Ch. 5 Puppy Dog Eyes
The house was as he left it; of course, it should be considering he was the only one that went inside it. He went over to a different box, one he hadn't opened yet and pulled it close to the couch and he opened it. He was going through it when he found another letter folded into her red dress, he wondered for a split second if Jax had put it there. Then he remembered what Chloe had said that Jax had found the boxes in the attic labeled "My Life with Sonny" and had never touched them. He opened the letter and began to read
ISonny,
I see us in our house, I see us playing with our children. They're so beautiful Sonny; they both have your big brown puppy dog eyes. I woke up this morning and I wanted to die, I reached next to me for you and I found Jax. I need you in my life; I miss you so much it's destroying me. I dream such wonderful dreams, dreams of you coming home to me. When I saw you coming out of that fire it took everything I had not to run to you. I know I did what was right, but I guess I was spoiled. We never should have known love like this, it's not healthy. I want to sleep all day so I can always remain in your arms. I dare not tell Kevin, he'd have me locked up in the psych ward and I can't go through that again. The desire to sleep all day and never again rejoin reality is definitely a major sign of depression. I don't care those dreams make me happier than reality ever could, since you disappeared from mine. I don't think I can go through with this marriage to Jax, it would be unfair to him. I'm going to try though; I'm going to try and have the life you wanted for me. The problem is I don't know if I can. I'm going to sleep now, I know it's only three, but I miss you and need to be in your arms, I need to hear your voice. Do you know I saved old messages you left on my machine? I treasure them as sad as that may sound. I'll see you soon my love./I
Sonny reread the letter a dozen times before he let himself think. She loved him, she never stopped wanting to be with him. In the last letter he'd read even though she said she loved him, she said it wasn't what she wanted or actually it wasn't what she needed. In this one though, which he assumed she wrote months after the last one, she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. He froze, once again hit by all he had lost only now it seemed to have doubled. He sat there for hours frozen, trapped in his thoughts. Then he suddenly nodded off.
He was suddenly shaken, he though he was being attacked. Then as he opened his eyes and prepared to fight back he realized he was looking into his own eyes, he was looking at a four or five year old version of himself. "Stone" he heard her wonderful, beautiful voice call "I told you not to wake Daddy." He wondered to himself if these were like the dreams she talked of, he would live them as his reality any day.
"It's okay" he started to stand taking the small boy with him
"No it's not, you had a hard day helping Mike move"
As soon as she said that he felt his muscles tighten "I'm okay really" he said as he put Stone down and began to rub his back.
Brenda laughs at him "Oh yea, you're not twenty anymore Sonny. You need to take it easy once in a while."
"Hey I'm not that old"
"Yea well you're four years older than me and trust me that thought will always make me feel better. Go upstairs and lie down, I'll be up in a minute to give you a back rub."
Sonny needed no further prompting than that and he made his way upstairs like a good dutiful husband. He was lying down on the bed, ordering himself not to sleep when she came in. "I sent Stone outside with Johnny" she says as she walks in the room
"Bodyguards are not baby-sitters"
"Aww Johnny loves it and so does Stone and you know it"
"Possibly, now where's that back rub you were talking about?"
"Now I see why Stone's so spoiled, he gets it from you."
"My son is not spoiled" he groans with pleasure as Brenda begins kneading his bare back.
"Whatever you say darling. So what does your father think of his new place?"
"He says it's too quiet after years of living above bars"
"He'll get used to it"
"That's what I told him"
The back rub continues for awhile until Sonny turns over and pulls Brenda down upon him. Her shirt quickly joins his discarded one on the floor, her bra follows soon after. He reaches for the button on her jeans when she hits his hand "You know what the doctor said, not for another week." Suddenly a baby starts to cry "And it looks like the reason why wants some attention herself." Brenda gets out of bed and grabs her shirt from the floor and pulls it back on over her head and leaves the room.
"A baby, our baby" is all he can think as he follows her out of the room. He automatically knows where to go and soon he's watching as Brenda raises the baby out of the white crib. She's got a full head of curly black hair already and she stares at Sonny with her puppy dog eyes that Brenda described in her letter.
"I think Mel wants her Daddy" Brenda says as she hands Sonny the baby, before he can refuse she's in his arms.
Sonny takes his infant daughter and walks over to a rocker positioned facing the window so they can watch the sunrise in the early morning. Brenda brings him a bottle and tells him that she's going to go start dinner. He begins to rock as he examines his daughter's beauty, suddenly he hears the door slam and the dream is gone.
