The following television show is entirely fictitious. Any similarity to the
history of any person, living or dead, or to any actual events, is entirely
coincidental and unintentional.
Except where specifically noted otherwise in the cast and crew credits, all
celebrity voices are impersonated, and no celebrities have endorsed any aspect
of this show...
...But, we are in negotiations with Tony Danza, so keep your fingers crossed...
(Open to exterior shot of Quick Stop. Cut to inside: two director chairs
are in front of the counter. Enter Dante and Randal. They sit.)
Dante: Hi, we're Dante and Randal: stars of the newest UPN animated
franchise Clerks.
Randal: Yeah like they care.
Dante: Quiet, Randal. You'll upset the audience.
Randal: (Standing up shaking his hand) None of you watched us last summer on
ABC!!!
Dante: Well we were kinda just stuck in the middle of the line-up with no
advertising. It's not the audience's fault the show failed.
Randal: But we're on UPN, Dante! UPN!
Dante: There is nothing wrong with UPN. I like it here.
Randal: But we were offered the UPN job last year. Remember what you said?
Dante: I didn't say anything.
Randal: Well, lets refresh your memory. (Pulls out a tape recorder.)
Dante: What's that?
Randal: You'll see...
Dante: Don't you dare!
(Randal pushes the button.)
Recorder: (In Dante's Voice) I know we have to choose a network... ABC or UPN?
What do you think I want the show to be like? Who wants to be a
Millionaire or Moesha? Please, UPN can take their offer and shove
it up my soon to be rich, hairy, white, a~
(Cuts to "Technical Difficulties" screen with picture of Mooby.
After a few moments, the shot goes back to Dante and Randal. They
are on the floor as if shoved there. The tape recorder smashed in
pieces on the floor.)
Randal: Well I'll give you one thing. UPN's goons are a lot faster than
ABC's were.
Dante: Yeah, and they hit harder
(They get up dusting themselves off.)
Dante: (Sighs) So what do we do now?
Randal: Start the show I suppose... You know I think it's going to be all
right here.
Dante: You think?
Randal: It will. I have the feeling the show will work this time. UPN gave
us complete control. You won't even know the show is on UPN.
Dante: If you say so...
(They walk off-screen. The UPN logo appears in the Bottom right of
the screen with a POP sound effect. After a couple seconds, Randal
comes running back.)
Randal: (To camera) Watch WWF Smackdown Thursdays at 8pm/ 7 central on UPN.
Dante: (Off-screen) What did you say?
Randal: Uh... Nothing.
(Title Sequence.)
history of any person, living or dead, or to any actual events, is entirely
coincidental and unintentional.
Except where specifically noted otherwise in the cast and crew credits, all
celebrity voices are impersonated, and no celebrities have endorsed any aspect
of this show...
...But, we are in negotiations with Tony Danza, so keep your fingers crossed...
(Open to exterior shot of Quick Stop. Cut to inside: two director chairs
are in front of the counter. Enter Dante and Randal. They sit.)
Dante: Hi, we're Dante and Randal: stars of the newest UPN animated
franchise Clerks.
Randal: Yeah like they care.
Dante: Quiet, Randal. You'll upset the audience.
Randal: (Standing up shaking his hand) None of you watched us last summer on
ABC!!!
Dante: Well we were kinda just stuck in the middle of the line-up with no
advertising. It's not the audience's fault the show failed.
Randal: But we're on UPN, Dante! UPN!
Dante: There is nothing wrong with UPN. I like it here.
Randal: But we were offered the UPN job last year. Remember what you said?
Dante: I didn't say anything.
Randal: Well, lets refresh your memory. (Pulls out a tape recorder.)
Dante: What's that?
Randal: You'll see...
Dante: Don't you dare!
(Randal pushes the button.)
Recorder: (In Dante's Voice) I know we have to choose a network... ABC or UPN?
What do you think I want the show to be like? Who wants to be a
Millionaire or Moesha? Please, UPN can take their offer and shove
it up my soon to be rich, hairy, white, a~
(Cuts to "Technical Difficulties" screen with picture of Mooby.
After a few moments, the shot goes back to Dante and Randal. They
are on the floor as if shoved there. The tape recorder smashed in
pieces on the floor.)
Randal: Well I'll give you one thing. UPN's goons are a lot faster than
ABC's were.
Dante: Yeah, and they hit harder
(They get up dusting themselves off.)
Dante: (Sighs) So what do we do now?
Randal: Start the show I suppose... You know I think it's going to be all
right here.
Dante: You think?
Randal: It will. I have the feeling the show will work this time. UPN gave
us complete control. You won't even know the show is on UPN.
Dante: If you say so...
(They walk off-screen. The UPN logo appears in the Bottom right of
the screen with a POP sound effect. After a couple seconds, Randal
comes running back.)
Randal: (To camera) Watch WWF Smackdown Thursdays at 8pm/ 7 central on UPN.
Dante: (Off-screen) What did you say?
Randal: Uh... Nothing.
(Title Sequence.)
