Rumpelstiltskin.

*The story of Rumpelstiltskin. Told in my way of course. *

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Jeff (The Narrator): So. Here we are again.

Amania: Yep. Another Fairy Tale story. Do you ever get the idea that maybe she's obsessed with fairy tales?

Jeff: Maybe. Just a little. But this story is different.

Amania: I know, but only a little. Or maybe it's because she made it that way?

Jeff: So? Should we just start?

Amania: I guess so. The faster you start, the faster this story will end.

Jeff: Ok.

Once upon a time in a kingdom by the sea, a miller lived with his wife and their beautiful young daughter. Back in those days, they didn't have any last names. So, if there were two Ron's or John's. Or Jeff's, the mail- carrier would get confused while delivering the letters and parcels. So, long story short, they took their profession and made that their last name.

Amania: So if they were a carpenter. Their last name would be Carpenter. Does everybody get it?

Audience: Yes!

Jeff: So. Can you guess what their last name was?

Audience: Miller!?

Jeff: You guessed it. Anyway, back to the story. Did I mention that the miller's daughter was beautiful?

Amania: Heh. Yeah. Thanks.

Jeff: So, anyway. Their home was just a tiny hut, just outside a village. They were so poor.

Audience: How poor were they!!?

Jeff: Well, they were so poor that on many nights the miller and his family would go to bed hungry.

Amania: Yep. Those were some bad times. Is this the Johnny Carson Show, or what?

Jeff: But one afternoon, the king was passing through the village in a horse-drawn carriage, accompanied by his many guards, servants and advisors, all on horseback. Mr. Miller, who was desperate, called out to the king.

The Miller: Your Highness, I have a daughter who knows how to spin straw into gold!

Amania: Yep. That sounds like dear old dad to me. And if I could spin straw into gold, then we wouldn't be poor! Now would we!? Answer me this, answer me that. Sorry, I had a Batman Forever moment there.

The King: Halt!

Jeff: He leaned out the window and stared down at the unhaven, raggedly dressed miller. The king's advisors all laughed.

King's Advisors: Ha ha ha ha.

Jeff: Spin straw into gold? How ridiculous. But the king seemed quite interested.

The King: That is a skill I would greatly admire. Bring your daughter to my castle tomorrow morning. I will give her a test to see if you are telling the truth.

Amania: A test? That was more then one test! That was three!

Jeff: So, anyway, the king then ordered his carriage to move on. A man was standing next to the miller and heard the whole conversation.

Stranger: Have you lost your mind?

Amania: That's what I'd like to know.

Stranger: Nobody can spin straw into gold. The king will punish your daughter when she is unable to do it.

Jeff: The miller knew that this was probably true. But he was so poor and desperate, he had to try something. Some father you had.

Amania: I know. Tell me about it. On the other hand, maybe not.

Jeff: Perhaps the angels would take pity on him and somehow his daughter would perform the miracle of turning straw into gold.

Amania: What! The angels should take pity on me! He was the one who opened his big mouth! How inconsiterate!

Jeff: The next morning the miller walked his young daughter to the front gates of the king's castle.

Amania: Father, I don't know how to spin straw into gold! You know that! The king will be very angry at me.

Jeff: She bagan to tremble and cry softly. Mr. Miller put a comforting arm around his daughter's shoulder.

Mr. Miller: You have been such a very good and brave daughter ever since you have grown up. I know somehow you will succeed at this task.

Amania: Yeah. Right. Whatever.

Guard: The king is waiting for the girl!

Amania: Can't you see we're having a moment here!? Eeeesh! Some people!

Jeff: The father kissed his daughter on the cheek. He wiped a tear from his own eye, and then he turned and quickly walked away. The guard opened the gate and the beautiful girl entered.

Amania: Thanks. You flatter me. You are about the only person who does.

Jeff: Your welcome. Now, on with the story. She had never been in a castle before. And now, here she was actually standing inside the king's own castle. A stern voice came from behind where she stood. Amania whirled around. Standing there was the king. He was dressed in his royal robes and he glared at her with his blazing blue eyes.

Amania: Reminds me of your eyes, Jeff. Of course, your eyes are more fun to look at. And more gently looking.

The king: Follow me, young lady.

Amania: (Saying under her breath.) Hmph. Who is he calling young lady?

Jeff: The king led her up several flights of stairs. He opened a door that led into a room. It had no windows, tables or chairs. The only things in the room were a spinning wheel, a stool, and huge piles of straw all around.

The king: Your father says you can spin straw into gold. This is your chance to prove it. I will return tomorrow morning. If you have not spun every piece of straw in this room into gold, then I will have you sentenced to death. Now begin!

Jeff: The king walked out, slammed the door and locked it behind him.

Amania: Urg! The nerve!!

Jeff: Amania was now alone in the room with the straw and the spinning wheel.