The Fifth Marauder

(Chapter Two)



((Early the Next Morning...))



"Well, James, I can easily say that at this mornings practice we saw one of the oddest plays in the history of Quiddich: a chaser trying to use his own body as a quaffle..." "Hey, I didn't see the goalpost, ok! Besides.." Said the smirking James Potter, "at least I did my job, Mr. "I'm a seeker but I'm afraid of the snitch"!"



"That was not a snitch!" Said Tim Cline, brandishing a forkful of the pancakes that he had just speared. "A snitch is small, golden, and has little silver wings. The thing that I was "afraid" of was hard, black, and was hurtling at my skull. The thing I was afraid of was not the golden snitch, it was a bludger. A bludger that had just been hit by a certain beater who will remain nameless." With the last word Tim shot a rather nasty look at Sirius Black, who was sitting across from him at the Gryffindor table in the great hall.



"It was an accident!" Sirius practically shouted. "I've said that a thousand times since it happened." "Oh, of course it was an accident Sirius, I believe you." said tim, his words literally dripping sarcasm. "Just like that incident last week when you "accidentally" pushed my wheelchair down the dorm steps!" "Hey" Said Sirius hotly, starting to lean across the table. "That was an accident" "No it wasn't" Said Tim, also beginning to lean across the table. "How can you say that" Said Sirius, leaning even closer to Tim. "Because" Said Tim, leaning so close to Sirius that there noses were almost touching. "You were laughing!"



Sirius fell back into his seat grinning like a Cheshire cat. "You weren't hurt, were you" He said giggling. "Well, I only got two cracked ribs, one broken one, a twisted ankle and a shattered collarbone, so no, I guess I wasn't that badly hurt." "Then why are you so angry about it" Said Sirius in a rather confused voice. "I'm not really angry, it's just the principle of the thing. I don't think you should continue tormenting me constantly considering that I have saved several of your pranks from the jaws of failure." "But Tim, who will we test our pranks on if we don't use you?" Piped in James in a slightly whining voice. "I mean, we kinda broke Peter in that respect with the "dungbomb incident" last quarter." At the mention of "the dungbomb incident" Peter began sobbing slightly causing Remus to put his hand on Peter's shoulder comfortingly.



"Hufflepuffs!!!" Tim said in a voice that was probably just a bit too loud for the situation. "I mean, just look at them over there, shoveling down there breakfast like cattle chewing there collective cud." At this, all four of Tim's companions looked over at the Hufflepuff table. It was indeed a rather disgusting spectacle. "Half of them are eating with there mouths open and the other half seemingly haven't discovered the fine art of eating with utensils." Said Remus, his face a mask of cultured revulsion.



"Who are?" Asked Lily Evans, a close friend of the marauders and James' girlfriend. "Hello Lily." said Tim, Sirius, Remus and Peter almost simultaneously. "Hi Guys! Hello Jamie!" She said, nuzzling up against James. At this wanton display of affection by the happy couple Tim's face scrunched up in mock disgust. "Being as cute as you to are together should be illegal." He said teasingly. Hearing this, both James and Lily shot rather cold glares in his direction.

"We were discussing the eating habits of the Hufflepuffs." Remus interjected quickly. Lily chanced a quick glance at the table in question and wrinkled her nose in disgust. "They might as well do away with plates for those people and just put one big feed trough down the length of the table." "So, guys, how are you four doing with your little "problem"?" Said Tim, grinning nastily at the marauders.



"Oh, that, well...it's..." Said James nervously, glancing at Lily. "It's doing...pr..pretty well, i guess." "Ok, what are you guys doing to Snape this time?" Said Lily grinning at her boyfriend and his buddies. "Oh, nothing..." Sirius said, a rather demented grin slowly crossing his face. "...we were just going to feed him to Remus on the next full moon" At this Sirius put his arm over Remus' shoulders. A contemplative look crossed the pale young man's face for a few seconds and then he shuddered with disgust. "Bleagh, Sirius, the indigestion alone would probably kill me. I wouldn't eat Snape for a hundred million galleons!"



"Don't worry Lily, I assure you, there plan isn't any more horrible than usual." Tim said in a voice that he hoped would reassure the rather skeptical looking young lady. "I suppose we can afford to tell you it involves dungbombs." Sirius said cryptically. "Like that narrows it down." Lily said in her most sarcastic voice. "Everything you four do to Snape involves dungbombs!" "Hey!" Said Remus defensively. "Can we help it if were kind of stuck in an artistic rut?" "Yeah!" Added James. "It's not our fault that dungbombs are such a multi-purpose tool."



"Well, since I think that I can be trusted..." Said Lily in a low, semi-seductive voice. "...perhaps you five wouldn't mind enlightening me as to what you are going to do to "the git"." "And why should we do that?" Said everyone except James almost in unison. "Because I want to help you."