Thank you to ALL the wonderful people who helped me! Bast, Shatai and Maniacal Dragon! You guys rock!
Last time, AF and company made it to their first stop, Jendai was scared shitless by the plane, GIR wanted paint, Red was... himself, Purple was normal and AF was too! Zim has several new plots he wants to try...Again, I own nothing except myself and Jendai. Europe owns itself.

After showing their horrible passports and staggering due to the effects of horrible jetlag from the horrible plane ride-oh god I'm turning into MS. BITTERS!!-the six collect their baggage, or at least try to... if you've ever had to claim 20-plus bags in France... you'd know what hell our heroes and hero-ess went through.
Red (towering over crowd to look for bags): If they lost my lazers... (psycho look)
Purple (edges nervously away with AF and Jendai): I don't think the poor Europeans would dare harm your precious lazers... heh heh (nervous look)
Zim (wiggling through massive throng of humanity to get to baggage carousel): Out of the way of ZIM! Move it! Invader coming through! Out of the way! I will destroy you if you refuse to move, stupid insolent stinkmonkeys! (nervous French people hurry away) About time! Stinking humans!
AF (looms over him): Come again?
Zim: Oh, uh... (nervous laugh) Oh look! Isn't that your bag, AF? (climbs on carousel, jumping over bags to actually FIND AF's bag) Is this it?
AF (watches bags come towards her, almost hypnotized): So many baaaaaaags... uh? Oh, yeah, that's mine. (hauls it off carousel) See any others, Zimmy?
Zim (glares at her cuz she used a nickname for him): Yes, yes I do... Squeaker.
Jendai (turns to stare at AF): 'Squeaker'?
AF (blushes bright red): Um... Zim er... He says I squeak when I jump off... things... And uh...
Jendai (persisting, even though the "flamethrower" is out): And...?
AF (gets pissed): I was obsessed with a certain movie when I was little where there was a girl named Squeaker, okay!? (looks at entire room) Does that satisfy all of you!? (brandishes her candle and hairspray)
French security guard (comes up to AF to stop her from disturbing the peace): S'il vous plaît manque, vous êtes ennuyantes les personnes. (this is said in French-duh!-so AF doesn't understand a word of it. He said, "please miss, you're annoying people")
Purple (decides he'll give AF a hand before she winds up causing a war or something): Monsieur, ne s'occupent pas d'elle pour satisfaire, elle est juste un Américain. ("Sir, don't mind her please, she's just American")
(A/N: if I got something wrong-for those of you who speak French, blame Altavista's Bablefish thingy, not me. I don't speak the language.)
FSG (nodding): Ah, je comprends. Continuez monsieur. Ayez une bonne journée. ("Oh, I understand. Carry on Sir. Have a good day." My, he's a pleasant Frenchman!)
Everyone stares at Purple.
AF (blinking in amazement): How the hell does an Irken speak French?
Purple: Got bored on the plane. (shrugs innocently)
Finally, all the bags are collected and they head out to the car rental place. On their way out, AF stops Purple for a sec.
AF (blushing again): Hey, Pur... uh... thanks for that little... thing back there... (aww! She's embarrassed! How AF-ish!)
Purple: No problem, AF. Just, do me a favor and don't annoy too many humans over here... My Spanish is suckier than hell. So is my German...
AF (amazed once more): Damn! How many languages DO you speak?
Purple (now HE'S blushin!): A lot...
AF: Your role on TV doesn't do you justice, Pur.
Red (interrupting by yelling from outside): DAH! Holy crap! ZIM!! Get this piece of crap away from my car!! (there is a sound of something going crash... something big)
Zim (also yelling from outside): GIR! What have you done!?
GIR (squealing in sheer joy): OOOO!! BLUE CAR!!
Jendai (yelling from... where do you think?): Oh god! OWW! Damn you human... thing!
AF and Purple: *Sigh* (they go off to rescue their fellows)
Out in the car rental place, GIR has attached itself to a bright blue car, while Red is standing guard over a red one, Zim is trying to pry GIR off the car, Jendai's on the ground twitching and the car rental place worker is staring in sheer disbelief. AF and Purple join CRPW in her staring.
AF (shakes her head): You leave them alone for five seconds... (goes up to CRPW) You speak English?
CRPW (nodding her head vigorously): Yes! What kind of car for you?
