So dark. It could swallow him. His feet padded the cold stone of the shadowed sidewalk. It was almost illuminated from the lamp light so he won't trip and fall. He stopped. But would that have been so bad. To fall? To feel the cool stone beneath his palms and the trickle of blood from his skin, telling him he's alive even when he felt dead inside. He continued walking. His gaze slowly lifted to the scene before him then raised it higher. Up to the sky.
Just like diamonds. The stars. Wasn't that how some people described them? Yes it was. The sky must seem so rich. Max let a faint smile curve his lips. He had stopped again, his hands in his pockets in an effort to keep them warm.There was no moon tonight, which added a more dazzling sight to the stars that used to seem to dim and dull against the moon's full dominating beam. Yet they shone nevertheless. Just like diamonds. Max looked back down to the dark sidewalk. He had left the party early. Gave Isabel the keys and decided to walk home. He just couldn't bare it.
He had looked at Tess. Took in her sight. And he had thought to himself..how did this small girl have so much power to ruin his entire life? Yet she had and she hadn't hesitated to use it. He resisted ofcourse, but in the end he paid the price. For the more he resisted Tess the more Liz had resisted him. Liz. Oh Liz. That name. What had she done? She had his heart in her hands and she decided to drop it.
He watched his feet skimming the smooth surface. That was how it had been. His life. A smooth straight path in his safety shell. Shut away from the whole world. Then the shooting came. He noticed a small crack now lining the ground, easing its way along with his steps. It had cracked his little shell and gave him a taste of the real world of being human...well almost, and to love. Oh to finally be able to hold and cherish the only thing he pined over, and then to have her return those feelings right back set his world off its axis. He was no longer afraid. So glad was he to finally be able to share his darkest secret with others and be loved for it. A hole the size of his palm made his pause and step over it.
Tess. Finding her way into their lives and wrenching him free of his security of a normal life. Creating a gap between harsh reality, and the constant living which they had bid by for so many years. Being at least a bit normal was out of the question. Not only that. But the capacity for free love was also seperated from him. Set on the other side of that hole. The small crack filed on it's way again. Just like he had tried to file his life away like it was. But he hadn't succeeded like this sidewalk did. He tried to win back what he lost. Tried so hard. Fought so well. Yet not well enough.
Max stopped dead. Before him lay the remains of an unfinished sidewalk. The biggest gap he was yet to face. Finally admitting defeat. He had lost whatever hopes he had after her betrayl. He stared across the distance, some meters from where he stood. The other side was just too far away.
When he looked up farther he sucked in his breath. All he had done was walk around the block. He was only standing beneath that worn out fire escape. The one he had used so many times. The one, Max decided that he would use one last time. Insanely he began to descend the ladder. Not knowing what to find. Wondering why he was even bothering. His head came above the edge, and he could see everything. It all seemed so familiar. He turned his eyes to the window. Unexpectedly, he was startled. She was there.
All alone. Sitting crossed legged on the bed, staring into nothingness. Her eyes so hollow, her body so slumped. In defeat, in sorrow. The lights in her room were dim so she couldn't notice him there. And even if they weren't he doubted she would even acknowledge him. So absorbed was she in.....nothing.
***
MAX' POV
I took my time to look at her.
Beautiful. Yet so sad.
I felt the urge to walk up there and make myself known.
Climb through that window and make take her in my arms. Offer her the care she so much needed.
At that moment, i didn't think of how she broke my heart.
I only thought of how hers was breaking.
Why? i asked her desperately in my head. Why push me away when you need me like you do now.
How could you betray me after you pledged your eternal love for me. In words. In emotions. In actions. And after i did the same for you.
I knew it was fruitless. She wouldn't answer me.
Not because i was asking her in my head. But because in truth, if i did ask her to her face, she wouldn't answer.
She'd look at me with those defeated brown eyes, so full of guilt, and she won't have to say a thing. Because i'd be long gone before she had the chance to.
She was still staring. I felt my legs shift on the ladder.
I hadn't realized how long i had been up here. The noise was loud. Obvious.
It appeared to have roused her from her state, and she was looking in my direction.
I quickly ducked my head. I waited a few moments, knowing full well that she still looked outside.
What was she thinking? Was she hoping that it was me? Coming for her....like i said i would before?
I shook my head and popped it back up when i was sure she wasn't looking.
She had returned to staring into space again. I took in the familiar roof.
The lighted candles.....one extinguished one near her lawn chair.
I wonder what that was about.