Ch.6
Sonny sits up straight from his position on the couch; he is saddened by the realization that Brenda and their children were only dreams. He gets off of the couch and makes his way to the kitchen, he didn't have any fresh food to make anything decent with, but then again he didn't have the energy to go through the big production as he normally would. He found a few frozen dinners in the freezer and grabbed the one that looked the least disgusting. He popped it in the microwave and looked around the kitchen. It was very homey, the walls were brick and there was a huge fireplace, it looked like it came out of a farmhouse. Looking at Brenda you'd have never imagined she'd want a room like this, but she had. She had remembered Sonny's stories of being with, watching and helping his mother as she cooked and she had wanted that. He remembered what she said in his dream about going to start dinner and thought about how much more fire resistant brick was compared to wood.
He ate his dinner in silence and then returned to his seat on the sofa. He dug through the box and found another letter.
I I thought you were dead tonight. I wanted to strangle you with my bare hands for making me suffer like that. Why do you continue to hurt me? I hate you for making me feel this way. Why is it you get me so passionate, so alive about everything? I can't just hate you, I can't just love you, I can't just let you mean nothing to me as you should be. All my feelings for you have to overwhelm me. IT'S NOT FAIR! I ran to Jax hoping to feel half a spark in his arms compared to the fire I felt when I only saw you. I felt nothing; I can't feel anything anymore it seems. Just pain, loss, regret, love for you, over you. It's only you, it's not fair. It's simply not fair. /I
Sonny didn't stop and stare at this one for hours; he had to see if there were anymore in the boxes. He dug through the last three boxes, but only found one more letter. He was afraid to open it because he realized these would be the last words he would have of her. He slowly tore it open anyway and he began to read.
II can't go through with it. It would be unfair Jax in the long run if I married him even though I still love you. I don't know how I'm gonna tell him, but I'm going to. I don't know why this came to me so suddenly today, but it did. We'll be together again Sonny, I don't know how, but we will be. I promise you that. There are so many thoughts running through my head as write this, thoughts of love and our future. I wanna write them all down, so you can read them when we're old and gray. I don't have the time to now because my mother's disappeared. I'll think about what I'm gonna tell Jax on my way down to go find her. I have to act like nothing's wrong now, I have to be careful about what I say. I know that if I mention your name, they'll put me back in the hospital. I can't let that happen, I have to find a way to be with you again. I love you. /I
That was Sonny's breaking point and he began to cry, the day she died she planned on leaving Jax for him. All of his dreams of Brenda still loving him were true; it was only he in her heart, not Jax. She didn't think of Jax when she died, but him. It meant the world to him to know that, yet it destroyed him even more. He stood up abruptly, grabbed his coat from the chair he'd flung it on and stormed out of the house. He got in his Jag and took off, he couldn't live here or in Port Charles without her.
Ch.7
Two months later~ Sonny's living on the island and has been drinking heavily since he left Port Charles. One day about three weeks after he moved here he got his first letter and the drinking increased with each one that followed
The letter~
IDear Sonny,
I'm worried about you; you've been gone from Port Charles too long. You need to come home, that casino isn't your home. I'll be waiting when you return.
Love Always,
Your love/I
The next one came two weeks after that one
Dear Sonny,
I need you here with me, I love you so much, I don't know how to go on without you. I dream of us, I dream of our children, and of the life we're going to have. The only problem is we can't have it until you come home.
I will love you forever,
Me
Ch.8
He'd assumed the letters were from Hannah until he'd gotten the call today telling him that Brenda's dream house had been broken into. They didn't know when it had happened because no one really went out there except him. He assumed then that some of his enemies wanted him back in PC, probably because they couldn't get to him on the island. He was trashed already by the time he'd made his way down to the bar. He didn't remember anything between his first shot of vodka to the time he woke up to the brunette asleep on his bed. Actually he didn't awake to her; he awoke to his urgent need to puke. By the time he returned she was gone. She was just another in the long line of women he had slept with on the island. They were all brunettes with brown eyes, all between five feet and five four because that combined with all the alcohol he consumed he believed it was Brenda in his arms until he woke up again.
Three weeks later he got another letter.
IMy dearest Sonny,
Please return home, I need you. I know you need me too. The dreams of our life together are getting more intense. I sleep all day, waiting for you to awake me. You're never there though. I've been patient, but no more. Come home now, I need you.