Purple (scans lot): Um... (sees purple car) Ooo! That one! The purple one with the... (discovers he can't see the license plate) The purple one.
CRPW (forks over the keys): Thank you! Come again!
They take the keys and drag the luggage over to the purple car-only to realize it's too small for all the bags and for all the passengers. Purple goes back to the CRPW, gets the blue car, picks Jendai off the pavement and the two of them help AF fill it with the bags. They then divide up the seating arrangements. AF, Purple, Red, and GIR get the purple car, and Jendai gets to drive the blue one with the bags and Zim. So they can keep in contact, each car gets one of AF's precious cell phones-swiped from her parents of course! Our Pyro hero-ess is too broke to even get one of her own... stupid 4$ allowance... They pull out of the huge parking garage, trying to read the signs in French.
AF (on cell phone to Jendai): Kay 'Dai, just follow me. We got the translator in here. Call if you get lost. (hangs up) Okay, Pur, where's the hotel?
Purple (trying to read the giant map): Erm... it's supposed to be on the Champs El'ise... or something like that... (turns the map over) Okay, look for a big arch thing and the Eiffel Tower. The street's along there someplace.
Red (whining from the backseat): I'm hungrrrrrry... can we stop and get some of those long bread thingies? (points out the window at French peoples walking around holding begets) Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeze AF?
GIR (sees the bread): OOOO! I want one too! No, I want dis many! (waves all his fingers in AF's face) And my paint! Pleasies Ms. AF lady...
AF: Fine... (pulls out cell phone) Hey, 'Dai? Red and GIR are whining for food. Tell the truth, I'm kinda craving something too. How 'bout you two? (pauses) Well, tell Zimmy he doesn't have a choice. We're in France, he's not just gonna eat ketchup and lettuce. They have even better sandwiches here anyway. (pauses again) Mm-kay. We'll stop off at the hotel, get someone to take our luggage up-
Purple (to himself): I pity the pour human who gets THAT job...
AF (continuing and ignoring him):-and then head out to find a café and then maybe do some sightseeing. (pauses again! My, Jendai likes to talk to her!) Okay. Yeah, we can probably go up to the top. (pauses once more, then grins) Aww! Dai! Okay, see you at the hotel. (hangs up)
Red (leans forward): What'd Psycho Iron Chef say, AF? Hmmm? (evil grin)
AF (mumbling): Nuthin...
Red (not quitting while he's ahead): Me think AF has a THING for a certain MECHANIC! (elbows Purple) Tough luck, Smoke-machine boy. Nobody stands a chance against an Irken with blue eyes! I hear the humans all have things for blue eyes! Hehe, wonder what half-breeds'll look li-OW! (rubs place where AF's seat smashed into him)
AF (growling): Shut up or I'll do worse than ram my seat into your gut, Lazer-Ass.
Purple (glaring at Red): Not to mention it's "methinks," idiot.
GIR (giggling): Smoke machines and Lazers! Hehe! Methinks! Hehehehehehehehe!! (of course he's clueless)
So, they check into their hotel, a small little place with one bed per room and a tiny bathroom with barely enough room to turn around in... but what do they care? They're in France! Yay! Doom to the French! Walking down the street, they finally find a little open-air café. It's a cafeteria style place that has all kinds of nummy French food, like the begets, escargot, frog legs, quiche, and stuff like that. With Purple translating, they manage to get their lunch and make their way to an empty table. Zim, AF and Jendai get beget sandwiches with turkey and Swiss cheese, GIR somehow manages to get a hold of a few tacos, Purple has some quiche (it's a pie-like thing with eggs and ham or whatever else the French feel like putting in), and Red buys about 5 begets-plain-to eat.
AF (around her mouthful of sandwich): You guys want to go to the Eiffel Tower next? (pulls out the map) I hear you can see almost all of Paris from the tippity top.
Zim (starts to get an idea): All of Paris, eh? Hmmm... (evil grin) Mawhah-(stops laughing when he notices people are staring) Heh heh... okay, let's go.
Purple (finishes the quiche): Can we go see the Arc De Triomphe? It's cool lookin.
GIR: I want paint! (gets the I-miss-you-cupcake-face) When do I get my paint?
AF (sighing): I'll take you after the Eiffel Tower. Okay?
