1 CHAPTER FOUR
1.1 Knocking on Heaven's Door
Carter peered through the window of the ICU. He too was torn inside. If he had kept his mouth shut then this wouldn't have happened. But how do you shield feelings of love without it eating you up inside? He stared at Luka, who was still sitting by Abby's side. She was right, if he really didn't want to split her and Luka up, then he wouldn't have told her. If he loved her that much, he wouldn't have told her. He sank into the chair next to the door. Staring at the wall ahead, all he could think about was the mistake that he had
made.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time seemed non-existent. Abby's condition neither improved nor took a turn for the worse. It didn't change. And in some way Luka liked it that way. At least the constant beat still echoed. In his mind all he could think about was whether she was going to die or not. He tried to put the thought at the back of his mind but it seemed to creep forward and dominate his mind. Inside he was angry with himself. He was angry at what he had done. He was the one who had driven her to the edge; he was the one who had pushed her over the edge. He regretted what he said, what he had done as soon as he walked out of the room. But he didn't have the courage to say sorry, and all because he thought there was something going on between her and Carter, he didn't even wait for her side of the story, just jumped to conclusions. And now he may never get to say sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'll go to Heaven
I heard it's peaceful there
They don't allow your troubles
Everyone's had their share
And if I can be someone who
never needs a disguise
Then maybe I'll go to Heaven
Heaven is in your eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bright light in front of me is overwhelming. I take several steps back, and only then does it all become clear. I look to the left and see my painful childhood. Then I look to the right and see my years of adolescence, the years I thought I would never escape. Then behind me I see the years that I was an alcoholic, and the battle to beat it. But then in front of me I see the present. I see my apartment, I see me, me lying on the kitchen floor, with a bottle in my hand. Everything suddenly goes black, and I awake to find myself in the bathroom, staring at a figure on the floor. I can't seem to escape the crimson red substance flooding the floor. I head for the door, but it is jammed. I take a closer look at the figure and realise that it is me. That it is my blood that is engulfing the room. I peer down to my wrists and am startled to see blood seeping from them. I can't escape. The blood overwhelms the surroundings and everything disappears.
I awake to the bright light that first blinded me. But this time I seem invincible towards it. I stare at it curiously and wonder for the first time where I am. I remember being in the bathroom, seeing me lying on the floor. But was any of that real? I glance around, away from the light, but all I see is nothingness. I walk towards the light, like it was a vacuum sucking me in. I enter. Not knowing what's on the other side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'll go to heaven
I'll sail on into the night
I'll watch as I set my soul free
Watch as my heart takes flight
Maybe I am too simple
Maybe I am too wise
And maybe I'll go to Heaven
Heaven is in your eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luka feels the presence of someone else in the room. He turns to find Kerry approaching him.
"You should go home," She says, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Luka doesn't reply. Just thinks about how she can ask him to leave his girlfriend who's knocking on deaths door.
"She wouldn't want you to lose control of yourself Luka, you should go home, have a shower, get something to eat"
"She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me"
"You can't blame yourself for this Luka" Kerry tries to reassure him.
Luka pays no attention to her; he just sits, clutching Abby's hand.
"If only I had listened to her," He whispers.
"You should get some rest"
Her persistence is in a way comforting to Luka, but in another it is annoying. He knows that she isn't going to give up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luka unlocks the door to Abby's apartment. He couldn't face going to his hotel room and being alone. At least here there were things that reminded him of her. He walked into the bathroom, and there he truly felt her presence. He sunk to the floor, thoughts toying with his mind. What if she was really in this room? If she stayed and just her body went to the hospital? He gave up on those thoughts because they could only mean one thing and that was that she was really dead. He looked over to the place where he found her. The floor still had the outline of a pool of blood, and the stench of alcohol still lingered in the air. They may be the signs of a tragedy, but Luka didn't have the heart to leave, this was the place that he felt closest to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I step out from the light and find myself once again in my apartment. I am staring down from above, staring at myself. I watch as I wake and take a gulp from a bottle. Then I see myself take a knife from the drawer and head into the bathroom. As the sound of the door closing and the lock turning echoes around everything floods back to me. I remember. I remember everything.
I feel something on my shoulder and turn to see something I truly cannot believe. There stood in front of me is Lucy Knight.
"I know what your thinking"
"What..?" It's the only word that my brain allows me to force out.
"You want to know where you are and how I am here"
All I can do is stare at her. Someone I saw myself die is now stood in front of me, talking to me, "Where am I?"
"Your in your own mind. Out there you are close to death," She says pointing toward the light. "In here you are not more than half alive"
I try to understand what she is on about, taking in everything that she saying.
"This is where you choose between life and death. You go out there you live, you go in there you die"
I look to where she is pointing and see a calm, beautiful blue ocean. This is where I set out to come. But I turn back to the light and see what I am told is the entrance back to life. I have been given a second chance. I head toward the light, my mind made up to go back.
"Are you sure that's where you want to be" I hear a voice call out after me. "Are you sure you want to go back to what you have tried so hard to escape?"
Suddenly the light disappears and I am thrown into loneliness. The only thing that is around me is the ocean. I am slowly being pushed back by a dark force, by loneliness. I turn and look into the ocean. I bend down and put my hand into the water. It is warm, and soft to touch. I peer out at the horizon; the ocean doesn't seem to end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wasn't supposed to be this way
Got too much of my own say
Never thought that I'd be standing at the gates of heaven
Knocking on heavens door.
Well that's chapter 4 guys, hoped u liked it, sorry it's been ages since I posted the last chapter , been kinda busy. Feedback always wanted!!!!!!!! So keep those reviews rolling on in!!!!.
Chapter 5 will be up soon (a lot sooner than this one!)
