I'm pretty sure it's horribly choppy and below my usual writing standards…and my standards aren't that high to start with. Eh…what can I wrote most of it between 3-8 in the morning. It's probably bad but I didn't edit it. I'll do that some other time. I'm too lazy/sick to do it now. I ran out of ideas halfway through so the last half is probably worse than the first since I sort of shoved it out by force. Ah well…not everyone can be a good writer so I'll settle for being a bad one. It's probably OOC but it felt right when I was writing it. I found Tatsuha pretty obsessive so I wrote him that way perhaps a bit too exaggerated but you know what, at this point I don't care! Yay! Now read this damn thing. Oh yeah warnings and disclaimers…I don't own the characters I just borrowed them to torture and as for warnings there's shounen-ai that's all I think…am I even really thinking…
Let's Stay Together 1/3By: Joyce
Hi I'm Tatsuha Uesugi. I'm a 16 year-old monk by day and fighter of EVIL FORCES of the world by night! At least I would be if I knew where the EVIL FORCES were…the only evil force I know of is Mika and fighting her would just be a loosing battle. When I'm not focusing on my duties as a monk or fighting EVIL FORCES of the world I am Ryuichi Sakuma's number one fan…which is pretty much 24/7. I do my work as a monk but it's not as if I actually care what the heck I'm doing and I avoid fighting Mika…it's a stupid thing to do I don't suggest anyone try… it hurts! And even when I am doing those two things deep down I am still completely focused on MY Ryuichi! In other words half of this was BS to put it simply I am a monk that hates his job, has an evil sister, is incredibly hot, smart, sexy, and worships the ground that Ryuichi Sakuma walks on…well anyways I would if I could but that'd mean I'd have to trail around after him. I want to do it but I never got the chance.
And I know a million girls must have this question in their minds at this moment: Is this incredible guy available?! Well…I have about 15 (plus) girlfriends but I always welcome more! But sorry I have only one true love…Ryuichi! We've never actually met yet, but just you wait, one day we'll meet. We are destined to be together! It's like a fairytale and we're gonna get married and have lotsa kids! Ick…well maybe not quite but we're still a perfect match. Why…? Shut up! We just are it's beyond the comprehension of you lowly people…anyways I am patiently waiting till that day we finally meet my beloved!
Ah! That Nittle Grasper CD I got changed my life! It was love at first sight! Well actually I heard his voice first…but my god he is too perfect! His voice, his looks…who the hell cares if he's twice my age! You have to see him to believe him! He is sooooo incredibly cute! His hair, his eyes, his face shape, his gorgeous body…AHHHHH!!!! He's sooooo yummy! I want to eat him all up! And even if you hear him you won't believe him. He is too talented! His voice is beautiful…perfect like the rest of him. His voice is so amazing when you hear it you have to freeze to admire it! It's absolutely mesmerizing. And the way he looks when he's singing is incredible. I think that's what caught my attention the most, sure his voice was amazing and he had to be the most adorable being in the face of this earth but I was truly and completely hooked to him when I first saw him perform. I only saw him on TV but that was enough. It was like an addiction.
He goes from being absolutely huggable to the most hypnotizing figure in the world. He becomes so intense, like he is completely immersed in his music and he drags you in with him. I just froze staring at him and I swear I wanted to jump into the TV. You can tell how much he loves music; he is so passionate when he sings. His passion is infectious, it makes you forget everything and for that moment all that matters is that song. At least that's how I felt.
How can anybody not love him! It's not that he's an easy person to love it's that he's a person impossible to not love! Mind you he belongs to ME! But still anyone who doesn't adore Ryuichi Sakuma belongs in a mental hospital. There has to be something wrong with you! He has to be god's ultimate gift to music lovers, bisexual people, and gay men (…and straight females…)!
I adore Ryuichi Sakuma…which is why I'm going to Tokyo… Once I get there I'm going to break down my brother's door and harass Shuichi Shindou. I can't believe that little idiot sang with him at the concert! How could he!? He sang with MY beloved Ryuichi Sakuma at his debut concert yet he neglected to invite ME! Why if I belonged to the EVIL FORCES of the world I would go and cast a spell on him so that on his 16th birthday he would prick his finger on a spindle and DIE…but then he's over 16 already. And I am NOT part of the EVIL FORCES of the world…but if I was, Shuichi would've been dead for 3 years by now!
