Authors notes: All right now as you all know in the last chapter it wasn't
falling from the balcony that hurt Shinji. It was the sudden stop at the
end that did it. Things start happening in the next chapter many of them
centering on Asuka.
Just to let you all know this fic does NOT take place after the attack of the fifteenth angel as all my other fics have. This one is somewhere in between the 11th and 12th angels.
I have a need for pre-readers still. I only have five of them. Right now I need as many pre-readers as I can get so please if any of you are interested in the position let me know.
On with the fic….
Infantile Dependence, Adult Dependency
The Coma.
____________________
Misato Katsuragi, Tactical Operations Director of NERV, and the guardian of Shinji Ikari, and Asuka Langley Sohryu, is speeding through the streets of Tokyo-3 in her little blue sports car. (What the hell model car IS that thing anyway?!)
She is taking little notice of such trivial matters such as traffic laws and speed limits as she races through the streets on her way to her apartment. She honks her horn and dodges the slower moving vehicles around her.
Finally she screeches to a halt in front of her apartment complex. Through her window, she can see a dark mass on the ground in front of the building. The sun had set minutes ago but the streetlights had yet to come on.
"Shinji!" she yelled as she raced from the car. She ran towards the two bodies on the ground and found Asuka sitting on the concrete cradling Shinjis head in her lap. The boys' eyes were closed and his breathing was barely noticeable.
"Misato." Asuka said without looking up from Shinji's face. Misato noticed, as the streetlights blinked on behind her, that Shinji face was wet. She briefly wondered why this was before she saw a tear land on his cheek.
'Asuka's crying?' Misato thought in shock. 'I don't think I've ever seen her cry.' Misato quickly shook her head and her voice took on a business like tone.
"Asuka do you know why he jumped?" she asked. "Did he leave a note or something?"
"No he didn't leave a note." Asuka said, her voice wavering. "But I know why he jumped." Asuka looked up at her with red, puffy eyes. "I know exactly why he jumped."
"Why Asuka?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now." Misatos eyes narrowed suspiciously at the young girl. But before she could say anything the approach of sirens informed them that the ambulance was on it's way.
"Well talk about this later." Misato said as the ambulance pulled to a stop next to the curb. Asuka made no sign that she had heard. Misato was suddenly struck by the tender and almost protective manner with which Asuka was holding him.
Two men and a woman jumped out of the back of the ambulance and rushed over to them. One of the men was wheeling a stretcher while the other man and the woman both held what looked like toolboxes that were filled with medical supplies.
"What the hell happened?" Ritsuko yelled as she approached Misato. The two men that had exited the ambulance with her were already inspecting Shinji.
"Asuka said that he jumped from the balcony. Apparently he was trying to commit suicide."
"Why would he do that Major?" Ritsuko asked, emphasizing on Misatos rank. Misato winced at the angry tone in her friends' voice.
"I'm sure I don't know. But Asuka seems to know something, so I'll beat it out of her later. Right now doesn't seem to be the best time." Misato jerked her head over in Asukas direction. She was still kneeling on the ground with Shinji's head in her lap and she was ignoring the men moving around her.
"I guess you're right." Ritsuko said. She nodded her head and then walked over to the group assembled on the concrete. "All right gentlemen, let's get him in the ambulance so we can get him to the infirmary as quickly as possible. This boy is very important to the survival of humanity so we need to take care of him."
____________________
Asuka and Misato were waiting outside of the examination room. They had been there for nearly two hours already waiting for Ritsuko to tell them if Shinji was going to make it.
Misato frequently cast furtive glances in Asukas direction but the girl never noticed. She was too involved with her own inner struggles to care.
'Do I really love him?' she thought. 'I said I did when I found him, but is that really what I feel for Shinji?' her thoughts were cut short as Ritsuko walked up to them. Asuka shot to her feet and began bombarding the poor woman with questions, speaking a mile a minute.
"How is he? Is he going to be all right? Is he awake? Can I see him? Why won't you answer me!!?" Misato clamped her hand over Asukas mouth.
"Asuka why don't you stop talking, maybe she could get a word in edgewise." She looked at the blond doctor. "Go ahead Ritsuko."
"Thank you. First of all the good news is both of his legs are broken." Asuka yanked Misatos hand away from her mouth.
"WHAT!!!!?" she screamed. "That's the good news? What the hell kind of thing is that to say?"
"Let me finish." Ritsuko snapped. Asuka shut her mouth but she did not stop glaring at her.
"That is the good news because it means he is still alive. The bad news is that he seems to have slipped into a coma. We don't know when or if he'll ever wake up."
"How badly is he hurt really?" Misato asked, the concern clearly heard in her voice.
"Well his legs took most of the impact so he has several fractures in each of them. Dropping feet first like that saved his life. But even so he still suffered a head injury when he fell over after hitting the ground."
"We think that may account for the comma but we're not so sure right now. The best thing for both of you to do right now is to go home." Misato and Asuka both tried to protest but they were cut short.