Rainbow345uk
1.1 Knocking on Heaven's Door
Carter peered through the window of the ICU. He too was torn inside. If he had kept his mouth shut then this wouldn't have happened. But how do you shield feelings of love without it eating you up inside? He stared at Luka, who was still sitting by Abby's side. She was right, if he really didn't want to split her and Luka up, then he wouldn't have told her. If he loved her that much, he wouldn't have told her. He sank into the chair next to the door. Staring at the wall ahead, all he could think about was the mistake that he had
made.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time seemed non-existent. Abby's condition neither improved nor took a turn for the worse. It didn't change. And in some way Luka liked it that way. At least the constant beat still echoed. In his mind all he could think about was whether she was going to die or not. He tried to put the thought at the back of his mind but it seemed to creep forward and dominate his mind. Inside he was angry with himself. He was angry at what he had done. He was the one who had driven her to the edge; he was the one who had pushed her over the edge. He regretted what he said, what he had done as soon as he walked out of the room. But he didn't have the courage to say sorry, and all because he thought there was something going on between her and Carter, he didn't even wait for her side of the story, just jumped to conclusions. And now he may never get to say sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'll go to Heaven
I heard it's peaceful there
They don't allow your troubles
Everyone's had their share
And if I can be someone who
never needs a disguise
Then maybe I'll go to Heaven
Heaven is in your eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bright light in front of me is overwhelming. I take several steps back, and only then does it all become clear. I look to the left and see my painful childhood. Then I look to the right and see my years of adolescence, the years I thought I would never escape. Then behind me I see the years that I was an alcoholic, and the battle to beat it. But then in front of me I see the present. I see my apartment, I see me, me lying on the kitchen floor, with a bottle in my hand. Everything suddenly goes black, and I awake to find myself in the bathroom, staring at a figure on the floor. I can't seem to escape the crimson red substance flooding the floor. I head for the door, but it is jammed. I take a closer look at the figure and realise that it is me. That it is my blood that is engulfing the room. I peer down to my wrists and am startled to see blood seeping from them. I can't escape. The blood overwhelms the surroundings and everything disappears.
I awake to the bright light that first blinded me. But this time I seem invincible towards it. I stare at it curiously and wonder for the first time where I am. I remember being in the bathroom, seeing me lying on the floor. But was any of that real? I glance around, away from the light, but all I see is nothingness. I walk towards the light, like it was a vacuum sucking me in. I enter. Not knowing what's on the other side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'll go to heaven
I'll sail on into the night
I'll watch as I set my soul free
Watch as my heart takes flight
Maybe I am too simple
Maybe I am too wise
And maybe I'll go to Heaven
Heaven is in your eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luka feels the presence of someone else in the room. He turns to find Kerry approaching him.
"You should go home," She says, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Luka doesn't reply. Just thinks about how she can ask him to leave his girlfriend who's knocking on deaths door.
"She wouldn't want you to lose control of yourself Luka, you should go home, have a shower, get something to eat"
"She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me"
"You can't blame yourself for this Luka" Kerry tries to reassure him.
Luka pays no attention to her; he just sits, clutching Abby's hand.
"If only I had listened to her," He whispers.
"You should get some rest"
Her persistence is in a way comforting to Luka, but in another it is annoying. He knows that she isn't going to give up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luka unlocks the door to Abby's apartment. He couldn't face going to his hotel room and being alone. At least here there were things that reminded him of her. He walked into the bathroom, and there he truly felt her presence. He sunk to the floor, thoughts toying with his mind. What if she was really in this room? If she stayed and just her body went to the hospital? He gave up on those thoughts because they could only mean one thing and that was that she was really dead. He looked over to the place where he found her. The floor still had the outline of a pool of blood, and the stench of alcohol still lingered in the air. They may be the signs of a tragedy, but Luka didn't have the heart to leave, this was the place that he felt closest to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I step out from the light and find myself once again in my apartment. I am staring down from above, staring at myself. I watch as I wake and take a gulp from a bottle. Then I see myself take a knife from the drawer and head into the bathroom. As the sound of the door closing and the lock turning echoes around everything floods back to me. I remember. I remember everything.
I feel something on my shoulder and turn to see something I truly cannot believe. There stood in front of me is Lucy Knight.
"I know what your thinking"
"What..?" It's the only word that my brain allows me to force out.
"You want to know where you are and how I am here"
All I can do is stare at her. Someone I saw myself die is now stood in front of me, talking to me, "Where am I?"
"Your in your own mind. Out there you are close to death," She says pointing toward the light. "In here you are not more than half alive"
I try to understand what she is on about, taking in everything that she saying.
"This is where you choose between life and death. You go out there you live, you go in there you die"
I look to where she is pointing and see a calm, beautiful blue ocean. This is where I set out to come. But I turn back to the light and see what I am told is the entrance back to life. I have been given a second chance. I head toward the light, my mind made up to go back.
"Are you sure that's where you want to be" I hear a voice call out after me. "Are you sure you want to go back to what you have tried so hard to escape?"
Suddenly the light disappears and I am thrown into loneliness. The only thing that is around me is the ocean. I am slowly being pushed back by a dark force, by loneliness. I turn and look into the ocean. I bend down and put my hand into the water. It is warm, and soft to touch. I peer out at the horizon; the ocean doesn't seem to end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wasn't supposed to be this way
Got too much of my own say
Never thought that I'd be standing at the gates of heaven
Knocking on heavens door.
Well that's chapter 4 guys, hoped u liked it, sorry it's been ages since I posted the last chapter , been kinda busy. Feedback always wanted!!!!!!!! So keep those reviews rolling on in!!!!.
Chapter 5 will be up soon (a lot sooner than this one!)
Rainbow345uk
