The One With The Bachelor Party, Chapter Nine
"Too Blind To See"

"She wants to talk to me?" Monica said, surprised. She and Chandler were eating dinner, and discussing Chandler's ongoing therapy.

"She thinks it's time I brought you in. To deal with our relationship."

"Our relationship?" Monica repeated. "Oh." Monica didn't want to admit that their relationship had suffered since Chandler's return. Seeing Dr. Morris would make their problems real. And Monica wasn't sure she was ready to deal with that.

"Mon? It's okay with you, isn't it?"

"What? Yes, yes, of course," Monica smiled warmly, and tried her hardest to push her doubts aside.

*

"Monica, how do you think your relationship with Chandler is now?" A week later, Monica was sitting next to Chandler in Dr. Morris' office, clutching Chandler's hand tightly.

"I think it's okay. It's getting better," Monica looked at Chandler hopefully, but he did not look at her. He couldn't, because he knew that if he did, she would see in his eyes that he disagreed with her. So he continued to look at the wall behind Dr. Morris' head.

"How much has Chandler told you about what happened in Thailand?"

"Not much. Almost nothing."

"Did you try to seek out the information on your own?"

"What? Why-uh, why would I do that?"

"It's not uncommon. Loved one's often think that they can help by trying to understand the situation better."

"Oh."

"Monica, who did you talk to?"

Monica looked at Chandler, who had let go of her hand and was now looking at her curiously. She swallowed hard, not sure how Dr. Morris had known that she had looked for information behind Chandler's back.

"We, uh, went to the Embassy."

"We?" Dr. Morris prodded.

"Yeah. Me and, uh, Chandler's best friend, Joey." Monica looked up from her hands, which she was now wringing nervously. She looked over at Chandler, who was staring at her in shock.

"How much do you know, Monica?" Dr. Morris continued.

Monica swallowed hard, and tore her eyes away from Chandler's. She felt horrible, and she could see in his eyes that he was hurt by her betrayal. She cleared her throat, and stared at her hands once more. "Everything," she finally whispered. "Almost everything." She saw Chandler sink deeper into the sofa, and heard him sigh heavily.

"How does this make you feel, Chandler?" Dr. Morris asked.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Chandler said softly but sternly.

"I'm sorry," Monica whispered back.

"I--I think we're done," Chandler said abruptly, as he stood up. He grabbed his jacket, and left the room quickly.

Monica hoped that when he said they were done, he meant done with the session.

*

Monica saw very little of Chandler over the next week. She decided it would be best to give him his space, while he tried to figure out what he needed. Since he was also slightly preturbed at Joey, Chandler decided to try and mend his relationship with Ross.

"Hey, man," Ross said, opening the door to his apartment.

"Hey," Chandler said, and walked into the apartment.

"You look like you've put on a little weight. You look better."

"I've been going to a gym as part of my 'therapy'," Chandler said flatly.

"Oh. You shoulda told me, I still have that membership at your old gym."

"Oh, yeah. Joey's been going with me. I didn't think it was your thing."

"Oh." Ross shifted uncomfortably. He still wasn't used to being around Chandler, and being alone with him was even worse. He looked at Chandler, and wondered how he would have handled everything, had their roles been reversed.

"Ross, I know things have been weird between us lately, and Joey said that he thought it was because you felt bad about leaving me, or something."

"Well, I do. Chandler, we just left you there to die. I feel like the worst friend in the world."

"Ross, you thought I was dead. Hell, I woulda left, too."

"You would've?"

"Look, Ross, I don't blame you for anything. You didn't do this to me."

"But I talked you into going, and--"

"No, you didn't. Look, if I hadn't really wanted to go, I wouldn't have. So stop blaming yourself for something that was clearly out of your control. I want to put it behind us. I want my friend back."

"Man, maybe I should go to therapy," Ross smiled.

"We've been saying that for years, man," Chandler laughed, and an uncomfortable silence followed.

"Seriously, how's it going?"

"Awful. Monica went with me last week. Did you know that she and Joey talked to the Embassy?"

"Yeah, they told us. I'm sorry, man."

"Eh, I should have figured they would."

"I should have told you, but Monica thought it would be better if we held off."

"Yeah, well, Monica doesn't always know best, okay?" Chandler snapped.

"Sorry," Ross jumped, startled by Chandler's sudden outburst.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just so...I feel her slipping away, Ross. A little each day. It's like I don't even know her anymore. I don't know what to do."

"She loves you Chandler, I know she does."

