The Matrix FF8 Style
(code flicks across the screen)
Rinoa: Seifer, are you sure this line is clean?
Seifer: Yeah sure babe, of course. Continue...
Rinoa: Okay, so I pull down your pants and...
Seifer: Not with that! Do you think that he's "the one"?
Rinoa: Um... sure Seifer! But back to...
-dial-tone-
(Squall is at the desk in his room, passed out drunk on the desk and listening to Eyes on Me, which was on repeat. The word 'search' is on his computer, and pornographic images filter across the screen. Then the screen goes black and text appears)

Wake up, Leo... I want you baby, I want you so bad...
(Squall picks up his head and watches the rest with interest)
You're so hot... I wish I could just be there with you...
Slide my hands into your tight leather pants...
Feel around for what I want...
Massage you for a minute...
Slide off your pants...
Suck you off...
If you want me too, baby, follow the bitch with the ponytail.
Ding dong baby.

(The doorbell rings)
(Squall breaks his eyes away from the seductive text to open the door)

(At the door stands the Conceited SeeD (CSD) and the Girl With Ponytail (GWP), as well as a few other nameless thugs)

CSD: Hey lionass you got it?
Squall: yeh, right over here. (he goes to his bookstand, opens GF JUNCTIONING AND YOU, and takes out a list of the answers to all of the SeeD tests)
Squall: you got the money?
CSD: right here. Ten grand, in gil. (Squall hands him the list in exchange for the money)
CSD: you're my savior, man. My own personal member of the Hyne. Hey wait, you look pale.
Squall: I've looked pale for five minutes and you didn't notice.
CSD: well, I felt like statin the obvious. I'm going to go get drunk. Hey ponytail bitch, should he come?
GWP: Well... (giggle) I think that he'd fit right in... and he'd have a great time... What do you say? (She hangs on the CSD, and her ponytail swishes.)
Squall: uh... okay...

(Loud... piano? music plays. Squall is sitting in a bar/club. The people who brought him here are busy making out and getting wasted. Squall is pretty much alone. A girl in a really tight leather catsuit walks by)
Rinoa: rowr... Leo... (She sits in his lap and whispers in his ear) you're looking for him, I know it.. but you're looking for a different reason I went looking... I heard that he was a pimp and looking to hire but it turns out he isn't. he knows the secret of the universe or something like that. I'm just in it for the sex. But anyway back to what he told me to say. Um... we're looking for you but you're looking for answers and they look sexy but they can kill you and um I forgot but basically watch out and don't do anything that I wouldn't do which is practically nothing. (She gets up and disappears)
Squall: what was that?...
(the piano music turns into an alarm)
Squall: SHIT I've got work!

(Cid sits at a desk, Squall stands in his line of vision. Moombas are washing the floor and making horrible squeaking noises with the sponges)
(Cid rambles on for about ten or fifteen minutes and Squall looks bored)
Cid: now you have a choice. Stay here and work for me or survive the torture chamber of doom!
Squall: uh... I'll take the torture chamber.
Cid: I can't let you do that. You'll stay and work here. Go to your desk and stay there, infidel! you are my slave!
Squall: I'll just be getting to my desk now...

(Squall walks to his little desk in the classroom. a Garden Faculty member comes and hands him a UPS envelope with a phone in it. Squall takes it out and it starts to ring)

Guy on Phone: do you know who this is?
Squall: uh... Zidane?
Guy on Phone: no.
Squall: Morpehus?
Guy on Phone: wrong.
Squall: Dr. Kadawaki?
Guy on Phone: NO!!!
Squall: uh... Shrek?
Guy on Phone: NO! I'm Nida, remember?
Squall: Nida?
Nida: just... just forget it. well, there are some guys looking for you. stand up, you'll see them.
(Squall stands up suddenly)
Squall: oh those guys? they've been asking me for cash for a month!
(Said guys are Biggs and Wedge, and they walk closer to him)
Nida: on the count of three run like hell. One... Two... (Squall has already run off) Three... RUN LEO!
(Squall is running obviously and he breaks into Cid's office, where Cid is in the closet, with an unidentified person. at Nida's instructions he climbs out the window and drops the phone out of the window. It is only two stories high)
Squall: Drop, or get captured. Drop, or get captured. Hmmm... I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!!!
(Biggs and Wedge come and 'escort' Squall out of the building)
(Rinoa, on a chocobo ouside says: SHIT! and drives off)