Untitled
Chapter 8
By Maureen
Seifer!
Quistis awoke with a start. She looked around frantically and wiped her forehead. The sheets soaked with perspiration.
The dream! A rush of memory swept her. At the Ellone machine, she had had that first dream…with…Seifer…or Seifur, whichever.
It didn't make sense! The Ellone machine had screwed up, so it was impossible that it was her past, but it didn't feel like it wasn't the past either. And it seemed to take place in another world…
And then the dream she had just had. That hadn't required an Ellone machines. Quistis shook her head again. Just a dream.
"Just a dream," she said out loud. It didn't fit – didn't work. It didn't feel like just a dream, but it couldn't be the past.
"Nightmare?" Adan's voice interrupted her thoughts. He got up from his bed and walked over.
"No…just…a weird dream."
Adan plopped down onto the bed. "Been there," Adan nodded with understanding. His eyes misted over, "Kinda like the recurring dream I always have with Smokey the Bear…" He shook his head. "Wanna tell me about it?"
"No, it's ok. It…just didn't make sense. There was this…"
"Guy?" Adan finished for her.
"It wasn't that kind of dream!" she said angrily.
"Was it Seifer?"
Quistis was stunned. "What makes you say that?!"
"Well…you two seem to have a…thing."
"What?!"
"Was I mistaken?"
"Yes! Very!"
"Jeez, don't' get so worked up about it. It's just…you two were holding hands."
Quistis' eyes turned daggers. "We did not ever hold hands."
"Well, given, you weren't conscious. It was when the Ellone machines malfunctioned."
Oh.
"And there seems to be a lot of…chemistry between the two of you."
"You call blind hatred chemistry? I think you're a bit off."
Adan shook his head. "I'm not blind. When you two fight – it's different. It's like a lover's quarrel; it's like both of you are…challenging each other. Who loves who more and who's better at hiding their feelings."
Quistis gaped at him. Her jaw dropped.
Adan grinned. "Am I good – or am I good?"
Adan, you're absolutely wrong. You have no idea what you're talking about. I have never, will never feel anything but utmost contempt for Seifer Almasy.
She opened her mouth to say just that. But the words evaporated in the air. She closed her mouth and lowered her head.
"I don't know. Hyne, Adan. I don't know."
"That's what love is, isn't it? Being in a state of confusion, then being in a state of perfection."
"I'm not-" the worlds in love stuck in her throat.
"I dunno…maybe you should go talk to him. He certainly has feelings for you."
"No, he hates me."
"That's not true, and you know it."
Quistis looked up and into Adan's brown eyes. "Adan. You're really a great friend. Thank you. And sorry," her eyes lowered.
"Oh, you figured it out? Huh, must've been pretty obvious though. Don't worry. Crushes I can handle letting go of. A strong crush would describe it more accurately, but…" he stopped rambling. He stood up and smiled. "What are you waiting for? Go profess your undying love to him!"
Quistis threw a pillow at him. "Ugh. I can't. He holds a grudge against me."
"What, for the whole sorceress thing?"
Quistis raised an eyebrow.
"Zell and Amie told me."
Quistis shook her head. Then: "No, he holds a grudge against me for something I did in the…past-past. It was the dream. It really happened. It's like…"
"A past life?" Adan offered.
"Yeah! That's it!"
"So, when the Ellone machine malfunctioned, you went into your past lives rather then the past?"
"I guess…but then that means…oh! He really does hate me then!"
"Why?"
"I…betrayed him," she said slowly.
"Um…why?"
"…to save his life…"
Adan had a bewildered look on his face. "How is that betraying him?"
"He had to leave - they were going to kill him, but I used magic and…cast the blame upon myself. I made it a choice of his life or…mine."
"And you let him live," Adan understood.
"Yes."
"Quistis, you should tell him. I mean, he's gone his entire life disliking you-"
"-hating me-"
Adan sighed. "-subconsciously hating you because he thinks you betrayed him. That's what's stopping you two from being together."
Quistis wanted to argue. She wanted to throttle Seifer and yell at him. A reaction developed from constantly arguing with him.
Quistis leaned over and tightly hugged Adan. "Thank you for understanding."
"Always here for you. Going now?"
She nodded. Here goes nothing.
* * *
Seifer abruptly sat up, waking from his dream.
"Argh!" he threw his pillow at the wall in an angry fury. Raijin snorted and rolled over in his bed. Fujin stirred.
