forgot most of the chorus. Pyramid Head quickened his pace, and they finally made it to the main area where the party was in full swing. And what a party it was! Every pyramid head held a keg aloft as they sang their drinking songs; there was a dance floor, a make out room, and even an area where they seemed to be playing a strange sort of game with a local yokel. If there's one thing these guys like to do, Michelle noted, they like to drink. Pyramid Head instantly sliced through the crowd and snatched up a keg for himself.
"Here you go." He tossed a keg nonchalantly at Michelle, who was forced to dodge it.
"I can't drink, let alone hold, a whole keg!" she shouted. A hush came over the crowd.
"Oh, geez, you're embarrassing me already…" Pyramid Head hissed at her under his breath. A few pyramid heads made their way over.
"Hey, who's your little friend, here?" A trimmer pyramid head with a nearly clean apron came up and gave Michelle a solid poke in the head. She scampered behind P. Head for protection.
"Nobody, just some chick I got from that Pizza Hell place. She's my uh, personal slave." Pyramid Head announced in a derogatory tone. "Here, if you can't handle a keg like a real pyramid head, I'll get you a little glass, for the little baby!" He sneered in a condescending tone. There was a bedpan lying crumpled in a corner that he snatched up and filled with beer and handed to Michelle. "Now shut your pie hole and drink!" he commanded. Michelle took an obedient sip, glancing around fearfully at the other curious pyramid heads. They were easily twice her size; huge brutes, half- drunk and mostly carrying spears. The ones who had come to look at the little intruder now simply regarded her "owner" in awe and chattered about how they, too, could procure little Pizza Slut slaves. P. Head seemed to further increase in popularity at her expense, and she almost didn't mind. Almost.
"Come along; let's go watch them play 'Drunken Dahlia'." Pyramid Head pulled her over to the game ring. The floor of the ring had numbers and letters painted in blood, and an older, Gypsy-ish looking woman was being fed bottles of vodka in one corner. Rippling giggles flitted through the crowd in anticipation.
"Are we going to foretell through gyromancy now?" the yokel asked, hiccupping and slurring worse than the onlookers.
"You bet!" Chuckled an older pyramid head who then grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a few hearty spins. They shoved her out into the middle of the room, letting her stumble and sway in the ring. A pyramid head standing on a high platform at one end of the ring with a good view of the proceedings wrote the letters on a chalkboard. It was beginning to spell 'H-A-R-R-Y-M-A', but unfortunately, that's as far as they got, because a huge pyramid head woman pushed Michelle to the ground and slapped the back of Pyramid Head's head.
"Pyramid Head!" she shrilly yelled.
"Oh, shit…" he grumbled, rubbing the spot she had struck him. Michelle slowly got back up to her feet, curious as to what this was all about.
"Who is that?" she whispered to P. Head.
"My ex-wife." He mumbled.
"So, you finally show your ugly face again! Where have you been? I haven't gotten a child support check for over a year, you bum!" she ranted on. The features that identified this creature as being the female of the species were her lumpy, yet noticeable, breasts, and her high, nagging voice. Other than that, pyramid heads were mostly uniform in size and shape.
"Where do you think I've been? And why should I give you any money, you whore? That's not my son! It's common biological law that female pyramid heads die after giving birth!" He retorted.
"Is that true?" A pubescent pyramid girl nervously squeaked.
"That's why we're such a lonely bunch!" A male solemnly raised his keg.
"And he doesn't look a thing like me! Why, he's small, and blue, and he's only got one eye! He doesn't even have a pyramid! The only reason you want money is because that…thing's father skipped town, and you're too fat, lazy, and stupid to get a job! " P. Head continued. By this time, Dahlia had collapsed in a drunken heap in the corner, and the ex- Mrs. Head and Mr. Head were circling each other menacingly, much to the crowd's amusement. Michelle noticed currency exchanging a few hands.
"It doesn't matter!" she haughtily sniffed. "You were married to me when I gave birth, so you're legally his father!"
"Bull shit!" At this, she rushed him head on, and sparks literally flew as their metallic heads collided. He dropped the Great Knife on the floor of ring. This sent the spectators into an uproar, and they all cheered and screamed. Michelle had to be nimble, lest the frenzied onlookers trample her. The two continued to clash, fingers interlocked, heads scraping and screeching together.
"I'll bet the reason you won't pay child support is because you've been slacking on your jobs…if you even get any anymore. Sure, once you were the best pyramid head out of all of them, but is that true any more? Do you still deserve the Great Knife? I hear that the central agency is only giving you soft little maniac boys who have bad aim and get all out of breath when they run! I'll bet that's not too different from yourself, hmm, fatso?" She taunted. The other pyramid heads hissed and booed her, and cheered P. Head on.
"I'll have you know," he grunted, banging the crown of his head against hers "those 'soft boys' take an unusual amount of finesse…something you'll never have or understand! It's not just a quick stalk-and-stab job, like the kind you've routinely botched, but an intricate and slow warping of their minds!" As he said this, he butted his head so fiercely against hers, she was knocked to the ground, skidding through and smearing the bloody letters. He stood over her majestically, reclaiming the Great Knife and holding it aloft triumphantly. The crowd went wild. They gathered him up on their shoulders and drunkenly paraded him about, leaving the defeated woman twisted melodramatically in the ring. Michelle was swept along, not wanting to really question what exactly had gone on. When the revelry had somewhat died down, a gruesome cackle filled the basement. They turned to see the ex Mrs. Head standing high above them, making her way to the upper levels of the hospital in an open-door freight elevator.
"I'll still have the last laugh!" She announced, waving a small, blue book in front of them. "This, for your information, is the great Mr. P. Head's diary. I'll leave it wherever the hell I feel like leaving it, and it doesn't matter to me who finds it first!" With this, the elevator lurched into the upper levels, leaving only the trace of her self-satisfied laugh echoing down the shaft. The crowd started whispering and mumbling amongst themselves. Certainly they wanted to see the contents of the book, but at the same time, they didn't want to inspire Pyramid Head's wrath. A great number of those gathered began excusing themselves to go to the bathroom.
"NOOOO!" Pyramid Head shrieked in a fairly girly fashion, as he leapt from his place of honor on their shoulders and thundered up a nearby stairwell.