"Yeah. But she loves the Chandler that I used to be, not the one that I am. I hate this. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like--"

"What?" Ross cocked his head to the side.

"I feel like I don't belong here anymore. Nothing is like it used to be. I feel like I'm living another man's life."

Ross didn't know how to respond to that.

***

Chandler told Monica that he wanted her at the next session, and this time she went willingly. She realized that it was their last chance to work things out.

"Okay, I want you both to know that I plan on asking some tough questions today," Dr. Morris looked at Chandler and Monica sternly, "So no running out of the room, okay?"

Chandler and Monica nodded silently. Unlike the previous session, they were seated on opposite ends of the sofa. Chandler was still getting over the shock from the last session, and Monica was still trying to give him space.

"Chandler, why don't we start with you. Tell me how you feel about Monica's revelation."

"I feel betrayed. I feel like she doesn't trust me anymore. We used to tell each other everything," Chandler looked at Monica sadly.

"Chandler, in your first session, you told me that you didn't think Monica loved you anymore. Do you still believe that?" Dr. Morris watched Monica's reaction to her question.

"You think I don't love you?" Monica felt tears welling up in her eyes. How could he think that?

"I guess. I just--Um," Chandler shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"What is it, Chandler?" Dr. Morris prodded.

"We still live together. We share a bed. But--um...She doesn't ever, uh, touch me."

"How does that make you feel?"

"I don't think she finds me attractive anymore," Chandler looked at his hands. His latest revelation was a huge one for both him and Monica.

"I had no idea," Monica wiped fresh tears from her eyes.

"Monica, tell me what you think about what Chandler just said."

"I--I'm shocked. I guess it's true, though, I mean, about the touching. But it's not because I don't find him attractive. I do. I still think he is adorable," Monica smiled shyly, "But--"

"Have you made love since Chandler has been back?"

"No," Monica shook her head, and Chandler looked away, in an unconscious attempt to distance himself from the conversation taking place.

"Why not?"

"I guess I was--I am--afraid that I'll, uh--"

"Break him?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Is it because of his weight?"

"A little. But the night he came back--" Monica's crying had turned to hiccups, and she paused briefly.

"Monica saw my scars and bruises, that's what she's referring to, I think," Chandler's voice was quiet and raspy.

"Is that why you are afraid to touch him?" Dr. Morris asked.

Monica nodded and hiccupped again.

"Monica, Chandler is in much better condition physically than he was three months ago."

"Yeah, I know."

"So, what are you afraid of?"

Monica looked at Dr. Morris, and realized she didn't have an answer. She looked at Chandler, and saw that he was again looking away from her and Dr. Morris, his mind absorbing this new information.

"Tell Chandler what you are thinking. Tell him how you feel."

Monica scooted closer to Chandler, and tentatively place her hand on his arm. He turned and looked at her, and she could see that he had been crying. She felt her heart break, knowing that she was the cause of this pain.

"Chandler, I do love you. And I do still think you are handsome, and sexy, and wonderful. And I'm sorry that I made you feel otherwise, I really am."

Chandler nodded silently, and smiled slightly.

"I want you two to go home, and spend some time getting to know each other again. And I'm not talking about favourite colours and movies either." Dr. Morris raised her eyebrow as she spoke.

Monica and Chandler nodded and left Dr. Morris' office hand in hand.

***

One hour and a bottle of wine later, Monica sat next to Chandler on the sofa, her head on his chest.

"I've missed this," Chandler muttered into Monica's hair.

"Me too," Monica sighed, and pulled away from Chandler. She turned to face him and looked him in the eyes. "Chandler, you do believe me when I tell you that I love you, don't you?"

"I think...I think you do love me, but I am worried. I'm sorry Mon. I just--I feel so out of place here."

Monica nodded. "I think we all need to help you with that. We all need to adjust, it's not just you."

"Ross is very uncomfortable around me."

"I know, I'm sorry, sweetie. I really think this is going to take time."

But Chandler wasn't sure that time was what they all needed. He couldn't help but to wonder if it would be easier on all of them if he disappeared again. He knew that they all wanted to try and love him again, but Chandler knew that it would never be the way it was--and that broke his heart. He looked into Monica's eyes, and wondered if she had entertained the same thoughts--that it would be easier if he weren't here. She leaned in and kissed him, more passionately than she had since his return, and Chandler knew where it was headed. He felt her hands on him, and wondered whether or not he should pull away before he lost all control. Monica pulled him off of the couch, and led him into their bedroom. Chandler pondered the possibilities, as they made their way to the bed. He knew that after tonight, it would be much harder to say goodbye.