"Get out of here! You aren't helping and you both need to try and relax or you wont be any help to him if he wakes up."
Misato and Asuka both glanced at each other for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. On the way past Ritsuko however Asuka stopped and turned back to her.
"When." She said.
"What?" Ritsuko was very confused by the girls' cryptic statement.
"When he wakes up, not if, when. I know he'll wake up. He's too strong to go down without a fight like this." Then she turned and continued after Misato.
____________________
At the Katsuragi household all is quiet. Pen-Pen is enjoying the peace now that the human who was there earlier had left. However he had never seen anyone leave by way of the balcony.
The warm water penguin was currently enjoying a bath when he heard the sounds of movement in the front room. He sighed and pulled himself out of the bathtub. He slid the door open an inch and peered out of it.
Down the hall in the kitchen He could see the tall woman with the dark hair, and the shorter one with the red hair sitting at the table.
"OK Asuka, spill." Misato said to the young girl. On the ride over she had been silent and brooding in the car. Misato new that something was up because normally Asuka would have been very talkative and most likely would have been ridiculing Shinji for his actions.
"Misato…. I…. I don't want…."
"I don't want to hear that you don't want to talk about it Asuka." Misato said angrily, cutting the girl off. "I know you know something about this and you WILL tell me." The determined and cold tone in the Majors voice shook Asuka.
"I know why he jumped." Asuka whispered after a minute of silence. Misato practically had to lean over to hear the whispered words that escaped the second Childs' lips. Asuka looked up at her and Misato was absolutely shocked to see tears in the girls' eyes.
"He jumped…. because…. I…. rejected him. We were at a park watching the sunset and he told me that he was in love with me." The tears started to fall as she spoke, and her voice trembled. "I told him that I could never love someone as pathetic." Asuka by now looked like her heart was breaking in her chest.
"Misato, he said he loved me and I insulted him!" The major was angry. No she was pissed!! How could she DO something like that? she thought. Because of her anger Misato did not see the tears nor did she notice the heartbreaking tone in the girls voice.
All she heard were the words. The confession of hurting Shinji. Misato knew how fragile Shinji really was. She knew that he desperately needed someone to love him, and now this BITCH rejected him when he finally decided to open up to someone? Something inside of Misato snapped and she rose from her chair.
SMACK!!! Asuka was thrown from her seat by the force of the blow. Misato had not slapped her. Oh no, she had slugged the second child right in the jaw. From the floor the sobbing girl put one hand to the side of her face to try and soothe the burning.
"How could you do that to him?" Misato screamed down at her. "Don't you know how fragile he is? He loved you you little bitch!! And now because YOU decided that you were going to insult him he is now in a COMA!!!"
Asuka stood and leveled a glare at the older woman.
"DON"T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!!?" she screamed. "I'm sorry for what I did!!! I tried to stop him!! But I was TOO LATE!!!" Asuka took her hand away from her face and stood before her guardian and commanding officer.
"I am sorry for what I did." She said again. "If I could take it back then I would but I can't. All I can do right now is hope that he forgives me when he wakes up." There was a deep sorrow and regret in the Second Childs voice. "I just have to help him forgive me when he wakes up."
Misato was stunned into silence at Asukas admission. It was a well known fact that Asuka never apologized for ANYTHING. Even if she knew that she was wrong. Asuka slowly turned and trudged her way towards her room. Her shoulders were slumped and her head was down, as if she bore the weight of the entire world on her shoulders.
The door slid open and then closed again and for a minute all was silent in the apartment. Then Misato made her way to the fridge where she withdrew a beer, fully intent on getting drunk.
____________________
The next morning, day one. The sun rises and slants in through the window of Asuka bedroom. After a few minutes she wakes up and drags herself out of the bed. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying all night and there are dark circles under them.
She quietly pads down the hall way to the bathroom and climbs into the shower. The hot water running down her body slowly brings her fully awake and the memory of the previous day resurfaces.
With a determined look on her face Asuka steps from the tub and quickly towels dry. She walks to her room and dresses in her yellow sundress. Leaving her room she cracks open the door to Misatos room but the major is not there
Asuka finds Misato sitting at the table passed out, with about a dozen beer cans surrounding her. With a disgusted look on her face Asuka grabs her bag and walks out of the apartment.
____________________
The hospital room is quiet. The only sounds are those of the heart monitor and other life support machines hooked up to the boy in the bed. There is a hiss as the door slides open and Asuka enters the room.
"Hey Shinji." She says. She attempts to sound cheerful but she fails miserably, and she knows it. She pulls a chair up to the side of his bed and sits down in it. For several long minutes her gaze rests on his face as her thoughts war within her.
"Shinji. Yesterday… when you jumped, I said that I loved you. I held you in my arms and cried, telling you that I loved you and wanted you to come back to me." Asukas voice had begun to tremble slightly and she takes a moment to compose herself.