They finish lunch and hail a few cabs down to the Eiffel Tower. As per usual, there's a gigantic line to go up in the tiny little elevators and you have to pay a ton of cash. It's really dusty under the tower because nobody ever waters down the dirt under there and it's sorta windy in Paris. Tiny little ropes separate about six different lines on each of the tower's four legs which all have elevators inside that go up to the top. All these people are pushing and shoving and there's annoying little brats whining in 50 different languages about how bored/tired/hungry/thirsty they are or are making fun of you. Unfortunately, there's Americans and British around our lucky group, so they can understand everything.
Random Brat #1: Mooooomie! (points at Tallest who are hacking and coughing cuz of the dust) Lookit the weird green peoples in dressies!
Red (pissed): They're not dresses! Damn it! (is interrupted by coughing fit) Where the hell is all this dust coming from!?
GIR (sitting on Jendai's shoulders): Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! Dust bunnies!
Zim (on AF's shoulders): When are we going to see this tower thing? All I see are stinkpeople.
AF (uncomfortable underneath Zim): Zimmy, we'll get there when this stupid line gets shorter. All righty?
Purple (suddenly hungry again): Hey, Red, gimmie one of those beget things. I'm hungry.
Red (still pissed): No way Pur!
Purple (equally pissed): But you have two!
Red (glares): Yes, and they're both for me.
Jendai (looks over at Purple): Got a book? A big book? Something around the size of "War and Peace?" I'd like to finish something before we get on the elevator.
Jendai doesn't get his book, so they all stand around being bored except for GIR who still has AF's Gameslave and is now playing her sacred "pokemon crystal." Yes, AF's a pokefan. Hey, she likes the little ones that run around and shoot fire at stuff. Plus, in Crystal she can finally be a girl! Squee! End shameless babble. After about three hours, they get to the end of the line and get on an elevator. The Tallest and Jendai hit their heads cuz those stupid elevators are so freaking small! And cramped! Everyone is, I swear to God, packed like sardines in those things! Our group is faced away from the windows so they can't see anything, which will be a good thing, as we'll soon see. Some people get off on the first stop, but AF and company are going to the top. Once they get there, they discover it's getting dark and they're the only people up there. It's basically a flat circular platform with a ten-foot high railing all around with chain links and steel bars around it so no one falls down. Paris people are very safety-conscious. There's a big, pointy pole in the middle. All the lights in Paris are coming on and it's so beautiful...
AF (sighs): Wow... (goes over to the rail and spreads her arms Titanic style. Heh, AF is hopeless, eh?) Weeee! GIR, come fly with me!
GIR (jumps on her head): WEEEEEE! I'm flyin too! I'm a jet plane! (looks over at Zim) MAAAAster! Come fly with me!
Zim (clinging to the center pole thing at the top of the tower): N-n-n-n-No, G-G-G-ir... I... I'm fine... right here... (face goes pale and he starts shivering)
Red (making fun of him): Look! The great Invader is afraid of heights! (looks down. The Eiffel tower is like 2,000 ft high or something like that, I forget exactly...) OH MOTHER OF IRK!! (clings to pole with Zim)
Purple (looks at begets Red's dropped): Oo! Food! (picks one up)
Red (lets go of pole): hey! That's mine! (grabs the other one) Give it back!
Purple (hides bread behind his back): Nuh uh!
Jendai (leaning on the rail, deciding to make trouble for Purple): Pur'll fight you for it Lazer Ass. (gives Purple an evil smile and folds his arms) Won't ya Pur?
AF (smirks): Yeah, sure he will.
Purple (scared shitless): What...? Wha, me? F-fight him? (almost passes out) Mother of...
Red (twirls beget like sword): Bring it on, smoke machine boy! (Zim sees him twirling bread and scurries over to hide his eyes from the height in AF's trenchcoat)
Purple (goes white): What am I supposed to fight him with!? (looks helplessly at AF and Jendai)
AF and Jendai: Bread.
Purple (confuse-ed): Wha...? (sees bread in his hand) Oh! Okay... (copies Red with twirling the bread and hits himself in the eye) OW! Stupid... oh well... here goes dinner...
GIR (still on AF's head): Hehehehehe! Bread-saber fight!
Jendai: Who let GIR watch Star Wars?
Zim (blushes): He wouldn't leave me alone in the lab so I had to do something...
