Title: Basic Truths
Author: Channy
Date: January 13, 2002
Rating: PG
Category: Angst
Summary: Obi-Wan thinks about the change between himself and Xanatos.
Contact: d-e@diaryland.com
It was always cold when he woke up at night, and this night was no exception. He rolled onto his side, half expecting Xanatos to be there. But of course he wasn't. He was out again; the third time this week, and even when he was around, there had been this uncomfortable silence between them. Obi-Wan now lay in Xanatos' bed, and found himself wondering when he'd be back this time. Surely, long after Obi-Wan had fallen asleep. That was how it always was, and he'd of course be gone before noon the next day. He tried not to think about where Xanatos went or whom he was with, for he always feared the worst. Instead, he blamed himself for Xanatos' absence, yet could never understand what he was doing wrong. How was he driving Xanatos away? Obi-Wan checked the time on the small bedside table, 3:00 am. Just great. He hated being, and feeling alone. It was then that all his insecurities seemed to swirl around and make him doubt whether or not he was even worthy of having decent relationships. Everyone Obi-Wan knew told him that he was worth more than that, that he deserved better and should find someone else. He wanted to believe them, and really he did. He -didn't- deserve to be treated like this, and he -was- tried of being taken forgranted, but at the same time, he loved Xanatos. Despite what he put him through, despite all the pain, he loved him.
He awoke again as Xanatos eased himself in behind Obi-Wan. He smelt of smoke, sweat and alcohol. Obi-Wan sighed and cried silently in the darkness. He finally worked up enough courage to speak, "Did you have fun?"
"Mm-hmm." Came the muffled reply.
Obi-Wan had to draw up all daring he possessed, but he knew he couldn't take it any longer. Couldn't take the worrying, and the crying, the depression, or anger anymore. "Was it worth it?"
"Huh?"
Obi-Wan got up and quickly dressed. He grabbed various articles of his clothing strewn about the room and turned before he went out the door. The moonlight from the window streamed in at an angle which allowed Xanatos to see his tear-streaked face, "I said, was it worth it?"
And he left. Left the room, the apartment, Xanatos, and what he had come to think of as his life. He left and walked into night, not knowing exactly where he was going or where he'd end up. He only knew that the pain would stop.
Author: Channy
Date: January 13, 2002
Rating: PG
Category: Angst
Summary: Obi-Wan thinks about the change between himself and Xanatos.
Contact: d-e@diaryland.com
It was always cold when he woke up at night, and this night was no exception. He rolled onto his side, half expecting Xanatos to be there. But of course he wasn't. He was out again; the third time this week, and even when he was around, there had been this uncomfortable silence between them. Obi-Wan now lay in Xanatos' bed, and found himself wondering when he'd be back this time. Surely, long after Obi-Wan had fallen asleep. That was how it always was, and he'd of course be gone before noon the next day. He tried not to think about where Xanatos went or whom he was with, for he always feared the worst. Instead, he blamed himself for Xanatos' absence, yet could never understand what he was doing wrong. How was he driving Xanatos away? Obi-Wan checked the time on the small bedside table, 3:00 am. Just great. He hated being, and feeling alone. It was then that all his insecurities seemed to swirl around and make him doubt whether or not he was even worthy of having decent relationships. Everyone Obi-Wan knew told him that he was worth more than that, that he deserved better and should find someone else. He wanted to believe them, and really he did. He -didn't- deserve to be treated like this, and he -was- tried of being taken forgranted, but at the same time, he loved Xanatos. Despite what he put him through, despite all the pain, he loved him.
He awoke again as Xanatos eased himself in behind Obi-Wan. He smelt of smoke, sweat and alcohol. Obi-Wan sighed and cried silently in the darkness. He finally worked up enough courage to speak, "Did you have fun?"
"Mm-hmm." Came the muffled reply.
Obi-Wan had to draw up all daring he possessed, but he knew he couldn't take it any longer. Couldn't take the worrying, and the crying, the depression, or anger anymore. "Was it worth it?"
"Huh?"
Obi-Wan got up and quickly dressed. He grabbed various articles of his clothing strewn about the room and turned before he went out the door. The moonlight from the window streamed in at an angle which allowed Xanatos to see his tear-streaked face, "I said, was it worth it?"
And he left. Left the room, the apartment, Xanatos, and what he had come to think of as his life. He left and walked into night, not knowing exactly where he was going or where he'd end up. He only knew that the pain would stop.