"I do not know if I love you Shinji. But I do know that those hateful words I said to you in the park are not really the words that I would speak from my heart." Her hand goes to her chest as she speaks and she can feel the dull throb of her heartbeat beneath her fingers. Her other hand reaches out and captures his own.
"Shinji if you come back to me I promise that I will find out what it is I feel for you. I wont give up until I am certain if this is really love or if I just care about you in a different way." She trails off into sobs and can no longer speak.
But there is nothing else to be said. She has done what she came there for and she can do no more until he wakes up. Unbeknownst to Asuka someone else heard her confession. Behind the sobbing girl the door is cracked open and one burning red eye peers in at her.
____________________
Rei turns away from the door and slowly walks down the halls. She is deep in thought about the event that she just witnessed. Rei Ayanami designated first child and pilot of Evangelion Unit 00 had for some time felt a… closeness with the pilot of Unit 01.
Rei believed that she might like the young Ikari. But since she had had very little experience with emotions in general she could not be sure. The confusion caused by her new found feelings for Shinji was a little too much for Rei to take. She soon found herself in the cloning lab.
She stripped down, leaving her clothes strewn all over the floor and climbed into the LCL tank. She always found that floating in the warm orange liquid calmed her down and helped her concentrate better.
She spent several hours floating in the tank and after a time she climbed out of it. She had contemplated her dilemma throughout her entire time there but she was still no closer to a solution. She decided that she would speak to someone about it. Now, all she had to do was decide whom she would approach on the subject.
The second child seemed out of the question. Rei knew all to well of the red haired pilots' dislike for her. Dr. Akagi also seemed to be a bad choice, for the same reasons as Asuka. That left the commander and Major Katsuragi.
Rei decided that it would be a bad idea to approach the commander because of his feelings for his son. But the Major was an entirely different story. Miss. Katsuragi obviously cared for Shinji, and she had never exhibited any dislike for Rei. Therefore Rei decided that Misato would be a good choice, based on their shared feelings for Shinji, and the fact that the Major might be able to explain those feelings having experienced them herself.
____________________
The doorbell rings in the silent apartment. Misato jerks at the sound in her sleep. The doorbell rings again and Misato wakes up. Her head jerks up from the table and she looks around her with confused expression etched on her face.
The bell rings for a third time and Misato winces at the loud sound. She climbs to her feet and stumbles towards the door. Nearly falling against it she slams her palm into the button that opens the door. It hisses open and Misato is quite shocked to see Rei standing there calmly.
"Major Katsuragi. I wish to speak with you." Rei said. Misato blinked a couple of times, looking at the blue haired girl before her. Finally she shakes her head roughly from side to side and stands away from the door. Rei walks passed her and on into the kitchen where she sits down at the table.
"What is it you want to talk about Rei?" Misato asks as she comes into the kitchen. She sets about putting on a cup of coffee.
"I would like to discuss a….. problem that I have been having." Rei says in her usual monotone. Misato has not spent as much time with Rei as Shinji has and that coupled with her hangover prevents her from noticing the hesitation in Reis words.
"Oh? What problem would that be?" Misato asks as she digs through the cupboards in search of the coffee. "Where the hell IS that thing?" she mumbles to herself.
"I believe that I may have…. feelings….. for the Third Child." Misato freezes. She is standing on her toes, head stuck into one of the cupboards above the sink and she is praying to god that she misheard Rei.
She drops back on her heels and leans out of the cupboard turning her head towards Rei. The girl is sitting at the table, hands crossed demurely on her lap gazing straight at the startled Major with her blood red eyes.
"What did you just say?" Misato asks.
"I believe that I may have feelings for Ikari-kun."
"What do you mean 'feelings'?" Misato asks.
"I am not sure. But I think I care for him. However I have had very little experience with emotions in general so I thought that I would talk to you about it." Misato was a bit shocked at the length of Rei's statement. For the quiet girl this was a lot to say at once.
Throughout her extended speech Reis voice had not changed in pitch, tone, or volume. She had stayed completely calm and indifferent to what was going on around her.
"OK." Misato gave up her hunt for the coffee and stumbled into a chair as she felt that her legs might give at any second. "So you are trying to tell me that you are in love with Shinji?"
Rei's eyes widened imperceptibly. Until this moment she had not thought of love. She had just been thinking about her protective feelings for Shinji. She believed that she may consider him a friend.
"I do not know. I think maybe I do love him." Rei fell silent as she thought about this new development. Do I love him? What is love? Does he love me? She looked up at Misato. "Major? What is love?"
Misato groaned silently. She could tell that this was going to be a VERY difficult conversation.
"Rei love is often expressed as a physical attraction between two people. But it is not that simple." Misato paused as she thought about what she would say next. "Love is…. a commitment. It means that you will stand by the one that you give your love to. Support them when they need it. Stand with them when they deserve it. And never betray their trust."
"Is that all?" Rei asked.
