Disclaimer: Karalynn: mine. Everyone else: Jonathan Larson.
Hmm, I don't know how everyone will take this. I'm sort of unsure about it myself. It ends off sorta leaving stuff up in the air but Part 2 will clear it up. Oh well, keep R/R please!


Ch. 5- The Right Thing (Part 1)

Please God, don't let it happen today.
Please.
Not five mornings in a row.
Please.
Karalynn held her breath and waited.
Good.
Nothing.
She could hear the still sleeping Mark, softly breathing next to her.
She turned her head towards him and looked at his face. It was illuminated by one thin, weak mid-October sunbeam that was peeking out from a space between the curtains.
His cheeks were pink and his lips were only slightly set apart. His blonde hair stuck in different directions and Karalynn was tempted to reach up and play with the soft, downy strands.
Later on, when he woke up, he would drench his head in gel.
She had her chance now.
Karalynn twisted herself around his arms, a maneuver she had perfected months ago, and gently reached up and touched his hair. She loved the way his hair felt between her fingertips. It always seemed to be warm to the touch. His comforting scent reminded her of her friend's young infant or fresh bread in the morning from the bakery when she walked to work.
Mark murmured in his sleep and she smiled. She moved to hug him when she felt it.
It.
It was happening.
Again.
As carefully and as quickly as she could she slid her feet into her slippers and ran out of Mark's room. She crept across the loft in less than two seconds and scampered down the stairs to Mimi's apartment.
She pounded on the door and Mimi opened it.
Her big brown eyes were still red with sleep and they grew wide when Karalynn pushed her aside and ran into her bathroom.
"Chica, what's going...." Mimi said.
And then she froze.
The sound of Karalynn vomiting echoed out into the living room.
Mimi shuffled across her room and stood outside of the bathroom. She knocked lightly on the closed door. "Karalynn? Honey? Are you okay?"
"M'Fine." Mimi heard Karalynn mutter. "Drinking too much last night."
Mimi paused. "Chica, we were all with you and Mark last night." she said. "And we didn't drink."
She heard the toilet flush and she swung the door open.
Mimi looked in, confused.
There was no one inside.
And then she looked down.
Karalynn was curled up on the floor with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around her legs.
Mimi sniffed the air and frowned.
Yech.
"How long has this been going on?" Mimi asked softly.
"Almost a week." Karalynn said. She looked up at Mimi and shook her head.
"It must be stress." she muttered. "I started my new job and Mark's film took off and..."
"That was two months ago, sweetie. You can't use that excuse. It's old news." Mimi said. She kneeled down next to Karalynn on the cold floor and shivered. "Come on, let's go over to the nice comfy couch outside."
Karalynn nodded and Mimi slid her arm around her waist, helping her up to her feet. Karalynn walked haltingly, holding her stomach but Mimi had no trouble dragging her across the room.
When Karalynn was settled Mimi sat down on the small wooden table in front of her. She stared at the woman's face and saw angles she had never noticed before.
"Karalynn! You're so bony!" Mimi exclaimed. "What happened? Haven't you been eating?"
Karalynn leaned back on the soft, worn couch and sighed.
"No appetite." she said wearily. "The thought of food makes me..." She shivered in disgust.
Mimi studied her face and narrowed her eyes in thought.
"So how late are you?" she asked.
"What?" Karalynn said, looking up in wariness.
"Your period, how late is it?" Mimi asked.
"I am not preg..."
Mimi smiled at Karalynn and touched her hand. It was a simple gesture but one filled with kindness and warmth. It made Karalynn shut her mouth and think.
"Two weeks." Karalynn said dully. Her free hand went up to her forehead and she sat in disbelief. "I'm two weeks late. Christ, I didn't even notice."
Mimi nodded and squeezed her hand. "I take it you haven't taken a pregnancy test." she said.
Karalynn shook her head. "Oh God, this isn't happening. Mimi, I can't..."
"Kara, just buy the test first." she said calmly. "Don't press your panic button yet."
