NARRATOR IN A SOFT VOICE:A vieled figure is stooped over a crystal ball, swirling with many colorful...uh...colors. Anyway, the figure looks up, surrounded in smoke, smiles and says to you:

Hello! I see you have come to visit this story. Within there will be romance, adventure, laughter, and...uh...er...other majestic things I canÕt think of right now. So, please, grab a drink, have a sit--takes a long drag from her cigar--(hence the smoke) and waves to a seat in front of her, which happens to have you in it. Please, enjoy your time here. For in the crystal ball I see you laughing, smiling, and having a good time, and yes, you ARE reading this story when thatÕs happening--takes another long drag--anyway, have a sit, enjoy, whatever...Hey! --Spots author hiding in a corner--WhereÕs last monthÕs pay check?

ANYWAY!!!

Okay-dokey! The following disclaimer belongs to me :) , and is said in a farmer-like accent...
-AHEM-
DISCLAIMER: This here is me plot, not me characters. ÔDa characters is owned by Ôda inteegileent lilÕ lady who goes by Ôda name J.K. RowlinÕ. YaÕÕll have any problem with Ôdat fact, take it up with me shotgun-chickchick--O.o--Billy-Joe Jr.

Alrighty, thank you Mr. Farmer Man Guy! All you people at home, donÕt you think he deserves an applause? c l a p c l a p!
Anyway, this story is about Draco and Hermione, LOTS of stuff is going to happen...well, read and find out!! PG-13 for, I believe, a few (a lot, whatÕs the difference??) swear words, okay?
OKAY!
Oh, by the way, this chapter is just about Draco getting dressed up like a muggle, itÕs pretty...um..I HATE it when authors say this about their own stories, but it IS pretty silly (stupid), but, I had to do it, so...MAKE LIKE A TREE AND READ!

Is that right?

CHAPTER ONE

Draco was sitting in his room, on top of his plush bed with itÕs silk sheets and blankets, with his cheek and back stinging harshly, when he finally decided he didnÕt care about what his father wanted of him anymore.
He was going to do everything HE wanted to do...well, to be more accurate, he was actually going to do everything that contradicted with everything his father wanted of him.
He had one more day until his seventh year at Hogwarts started, and he was going to spend every minute of it doing everything he could to piss off his father tremendously. Not to mention DURING the school year.
The bottom line...he wasnÕt going to listen to his father any longer.
Jumping off the bed, he went to his desk and pulled out his large bag of floo powder that was stored in a drawer.
Walking over to the fireplace located at the end of his room, he pulled out a pinch of the stuff and threw it inside...then remembered that he didnÕt know-- exactly-- where to go.
He thought about what he was trying to do here, well, he was trying to anger the olÕ dad. And what angered dad the most?
Muggles, Draco thought immediatly.
So...he would...get muggle stuff? That sounded a bit weak to him, but on the other hand, his father really HATED muggles to the core of his very soul, so this probably WOULD agitate him.
ÒWhat muggle stuff though?Ó Draco thought hard, what exactly did muggles have anyway?
Clothes! He could get muggle clothing! And...and...what else did muggles have that wizards didnÕt (A/N: wizards DO have clothes, just not the same kind smart ass)? Ah, well he could think of other things once he was there.
Turning back to the fireplace, he threw some more floo powder in, and thought about where he could get those clothes. HeÕd thought that maybe Potter or Granger had said something about a mell. But that didnÕt sound quite right, what had they said?
Mall! That was it! It didnÕt matter which one, any mall would do.
So, stepping into the fire, he called out mall, and had just enough time to think, Ôoh shit, what if these ÔmallsÕ arenÕt connected to the floo powder network?Õ.

