(Screen of Jay and Bob taking a test. Bob is thinking to himself and Jay is looking on
Bob's test and copying. The screen reads "Good Work Habits with Jay and Silent Bob."
Cut to the curb outside the Quick Stop. The sign on the door reads closed)
Girl: I got an "F" in math. My mom's gonna kill me.
Boy: I got an "A" in that class.
Girl: That's cause you're gay.. and a kiss-ass. But I don't know what to do... I can't go home and
show her my report card... she expects me to get good grades. But I don't know how.
(Door behind them opens and Jay enters the scene, followed by Silent Bob.)
Girl: It's Jay and Silent Bob!
Jay: Hey, why ain't yooze kids buying nothing?
Boy: I thought the store was closed...
Jay: It ain't closed (looks at th closed sign) Hey tubby, I told you we ain't closed... (Opens the
door, looks at it confused.)
Girl: Jay, Silent Bob I need to tell my mom about my report card, but I'm scared... what do I do?
Jay: Hey fatso, it says closed on this side, and open on this side... this stuff is great.
Bob: You're parents have to love you. But here's a trick to ensure their love lasts.
(He takes the Report Card. Takes out a pen.)
Bob: First, take a pen that matches the ink used in your report card. Then to ensure that you
don't get grounded, take the "F" put a line like this and there... you now have an "A". If
you got a "D," though, fear not. Take a line like this and you sort of get a "B," but it's
not as good as the "A" so aim for the "F"s. This will guarantee your parent's love for a
little while longer.
Jay: Yeah, and some moms loves everyone...this one time Tubby's mom and me...
(Charles Barkley enters dressed as a delivery man)
Barkley: I have a delivery for the Quick Stop.
Jay: Hey Barkley, weeze told yooze to get lost. We always tell yooze to get lost.
Barkley: Oh no not you two again! I didn't do anything... I'm not taking your segment away, I'm
just doing my job. I'm a delivery man.
(Jay nods to Bob, Bob nods back)
Jay: I got a delivery for yooze too... a special delivery of PAIN!
(Bob pulls out a bat. He then proceeds to beat Barkley down with it. Close up of a
beaten Barkley with the sound effects of owls hooting. Silence for a few seconds.)
Girl: Thank's Jay, Silent Bob now my mom will love me forever.
Bob: (smiles) Unless she's a psychotic mass murdering monster...
Jay: ...or a slut like tubby's mom.
(They all laugh together.)
Jay: This heres Jay and Silent Bob sayin' for a good time call tubby's moms.
(Fade to black. Run credits.)
Bob's test and copying. The screen reads "Good Work Habits with Jay and Silent Bob."
Cut to the curb outside the Quick Stop. The sign on the door reads closed)
Girl: I got an "F" in math. My mom's gonna kill me.
Boy: I got an "A" in that class.
Girl: That's cause you're gay.. and a kiss-ass. But I don't know what to do... I can't go home and
show her my report card... she expects me to get good grades. But I don't know how.
(Door behind them opens and Jay enters the scene, followed by Silent Bob.)
Girl: It's Jay and Silent Bob!
Jay: Hey, why ain't yooze kids buying nothing?
Boy: I thought the store was closed...
Jay: It ain't closed (looks at th closed sign) Hey tubby, I told you we ain't closed... (Opens the
door, looks at it confused.)
Girl: Jay, Silent Bob I need to tell my mom about my report card, but I'm scared... what do I do?
Jay: Hey fatso, it says closed on this side, and open on this side... this stuff is great.
Bob: You're parents have to love you. But here's a trick to ensure their love lasts.
(He takes the Report Card. Takes out a pen.)
Bob: First, take a pen that matches the ink used in your report card. Then to ensure that you
don't get grounded, take the "F" put a line like this and there... you now have an "A". If
you got a "D," though, fear not. Take a line like this and you sort of get a "B," but it's
not as good as the "A" so aim for the "F"s. This will guarantee your parent's love for a
little while longer.
Jay: Yeah, and some moms loves everyone...this one time Tubby's mom and me...
(Charles Barkley enters dressed as a delivery man)
Barkley: I have a delivery for the Quick Stop.
Jay: Hey Barkley, weeze told yooze to get lost. We always tell yooze to get lost.
Barkley: Oh no not you two again! I didn't do anything... I'm not taking your segment away, I'm
just doing my job. I'm a delivery man.
(Jay nods to Bob, Bob nods back)
Jay: I got a delivery for yooze too... a special delivery of PAIN!
(Bob pulls out a bat. He then proceeds to beat Barkley down with it. Close up of a
beaten Barkley with the sound effects of owls hooting. Silence for a few seconds.)
Girl: Thank's Jay, Silent Bob now my mom will love me forever.
Bob: (smiles) Unless she's a psychotic mass murdering monster...
Jay: ...or a slut like tubby's mom.
(They all laugh together.)
Jay: This heres Jay and Silent Bob sayin' for a good time call tubby's moms.
(Fade to black. Run credits.)