And so, the bread-saber fight commences. Red obviously has the advantage over Purple, being the Soldier and all, but Purple has a fanclub. Unfortunately, having a fanclub doesn't necessarily mean you can dodge when someone stronger and more advanced in combat training swings a five-foot loaf of French bread at you. Purple gets beat-up pretty fast, which pisses AF and Jendai off.
AF (yelling): Hey Lazer ASS! Look! Some woman's looking at you!
Red (looks around): Huh?
Jendai (also yelling): Pur! You can hit him now!
Purple hits Red in the head, a wimpy little blow. Red retaliates with two hits to Purple's chin and the back of his head. Pur goes down. He starts blocking and not hitting.
Purple (thinking to himself): Help me Aliet Faslami, you're my only hope... (he had to sit through GIR's Star Wars marathon as well, it seems)
Red hasn't decided he's won yet, so he continues to beat the stuffing out of Pur with the bread. Fortunately, bread doesn't hurt when you get hit with it. AF finally can't take it anymore. She marches up behind Red and kicks him in the ass, making him fall over.
Red (pissed and on the ground): What the hell was that for, AF!? I was winning!
AF (casually): You were only supposed to win, not beat Purple into a pile of green goo. Get up, Lazer Ass. Nobody wins. It's dark and I have no idea how the hell we're gonna catch a cab at this hour.
Jendai (helps Purple up): Why can't we just walk back from here? It's like five blocks back to the hotel and we've got more than enough people to be safe.
Purple (amazingly has a fat lip and a black eye): Do we have enough people to keep Red from finding a cabaret?
Zim (confused): What's a cabaret?
AF (looks down at the little guy... who's still hiding in her coat): Uh, ever see the movie Moulin Rouge?
Zim (shakes his head): Nope. I was working with the lazer weasels when you guys watched that.
Purple (embarrassed): Okay, then a cabaret is where human males go to... uh...
Jendai (helping): Human males go there to see human females dance with hardly any clothes on... and possibly do other unmentionable things with them.
Zim (horrified): We must keep Tallest Red from being sucked into such a cesspool of human filth!
AF: Uh huh... Let's head back to the hotel, I'm hungry and they have the restaurant open until midnight.
So, they get back on the little elevator, ride back to the ground, then start the long walk back to the hotel. Nothing really goes wrong, they're all talking and keeping an eye out for any cabarets to keep Red out of. There's plenty of streetlights and other people around. Nobody evil dares approach a girl surrounded by three tall, rather imposing, people and a hyperactive green dog. Just, AF gets distracted by a chocolate shop... and we all know you should never come between a female and chocolate... especially her beloved dark chocolate...
AF (face stuck to the glass): HOLY SQUEE! (drools) Look at all the chocolate... (there's a mini-chocolate mountain spread out before her, radiating sugary goodness. She's so sidetracked she doesn't notice everyone else walks away) Wonder how much I can get... no, wonder how much I can carry...? (snaps out of her sugary dream cuz there's someone standing next to her) Hey, where's everyone? (walks off a few feet) ...Pur? This isn't funny Lazer Ass! (notices some guy is following her) Aw, shit. (faces guy) Hey! French... guy! Go away! (pulls out candle, lights it, holds up hairspray to it) I know how to use this thing!
French Guy: (says something in French AF doesn't get)
AF (leeetle scared): Oh, shit. Oh shit...Where's Purple when you want him? No, where's Lazer Ass when you want him... (fires flamethrower) See, Frenchie? I can use a flamethrower! FLAMETHROWER!! (tries to fire again, and is out) DAMN! Oh, hell, oh shit! Note to self, never buy European sized hairspray cans... they always too small... (backs away) Go away. (he takes a step forward) Ooooh, noo... thank God for my loud voice... (AF takes a deep breath) JENNNNNNNNDAIIIIII!! PURRRRRRRRRRRPLE!! REEEEEEEED!! ZIMMY!!! (takes another breath) HELLLLLLLP!
Surprisingly, they all appear, running/floating to AF's aid. Frenchie sees them coming and runs. Unfortunately for him, Jendai has freakishly long strides, thanks to his robo-legs. Frenchie suddenly finds himself hanging in the air.
Purple (one hand on AF's shoulder and slightly out of breath): Great job, AF. You're out of our sight for five seconds and you almost get picked up by someone who's hornier than Red.
Red (holds a lazer): Watch it, Purple. (turns to AF) Whatcha want us to do to this human?