I looked at the wall. Something caught my eye.
It seemed red, but it was covered with a draped curtain.
I wasn't going to give it another thought, although it roused my curiousity....
A sudden gust of wind blew. Unsettled me on the ladder that i barely lost my balance.
My gaze though was on the wall. The curtain had blown aside.
A red heart. Glowing faintly.
M.E + L.P.
I swallowed.
that wind settled and it was out of sight again. I looked back to the window.
She was gone.
I sighed heavily and looked back to the wall.A lump formed in my throat.
Boys don't cry, i chided myself.
And slowly, every so agonizingly i climbed down, wished i hadn't been tempted to go up there in the first place, and traced the sidewalk home.
***
LIZ POV
I don't know what bought me here.
I should be home. Wrapped up in my own self misery.
Or rather trying to enjoy the party.
But sitting up there in my room, doing nothing but brooding....
And then i heard this noise, coming from outside.
I thought it was him. I hoped....that he'd come for me at last, like he said he would.
He didn't.
I went back to my brooding. The wind blew. i looked out the window.
Still glowing, i thought with a faint smile.
Now i'm here. Standing outside the heart's owner. My heart's owner.
What am i doing here? What do i wish to accomplish?
I knew what.
I wanted to see him.
Unguarded. Him unaware of me. Because if he didn't see me, no pain would harbor his eyes.
The bedside lamp was one. Cating a faint glow about the room.
He was there.
Lying on his bed. Nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. I tried hard not to drool.
I took in his form, his hands behind his head. He was staring at the ceiling. Lost in thought.
What are you thinking about? i asked him silently. About me? i wondered hopefully.
I assessed him from top to bottom. Finally resting on his face.
Such soulful eyes. Troubled now.
I knew if tonight went on forever, i would be right here watching him. Content to be near...yet hurt to be so far. Couldn't even touch him.
I accidently stepped on a stick, snapping. I flinched, then panicked.
His neck craned to the window, i hid out of sight. I held my breath.
I could still feel his eyes on the window then i knew that he turned away.
I chanced a look up. Tears filled my eyes.
He was looking at the other side of the bed. At a picture. Of us.
I held in a sob. Did he truly wish i had appeared at his window? that when he heard that snap, i would've been there, showing myself? explaining myself? my love?
I peered hesitantly from the side of the glass to the clock by the picture he was still looking at.
11:45pm.
15 minutes could make a world of a difference, i thought. For what could be a better Christmas present......right?
***
TBC
Just like diamonds. The stars. Wasn't that how some people described them? Yes it was. The sky must seem so rich. Max let a faint smile curve his lips. He had stopped again, his hands in his pockets in an effort to keep them warm.There was no moon tonight, which added a more dazzling sight to the stars that used to seem to dim and dull against the moon's full dominating beam. Yet they shone nevertheless. Just like diamonds. Max looked back down to the dark sidewalk. He had left the party early. Gave Isabel the keys and decided to walk home. He just couldn't bare it.
He had looked at Tess. Took in her sight. And he had thought to himself..how did this small girl have so much power to ruin his entire life? Yet she had and she hadn't hesitated to use it. He resisted ofcourse, but in the end he paid the price. For the more he resisted Tess the more Liz had resisted him. Liz. Oh Liz. That name. What had she done? She had his heart in her hands and she decided to drop it.
He watched his feet skimming the smooth surface. That was how it had been. His life. A smooth straight path in his safety shell. Shut away from the whole world. Then the shooting came. He noticed a small crack now lining the ground, easing its way along with his steps. It had cracked his little shell and gave him a taste of the real world of being human...well almost, and to love. Oh to finally be able to hold and cherish the only thing he pined over, and then to have her return those feelings right back set his world off its axis. He was no longer afraid. So glad was he to finally be able to share his darkest secret with others and be loved for it. A hole the size of his palm made his pause and step over it.
Tess. Finding her way into their lives and wrenching him free of his security of a normal life. Creating a gap between harsh reality, and the constant living which they had bid by for so many years. Being at least a bit normal was out of the question. Not only that. But the capacity for free love was also seperated from him. Set on the other side of that hole. The small crack filed on it's way again. Just like he had tried to file his life away like it was. But he hadn't succeeded like this sidewalk did. He tried to win back what he lost. Tried so hard. Fought so well. Yet not well enough.
Max stopped dead. Before him lay the remains of an unfinished sidewalk. The biggest gap he was yet to face. Finally admitting defeat. He had lost whatever hopes he had after her betrayl. He stared across the distance, some meters from where he stood. The other side was just too far away.