As it turned out, lady luck happened to be with Draco Malfoy that day.
He stumbled out of a large fireplace, clutching his bag of floo powder, and was just straightening up, when he heard someone yelling at him.
ÒHey! Hey you! Get away from that fire!Ó
Draco looked up to see a boy about a half-a-head taller then himself running towards him. When the boy got closer, he saw that heÕd been blessed with bad, bad acne.
The boy was breathing pretty hard when he finally reached him, but he managed to say, ÒIt--it looked like you were right inside it...Ó he took a deep breath, ÒSorry to bother you though.Ó he offered him a smile and a hand, ÒNameÕs Henry.Ó
Draco grimaced, but shook hands with the boy, ÒMalfoy. Draco Malfoy.Ó
Henry laughed, ÒYou said that exactly like James Bond. YÕknow, Bond. James Bond.Ó
He waited with a frown on his face until Henry stopped laughing to ask, ÒDo yÕknow where I could get some mu-- I mean, clothes.Ó
ÒYeah sure, I just got off my shift here, so I could take you there if yaÕ want.Ó he suggested.
Draco surveyed around him to find a bunch of couches, chairs, and comforters of all shapes, sizes and colors, ÒWhere is ÔhereÕ?Ó
ÒWhaddyaÕ mean?Ó
ÒI mean, where are we?Ó he asked impatiently.
ÒThe Oakland Mall of course.Ó he answered, ÒIs that what you meant?Ó
Draco nodded, ÒI suppose thatÕs all I really need to know.Ó
ÒReady taÕ go?Ó Henry asked.
ÒOf course.Ó
Henry led Draco out of the furniture store and passed many, many other stores that kept on catching his eyes.
ÒSo, whatÕs with the geddup?ÓÓ Henry said, walking so fast that Draco nearly had to jog to keep up.
ÒWhat?Ó he questioned incredeously(sp).
ÒThe robes?Ó
ÒMy robes?Ó he asked, looking down at his black, flowing robes. In just the right light, they actually changed to a sparkling green, he was particularly fond of them and was just about to tell Henry so, when he remembered that he was talking to a muggle, and that he was in the middle of a muggle-infested place. ÒUh...IÕm trying out a costume?Ó he said lamely.
ÒDude, thatÕs crazy, itÕs not even Halloween.Ó Nevertheless, he seemed to accept the excuse, ÒHere we are.Ó
They had stopped in front of a HUGE door that many people were filing in and out of, most carrying bags with various logos plastered on them saying how great and original their store was. At the top, in huge white letters, it read JC Penny.
ÒJC Penny?Ó Draco said, then turned to Henry, ÒThis place has clothes?Ó
He looked down at him like he was insane, ÒHave you been living in a cave, covering your eyes with earplugs in your ears?Ó
Draco blinked a few times, then finally managed, ÒWhat?Ó
ÒHow could you not know what JC Penny is?Ó
ÒIÕm foreign.Ó he said quickly, ÒI donÕt really know anything about your culture. IÕm uh, trying to fit in better, yÕknow, look more like you while IÕm here.Ó
ÒO-o-oh. I gotchaÕ, IÕm cool with that.Ó he said bobbing his head up and down, ÒHey, do you need help picking out clothes or somethinÕ?Ó
ÒYes!Ó he nearly yelled, ÒUh--I mean, yeah, thatÕd be...c o o l.Ó
ÒIÕm down with that, follow me.Ó and again, he was leading Draco.

ÒThese?Ó Draco said doubtfully, ÒThey look stupid.Ó
ÒNaw, girls love Ôem.Ó Henry assured him, ÒI should know, IÕm a babe magnet!Ó
He raised an eyecrow, ÒUh-huh, IÕm sure...Anyway, if youÕre positive...Ó
ÒOf course I am.Ó
Draco sighed and set the sortaÕ tight black t-shirt and the baggy black and white camaflouge(sp) pants down next to the helpful boy, ÒHey, do you know if there are any fireplaces in this store?Ó
Now it was HenryÕs turn to raise an eyebrow, ÒWhat is it with you and fireplaces?Ó
He sighed, ÒItÕs a...part of my culture. Anytime I buy something I have to go to a fireplace and...see if, the, fire, likes it?Ó he said slowly, and with a deep frown. How utterly pathetic.
ÒWhere did you say you were from again?Ó he asked, standing up from the pile of pants heÕd been sitting on.
ÒUgh, just...trust me.Ó he said tiredly.
ÒRi-ight, anywho, I donÕt think there are any other fireplaces in the mall except in UnwoodÕs Oak Furnishing.Ó
ÒShit.Ó Draco hissed.
ÒWhat?Ó he asked, ÒDo you really need to talk to you fire God that badly?Ó
ÒNo, itÕs that I, I left my money at my manor.Ó he said, blushing, how embarassing(sp), of course these muggles wouldnÕt take wizard money, what had he been thinking!
ÒYouÕre manor huh?Ó Henry said, then, sighing, ÒHow Ôbout if I cover for yaÕ, then you can send me the money as soon as you get it...that cool with you?Ó
Draco couldnÕt believe his luck, ÒBut, I--well, sure yeah.Ó
ÒGreat, come along then.Ó
So they went through the check-out line, and they were heading back to the furniture store, when Henry suddenly halted him, ÒYou said you wanted to fit in, right Draco?Ó
ÒUm--yeah.Ó he sait, a bit uncertainly.
ÒWell then, you DEFINITLY need a new do. I mean, that slicked back look is WA-A-AY over.Ó
ÒDo?Ó he asked.
ÒHairdo man, you really ARE foreign!Ó
This was almost too good to be true, ÒGreat.Ó he said in a very controlled, calm voice.
ÒThis way then.Ó