~ ~ ~
Ha! This mere wooden door is nothing that can stop me from my goal!
…damn that was too easy aniki should really get a new lock…BACK to my goal! Though I'm not going to curse Shuichi (since I'm not part of the EVIL FORCES of the world) I'm certainly not going to let his crime go unpunished!
"Shuichi!!! Is Shuichi here??? I heard from Ayaka that you were singing with Ryuichi, MY RYUICHI in the concert! You damn kid!!! Why didn't you tell me to go? I can't stand this anymore, if you don't take me to Ryuichi, I'm going to sexually assault you!!!" You don't believe me! I would! And I'd enjoy it too!
"Where the hell is Tatsuha??? That kid left his work behind and just left!!!" Oh no she's here! The most powerful of the members of the EVIL FORCES of the world! The queen bitch (my sister)!!!!!!! NO! Not even she can defeat me I must persevere and meet my beloved! Ryuichi wait for me I'll come for you once I escape this horrid witch's evil clutches! No one shall come between us!
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, ALL OF YOU!!!!" Aniki's voice seems to get louder every time he screams at me…ah those fond days when my eardrums suffered so much less are gone! Where is the justice! I miss my chance to finally meet my darling, the evil witch has captured me, and my ears ring…life's not fair! Why must I suffer so?
"I'm sooo angry!!! How can Eiri treat his big
sister this way? Why are these two kids
here? I didn't meet Noriko for a long time. We're thinking of
having a party, but now my good mood is ruined!!!" See she's as annoying as hell.
I'm still in pain and I can still hear aniki's voice ringing in my
head. But through all my trouble it has
finally paid off, today is the day! My
beloved and I shall be reunited…err…united actually whatever. All that matters is I'll get to finally meet
the man I've been crazy about for the past 4 years! The one who's hypnotized me.
The one who's captivated me. The
one who mesmerizes everyone that hears his enchanting voice. The one that will love me! I just have to make him realize that after
we meet.
"If you wanna see Ryuichi that much, you could ask me. I'll ask Tohma to arrange for you guys to meet."
"Yeah right, I've already asked you 800 times."
No exaggeration. I have a notebook that I tally up the number of times I have reduced to begging for my beloved and all of them were because of her! If I had known that I would meet him today I would've asked her fewer times and saved myself some more dignity.
"Good evening everyone!!!"
"Welcome! Now the members of Nittle Grasper are all here."
I think Tohma said something…oops I didn't hear. It's not as if it was something important. Nothing is important at this moment, nothing other that me and my dearest. I can't believe it's finally happening! I finally here at that one moment in time when my ideal man and I meet! It's like a dream come true! Actually it is. I hope the rest of my dream comes true too…
"Hello Mr. Sakuma. I'm a diehard fan of yours." He looks so young, so cute! I really hope the rest of my dream comes true!
"Oh, Shuichi, did you have a face surgery? It's very successful!" He's blushing! Ah that's too cute! He looks just like the way he did in all my dreams! He's too adorable when he blushes. I just want to pick him up and hug him and love him and drag him off somewhere to ravage him! Okay maybe not the best choice of words…and drag him off somewhere to have my way with him! There!
"Oh, so, Ryuichi, are you going back to Los Angeles soon?"
"Yeah, I think that place suits me more. I only came back here at Noriko's request."
I wonder if he would come back or better yet go to Kyoto at my request…I don't want him to go just yet! I haven't had nearly enough of him!
"Before you go back, you have to come to my house
to play." "Okay!" Yet again, I hope my dream comes true. Actually I hope all my Ryuichi Sakuma dreams
come true but that would take a really long time, a really long time.
"Los Angeles is a nice city for you to live in right? Mr. Sakuma?" Wah! I'm talking to him! No one can possibly understand how I feel at this moment. It doesn't even really matter what we're talking about. What matters is his warm presence so close and the pleasant hum of his voice. Nothing else needs to exist just him that's all I need to live. Not even food, not even water, Ryuichi Sakuma is the necessity everything else can be abandoned and forgotten.