I love you,
Brenda/I
This last letter was cruel; they signed her name to the typed sheet of paper. Of course a signature wasn't a particularly hard thing to fake unless it was closely examined. He tossed the letter on top of his desk and went about looking for the alcohol Maria had hidden from him.
Three and a half weeks later he got another letter, everything was written in what appeared to be her scrawling script.
IMichael Corinthos,
I asked you nicely to get that beautiful behind of yours home, yet for some reason you don't listen to me. I wanted you to come home on your own, but you aren't coming. I don't know why, you're just not. I'm alive Sonny; I'm waiting for you in our house. How clear do I have to be, how do I get through that thick skull? I'm afraid that you don't feel me anymore, I still feel you though and I know you're hurting. It doesn't hurt when we're together though, only when we're alone and then it rips out your insides and it hurts so badly you want to die. I want our future, I want you. Please come home. I beg you; I can't go on without you.
I love you more than life itself.
Brenda/I
Sonny still convinces himself that as much as he wanted it to be Brenda it wasn't, it was a hit as simple as that. He couldn't go back to Port Charles not now, not ever.
Another letter came anyway two weeks after the last
ISonny,
I guess I should give up, you're not coming home. I don't know why, but you're not. I've waited patiently in this house for months; I've waited in my dream house. Did I ever say thank you for building it? It's perfect, I can see them here in every place I look. I dream of Stone throwing food at you when you cook, I dream of me doing the same. /I
Sonny freezes there in the letter, Stone, that was their son's name in his dreams. "Brenda" he softly says to himself, but then he realizes that Stone is an obvious first name for his child. He continues reading the letter.
II can't stay here though without you, it's not the same. I can't go back to Port Charles, they think I'm dead and I don't want to be there without you. I'm gonna join my mom in France, I'm gonna get a little place by her hospital. I'm afraid to give you the name though; I don't want your enemies to find me. I just wish more than anything that Melissa had a chance at life. Forever, Brenda/I
It hit Sonny seconds after he read "Melissa" that the letter was from Brenda, that she was alive. No one else could come up with that name. He didn't even know how she would because it was his dream. It was Brenda, she knew things like that, just like she knew when he was in trouble. He called and ordered a plane, it was to be ready to take him to the mainland before he got down there. He only hoped he wasn't too late.
The house was as he left it; of course, it should be considering he was the only one that went inside it. He went over to a different box, one he hadn't opened yet and pulled it close to the couch and he opened it. He was going through it when he found another letter folded into her red dress, he wondered for a split second if Jax had put it there. Then he remembered what Chloe had said that Jax had found the boxes in the attic labeled "My Life with Sonny" and had never touched them. He opened the letter and began to read
ISonny,
I see us in our house, I see us playing with our children. They're so beautiful Sonny; they both have your big brown puppy dog eyes. I woke up this morning and I wanted to die, I reached next to me for you and I found Jax. I need you in my life; I miss you so much it's destroying me. I dream such wonderful dreams, dreams of you coming home to me. When I saw you coming out of that fire it took everything I had not to run to you. I know I did what was right, but I guess I was spoiled. We never should have known love like this, it's not healthy. I want to sleep all day so I can always remain in your arms. I dare not tell Kevin, he'd have me locked up in the psych ward and I can't go through that again. The desire to sleep all day and never again rejoin reality is definitely a major sign of depression. I don't care those dreams make me happier than reality ever could, since you disappeared from mine. I don't think I can go through with this marriage to Jax, it would be unfair to him. I'm going to try though; I'm going to try and have the life you wanted for me. The problem is I don't know if I can. I'm going to sleep now, I know it's only three, but I miss you and need to be in your arms, I need to hear your voice. Do you know I saved old messages you left on my machine? I treasure them as sad as that may sound. I'll see you soon my love./I
Sonny reread the letter a dozen times before he let himself think. She loved him, she never stopped wanting to be with him. In the last letter he'd read even though she said she loved him, she said it wasn't what she wanted or actually it wasn't what she needed. In this one though, which he assumed she wrote months after the last one, she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. He froze, once again hit by all he had lost only now it seemed to have doubled. He sat there for hours frozen, trapped in his thoughts. Then he suddenly nodded off.
He was suddenly shaken, he though he was being attacked. Then as he opened his eyes and prepared to fight back he realized he was looking into his own eyes, he was looking at a four or five year old version of himself. "Stone" he heard her wonderful, beautiful voice call "I told you not to wake Daddy." He wondered to himself if these were like the dreams she talked of, he would live them as his reality any day.
