"The Fifth Marauder"
((And no, it's not Lily!))
by
Tim Cline
(A/N) Yes, this is a self/character insertion, but i see nothing wrong with such things.
"Oh yes, this ones going to go down in Hogwarts history!"
"I swear it's got to be a giant leap forward in the science of magical pranks."
"Brilliance, sheer unadulterated brilliance!"
The marauders were sitting in the dorm room that they shared, discussing there upcoming plans for there usual victims, the Slytherins, and there arch-nemesis, Severus Snape in particular. The marauders hated Snape with a passion. Mainly because he seemed to view most other people as particularly bothersome insects. Snape, however, hated them because they weren't him. "Well, guys that is a rather brilliant prank, even for the four of you...pity it can't possibly physically work." The heads of the four marauders suddenly whipped up, by the looks upon there faces, you would assume that they had been hit by lightening. Slowly they turned there heads to the source of the disturbance.
They discovered a short, thin boy with light brown hair that made James' look under control and wearing grey wire frame glasses sitting in a wheelchair that was, oddly enough, hovering a few inches off the floor. His arms were crossed over his chest and he wore an impish grin on his face. One member of the group in particular, a thin boy with short dirty blond hair, looked at him with a face that was a mask of comic fury. "Oh, have a look at this guys, it's everyone's favorite menace to the feet of Gryffindors, Tim Cline. So, what makes you think that a little twerp like you has any right to insult any plan of ours. We are, after all, the best pranksters this school has ever seen!" The young man uncrossed his arms, sighed in a resigned sort of way and pulled out his wand and pointed it as his chair. "Finite Leviosa" he said in a firm voice. With this task done, he made his way across the dorm room to the small group. "Good afternoon to you as well Remus, and I think I have the right because I hate the snakes as much as you do and I don't want your plan to fail. He suddenly conjured a blackboard which he touched with his wand, and began his dissertation.
Suddenly words and diagrams began to flow across the blackboard like quickly growing plants. "you see my dear friends, your plan is, if I understand it correctly, to hurl a rather large payload of dungbombs at a certain Severus Snape from a rather high window while he is on a, shall we say, midnight rendevous with an unlucky, not to mention obviously blind, young Ravenclaw lass. But as you will notice through the magic of these detailed schematics, there is no way that the "gift" can reach it's recipient given it's massive weight." At this, the largest member of the group, a young man with black hair that reached his shoulder blades, gave Tim a rather odd look. "Tim, are you implying that we are a group of five-pound weaklings that throw like girls?" after several seconds, the young man spoke, his voice charming and sibilant. "Of course not Sirius, I would never imply such a thing, I mean, James is definitely the most talented chaser that Gryffindor has had in decades. Your own physical abilities are not being questioned either, only a fool would do so. In the case of mr. Lupin, well, he's a werewolf, enough said. So no, the strength of your groups members isn't being brought into question. But at it's weight, even Hagrid would have a hard time flinging that massive bag full of dungbombs. And at it's weight and at the angle that its being thrown at, there's no way in heck that it's going to reach it's target, regardless of the throwers strength." Sirius looked placated, so Tim continued.
"But...I might have a method of making this plan work" Said the thin youth in an almost conspiratorial voice. "What? WHAT?!" said the assembled pranksters in unison almost sounding like baby birds begging to be fed. Tim waved his wand at the blackboard and the explanation and diagrams were replaced with three words: "the featherweight charm". Tim pulled a rather large book out of the bag that he had brought with him and dropped it in the middle of the group. "Page 726, about halfway down the page. And by the way, Madam Pince wants that book back in the library by this coming Friday." He suddenly stood up, dispelled the blackboard with a gesture of his wand, and turned to leave. "Be sure to keep me up to date on your progress guys." he said to the hooting, cackling circle of young men as he closed the door and went down to join the rest of the Gryffindors in the common room.