"What's wrong Tatsuha? Are you not feeling well?"
"Yes! Mr. Sakuma! I'm not feeling well!"
"Are you alright Tatsuha? You guys stay here! I'll take him somewhere so he can rest! "
"It seems like Tatsuha really likes Ryuichi." Hell yeah! Tohma finally says something important even though it was quite obvious. It is important it's what my life is based on, his existence. This 'liking' is the core of my very existence. Nothing can replace it.
~ ~ ~
I try to lessen the weight I'm putting on him but it's hard. Not because I'm sick but because I just want to lean on him. I want nothing more than to be close to him. It makes my heart flutter. He's paying me so much attention even though we barely know each other. He's so concerned for someone that's barely more than a stranger. He's so kind and gentle and warm. So warm.
"Tatsuha it's okay you can put your weight on me! You're not that heavy." "Thank you." "You're welcome!" His voice is so bright and happy like he's happy to help me. He seems so pure and perfect how can anyone be like this other than that idiotic Shuichi. They are very alike not just by appearance but both of them are such impossibly nice people. They're very different of course but both have enduring personalities. Just look at Shuichi he actually managed to get that far with my aniki. Aniki is lucky to have Shuichi by his side and I'm lucky too. I'm lucky to be able to stay so close to my idol, to my ideal man, to my beloved, to my heart, to my life. I don't care what's going on outside of his arms. I wish I could stay here forever because I don't think I'll ever get enough of his warmth.
"There sit down! You should get some rest! How are you feeling" "I'm sort of dizzy" I'm dizzy. This is making my head spin. He's so close I can feel the warmth he radiates. I'm happy he's letting me keep my head on his shoulder he really does believe that I'm actually sick doesn't he?
"Do you need medicine?" "No it's alright I don't want to trouble you. I'll be fine in a moment" It's true. You are my medicine. I can draw everything I need to live from you. Why would I need anything else in the world when the most important person, being, whatever, is here right beside me? I don't need anything other than to be near you as long as possible, longer than possible! I have everything in the world right beside me why would I need anything. Let alone something as trivial as medication! You are everything, you may not know it, but you're the centre of the world, who needs anything more when they already have everything. Everything essential is here whatever exist outside is disposable. Well at least it is right now. This doesn't count as the usual it's like another universe one where the only things that exist are you and me.
"Are you feeling any better?" "Yes." …but my head and arm are both staying exactly where they are…though I wouldn't mind moving my hand somewhere else…but…it's too nice to move. This is so strange I feel so different around him. Everything is so still and peaceful but at the same time everything is animated and vibrant it's as if just being near him makes the world look different. It makes me so aware of everything it's as if I can see more clearly. Everything is special. I don't want to loose this closeness, this new kind of perception; I don't want to leave him. It's like an addiction and I don't think I can ever quench that thirst, that thirst for him, for Ryuichi Sakuma.
"Have you met Kumagorou?" "No…" The little pink bunny is cute. It matches him. Though it seems childish it fits. "Kumagorou's my friend." "Can I be Kumagorou's friend too?" "Sure!" It's a childish conversation yet it fulfills me more than anything else. I feel like I've been given a blessing. I'm honoured and I should be after all I'm now his stuffed toy's friend. It's so adorable.
"Tatsuha…" I can't really make out the words anymore. It's just like a pleasant hum in my ear like a song, a lullaby. That makes me happy it feels almost as if Ryuichi is singing me to sleep. He's warm and I just want to cuddle up and fall asleep. The rest of the dream doesn't matter so much anymore. I just want to be near him everything else be damned! The dream doesn't matter that much anymore because he's here by me. The dream is an illusion, my imagination, my desire but right now this is reality his warm shoulder, his lively voice. For once, just this once, I'll let reality overrule imagination. Just this once…still I hope my dream comes true someday…
~ ~ ~
"Tatsuha…" His sentence trails to a stop as he realizes that his companion had fallen asleep. He really rather liked the younger man. He hoped he would feel better later. Carefully Ryuichi manoeuvred Tatsuha to a more comfortable position, being careful to not rouse the sleeping teen. He cushioned Tatsuha's head on his lap and smiled softly as he looked upon his sleeping face.