"Stupidass dream…" he muttered to himself.
Knock, knock, knock.
"No…" he groaned. He got up and swung open the door.
"Quistis?!"
"We need to talk, come." She grabbed his wrist and before he could protest, dragged him away into the empty corridor.
"Instructor, I'm flattered, but I want to get some more sleep."
"What, so you can have more of those dreams?"
"What dreams?" Seifer plastered on an extremely annoyed face.
Quistis' brow wrinkled in confusion. "You haven't been having them?"
"…you're hallucinating again, increase your dosage," he growled.
Quistis looked like she was on the verge of slapping him and break down brying at the same time. She took a slow, deep breath.
"Does the name Quistia ring a bell?"
Seifer let out a harsh laugh – more like a bark. What?! He wanted to demand, but…the name did sound familiar.
"…and the name Seifur?"
He glared angrily at her beautiful blue eyes. "What kind of stupid game are you trying to play?"
Quistis was silent. "…I don't know," she whispered.
Seifer let out a growl of exasperation and swung around, heading back to his room.
"No, Seifer, don't go," Quistis reached out and grabbed his hand.
It hit him like a thousand arrows. Piercing his heart.
He remembered all. She had betrayed him! He had loved her and she had chosen family. She told him to run…and so he did. And he never turned back. Because he knew that if he had, he would have wanted to melt on the spot and beg her for…everything. Beg her for forgiveness and more of all…for her love.
Remembering that he loved her so deeply didn't actually bother him so much. Maybe he had always known. He had always known subconsciously; he had never wanted to admit it. Pride. Defiance. And anger. Why had she betrayed him?
"You remember, don't you?" Quistis broke into his reverie. She was still clinging onto his hand. He ripped away from her grasp.
"You betrayed me."
"No, I didn't," she said quietly.
"Yes, you did! For your fa-"
"No. I didn't," she said in a girm, but soft voice.
Seifer glared at her. "What are you trying to say? Look, this all happened in some…other world." I don't love you, he wanted to say. But he couldn't.
"I think it was our past lives."
Seifer sneered. "Well, what does it matter? It's over and done with."
"No, you need to hear the truth."
"The truth of what? You betraying me?! There's no double edge to that!"
"Yes, there is." Quistis took a deep breath and trembled.
This is taking a lot of courage, for her…Seifer realized.
Quistis opened her mouth…then shut it and shook her head to herself. She took another deep breath. "When I told you to leave, it was because if you didn't, they would kill you. I wasn't choosing family over you…I was choosing death so that you could live." Seifer started to say something, but Quistis quickly covered his mouth with her hand. "I cast a spell so that no one could kill you, but in your place, I would be hanged."
Seifer glared. He could not give in. He could not believe her excuses; he could not let her win. He could not let love win.
"How long did it take for you to make that up? Can't you see that it doesn't matter anymore? You don't have to justify what you did."
"I'm not justifying what I did, I'm telling you the truth!" Quistis' eyes glimmered tearfully. "I'm trying to say…I'm trying to say that what I did, I did out of love…And that love-" Quistis looked him straight in the eye, "-is still there."
Silence.
"This is stupid, but I have to get it out," Quistis' usual regal posture was now in a disarray. She began to rush; her confession spilled out, "What we had before, I still wish we had. And I know that you hate me because you think I betrayed you, but I am telling you - all I know is that all I can hope for is that you will believe me."
Seifer stared motionless.
"You don't believe me."
Seifer didn't argue. But he didn't disagree either.
Quistis looked determinedly. "I know that there's no way you'll ever forgive me, so I know that this will never be possible, but…I just wanted to let you know…When you first told me that you loved me-" Seifer looked away, but Quistis moved her hand up to his cheek and turned his head to face her's, "-you showed me how you saw me. And the thing is…I was infinitely beautiful. But I want you to know, I loved you before that."
Seifer's nastiness jumped in. "Are you done?" he said coldly.
A tear slid down her cheek. "One more thing. When you left, they decided to burn me at stake, not hang me. But when I was dying…it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt, because I knew you were alive."
Seifer quickly turned around and walked into his room. He shut the door and let out a gasp. He heard Quistis' silent sobs as he leaned against the door and slid down. And then he did what he could never do in front of her. He cried.
A/N: Yah!!! All is explained! Next chapter might not be out for a while; I have exams. Bleh.
