Authors Note: These characters don't belong to me, I'm only borrowing them. This is also slash (i.e m/m contact) and contains strong language. Think I've said it all now! Oh, please hit the review key when you've finished reading.



Feels Like Home : Part Two : Ice

Neither Scout nor Will had slept well. Will, crouched over a book of critical essays, had been slurping coffee till gone two; whilst Scout had been tossing and turning. The intermittent sounds of Will working had served only to irritate him further, when normally Scout lay oblivious, being a notoriously heavy sleeper. At about half two, Scout had taken up residence on the windowsill, staring out into the darkness, trying to catch a glance of the moonlight reflecting off the lake water. Images floated across his mind, the memory of Sean staring down at him tearing at his gut. Nothing made sense any more. At half past three, after listening to the fitful movements of a sleepless Will, Scout's head touched the glass, and he slept as he sat.

* * *

Finn noticed their inattention first.

"Not with us today, gentlemen?" his voice icy, after the boys had neglected to answer the second question tossed in their general direction. Will, huge dark shadows lengthening under his tired eyes, forced a smile and attempted an answer. Scout glanced out of the window.

"Not bad, Krudski," Finn let his star pupil off with a wan smile, "You've redeemed yourself for this lesson. Mr Calhoun?"

Scout's attention flicked momentarily back to the English class. For a second, he struggled to recall the book they were reading, then clumsily attempted to string a coherent sentence together.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "I'll see you after class, Scout."

* * *

Scout tossed his apron on the counter, and ran his fingers through his hair, stifling a yawn. Friendly's was never that busy in the early evenings; there was a general lull between the after-school rush and the more steady business they did in the evening. Under normal circumstances the staff craved customers, anything to relieve the tedium of an empty café. Tonight, however, Scout was pre-occupied. Several times people had had to ask twice before he focused on them, dragging his mind away from his memories of the previous night. He still couldn't make head nor tail of it all. Had it really happened? Had he and Sean. kissed? Had they come together, fused? Yesterday he'd been so sure of himself, so sure of his feelings for Bella. Today? Sean haunted his every thought. Briefly, he let his eyes close, tiredly massaging his neck, stiff from sleeping propped up against the glass.

"You didn't get much sleep either, then,"

"I didn't hear you come in," Scout swallowed hard, scared by his body's reaction to Sean's presence. He yearned to reach across the counter and take his hand, feel his skin against his own, touch his lips to his. Scout struggled to regain his composure.

Sean shrugged. "I was quiet," He let his gaze meet Scout's. "I couldn't sleep last night,"

Scout's gaze dropped first, "Me neither," he muttered, fixing Sean a coffee. Neither boy knew what to say.

"When do you finish?" Sean asked eventually, toying with a napkin.

"Twenty minutes or so," Scout ostensibly began cleaning the surfaces down, wiping coke slurps and the odd stray onion off. For a second, he let his gaze meet Sean's, confused by what he saw there - confusion, worry. And a tiny attempt at a smile.

They arranged to meet down by the lake in half an hour.

*

"Here, I thought you might like a drink," Scout handed Sean a takeaway coke.

"Ice?" Sean was cagily thankful, aware that no one remembered he hated ice in his drinks.

"No ice," Scout smiled, and sank down on to the upturned boat next to Sean. Doing his best not to touch the other boy, he shifted, surprised by how uncomfortable the peeling ridges were. Once again, dusk was falling, the last shafts of sunlight outlining the ripples across the lake. Sean was staring out onto the tiny island just off the shore.

"We've got to talk," he said eventually.

Scout took a long slurp of his can of Pepsi. He usually neglected to mention his predilection for Pepsi over Coke, wondering whether he was committing some kind of heresy by preferring the weaker brand. "About last night?"

"About everything." Sean turned to face the other boy, his eyes searching out Scout's. "Dammit, Scout, we've only ever really fought each other. then what? We just start kissing? I don't get it."

"You said it yourself it was a spur of the moment thing. We were shocked about Bella, that was all-"

"Was that all?" For a second, Sean's eyes betrayed his hurt.

"I'm not gay, you know," Scout was suddenly adamant. "Bella." he tailed off. She was his sister, for fuck's sake.