Karalynn nodded and leaned back.
"I feel lousy." she muttered.
"My momma used to say the same exact thing when she was pregnant with my brother." Mimi said with a grin. Her brown eyes flashed mischievously. "Of course, she said it in Spanish but same difference."
Karalynn couldn't even bring herself to smile.
"Mimi, I can't be pregnant." she said quietly. "Mark and I have always.. we always use.."
"Condoms."
"Yeah and I take...I mean, I'm on...you know... I'm taking..."
"Birth control pills" Mimi slapped Karalynn's knee. "Geez girl, you're having sex with the boy, you're allowed to say condom and birth control pills."
Karalynn grimaced and waved her hand in the air.
"Fine. Condom. Birth control pills." she muttered. "I meant to say that we've always been careful. So I don't understand how..."
"Accidents do happen." Mimi said. She looked at Karalynn's worried, drawn face. "Look, I'll go down to the store and buy a test for you if you want. Mark hasn't noticed what's been going on?"
Karalynn shook her head. "I've been trying to keep quiet. He caught me, once. On Wednesday." she muttered. Her head felt heavy and her stomach felt worse. "I told him I had the flu. He still keeps trying to shove chicken soup down my throat."
Mimi giggled and even Karalynn cracked a smile.
It slowly disappeared.
"Mimi, Mark's career is just taking off." she said quietly. "I can't do this to him. It's not fair. He's finally happy..."
"Karalynn, he's happy because he's with you." Mimi said, staring at Karalynn as if she were stupid. "He had the confidence to go out and sell his stuff because he had you...."
Suddenly Roger walked out of the bedroom.
"Hey Mimi..." he said, rubbing his eyes like a child. His blonde hair stuck up wildly and his face was badly in need of a shave. "I woke up and you were gone. I can't sleep without..."
And then he opened his eyes and saw Karalynn.
"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.
He didn't exactly like her but she had grown on him.
"Where's Mark?" he asked.
He squinted at her and frowned.
"By the way, you look like shit, Kara."
"Shut up, you insensitive ass!" Mimi said, scolding him. "Don't say that to her! She's carrying Mark's baby!"
Roger's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped. Karalynn's head jerked up and she glared at Mimi.
"Christ Mimi, did you have to...."
"He's my boyfriend! I tell him..."
"She's what?!" Roger exclaimed. He stomped over to the couch and stared at her. "You're what?!"
"Don't. Yell. At. Me." Karalynn hissed. And then she winced. "Now look what you did. You made my head hurt."
But Roger didn't hear her. He sat down next to Mimi and stared at Karalynn in disbelief.
"Mark knocked you up?" he said in awe. "Are you sure it was Mark?"
Mimi slapped him on the arm and he made a face.
"Ouch, hey!" Roger said, rubbing his arm. "I was kidding! I mean, Christ, Mark's gonna be a father. That's in-fucking-credible. It's great, Kara, really. Does he know?"
Karalynn rubbed her temples, severely annoyed.
"No because I'm not even sure yet." she said in a low voice. "Look you two, I hate to burst your bubble but before you start trying to shove baby names up my ass, I have to get back upstairs before Mark knows I'm gone. I'll take a pregnancy test today."
Mimi smiled at her. "Tell us as soon as you find out!" she said happily. "I love babies!"
Roger turned to look at her and arched his eyebrow. "Really?"
Mimi winked. "What's going on in that head of your, Roger Davis?" she asked coyly.
Roger grinned. "Wanna go make one right now?"
Karalynn rolled her eyes and stood up. "Could you guys please wait until I'm completely out of your apartment? For Christ's sake, I'm still in the room!"
Mimi and Roger laughed and Karalynn shuffled over to the door. She had just opened it when Benny walked in.
His handsome face was beaming.
"I'm here to pick up the rent!" he called out and then he stopped to look at Karalynn.
Roger stood up and walked in front of Mimi. His face grew taut and angry.