"It's okay" he started to stand taking the small boy with him
"No it's not, you had a hard day helping Mike move"
As soon as she said that he felt his muscles tighten "I'm okay really" he said as he put Stone down and began to rub his back.
Brenda laughs at him "Oh yea, you're not twenty anymore Sonny. You need to take it easy once in a while."
"Hey I'm not that old"
"Yea well you're four years older than me and trust me that thought will always make me feel better. Go upstairs and lie down, I'll be up in a minute to give you a back rub."
Sonny needed no further prompting than that and he made his way upstairs like a good dutiful husband. He was lying down on the bed, ordering himself not to sleep when she came in. "I sent Stone outside with Johnny" she says as she walks in the room
"Bodyguards are not baby-sitters"
"Aww Johnny loves it and so does Stone and you know it"
"Possibly, now where's that back rub you were talking about?"
"Now I see why Stone's so spoiled, he gets it from you."
"My son is not spoiled" he groans with pleasure as Brenda begins kneading his bare back.
"Whatever you say darling. So what does your father think of his new place?"
"He says it's too quiet after years of living above bars"
"He'll get used to it"
"That's what I told him"
The back rub continues for awhile until Sonny turns over and pulls Brenda down upon him. Her shirt quickly joins his discarded one on the floor, her bra follows soon after. He reaches for the button on her jeans when she hits his hand "You know what the doctor said, not for another week." Suddenly a baby starts to cry "And it looks like the reason why wants some attention herself." Brenda gets out of bed and grabs her shirt from the floor and pulls it back on over her head and leaves the room.
"A baby, our baby" is all he can think as he follows her out of the room. He automatically knows where to go and soon he's watching as Brenda raises the baby out of the white crib. She's got a full head of curly black hair already and she stares at Sonny with her puppy dog eyes that Brenda described in her letter.
"I think Mel wants her Daddy" Brenda says as she hands Sonny the baby, before he can refuse she's in his arms.
Sonny takes his infant daughter and walks over to a rocker positioned facing the window so they can watch the sunrise in the early morning. Brenda brings him a bottle and tells him that she's going to go start dinner. He begins to rock as he examines his daughter's beauty, suddenly he hears the door slam and the dream is gone.
Ch.6
Sonny sits up straight from his position on the couch; he is saddened by the realization that Brenda and their children were only dreams. He gets off of the couch and makes his way to the kitchen, he didn't have any fresh food to make anything decent with, but then again he didn't have the energy to go through the big production as he normally would. He found a few frozen dinners in the freezer and grabbed the one that looked the least disgusting. He popped it in the microwave and looked around the kitchen. It was very homey, the walls were brick and there was a huge fireplace, it looked like it came out of a farmhouse. Looking at Brenda you'd have never imagined she'd want a room like this, but she had. She had remembered Sonny's stories of being with, watching and helping his mother as she cooked and she had wanted that. He remembered what she said in his dream about going to start dinner and thought about how much more fire resistant brick was compared to wood.
He ate his dinner in silence and then returned to his seat on the sofa. He dug through the box and found another letter.
I I thought you were dead tonight. I wanted to strangle you with my bare hands for making me suffer like that. Why do you continue to hurt me? I hate you for making me feel this way. Why is it you get me so passionate, so alive about everything? I can't just hate you, I can't just love you, I can't just let you mean nothing to me as you should be. All my feelings for you have to overwhelm me. IT'S NOT FAIR! I ran to Jax hoping to feel half a spark in his arms compared to the fire I felt when I only saw you. I felt nothing; I can't feel anything anymore it seems. Just pain, loss, regret, love for you, over you. It's only you, it's not fair. It's simply not fair. /I
Sonny didn't stop and stare at this one for hours; he had to see if there were anymore in the boxes. He dug through the last three boxes, but only found one more letter. He was afraid to open it because he realized these would be the last words he would have of her. He slowly tore it open anyway and he began to read.
