Ch6 The Final Letters
Sonny sits up straight from his position on the couch; he is saddened by the realization that Brenda and their children were only dreams. He gets off of the couch and makes his way to the kitchen, he didn't have any fresh food to make anything decent with, but then again he didn't have the energy to go through the big production as he normally would. He found a few frozen dinners in the freezer and grabbed the one that looked the least disgusting. He popped it in the microwave and looked around the kitchen. It was very homey, the walls were brick and there was a huge fireplace, it looked like it came out of a farmhouse. Looking at Brenda you'd have never imagined she'd want a room like this, but she had. She had remembered Sonny's stories of being with, watching and helping his mother as she cooked and she had wanted that. He remembered what she said in his dream about going to start dinner and thought about how much more fire resistant brick was compared to wood.
He ate his dinner in silence and then returned to his seat on the sofa. He dug through the box and found another letter.
I I thought you were dead tonight. I wanted to strangle you with my bare hands for making me suffer like that. Why do you continue to hurt me? I hate you for making me feel this way. Why is it you get me so passionate, so alive about everything? I can't just hate you, I can't just love you, I can't just let you mean nothing to me as you should be. All my feelings for you have to overwhelm me. IT'S NOT FAIR! I ran to Jax hoping to feel half a spark in his arms compared to the fire I felt when I only saw you. I felt nothing; I can't feel anything anymore it seems. Just pain, loss, regret, love for you, over you. It's only you, it's not fair. It's simply not fair. /I
Sonny didn't stop and stare at this one for hours; he had to see if there were anymore in the boxes. He dug through the last three boxes, but only found one more letter. He was afraid to open it because he realized these would be the last words he would have of her. He slowly tore it open anyway and he began to read.
II can't go through with it. It would be unfair Jax in the long run if I married him even though I still love you. I don't know how I'm gonna tell him, but I'm going to. I don't know why this came to me so suddenly today, but it did. We'll be together again Sonny, I don't know how, but we will be. I promise you that. There are so many thoughts running through my head as write this, thoughts of love and our future. I wanna write them all down, so you can read them when we're old and gray. I don't have the time to now because my mother's disappeared. I'll think about what I'm gonna tell Jax on my way down to go find her. I have to act like nothing's wrong now, I have to be careful about what I say. I know that if I mention your name, they'll put me back in the hospital. I can't let that happen, I have to find a way to be with you again. I love you. /I
That was Sonny's breaking point and he began to cry, the day she died she planned on leaving Jax for him. All of his dreams of Brenda still loving him were true; it was only he in her heart, not Jax. She didn't think of Jax when she died, but him. It meant the world to him to know that, yet it destroyed him even more. He stood up abruptly, grabbed his coat from the chair he'd flung it on and stormed out of the house. He got in his Jag and took off, he couldn't live here or in Port Charles without her.
Sonny sits up straight from his position on the couch; he is saddened by the realization that Brenda and their children were only dreams. He gets off of the couch and makes his way to the kitchen, he didn't have any fresh food to make anything decent with, but then again he didn't have the energy to go through the big production as he normally would. He found a few frozen dinners in the freezer and grabbed the one that looked the least disgusting. He popped it in the microwave and looked around the kitchen. It was very homey, the walls were brick and there was a huge fireplace, it looked like it came out of a farmhouse. Looking at Brenda you'd have never imagined she'd want a room like this, but she had. She had remembered Sonny's stories of being with, watching and helping his mother as she cooked and she had wanted that. He remembered what she said in his dream about going to start dinner and thought about how much more fire resistant brick was compared to wood.
He ate his dinner in silence and then returned to his seat on the sofa. He dug through the box and found another letter.
I I thought you were dead tonight. I wanted to strangle you with my bare hands for making me suffer like that. Why do you continue to hurt me? I hate you for making me feel this way. Why is it you get me so passionate, so alive about everything? I can't just hate you, I can't just love you, I can't just let you mean nothing to me as you should be. All my feelings for you have to overwhelm me. IT'S NOT FAIR! I ran to Jax hoping to feel half a spark in his arms compared to the fire I felt when I only saw you. I felt nothing; I can't feel anything anymore it seems. Just pain, loss, regret, love for you, over you. It's only you, it's not fair. It's simply not fair. /I
Sonny didn't stop and stare at this one for hours; he had to see if there were anymore in the boxes. He dug through the last three boxes, but only found one more letter. He was afraid to open it because he realized these would be the last words he would have of her. He slowly tore it open anyway and he began to read.
II can't go through with it. It would be unfair Jax in the long run if I married him even though I still love you. I don't know how I'm gonna tell him, but I'm going to. I don't know why this came to me so suddenly today, but it did. We'll be together again Sonny, I don't know how, but we will be. I promise you that. There are so many thoughts running through my head as write this, thoughts of love and our future. I wanna write them all down, so you can read them when we're old and gray. I don't have the time to now because my mother's disappeared. I'll think about what I'm gonna tell Jax on my way down to go find her. I have to act like nothing's wrong now, I have to be careful about what I say. I know that if I mention your name, they'll put me back in the hospital. I can't let that happen, I have to find a way to be with you again. I love you. /I
That was Sonny's breaking point and he began to cry, the day she died she planned on leaving Jax for him. All of his dreams of Brenda still loving him were true; it was only he in her heart, not Jax. She didn't think of Jax when she died, but him. It meant the world to him to know that, yet it destroyed him even more. He stood up abruptly, grabbed his coat from the chair he'd flung it on and stormed out of the house. He got in his Jag and took off, he couldn't live here or in Port Charles without her.