"Look Benny, it's too fucking early to pull this shit." Roger said.
But Benny barely heard him.
"And who might this beautiful creature be?" Benny said smoothly, reaching for Karalynn's hand.
Karalynn glared at him and pulled back her hand before his lips could touch her skin.
She looked back at Roger.
"Who is this guy?" she asked.
"That fuck is Benny." Roger said. "I'm sure Mark told you about him. He's our landlord. Our former roommate who married uptown and finked on his promise that we didn't have to pay rent. The same Benny who..."
Mimi tugged on his hand. "Roger that's enough." she hissed at him.
Benny waved his hand away, as if warding off all of Roger's words. "Well, I'll waive this month's rent if this enchanting woman before me gives me her name." he said, turning back to Karalynn.
Karalynn glanced up at Roger. "Is he serious?" she asked.
"As a heart attack." Benny answered for him. "No rent for October, if you.."
Karalynn crossed her arms. "I'm Karalynn Demerin." she said.
"And I am Benjamin Coffin the Third." he said with a smile.
Karalynn's face grew thoughtful. "As in Alison Gray Coffin? " she asked. "She's taking my Psychology 490 class." Her eyes traveled down to his hand. "By the way. Nice wedding ring."
Benny took a step back and looked at her as if seeing her clearly for the first time. His cocky grin slid off.
"You're a professor? At NYU?" he asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"
Roger walked up to them and grinned at Benny. "Oh she just came down here to chat." he said. "She's actually Mark's girlfriend. Well, Mark's pregnant girlfriend..."
"Oh fuck!" Karalynn exclaimed. "Goddamn it, Roger!"
She threw up her hands and walked out of the door. As she trudged up the stairs she heard Benny exclaim.
"Mark got that woman pregnant? Are you sure?!"

Two days later, Karalynn sat down on the floor of her bathroom, staring at four, slim sticks on her sink.
For the first time in her life she had nothing to say.
No sarcastic remarks.
No witty comments.
Not even a curse word.
The sticks spoke for themselves.
Each one was a different brand but all of them said the same thing.
She didn't know why she had waited so long. She supposed that she just wanted it to go away. The very idea that she could be, might be, was now certainly pregnant, was terrifying.
So terrifying that she couldn't speak.
Mark, I'm so sorry, she thought as she stared at the sticks.
I know you didn't sign up for this when we got together.
I ruined you.
I ruined us.
Suddenly the phone rang and she jumped, startled.
She got up to her feet and walked outside with rubber legs.
She stared down at her phone, at the number that blinked up on its caller id screen.
Karalynn finally found her voice.
"I'm sorry, Mark." she said quietly.
The phone kept ringing.

Shit, I can't believe I'm doing this, Roger thought as he looked at the shiny, dark wooden door in front of him.
Number 23.
The shiny gold numbers winked in the bright hall light and Roger felt strange.
He felt like he was standing in quicksand. His boots were embedded at least an inch deep within the cream carpeting.
He didn't belong here. With his dirty gray shirt and ripped up jeans.
This was Karalynn's apartment. Her world.
He reached up and knocked on the door.
Actually, he pounded his fist on the door.
"Dammit, Karalynn, open up!" he yelled. "I know you're in there!"
No answer.
"Karalynn! Open up!"
"Hey buddy shut up!" a voice called out from behind a door. "Some people are trying to sleep here!"
Roger bit down on his anger and pounded again. "Karalynn! Karalynn! Answer the fucking door!"
Karalynn swung the door open and glared at him.
"Will you keep it down!" she shushed him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him in, slamming the door shut.
"Roger, do you want me to get kicked out?" she cried out. "Is that what you want? A homeless pregnant woman?"
Roger stared at her numbly.She looked haggard and thin, her eyes were defined by dark circles and her mouth was pulled down in a frown.
She stomped over to the kitchen counter and picked up a cracker.
"So you are pregnant." he said quietly.
Karalynn bit into a cracker and avoided his gaze. "What do you want, Roger?" she asked, chewing on the saltless cracker.