He looked so peaceful. His sleeping face was serene and beautiful. Without hesitating Ryuichi carefully brushed a couple or unruly strands of hair out of Tatsuha's face. He was sweet in his sleep and looked a little closer to his actual age but even still it was hard to tell that he was only 16. It was an adorable scene. A child cradling another child in his lap. It was beautiful and would have made an admirable painting. Despite the fact that Ryuichi was most definitely not a child according to age he still seemed to retain the air of youth, forever pure and cheerful, and despite his appearance Tatsuha was a child no matter how much he wished to deny. He was still a child beginning to mature in his mind. And this scene, with Ryuichi watching over the peacefully sleeping Tatsuha, was priceless. There was nothing but sweetness in the scene and strong beginnings of true affection in this seemingly eternal scene.
~ ~ ~
Even though on the surface so little has changed it was as if something deep within himself had been altered. It was as if he'd lost part of himself but at the same time nothing was missing. It felt so different from how it had before, the encounter was destined and it would change him it was certain. It was as if destiny was toying with him but he didn't care he would continue to be destiny's plaything as long as it led him back to him, back to Ryuichi Sakuma.
~ ~ ~
How long had it been? I can't believe I fell asleep that day! I wasn't even really sick and I fell asleep during my precious moments with my beloved! I want to strangle myself! It was so perfect and I fell asleep! How could I have been so stupid! When will I see him again now!? I want to see him! I want to see him so badly.
It's so strange I finally got to meet him. Don't people usually feel better after they finally get to see their number one idol? It's not that I don't feel better but I can't get enough of him. Nothing is enough now. After I met him nothing can satiate my need anymore. I have the CDs, all the videos, and countless posters yet I yearn for him not his merchandise. I just want to talk to him again, to see him again, to be near him again, it doesn't matter! I just want him!
It's so weird after meeting him nothing seems enough. It's as if his brilliance has made everything else dim in comparisons. I miss the closeness we shared I yearn for his warmth. It's not just the kind of warmth from snuggling up to a blanket but it's something so special, so indefinable, so unattainable. He was so warm. It's not that I'm unhappy with my life…well maybe a little but it's just everything would be so much better if I just had one more second with him. But then after that I'd probably yearn for more. It's like some greed that can't be satisfied no matter how much you try it just keep growing. Even if I had an eternity with him I wouldn't have enough. I'd sell my soul to the devil if just to be with him.
The stupid television set is mumbling noisily why didn't I turn it off? I pause and take a second to look at what's on. Tohma's on, he seems to be getting a lot of attention lately I wonder if Ryuichi will be on too. I'm not really listening just sort of staring at the screen blankly. I'm not all too interested in what's going on with Tohma or Nittle Grasper not unless it focuses, well glimpses, on my beloved so since they were talking to Tohma why would I care? Well that is until I saw my brother walk on. Aniki never changes does he? He never seems to really care what's happening and what he's doing. I used to wonder what he lived for. I still wonder sometimes, he makes life seem almost pointless. I know he cares about me but he never really seemed to care about himself. It was as if he saw no purpose. But whenever I remember how close we were, how close we still are, despite the fact that we rarely see each other, or whenever he looks at Shuichi I see something completely different. He doesn't like to show people he cares but ever since he met Shuichi he seems so transparent. It's easy to see he cares for Shuichi. It's easy to see that Shuichi thinks that aniki still hates him. I feel bad for Shuichi. It's not easy to love my brother I of all people should know because I love my brother. I wonder how Shuichi feels about the lyrics aniki wrote for Nittle Grasper. Aniki probably didn't realize how much this would hurt Shuichi or did he? Aniki is a hard man to understand. Shuichi is probably crying or something right now. Poor boy it's not easy loving aniki…
For some reason though I'm not that angry for him not telling me. Well I am a bit but…I'm worried. About Shuichi and about my brother. Aniki likes to do things and then not tell anyone his reasons. I know he likes Shuichi a lot but what he's doing now…I wonder if he realizes how much Shuichi is hurting…I wonder if he does know but is doing it on purpose. When he does such things it's almost like he's denying himself and Shuichi happiness. I want to go back to Tokyo to make sure they're still okay. I…I think that Aniki probably doesn't know how much he's hurting Shuichi…that's the only thing my mind is willing to accept. I know he loves him…and I think that no matter what Aniki says he's hurting too. And him not telling me about the lyrics would be the perfect excuse; after all it's expected of me to do something outrageous after what happened last time.