When he looked up farther he sucked in his breath. All he had done was walk around the block. He was only standing beneath that worn out fire escape. The one he had used so many times. The one, Max decided that he would use one last time. Insanely he began to descend the ladder. Not knowing what to find. Wondering why he was even bothering. His head came above the edge, and he could see everything. It all seemed so familiar. He turned his eyes to the window. Unexpectedly, he was startled. She was there.
All alone. Sitting crossed legged on the bed, staring into nothingness. Her eyes so hollow, her body so slumped. In defeat, in sorrow. The lights in her room were dim so she couldn't notice him there. And even if they weren't he doubted she would even acknowledge him. So absorbed was she in.....nothing.
***
MAX' POV
I took my time to look at her.
Beautiful. Yet so sad.
I felt the urge to walk up there and make myself known.
Climb through that window and make take her in my arms. Offer her the care she so much needed.
At that moment, i didn't think of how she broke my heart.
I only thought of how hers was breaking.
Why? i asked her desperately in my head. Why push me away when you need me like you do now.
How could you betray me after you pledged your eternal love for me. In words. In emotions. In actions. And after i did the same for you.
I knew it was fruitless. She wouldn't answer me.
Not because i was asking her in my head. But because in truth, if i did ask her to her face, she wouldn't answer.
She'd look at me with those defeated brown eyes, so full of guilt, and she won't have to say a thing. Because i'd be long gone before she had the chance to.
She was still staring. I felt my legs shift on the ladder.
I hadn't realized how long i had been up here. The noise was loud. Obvious.
It appeared to have roused her from her state, and she was looking in my direction.
I quickly ducked my head. I waited a few moments, knowing full well that she still looked outside.
What was she thinking? Was she hoping that it was me? Coming for her....like i said i would before?
I shook my head and popped it back up when i was sure she wasn't looking.
She had returned to staring into space again. I took in the familiar roof.
The lighted candles.....one extinguished one near her lawn chair.
I wonder what that was about.
I looked at the wall. Something caught my eye.
It seemed red, but it was covered with a draped curtain.
I wasn't going to give it another thought, although it roused my curiousity....
A sudden gust of wind blew. Unsettled me on the ladder that i barely lost my balance.
My gaze though was on the wall. The curtain had blown aside.
A red heart. Glowing faintly.
M.E + L.P.
I swallowed.
that wind settled and it was out of sight again. I looked back to the window.
She was gone.
I sighed heavily and looked back to the wall.A lump formed in my throat.
Boys don't cry, i chided myself.
And slowly, every so agonizingly i climbed down, wished i hadn't been tempted to go up there in the first place, and traced the sidewalk home.
***
LIZ POV
I don't know what bought me here.
I should be home. Wrapped up in my own self misery.
Or rather trying to enjoy the party.
But sitting up there in my room, doing nothing but brooding....
And then i heard this noise, coming from outside.
I thought it was him. I hoped....that he'd come for me at last, like he said he would.
He didn't.
I went back to my brooding. The wind blew. i looked out the window.
Still glowing, i thought with a faint smile.
Now i'm here. Standing outside the heart's owner. My heart's owner.
What am i doing here? What do i wish to accomplish?
I knew what.
I wanted to see him.
Unguarded. Him unaware of me. Because if he didn't see me, no pain would harbor his eyes.
The bedside lamp was one. Cating a faint glow about the room.
He was there.
Lying on his bed. Nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. I tried hard not to drool.
I took in his form, his hands behind his head. He was staring at the ceiling. Lost in thought.
What are you thinking about? i asked him silently. About me? i wondered hopefully.
I assessed him from top to bottom. Finally resting on his face.
Such soulful eyes. Troubled now.
I knew if tonight went on forever, i would be right here watching him. Content to be near...yet hurt to be so far. Couldn't even touch him.
I accidently stepped on a stick, snapping. I flinched, then panicked.
His neck craned to the window, i hid out of sight. I held my breath.
I could still feel his eyes on the window then i knew that he turned away.
I chanced a look up. Tears filled my eyes.
He was looking at the other side of the bed. At a picture. Of us.
I held in a sob. Did he truly wish i had appeared at his window? that when he heard that snap, i would've been there, showing myself? explaining myself? my love?
I peered hesitantly from the side of the glass to the clock by the picture he was still looking at.
11:45pm.
15 minutes could make a world of a difference, i thought. For what could be a better Christmas present......right?
***
TBC