Roger made a face and sat down on a stool. "Nice pad." he said, looking around. "Too clean though. How the hell can you live in this place?"
Karalynn rubbed her temples with both hands and shut her eyes. When she looked back at him, her face was irked.
"Could you maybe get to the point?" she said, annoyed. "What do you want?"
Roger sat up and glared at her. "You know exactly why I'm here." he said grimly.
Karalynn looked away, her eyes blank and aloof. Roger suddenly knew what it was like for Mark all those times when he tried to get to Roger when Roger didn't feel like talking to him. It was like talking to a brick wall.
"Fine, ignore me." Roger said. "But you are going to sit there and listen. You haven't talked to Mark in more than a week. You haven't answered his calls and now he won't leave the loft. He's fucking glued himself to the phone. He won't even let me near the damn machine!"
Karalynn's bored expression didn't change. "And?"
"And?!" Roger exclaimed. "You're carrying his baby! Dammit Karalynn, now is not the time to act like super bitch on us!"
"Roger, you don't understand." she sighed, breaking another cracker in half. "This is for the best."
"The best for who?" he asked. "You? In a few months you're gonna need all the help you can get. You think you can do this on your own?"
Karalynn broke another cracker in half.
"It's the best for Mark." she said simply.
Roger looked confused. "How is this the best for Mark?" he asked. "He's practically starving himself by staying in the loft. He won't eat. He won't sleep. He hasn't changed his clothes in days. I thought you loved him."
Karalynn ran her fingers through her tangled hair. She was getting frustrated and Roger wanted to push her further. He wanted her to yell at him again. To show some emotion. It was the only way Mark could ever get through to him. By making him explode and then picking up the pieces.
"I do love Mark." Karalynn muttered.
"I know you do." Roger said. "But you know what? I don't like you very much. And I only put up with you because Mark asked me too. If this were about any other thing, I'd say fuck it. Let her go, Mark. But that's his baby you're carrying. From what I hear it's a lifetime commitment you've got now!"
Her eyes fluttered up to his suddenly and she for a moment she looked alarmed. "Does he know? About the..."
"We all thought it would be better if it came from you." Roger said. He leaned forward and pushed her crackers off the to the side. "Look, is this about hormones?"
An expression of annoyance crossed her face. "Oh fuck off." she muttered.
He wanted to shake her.
"Snap out of it!" he yelled. "You're pregnant! And it's Mark's baby! It's his baby! And you're sitting here like some fucking teenager going through a mood swing! You think you're doing him a favor by staying away from him?! You're killing him! And from what I can tell, you're fucking yourself over too! Look at you! Is this all you've been eating all week? Crackers?!"
Karalynn glared at him but she didn't say anything.
So Roger went on.
"What kind of mother are you going to make when you can't even take care of your fucking self?! When you don't even have the guts to tell the father of your baby it's his?!"
He stood up and pushed his face so close against hers he could see her irises widen.
"Fuck, Kara, GROW UP!"
Karalynn's hands shot out at him and Roger stumbled back, stunned.
She was a lot stronger than she looked.
She came around the counter and screamed in his face.
"Don't you ever, EVER get up in my face like that!" she yelled. "You may be bigger than me and you may be stronger than me and I may be pregnant but I can still kick your ass!"
Roger's blue eyes widened and for a moment, they both stared at each other, not knowing what to do.
"You think... you... can kick my ass?" he said, incredulous. "Did I just hear you right?"
He started to laugh and after a few minutes of hearing his gruff, throaty laughter Karalynn joined in.
She sat down on her thick carpet and Roger did the same, holding his stomach and laughing.
He had to wipe the tears from his eyes.
"Hey, don't push it!" Karalynn exclaimed but she was smiling at him. Roger grinned at her and moved over to where she was sitting.
They shared a moment of silence and Roger gazed up at the painting above the couch.
"Mark told me about that painting." he said after awhile. "He said your father did it. It's pretty amazing."