"Bella." Sean murmured. For a moment he remembered them together, remembered the swish of her long hair as it fell down across his face, the touch of her lips to his, the way they could lay on the sofa and watch TV all afternoon, play fight, row across the lake, remembered the gentle smell of her shampoo as he pulled her close, other, more intimate smells. The smell of her soap mixed up with the pungent scent of motor oil. Then he remembered something else. the graze of stubble across his face, the touch of muscle to muscle, and the faint aftershave scent assailing his nostrils. He fought to quell the wave of desire that swept over him, forcing himself to think of his and Scout's previous relationship. Jeez, the guy had almost spelled the end of him and Will. Fighting at his party. Fighting at the drive-in. The constant tension when it had been the three of them - him, Scout and Bella. "This is all so fucked up," he muttered.

"You're telling me," Scout shot the other boy a sidelong glance, letting his eyes rest on him for a long moment. Sean was mindlessly stirring his coke with a red and white striped straw, a muscle throbbing periodically in his cheek. Cute. Scout tried to brush the uninvited thought away, "I mean.. We hardly know each other."

Sean glanced at his watch, "Shit, I've gotta run - I promised my Mom I'd help her tonight -"

Scout shrugged, suddenly cold in early evening light. "Sure. Whatever." His eyes followed a tiny bird, hopping from one swaying branch to another.

"Don't be like that," Sean dropped his cup on the floor, and hesitantly let his hand touch Scout's forearm. "I really do have to go."

Scout felt a sudden compelling urge to grasp Sean's hand and never let go. He felt the slight roughness of the fingers grazing his skin, evidence of the constant swing of a baseball bat and the love of his bike. Where had all this come from, he wondered haphazardly, as he let his fingers slide into Sean's.

Sean groaned and leaned in towards him, his lips brushing Scout's. Gently at first, then pressing harder, his tongue forcing an entry. Scout, emotionally unable to do anything other than submit, responded with equal intensity, their bodies pushing against one another, hands grasping. Eventually, desperate for breath, finger tracks through their hair, they pulled away.

"When can I see you again?" Suddenly, Scout couldn't give a damn. Throwing caution to the winds, he reached for Sean's hand. "I want to see you again," he repeated, not taking his eyes off of Sean.

"I. I don't know, " Sean stood up, weak from the intensity of it all, he pulled away from Scout's touch. Desperate to hide his nervousness, his hand closed around a piece of bark, his fingers shredding. "I never planned this," he finished lamely.

"You think I did?" Scout could feel his courage waning in the face of opposition, and lashed out to save his own dwindling pride, "Do you think I wanted to want this? To want you?" he let his gaze rest on the water in front of him, refusing to look at the other boy, "Dammit, Sean, what the hell would people say, what would they say if they knew, if they knew."

"If they knew that you'd kissed me. And come back for more, " Sean's voice was harsh, unwillingly angry as he felt Scout retreating away from him, felt the arms that moments before had been open, beginning to close. "Perhaps it's better that it ends now then, before anybody else gets hurt,"

There was a long pause, neither boy glancing at the other.

"Is that what you want?" Scout mumbled, his knuckles white from where he was gripping the boat so tightly. He forced himself to look across at Sean, forced himself to acknowledge his presence.

"I don't know.I don't know what I want," Sean admitted finally, not letting his eyes meet Scout's. Everything was going so quickly. Fear was overwhelming him, freezing his fingers, damming his nerve-endings. "I just need some time." he mumbled finally.

Scout let out a deep breath, unable to fully comprehend the wave of feeling that was assailing him. "So this is it then." He managed, his stomach churning.

"No." Sean bit his lip, willing himself not to lean over and touch him, forcing himself to stay still. "I just. just need to understand what I'm feeling. Is that so difficult to comprehend?"

Scout shrugged. "How much comprehension do you need?"

"What?" Sean took a step closer, the movement involuntary.

"Just enough comprehension to figure out which one of us you'd rather be fucking, is it?" his voice was low and harsh, "The blonde or the brunette, Sean, which one will it be? Bella or me? Which 'lucky' one of us gets you?" Scout was plucking the grass in handfuls where it grew against the discarded boat, hurriedly dropping handful after handful into the gently lapping lake. Small shafts of green floated first one way, then the breeze caught them, blowing them another. Across the lake, the evening sun was slowly descending behind the sea of greenery. Everything was ending once more.

Sean dropped his hand briefly onto Scout's resisting shoulder, "Go fuck yourself, Calhoun," he said lightly. The only response was a tiny twitch of the shoulder muscle, before Sean stumbled away into the mounting dusk.