"No. It is more than that. No one can actually say what love is. You can only say what you feel. I have heard that you can't explain love, you can't tell someone how you love them, but when you feel it. In your heart you know that you are in love."
"I understand Major."
"Rei. Would you answer a question for me?" Misato asked. Rei looked at her. After several minutes Rei had still not spoke so Misato took that to mean that he was waiting for the question. "Well Rei. Why are you asking me these questions? Are you in love with Shinji?" Misato chose to ignore the fact that that was, in essence, two questions and waited for Rei to answer.
"I do not know Major. I feel protective of him. I am angered that pilot Sohryus' words drove him to hurt himself. I think that I may love him but I am not certain." Misato considered the girls' words carefully, before speaking.
"Rei. The only thing I can tell you is that you should go with your feelings. If you think that the best thing is to be with Shinji then you should at least approach him about it when he wakes up."
"What if…. What if he does not feel the same?" Rei asked in a small voice. Her hands were still crossed in her lap, only now they were gripping each other so tightly that her knuckles were white. Her eyes were downcast towards the table, hair falling in front of them so she could not meet Misatos gaze.
At that second Misato got a brief glimpse into the mind of Rei Ayanami. She was shy, had little to no experience expressing her emotions, and apparently, was just as afraid of rejection as Shinji was.
"Rei I can guarantee that Shinji feels something for you. I've known for quite a while that he has feelings for you. I'm just not entirely sure what those feelings are. If you talk to him about it, I'm sure you'd be surprised at how much that boy cares for you."
With these words Rei lifted her head. Misato was shocked to see that there were tears threatening in her eyes.
"Thank you Major Katsuragi. I appreciate your advice and will consider it." Rei rose from her seat and headed towards the door without waiting for a reply. The sound of the door sliding shut echoed throughout the silent apartment.
"Shinji." Misato murmured quietly. "Come back to them."
____________________
Shinji Ikari was dead to the world. He was imprisoned in his own mind. Trapped behind a wall of glass that he had created in his pain, cutting himself off from all human contact, in an effort to avoid the pain that comes with human contact.
Asuka Langley Sohryu stands a silent vigil over his still form. Sitting in a chair by his bedside for the last three hours she had not moved. She had simply continued to stare at the boy lying before her.
In her mind a war is being wagged, between her thoughts, her pride, her emotions and feelings, and her memories. In her minds eye, a door opens and a form can be seen hanging from the ceiling.
A shudder passes through her body as the image rises in full detail. The way the body swung slightly, the smell of death in the air, and that disturbingly satisfied smile on the face of the woman.
"What do I feel for you?" she whispered as her ice blue eyes studied him. They roamed over his face, taking in every detail. The high cheek bones, and strong chin. So much like his father.
Asuka was a girl that lived on her pride. She needed it like she needed to breathe. What is it about you that captivates me so much now? she wondered.
He's weak. said a voice in her mind.
No he isn't. she whispered back to that voice. He is strong and courageous.
He is weak. He always backs down from you. He never stands up for himself or puts up a fight.
As the war continued in her mind she failed to notice Shinjis' right hand twitch ever so slightly. She did not see his eyelids fluttering, nor did she take note that his breathing had changed, becoming less steady.
But he does fight. He fights like a god. In the Eva he is unmatched. Is it the Eva that now defines him? What is Shinji Ikari without Eva?
He's a weak little boy without the Eva. He doesn't deserve you. You didn't like the kiss. As that idea crossed her mind she thought of that day. Almost a week ago now. She had goaded him into kissing her. And then pinched his nose shut because his breath was tickling her.
But she had liked it.
I did like that kiss. But I still thought of him as the weak little pervert. I was shocked that I could actually like kissing him. Asuka looked at him again, this time taking in his lips. Full and warm and as she sat there an urge to kiss him seemed to grow inside her to an almost over powering point.
She kept her seat.
But you didn't really like………Asuka frowned and in her mind stomped that little voice flat. It remained silent. Glancing at the clock she determined that it was time to leave. Standing she walked over to the bed and leaned over him.
With one hand she reached out and brushed his bangs back from his face. Then she leaned over and lightly brushed his lips with her own. She held the kiss for a minute his lips soft and warm against hers and a shiver ran through her body. Standing she looked down at him one more time before turning and walking away.
____________________
Five seconds after Asuka had left the room the eyes of Shinji Ikari slowly opened. His right hand lifted from the bed to come to rest softly on his lips. An expression of surprise and……. joy is clearly seen on his face. He smiles and closes his eyes again. Soon he drifts off to sleep, and the room is filled with the sounds of his breathing and the promise of a better day.
End
Ok this chapter took me a VERY long time to write. It is short but I had a lot of trouble getting it to say what I wanted it to say. Right now I do have some idea where the next chapter will be going but who knows how long it will be before it is finished.
For the next Chapter. Shinji is awake. Will Rei act on her new feelings? Will Asuka? or Will both of them? What will Shinji do and how will he react to Asuka after her hateful words in the park?