…and I was planning to get back at him for not telling me anyways! Kill two birds with one stone! How dare Aniki not inform me of something so important! Why if I was part of the EVIL FORCES of the world I'd dip an apple in poison and force-feed it to you so that you'll slumber eternally! But I am not part of the EVIL FORCES of the world I won't do that. Besides you'll probably get lucky and some prince will come along and kiss you…so that means I'll have to think of something else…besides I can't do that! I'd be joining the EVIL FORCES of the world if I committed such an atrocity! But aniki just you wait I will gain revenge for your evil act believe you me you will feel the awesome power of my voodoo doll!
…though I doubt it'll work.
~ ~ ~
…Yup! It didn't work. Aniki's just incredible that way. But really did he have to be so violent now I have hideous scrapes on my handsome face!!!!
I was right earlier…Shuichi had run away from home…well sort of. Aniki…is hurting. This is basically as close to depression as my Aniki has come to show in a long time. He's fallen completely for Shuichi. He's distracted, when he's supposed to be working on his next novel all he does is constantly tap the same key over and over again and when he fell asleep on his table…I walked in and I was just going to put a blanket over him, he was talking in his sleep. It was easy to tell he was talking to Shuichi or at least he was referring to him. I've never seen him like this. I almost wanted to turn down the ticket he offered me. But I wanted to act normal. I had all day even when he had woken up from his dream I didn't voice my thoughts I teased him and aced silly. I don't want to…I…I don't know. I suppose in a way I'm like Aniki sometimes I'm uncomfortable with showing how much I care. I think he knows I care, but I feel stupid if I voice it. But I think that Aniki doesn't say these things for different reasons. Sometimes I feel like the brother that I love so much is a complete stranger.
Shuichi seemed so disappointed when he had walked away. Doesn't Aniki realize that he's just hurting Shuichi more? For someone so smart he's either incredibly dense or terribly cruel. Even dense would be better than cruel. I feel bad for Shuichi but there's nothing I can do.
The music starts. It's cool. It's on the loud side and seems to suite Nittle Grasper. The lights start and there he is standing on stage. The one that had occupied my mind for the longest time before I was drawn into worrying about my stupid brother I wonder what it would be like to talk to Ryuichi when he was like this, so intense and focused. He starts to sing and my eyes seem to drift slightly closed at their own will. He has a beautiful voice. I'm slightly shocked as I focus on the lyrics a bit. Aniki…idiot. I guess I won't have to worry anymore. My smile widens as Ryuichi calls for Shuichi and he runs on stage. Lucky bastard. I'm happy for him and Aniki. My worries fade and I just lean back and enjoy the show. It's amazing how similar their voices are. They match up perfectly, you can barely tell that someone else has taken over the mike.
The lights dim and Nittle Grasper exits the stage. Shuichi calls up the rest of Bad Luck, it seems like the little idiot prepared something. The music is on the slow side which is slightly unusual, I find, since most of Bad Luck's songs seem to have slightly loud energetic music. It's soft and rather soothing. They play well almost as good as Nittle Grasper. I can see why they've become popular so quickly. The lyrics are…good. It's not something Aniki would expect from Shuichi. He always insists that Shuichi has no talent but when the stupid kid works at it enough the results are surprising. Aniki is lucky to have him. The concerts over as far as I'm concerned the only interests that held me here had finished their act. I wonder if Ryuichi-san remembers that he promised to come to my house and play. Maybe if I'm lucky…my dream will come true.
"Sakuma-san you broke your promise…"
To be continued…
That was bad…sorry! The last like 2/3 were so forced and I'm afraid to read it over myself but I think I'll rewrite it when I have more time. Not likely to come for a while since school's starting soon. But despite the fact that it probably sucks I had fun writing this…part two will come eventually. Later minna! I've got to go back to my other stories
