Disclaimer/notes: Okay, I still don't own Harry Potter, but I still wish I did... sigh.... I'm not a pediphile i'm not a pediphile i'm not a pediphile i'm not a pediphile......

James was convinced that if he was blind, he would still be able to find his way to the Great Hall by his nose. The food was always fantastic, even this early in the morning.
He gave Lily a small kiss on the cheek as he sat down at the table.
"Hey," Remus gave an indignant squeek.
"Sorry Remus, no kiss for you," James said, stuffing some eggs into his mouth.
Remus blushed (he hated that sort of humor) and preceeded, "No, you're wearing my shirt."
James looked down, and back at Remus. "Well, ha, so I am!"
"Well, that's okay, I mean, as long as you stay away from the socks, you'll be fine," Remus gave in. "You'll never believe how my socks have been behaving lately....."
"HEY! HEY YOU GUYS!!!" Sirius shouted, running into the Great Hall, and catching the attention of the few students and faculty members there. He slid into his seat at the table, nearly knocking Remus out of his. "Guess what?" he asked, in breathless excitement.
"Whoa, look who woke up," James commented.
"I just found the perfect prank to play on Snape! It'll even get him to wash his hair, finally!" he hopped around and squirmed in his chair. "Really you guys, this is gonna be great!"
James stared at him blankly, and Lily unsuccessfully tried to stiffle a laugh with her hand. Remus slapped him on the head, probably harder than necessary. This gave Sirius his much needed revelation. "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?"
"What is this prank, Sirius? I'd be very interested to hear about it," came the cold reply from behind him.
"Well, I'd tell you, Sevy baby, but I don't think you'd understand it. Let me think of some little words to use, and I'll get back to you later," he said in the most sickeningly sweet voice he could manage.
"I've got a question for you, Black," he sneered, "it might answer a lot of things aobut you?"
"And what would that be?" Sirius growled back.
"I've read a lot of books, heard a lot of stories, and I was just wondering if it's true that sleeping with a werewolf will make you mad."
Remus choked on his orange juice. The other three at the table held his or her breath and watched as Remus' face made the most evident expression of defeat and horror. He started to stutter, but no real words came out.
"Yes, I know. Of course, I know!" Snape said triumphantly. "It was so obvious for so long! How could I not have realized it before last week?" He waited a moment before continuing, just to make Remus suffer. "And before the end of the day, the rest of the school will know, too. They'll all write home to Mummy and Daddy, telling them about the nasty monster they are forced to go to school with. And Mummy and Daddy will complain and complain until they are sure their little babies are safe. You'll be on a train home by the end of the week. You will write and tell me what it's like being a muggle, won't you?"
The ecstasy on Snape's face was clear. He had won, he had caught the marauders at something. And now one of them would have to leave. It was the proudest moment he'd had in a long time.
Remus looked helplessly at his friends. They each looked back, equally helpless. Then, something twinkled in Remus' eye, and he turned to face Severus with a new note of confidence in his voice.
"Well, seeing as you might feel the need to share our little secret," Remus said casually, "I just might feel the need to nibble on your ear. You are sharp enough to understand what that means, don't you?"
By the look on Snape's face, he was definitely sharp enough to understand. He looked as though a bomb had just been dropped.
"Not to mention, I have an interesting secret of my own to share about you," Remus continued. He stood up and whispered something into Snape's ear. Sirius cringed at how close Remus was to Snape's hair.
"You...you...oh!" Snape roared. "How could you know? That's impossible!" Remus just laughed. "If you ever tell ANYONE..." Snape trailed off.
"Oh, but I won't be telling anyone, as long as you can keep our secret amongst us," Remus said cheerfully. "And seeing as you have much more to lose, because if you tell, I WILL bite you, I would advise you to keep your dirty mouth shut."
Snape flashed a painful shade of red. "You would never..."
"Oh, but I would!" Remus sincerely lied (and he was lying, he would never wish this on his worst enemy, not even Snape). Snape stormed out of the Hall.
Sirius, James, and Lily stared at Remus in horror. Peter came out of nowhere and plopped into his seat.
"Why so glum, not to mention late?" Remus cheerfully asked Peter.
"Boo Bear and I were just attacked by a couple of socks. The injuries were minor," Peter explained. "A little magic, and he's as good as new." Peter patted his bookbag, referring to the bear that was hidden not only by the cover of the bag, but by an invisibility charm, kindly provided by Lily.
"Well, thanks be for that!" Remus said, shoveling some pancake into his mouth.
Sirius bit Remus.
"Now, what in hell did you do that for!" Remus yelled, craddling his injured arm.
"I dunno," Sirius shrugged, "just all this talk about biting people made me wonder what you tasted like. Am I going to turn into a werewolf now?"
"NO! I'M NOT POISONOUS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Remus stood up and shouted at him. Sirius didn't appear a bit flustered. Professor Dumbledore, however, sliently caught the boys' attention and raised an eyebrow. Remus gave a small wave and sat back down.
"You know what bothers me?" James said, breaking his long silence.
"What's that?" Sirius asked.
"That you didn't even give Snape hell for saying you and Remus slept together."
Sirius thought for a minute. "Oh, that's right!"
He pointed his concealed wand at Snape and muttered a few incoherent words under his breath. Snape suddenly found his hair to be full of spikey bush burs.
"Hee hee," said Sirius.
(A/N: That chapter wasn't planned, it was sort of spontaneous, but I like it. I like anything this late at night, well, erm, most things. yeah, okay, now I sound like a whore.... ANYWAY! MORE FUN TO COME! AND SOON!)
***SHAMELESS PLUG*** please go read my other stories while you're waiting for the next installment of this one to come out. "Harry Learns the Facts of Life" and "The First Word". I've been told that both are really funny. Go, now, and serve your evil master! MUHAHAHAHAHA!