Until Next Time
See you on the other side
Infantile Dependence, Adult Dependency:
The Coma
Written by
Ryan T. Nelson
Just to let you all know this fic does NOT take place after the attack of the fifteenth angel as all my other fics have. This one is somewhere in between the 11th and 12th angels.
I have a need for pre-readers still. I only have five of them. Right now I need as many pre-readers as I can get so please if any of you are interested in the position let me know.
On with the fic….
Infantile Dependence, Adult Dependency
The Coma.
____________________
Misato Katsuragi, Tactical Operations Director of NERV, and the guardian of Shinji Ikari, and Asuka Langley Sohryu, is speeding through the streets of Tokyo-3 in her little blue sports car. (What the hell model car IS that thing anyway?!)
She is taking little notice of such trivial matters such as traffic laws and speed limits as she races through the streets on her way to her apartment. She honks her horn and dodges the slower moving vehicles around her.
Finally she screeches to a halt in front of her apartment complex. Through her window, she can see a dark mass on the ground in front of the building. The sun had set minutes ago but the streetlights had yet to come on.
"Shinji!" she yelled as she raced from the car. She ran towards the two bodies on the ground and found Asuka sitting on the concrete cradling Shinjis head in her lap. The boys' eyes were closed and his breathing was barely noticeable.
"Misato." Asuka said without looking up from Shinji's face. Misato noticed, as the streetlights blinked on behind her, that Shinji face was wet. She briefly wondered why this was before she saw a tear land on his cheek.
'Asuka's crying?' Misato thought in shock. 'I don't think I've ever seen her cry.' Misato quickly shook her head and her voice took on a business like tone.
"Asuka do you know why he jumped?" she asked. "Did he leave a note or something?"
"No he didn't leave a note." Asuka said, her voice wavering. "But I know why he jumped." Asuka looked up at her with red, puffy eyes. "I know exactly why he jumped."
"Why Asuka?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now." Misatos eyes narrowed suspiciously at the young girl. But before she could say anything the approach of sirens informed them that the ambulance was on it's way.
"Well talk about this later." Misato said as the ambulance pulled to a stop next to the curb. Asuka made no sign that she had heard. Misato was suddenly struck by the tender and almost protective manner with which Asuka was holding him.
Two men and a woman jumped out of the back of the ambulance and rushed over to them. One of the men was wheeling a stretcher while the other man and the woman both held what looked like toolboxes that were filled with medical supplies.
"What the hell happened?" Ritsuko yelled as she approached Misato. The two men that had exited the ambulance with her were already inspecting Shinji.
"Asuka said that he jumped from the balcony. Apparently he was trying to commit suicide."
"Why would he do that Major?" Ritsuko asked, emphasizing on Misatos rank. Misato winced at the angry tone in her friends' voice.
"I'm sure I don't know. But Asuka seems to know something, so I'll beat it out of her later. Right now doesn't seem to be the best time." Misato jerked her head over in Asukas direction. She was still kneeling on the ground with Shinji's head in her lap and she was ignoring the men moving around her.
"I guess you're right." Ritsuko said. She nodded her head and then walked over to the group assembled on the concrete. "All right gentlemen, let's get him in the ambulance so we can get him to the infirmary as quickly as possible. This boy is very important to the survival of humanity so we need to take care of him."
____________________
Asuka and Misato were waiting outside of the examination room. They had been there for nearly two hours already waiting for Ritsuko to tell them if Shinji was going to make it.
Misato frequently cast furtive glances in Asukas direction but the girl never noticed. She was too involved with her own inner struggles to care.
'Do I really love him?' she thought. 'I said I did when I found him, but is that really what I feel for Shinji?' her thoughts were cut short as Ritsuko walked up to them. Asuka shot to her feet and began bombarding the poor woman with questions, speaking a mile a minute.
"How is he? Is he going to be all right? Is he awake? Can I see him? Why won't you answer me!!?" Misato clamped her hand over Asukas mouth.
"Asuka why don't you stop talking, maybe she could get a word in edgewise." She looked at the blond doctor. "Go ahead Ritsuko."
"Thank you. First of all the good news is both of his legs are broken." Asuka yanked Misatos hand away from her mouth.
"WHAT!!!!?" she screamed. "That's the good news? What the hell kind of thing is that to say?"
"Let me finish." Ritsuko snapped. Asuka shut her mouth but she did not stop glaring at her.
"That is the good news because it means he is still alive. The bad news is that he seems to have slipped into a coma. We don't know when or if he'll ever wake up."
"How badly is he hurt really?" Misato asked, the concern clearly heard in her voice.
"Well his legs took most of the impact so he has several fractures in each of them. Dropping feet first like that saved his life. But even so he still suffered a head injury when he fell over after hitting the ground."
"We think that may account for the comma but we're not so sure right now. The best thing for both of you to do right now is to go home." Misato and Asuka both tried to protest but they were cut short.