ÒMy goodness gracious! This must take you about an hour to do everyday!Ó The lady with the annoying voice said, touching DracoÕs slicked hair, and feeling how rock-hard it was.
ÒAbout.Ó
ÒWell, this just wonÕt do!Ó she said in a high-pitched whine, she grabbed some shampoo off the counter in front of Draco and slathered it in his hair, squeezing and rubbing and squelching it.
Baring his teeth, he took it with controlled ease.
After a half-hour of cutting, snipping, shampooing, and dying, the lady sighed with satisfaction.
ÒYou know, itÕs people like you that make me want to be in the hair-cutting buisness.Ó she smiled, ÒI mean, I work miracles everyday!Ó she exclaimed in a voice that would make a dog howl.
She spun the chair around, and Draco saw that his hair was now much shorter. The top layer was dyed a darker color then his own silvery-blond hair. It was now a sort of dirty-blond on top, and was brushed in a way that made it look like it was not brushed. To himself, it looked as if he had just gotten up. But everyone else was praising, so he decided to not object. If this is what the muggles did, itÕs what the muggles did.
He stood up and ran his fingers through his new hair and found it was MUCH softer then it ever was before.
Thanking the lady politely, he and Henry exited the store.
ÒWell, thereÕs only one more stop.Ó Henry said, not looking at Draco.
ÒWhat are you talking about?Ó he asked suspiciously.
ÒHere.Ó
They stopped in front of a place that was blasting rock music and was flashing lights over all the things it was offering to sell.
ÒWhy here?Ó
Henry pointed at DracoÕs right ear, ÒFor an earring.Ó
ÒWhat?Ó he said, thinking heÕd heard him wrong, ÒThose are for girls.Ó
ÒI could never pull it off, but IÕm sure youÕd look pretty damn cool with one.Ó he said confidently, ÒCome on then.Ó
Draco hesitantly followed him inside the store and to the back where on a white sign, written in marker, it read:

Ear piercings: $4.50
Free ear solution with each peircing.

He gazed doubtfully at the sign, ÒIÕm not so sure--Ó
ÒDoesnÕt matter.Ó Henry interrupted just as a woman with a peircing in the nose that made her resemble a bull came striding along.
ÒWhat can I do for you?Ó She asked politely.
ÒMy young friend here--Ó he hit Draco on the back, ÒWould appreciate an ear peircing.Ó
ÒRight, have a seat then love.Ó she said, indicating the stool next to the sign.
He sat down a tad nervously, how the heck did she plan on doing this?
ÒAlrighty then, which ear?Ó
ÒHis right.Ó Henry answered for him.
She pulled out a small contraption with a point at the end, ÒRight then.Ó then she lifted a small box, ÒWhich earring honey?Ó
Draco gazed around for a minute, having no idea, when Henry came too his rescue.
ÒThis one.Ó he said, pointing at a small silver loop earring.
ÒRighti-o.Ó She took DracoÕs face in her hands and looked at the area around his right ear, ÒYou have an attached ear lobe.Ó she muttered, then pulled out a black marker and made a dot on his ear. ÒReady?Ó
He nodded.
She did something to the contraption then put it against his ear.
ÒDo not, move.Ó she ordered.
He felt a slight pain, then a numbing effect took over, ÒThat wasnÕt so bad.Ó
She nodded, ÒOf course not.Ó she leaned forward and connected the back of his earring to the part that was coming through the hole, ÒThere yaÕ go love.Ó
He climbed off the chair.
Henry spoke to the woman for a minute, then came back and gave Draco a bottle.
ÒEar solution. Put it on the ear every night. DonÕt take off the earring for three months.Ó
ÒWhy did you do that?Ó he asked.
ÒYou said you wanted to fit in.Ó
ÒI donÕt see any other people besides girls wearing earrings.Ó
ÒThatÕs Ôcause itÕs a NEW style.Ó
Draco grumbled that he didnÕt believe him, and Henry just rolled his eyes.
ÒLetÕs go.Ó he said.

They were finally heading towards the fireplace at UnwoodÕs Oak Furnishing that was, for some reason Draco would never understand, connected to the floo network.
At the door next to the store, Henry turned to Draco, ÒIÕve gottaÕ go my own way now, but if you ever get the inkling to pay me back, just meet me here. I work Mondays through Fridays from nine to six.Ó
He nodded, ÒAlright.Ó Knowing he would most likely never see this guy again.
Henry was already leaving when Draco finally decided to yell, ÒThanks!Ó
He turned around and waved, ÒNo prob. man.Ó then continued on his way.
Draco took about ten minutes trying to find his way through all the stupid furniture that seemed to be placed in the store just to be in his way, when he finally saw the large fireplace in the corner of the room, but the fire seemed to be winding down quickly.
Jogging over, Draco tossed a pinch of floo powder into it, and the fire immediatly grew larger and turned green.
Sighing, he stepped inside, holding his bag of powder and his bag of new clothes, he called out ÔMalfoy ManorÕ.

~* *~

Draco hid his new belongings inside his desk.
Except, of course, his haircut and earring, which he quickly hid under a wizarding hat covered with moons and stars that were a bright yellow on a black silky background.
He decided to wait until he was safely in view of other people to show his father his new things.
Which, as it turned out, was a spectacular idea.

He was wearing his new clothes under his school robes, and had placed the pointed hat on his head again the next day, and when he was almost in view of the other Hogwarts students, he slipped them off.
Lucious nearly exploded with rage.
Draco put on a bored look as his dad yelled in his face.
He couldnÕt do anything to him with all these people miling around, and he knew it, and took full advantage of that fact.
Finally, when Lucious was running out of steam, he grabbed his trunk, his eagle-owl and his wand, and headed towards the train.
Unaware of the other students--mainly girls--staring at him.

q:

Okay, was that too long? I donÕt know, TELL ME! And, most importantly, did you like it? Please, PLEASE go on to Chapter Two now, all right?
REVIEW!