Karalynn smiled slightly. "Yup." she said quietly. She turned her head to look at him.
"Is he really that bad?" Karalynn asked.
Roger looked at her and nodded. "Worse." he said. "He needs you. You need him. I don't understand why you're hiding from him."
"He's just now getting back on his feet." Karalynn said. Her face was somber. "I don't want to be the one who knocks him down again. I mean, he seems so fragile sometimes. He's so eager to make everything wonderful that.... damn, Roger, if I spring this up on him now it's going to mess up everything he's worked so hard for. I just can't do that to him."
"You know, you're giving him a lot less credit than he deserves." Roger said. "You, out of all people, should know that Mark is a lot tougher than he looks. Having you around has even toughened him up a little more. He's more confident now. He's happier. Karalynn... I know he told you about the shit that went down last year but I don't think he told you that he was the one who pulled me out of the funk I got in after..." Roger took a deep breath. "After April died. She was my ex girlfriend."
Karalynn lowered her head. "Mark mentioned her. He didn't go into detail. I figured it was between you and him."
"I wanted to die." Roger said quietly. "It was like... I was in a storm and I was drowning. I probably would have died if Mark hadn't been there. He was my life line. He was my life support."
Karalynn looked down again and stared at his hand. His fingertips were calloused and hard but when he put his hand over hers, his touch was gentle.
"You really care for him." she said quietly.
He nodded. "Yeah." he said. He squeezed her hand. "And I know he loves you... I know how he feels about you. Mimi and I... I love her so much it makes me... I just... It drives me crazy sometimes. One day I'm going to lose her. We have...."
"I know."
Roger looked at her in surprise and then shrugged.
"Mimi taught me that the only thing I can do is to live in the here and now." Roger said. "The future and past don't exist. Each moment could be my last. Cherish the moments that make you happy, Karalynn. You can't sit here and hide in your apartment from a future that might not even happen. And at this point, I might not have the chance to see how this ends. Mark's willing to give you everything he has. This won't break him. Give him a chance to prove that to you."
Roger paused.
He leaned his head back against the counter wall and laughed.
"God this is so fucked up." he muttered. "I'm sitting here trying to convince someone else not to run and hide. How the hell did I get here?"
He stared at the painting again and when he spoke next, his voice sounded odd.
"How'd you do it Kara?" he asked quietly.
"Do what?"
"Open up his shell." Roger asked. He didn't look at her as he spoke. "Mark was like a fucking clam. He could talk about everyone else except himself. He thought that his camera would speak for him, be his voice. How'd you...?"
Karalynn looked at him. "Do you know why my major was in psychology?" she asked.
Roger shrugged. "'Cause you wanted to fuck with people's minds?." he teased.
But her face was serious.
"I liked people's stories." she said quietly. "I liked listening to them. I liked hearing about their lives. I liked trying to figure out why they did the things they did. I know I act like I could care less sometimes but when someone starts talking about themselves..."
She smiled suddenly. "Do you know what Mark and I did for our first date?"
"What?"
"We took a really long walk." she said. She laughed out loud. "At first all he did was put that damn camera in my face and I wanted to grab it and throw it on the ground. I told him I would go home if he didn't turn it off. I think I scared him because he did." She shrugged. "And then, I asked him what he filmed and he just...."
Roger grinned. "Yeah. I get it." he said. "You liked his story."
"More than that. I liked the way he saw things." she said. "I liked listening to his voice."
He moved to stand up. "Come on, let's get you where you need to be."
"Roger, I'm scared." Karalynn whispered. He looked back at her face and saw the fear in her eyes. She looked terrified, to say the least. "What if...?"
Roger shook his head. "There are no what if's, Kara." he said. "You can't think about ten thousand possibilities because in the end we only live one life. Make sure you spend this lifetime doing the right thing."
Karalynn looked at him. "The right thing?" she repeated. "And what would that be, Roger?"
"That would be spending this lifetime with Mark."