"Get out of here! You aren't helping and you both need to try and relax or you wont be any help to him if he wakes up."
Misato and Asuka both glanced at each other for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. On the way past Ritsuko however Asuka stopped and turned back to her.
"When." She said.
"What?" Ritsuko was very confused by the girls' cryptic statement.
"When he wakes up, not if, when. I know he'll wake up. He's too strong to go down without a fight like this." Then she turned and continued after Misato.
____________________
At the Katsuragi household all is quiet. Pen-Pen is enjoying the peace now that the human who was there earlier had left. However he had never seen anyone leave by way of the balcony.
The warm water penguin was currently enjoying a bath when he heard the sounds of movement in the front room. He sighed and pulled himself out of the bathtub. He slid the door open an inch and peered out of it.
Down the hall in the kitchen He could see the tall woman with the dark hair, and the shorter one with the red hair sitting at the table.
"OK Asuka, spill." Misato said to the young girl. On the ride over she had been silent and brooding in the car. Misato new that something was up because normally Asuka would have been very talkative and most likely would have been ridiculing Shinji for his actions.
"Misato…. I…. I don't want…."
"I don't want to hear that you don't want to talk about it Asuka." Misato said angrily, cutting the girl off. "I know you know something about this and you WILL tell me." The determined and cold tone in the Majors voice shook Asuka.
"I know why he jumped." Asuka whispered after a minute of silence. Misato practically had to lean over to hear the whispered words that escaped the second Childs' lips. Asuka looked up at her and Misato was absolutely shocked to see tears in the girls' eyes.
"He jumped…. because…. I…. rejected him. We were at a park watching the sunset and he told me that he was in love with me." The tears started to fall as she spoke, and her voice trembled. "I told him that I could never love someone as pathetic." Asuka by now looked like her heart was breaking in her chest.
"Misato, he said he loved me and I insulted him!" The major was angry. No she was pissed!! How could she DO something like that? she thought. Because of her anger Misato did not see the tears nor did she notice the heartbreaking tone in the girls voice.
All she heard were the words. The confession of hurting Shinji. Misato knew how fragile Shinji really was. She knew that he desperately needed someone to love him, and now this BITCH rejected him when he finally decided to open up to someone? Something inside of Misato snapped and she rose from her chair.
SMACK!!! Asuka was thrown from her seat by the force of the blow. Misato had not slapped her. Oh no, she had slugged the second child right in the jaw. From the floor the sobbing girl put one hand to the side of her face to try and soothe the burning.
"How could you do that to him?" Misato screamed down at her. "Don't you know how fragile he is? He loved you you little bitch!! And now because YOU decided that you were going to insult him he is now in a COMA!!!"
Asuka stood and leveled a glare at the older woman.
"DON"T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!!?" she screamed. "I'm sorry for what I did!!! I tried to stop him!! But I was TOO LATE!!!" Asuka took her hand away from her face and stood before her guardian and commanding officer.
"I am sorry for what I did." She said again. "If I could take it back then I would but I can't. All I can do right now is hope that he forgives me when he wakes up." There was a deep sorrow and regret in the Second Childs voice. "I just have to help him forgive me when he wakes up."
Misato was stunned into silence at Asukas admission. It was a well known fact that Asuka never apologized for ANYTHING. Even if she knew that she was wrong. Asuka slowly turned and trudged her way towards her room. Her shoulders were slumped and her head was down, as if she bore the weight of the entire world on her shoulders.
The door slid open and then closed again and for a minute all was silent in the apartment. Then Misato made her way to the fridge where she withdrew a beer, fully intent on getting drunk.
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The next morning, day one. The sun rises and slants in through the window of Asuka bedroom. After a few minutes she wakes up and drags herself out of the bed. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying all night and there are dark circles under them.
She quietly pads down the hall way to the bathroom and climbs into the shower. The hot water running down her body slowly brings her fully awake and the memory of the previous day resurfaces.
With a determined look on her face Asuka steps from the tub and quickly towels dry. She walks to her room and dresses in her yellow sundress. Leaving her room she cracks open the door to Misatos room but the major is not there
Asuka finds Misato sitting at the table passed out, with about a dozen beer cans surrounding her. With a disgusted look on her face Asuka grabs her bag and walks out of the apartment.
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The hospital room is quiet. The only sounds are those of the heart monitor and other life support machines hooked up to the boy in the bed. There is a hiss as the door slides open and Asuka enters the room.
"Hey Shinji." She says. She attempts to sound cheerful but she fails miserably, and she knows it. She pulls a chair up to the side of his bed and sits down in it. For several long minutes her gaze rests on his face as her thoughts war within her.
"Shinji. Yesterday… when you jumped, I said that I loved you. I held you in my arms and cried, telling you that I loved you and wanted you to come back to me." Asukas voice had begun to tremble slightly and she takes a moment to compose herself.