II can't go through with it. It would be unfair Jax in the long run if I married him even though I still love you. I don't know how I'm gonna tell him, but I'm going to. I don't know why this came to me so suddenly today, but it did. We'll be together again Sonny, I don't know how, but we will be. I promise you that. There are so many thoughts running through my head as write this, thoughts of love and our future. I wanna write them all down, so you can read them when we're old and gray. I don't have the time to now because my mother's disappeared. I'll think about what I'm gonna tell Jax on my way down to go find her. I have to act like nothing's wrong now, I have to be careful about what I say. I know that if I mention your name, they'll put me back in the hospital. I can't let that happen, I have to find a way to be with you again. I love you. /I
That was Sonny's breaking point and he began to cry, the day she died she planned on leaving Jax for him. All of his dreams of Brenda still loving him were true; it was only he in her heart, not Jax. She didn't think of Jax when she died, but him. It meant the world to him to know that, yet it destroyed him even more. He stood up abruptly, grabbed his coat from the chair he'd flung it on and stormed out of the house. He got in his Jag and took off, he couldn't live here or in Port Charles without her.
Ch.7
Two months later~ Sonny's living on the island and has been drinking heavily since he left Port Charles. One day about three weeks after he moved here he got his first letter and the drinking increased with each one that followed
The letter~
IDear Sonny,
I'm worried about you; you've been gone from Port Charles too long. You need to come home, that casino isn't your home. I'll be waiting when you return.
Love Always,
Your love/I
The next one came two weeks after that one
Dear Sonny,
I need you here with me, I love you so much, I don't know how to go on without you. I dream of us, I dream of our children, and of the life we're going to have. The only problem is we can't have it until you come home.
I will love you forever,
Me
Ch.8
He'd assumed the letters were from Hannah until he'd gotten the call today telling him that Brenda's dream house had been broken into. They didn't know when it had happened because no one really went out there except him. He assumed then that some of his enemies wanted him back in PC, probably because they couldn't get to him on the island. He was trashed already by the time he'd made his way down to the bar. He didn't remember anything between his first shot of vodka to the time he woke up to the brunette asleep on his bed. Actually he didn't awake to her; he awoke to his urgent need to puke. By the time he returned she was gone. She was just another in the long line of women he had slept with on the island. They were all brunettes with brown eyes, all between five feet and five four because that combined with all the alcohol he consumed he believed it was Brenda in his arms until he woke up again.
Three weeks later he got another letter.
IMy dearest Sonny,
Please return home, I need you. I know you need me too. The dreams of our life together are getting more intense. I sleep all day, waiting for you to awake me. You're never there though. I've been patient, but no more. Come home now, I need you.
I love you,
Brenda/I
This last letter was cruel; they signed her name to the typed sheet of paper. Of course a signature wasn't a particularly hard thing to fake unless it was closely examined. He tossed the letter on top of his desk and went about looking for the alcohol Maria had hidden from him.
Three and a half weeks later he got another letter, everything was written in what appeared to be her scrawling script.
IMichael Corinthos,
I asked you nicely to get that beautiful behind of yours home, yet for some reason you don't listen to me. I wanted you to come home on your own, but you aren't coming. I don't know why, you're just not. I'm alive Sonny; I'm waiting for you in our house. How clear do I have to be, how do I get through that thick skull? I'm afraid that you don't feel me anymore, I still feel you though and I know you're hurting. It doesn't hurt when we're together though, only when we're alone and then it rips out your insides and it hurts so badly you want to die. I want our future, I want you. Please come home. I beg you; I can't go on without you.
I love you more than life itself.
Brenda/I
Sonny still convinces himself that as much as he wanted it to be Brenda it wasn't, it was a hit as simple as that. He couldn't go back to Port Charles not now, not ever.
Another letter came anyway two weeks after the last
ISonny,
I guess I should give up, you're not coming home. I don't know why, but you're not. I've waited patiently in this house for months; I've waited in my dream house. Did I ever say thank you for building it? It's perfect, I can see them here in every place I look. I dream of Stone throwing food at you when you cook, I dream of me doing the same. /I
Sonny freezes there in the letter, Stone, that was their son's name in his dreams. "Brenda" he softly says to himself, but then he realizes that Stone is an obvious first name for his child. He continues reading the letter.
II can't stay here though without you, it's not the same. I can't go back to Port Charles, they think I'm dead and I don't want to be there without you. I'm gonna join my mom in France, I'm gonna get a little place by her hospital. I'm afraid to give you the name though; I don't want your enemies to find me. I just wish more than anything that Melissa had a chance at life. Forever, Brenda/I
It hit Sonny seconds after he read "Melissa" that the letter was from Brenda, that she was alive. No one else could come up with that name. He didn't even know how she would because it was his dream. It was Brenda, she knew things like that, just like she knew when he was in trouble. He called and ordered a plane, it was to be ready to take him to the mainland before he got down there. He only hoped he wasn't too late.