Zim (also holds a lazer): Yes, what shall we do to him? (gets an evil look)
AF (feeling kinda weak): Whatever you three want. He deserves it. Hey Pur? How do you say, "bastard" in French?
Purple (thinks): Bâtard or something like that.
AF (sticks out her tongue at Frenchie): Bâtard! Never mess with an American and her Irken bodyguards! (Frenchie snaps something at her and somehow wiggles away from Jendai. Before he can get within ten feet of AF, Red AND Jendai grab him, then proceed to drag him off into an alley with Zim right behind. Screams soon come from the alley) Pur... I'm not hungry anymore...
Purple (concerned): You? Not hungry? Are you okay, AF? Hey, you're kinda pale... Red! 'Dai! ...Zim. Get back here. We're going back to the hotel. (aforementioned Irkens appear, whistling innocently, then fall into step behind Purple and GIR) C'mon AF. ...AF? (notices AF is pale and not following) Come on Pyro. (grabs her hand and leads her back)
They finally get to the hotel, get a huge dinner at the hotel restaurant, then head up to their rooms. AF is living with Zim and GIR, Jendai gets to bunk with Purple and Red has to live with the bags. The rooms are small, with a little TV and two beds each. All three rooms share a bathroom, which could cause problems. They also have a little fridge with a mini-bar. AF has gone to take a shower, Red's probably watching the French version of MTV, Jendai and Purple are chilling, Zim is sleeping and GIR is playing with his moosey. AF promised him he'd get his paint in the morning.
Jendai (rummaging in the mini-bar): Want anything Pur?
Purple (half-asleep on his bed): Nah, I'm stuffed. Plus, you know that stuff costs a ton of money. AF'll kill you if you drink too much, you drunk.
Jendai (kicks back on his bed on his stomach, drinking a beer-hey, he's Irken, he's old enough!): No way Pur, she likes me too much. (laughs) Or maybe I should say, she likes YOU too much.
Purple (throws a pillow at him): She does not! Anyway, who are you to tell things like that?
Jendai (evil face): I've had my share of girlfriends, I think I'd know such things. (rolls over on his back) Do you like her? (another evil face) Come on PUR! You can tell me! I swear I won't tell her!
Purple (mumbling): Er... well... Uh...
AF (from bathroom, interrupting): Oh GOD! RED YOU PERVERT! GET OUT OF HERE, DAMNIT! (sound of stuff being thrown) WHAT PART OF 'STAY OUT OF THE BATHROOM, I'M IN HERE' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!? (pause filled with whimpering) JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT AND PRETEND YOU NEVER SAW ANYTHING OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GO MORE PYRO ON YOUR GREEN ASS THAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE!!
Jendai and Purple look at each other. Then, they shake their heads and turn on the TV. It's all in French. After a while, Red comes running into the room and cowers.
Red (cowering behind the fridge): Oh, mother of Irk, AF is SO pissed off... Can I... (looks embarrassed) can I switch rooms with someone?
Both Students: No way.
Red (heads back to his own room, grumbling): Mother of Irk forbid a Soldier should ask two Students for any favors... stupid smoke-lovers... (leaves)
Jendai (devil grin): Score one for the Student duo!
Purple (same look): Got that right.
Everyone eventually goes to sleep. But at around 5AM, AF's room gets a phone call.
AF (sleepy): What? I mean, hello? (pauses) Shatai!? Oh come on... it's not you? (listens) Okay, I know you know why I'm in Europe, but Shatai... it's 5 goddamn o'clock in the morning and I could care less if you found my parent-wait. You found them? (listens again) Okay, okay... We'll head to England in the morning. By the way... how the hell did you get here? (listens) No way. How did you get that thing? (pauses) Sweet! Anyway, I'll see you when I see you. Bye Shatai. (hangs up)
Zim (ringing woke him up): Who was that, AF? (he's sleepy too)
AF (happier): My friend Shatai! I kinda asked him to look out for my parents over here while we scout around on foot. He called to say he saw them in London... (looks sad) Damn, I really wanted to stay in Paris another day but... oh well!
Zim (half-asleep and confuse-ed): Wha? How's he looking for them?
AF (going back to sleep): Jehuty.
Zim (even more awake and confused): What's a Jehuty?
AF (devil grin): You'll see Zimmy. (evil laugh) You'll see...
In the morning, the group would head off to terrorize a new nation! Stay tuned my reviewers!