"I do not know if I love you Shinji. But I do know that those hateful words I said to you in the park are not really the words that I would speak from my heart." Her hand goes to her chest as she speaks and she can feel the dull throb of her heartbeat beneath her fingers. Her other hand reaches out and captures his own.
"Shinji if you come back to me I promise that I will find out what it is I feel for you. I wont give up until I am certain if this is really love or if I just care about you in a different way." She trails off into sobs and can no longer speak.
But there is nothing else to be said. She has done what she came there for and she can do no more until he wakes up. Unbeknownst to Asuka someone else heard her confession. Behind the sobbing girl the door is cracked open and one burning red eye peers in at her.
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Rei turns away from the door and slowly walks down the halls. She is deep in thought about the event that she just witnessed. Rei Ayanami designated first child and pilot of Evangelion Unit 00 had for some time felt a… closeness with the pilot of Unit 01.
Rei believed that she might like the young Ikari. But since she had had very little experience with emotions in general she could not be sure. The confusion caused by her new found feelings for Shinji was a little too much for Rei to take. She soon found herself in the cloning lab.
She stripped down, leaving her clothes strewn all over the floor and climbed into the LCL tank. She always found that floating in the warm orange liquid calmed her down and helped her concentrate better.
She spent several hours floating in the tank and after a time she climbed out of it. She had contemplated her dilemma throughout her entire time there but she was still no closer to a solution. She decided that she would speak to someone about it. Now, all she had to do was decide whom she would approach on the subject.
The second child seemed out of the question. Rei knew all to well of the red haired pilots' dislike for her. Dr. Akagi also seemed to be a bad choice, for the same reasons as Asuka. That left the commander and Major Katsuragi.
Rei decided that it would be a bad idea to approach the commander because of his feelings for his son. But the Major was an entirely different story. Miss. Katsuragi obviously cared for Shinji, and she had never exhibited any dislike for Rei. Therefore Rei decided that Misato would be a good choice, based on their shared feelings for Shinji, and the fact that the Major might be able to explain those feelings having experienced them herself.
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The doorbell rings in the silent apartment. Misato jerks at the sound in her sleep. The doorbell rings again and Misato wakes up. Her head jerks up from the table and she looks around her with confused expression etched on her face.
The bell rings for a third time and Misato winces at the loud sound. She climbs to her feet and stumbles towards the door. Nearly falling against it she slams her palm into the button that opens the door. It hisses open and Misato is quite shocked to see Rei standing there calmly.
"Major Katsuragi. I wish to speak with you." Rei said. Misato blinked a couple of times, looking at the blue haired girl before her. Finally she shakes her head roughly from side to side and stands away from the door. Rei walks passed her and on into the kitchen where she sits down at the table.
"What is it you want to talk about Rei?" Misato asks as she comes into the kitchen. She sets about putting on a cup of coffee.
"I would like to discuss a….. problem that I have been having." Rei says in her usual monotone. Misato has not spent as much time with Rei as Shinji has and that coupled with her hangover prevents her from noticing the hesitation in Reis words.
"Oh? What problem would that be?" Misato asks as she digs through the cupboards in search of the coffee. "Where the hell IS that thing?" she mumbles to herself.
"I believe that I may have…. feelings….. for the Third Child." Misato freezes. She is standing on her toes, head stuck into one of the cupboards above the sink and she is praying to god that she misheard Rei.
She drops back on her heels and leans out of the cupboard turning her head towards Rei. The girl is sitting at the table, hands crossed demurely on her lap gazing straight at the startled Major with her blood red eyes.
"What did you just say?" Misato asks.
"I believe that I may have feelings for Ikari-kun."
"What do you mean 'feelings'?" Misato asks.
"I am not sure. But I think I care for him. However I have had very little experience with emotions in general so I thought that I would talk to you about it." Misato was a bit shocked at the length of Rei's statement. For the quiet girl this was a lot to say at once.
Throughout her extended speech Reis voice had not changed in pitch, tone, or volume. She had stayed completely calm and indifferent to what was going on around her.
"OK." Misato gave up her hunt for the coffee and stumbled into a chair as she felt that her legs might give at any second. "So you are trying to tell me that you are in love with Shinji?"
Rei's eyes widened imperceptibly. Until this moment she had not thought of love. She had just been thinking about her protective feelings for Shinji. She believed that she may consider him a friend.
"I do not know. I think maybe I do love him." Rei fell silent as she thought about this new development. Do I love him? What is love? Does he love me? She looked up at Misato. "Major? What is love?"
Misato groaned silently. She could tell that this was going to be a VERY difficult conversation.
"Rei love is often expressed as a physical attraction between two people. But it is not that simple." Misato paused as she thought about what she would say next. "Love is…. a commitment. It means that you will stand by the one that you give your love to. Support them when they need it. Stand with them when they deserve it. And never betray their trust."
"Is that all?" Rei asked.
"No. It is more than that. No one can actually say what love is. You can only say what you feel. I have heard that you can't explain love, you can't tell someone how you love them, but when you feel it. In your heart you know that you are in love."
"I understand Major."
"Rei. Would you answer a question for me?" Misato asked. Rei looked at her. After several minutes Rei had still not spoke so Misato took that to mean that he was waiting for the question. "Well Rei. Why are you asking me these questions? Are you in love with Shinji?" Misato chose to ignore the fact that that was, in essence, two questions and waited for Rei to answer.
"I do not know Major. I feel protective of him. I am angered that pilot Sohryus' words drove him to hurt himself. I think that I may love him but I am not certain." Misato considered the girls' words carefully, before speaking.
"Rei. The only thing I can tell you is that you should go with your feelings. If you think that the best thing is to be with Shinji then you should at least approach him about it when he wakes up."
"What if…. What if he does not feel the same?" Rei asked in a small voice. Her hands were still crossed in her lap, only now they were gripping each other so tightly that her knuckles were white. Her eyes were downcast towards the table, hair falling in front of them so she could not meet Misatos gaze.
At that second Misato got a brief glimpse into the mind of Rei Ayanami. She was shy, had little to no experience expressing her emotions, and apparently, was just as afraid of rejection as Shinji was.
"Rei I can guarantee that Shinji feels something for you. I've known for quite a while that he has feelings for you. I'm just not entirely sure what those feelings are. If you talk to him about it, I'm sure you'd be surprised at how much that boy cares for you."
With these words Rei lifted her head. Misato was shocked to see that there were tears threatening in her eyes.
"Thank you Major Katsuragi. I appreciate your advice and will consider it." Rei rose from her seat and headed towards the door without waiting for a reply. The sound of the door sliding shut echoed throughout the silent apartment.
"Shinji." Misato murmured quietly. "Come back to them."
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Shinji Ikari was dead to the world. He was imprisoned in his own mind. Trapped behind a wall of glass that he had created in his pain, cutting himself off from all human contact, in an effort to avoid the pain that comes with human contact.
Asuka Langley Sohryu stands a silent vigil over his still form. Sitting in a chair by his bedside for the last three hours she had not moved. She had simply continued to stare at the boy lying before her.
In her mind a war is being wagged, between her thoughts, her pride, her emotions and feelings, and her memories. In her minds eye, a door opens and a form can be seen hanging from the ceiling.
A shudder passes through her body as the image rises in full detail. The way the body swung slightly, the smell of death in the air, and that disturbingly satisfied smile on the face of the woman.
"What do I feel for you?" she whispered as her ice blue eyes studied him. They roamed over his face, taking in every detail. The high cheek bones, and strong chin. So much like his father.
Asuka was a girl that lived on her pride. She needed it like she needed to breathe. What is it about you that captivates me so much now? she wondered.
He's weak. said a voice in her mind.
No he isn't. she whispered back to that voice. He is strong and courageous.
He is weak. He always backs down from you. He never stands up for himself or puts up a fight.
As the war continued in her mind she failed to notice Shinjis' right hand twitch ever so slightly. She did not see his eyelids fluttering, nor did she take note that his breathing had changed, becoming less steady.
But he does fight. He fights like a god. In the Eva he is unmatched. Is it the Eva that now defines him? What is Shinji Ikari without Eva?
He's a weak little boy without the Eva. He doesn't deserve you. You didn't like the kiss. As that idea crossed her mind she thought of that day. Almost a week ago now. She had goaded him into kissing her. And then pinched his nose shut because his breath was tickling her.
But she had liked it.
I did like that kiss. But I still thought of him as the weak little pervert. I was shocked that I could actually like kissing him. Asuka looked at him again, this time taking in his lips. Full and warm and as she sat there an urge to kiss him seemed to grow inside her to an almost over powering point.
She kept her seat.
But you didn't really like………Asuka frowned and in her mind stomped that little voice flat. It remained silent. Glancing at the clock she determined that it was time to leave. Standing she walked over to the bed and leaned over him.
With one hand she reached out and brushed his bangs back from his face. Then she leaned over and lightly brushed his lips with her own. She held the kiss for a minute his lips soft and warm against hers and a shiver ran through her body. Standing she looked down at him one more time before turning and walking away.
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Five seconds after Asuka had left the room the eyes of Shinji Ikari slowly opened. His right hand lifted from the bed to come to rest softly on his lips. An expression of surprise and……. joy is clearly seen on his face. He smiles and closes his eyes again. Soon he drifts off to sleep, and the room is filled with the sounds of his breathing and the promise of a better day.
End
Ok this chapter took me a VERY long time to write. It is short but I had a lot of trouble getting it to say what I wanted it to say. Right now I do have some idea where the next chapter will be going but who knows how long it will be before it is finished.
For the next Chapter. Shinji is awake. Will Rei act on her new feelings? Will Asuka? or Will both of them? What will Shinji do and how will he react to Asuka after her hateful words in the park?
Until Next Time
See you on the other side
Infantile Dependence, Adult Dependency:
The Coma
Written by
Ryan T. Nelson
