The Evil of All Evils - A Challange
Disclaimer: Same as always.
AN: I'm REALLY tired tonight, so this one is going to be weirder than usual. I'm scared by it, and I'm the one who wrote it. *is suddenly cut off by the sight of a firey thing in my room* "Behold the Metatron" Oops, gotta go. After that incident in New Jersey, a certain miracle occured. *grins* Lets just say he's not in the least like a Ken doll anymore... ("ahem. Are you coming or not?") Read and enjoy!
Requirements:
~ Remus / Minerva pairing
~ Someone must sing "I'm a Barbie girl"
~ Someone must be drunk... on Kool-Aid
~ A professor (past or present) must say, "I should know the answer! I was a teacher in my past life! Wait a minute... I'm a teacher in this life too..."
~ Flying purple cows must be presented during some time in the fic
~ A LOVE TRIANGLE!
~ Voldemort must be in it
~ Snape must be in it
~ Harry must be in it
~ Sirius may NOT be in it
Down in his dungeons, all alone, all by himself, with no one to keep him company, the delicious, atanomically capable, tall, dark, handsome, probably-not-too-bad-at-giving-back-massages, Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sat in the general vicinity of his cauldron waiting for one-of-the-most-insane-authors-to-ever-write-the-name-'Severus Snape' to finish writing this ridiculously long, horribly drawn out and definately redundant, repetative run-on sentence, and at the same time, while he was waiting for her to finish, waiting for the liquid in the cauldron to be ready to store in a handly little cup with a hole in the lid for one of those cool twisty straws to fit in.
*Skyfire takes a deep breath*
When he realized that she was finally done, he spread his wings, and - oops, got my characters mixed up. My bad.
So, while we were having those technical difficulties (also known as Rhonda getting two very different characters mixed up), the aforementioned Potions Master had ladled whatever mixture it was into the Cup With A Hole In The Lid, careful to not spill a single drop. I got a quick glimpse of whatever it was, and all I could tell was that it was green. Like green grass. And, incidentally, one of the two Slytherin House colors. Co-inkydink? I think not.
Everyone's favorite professor was in a really bad mood, so I apologize in advance for any bad language or sexual innuendos from him. I'll try and censor it.
Severus (Sev from now on) walked towards the door of his office type classrom thingy, totally ignoring the very real, very dangerous fire still blazing under his cauldron.
*Narrator voice type person: What will happen? Will we find out who lit that fire? Was it... Professor Snape? Professor McGonagall? Harry Potter? Remus Lupin? That Karkaroff guy? Alastor Moody? Fawkes the - awk! What you throw the shoe at me for?
Skyfire: This isn't South Park, and we're not interested in hearing who your mother / father is. Now go. you're ruining my story!*
So anyway, he was walking towards the door when suddenly, appearing out of thin air, was everyone's favorite bad guy, Bob Barker. I mean, Lord Voldemort.
*Oh ~gosh darn it~!* Sev thought to himself and all the readers. *I can't believe that my day could be so bad as to have that ~very mean man~ show up. What is with those ~funky~ symbols around those words that I did not say?*
"Those, my dear Professor Snape, are showing that the words you *really* thought are being censored and automatically replaced," announced Harry Potter, bouncing into the room on a kangaroo.
"Potter, you slimy brat, what the hell are you doing with a kangaroo?" Voldie asked, eyeing the Cut With A Hole In The Lid still in Snape's hands. "You can't get a kangaroo in England. And besides... I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world..."
"Excuse me," Sev said irratably. He pushed past Bob - I mean, Voldie, and went into the corridor. He walked to his other office type classroom thingy and got a twisty straw from a shelf. He put the straw into the hole in the lid of the Cup With A Hole In The Lid and raised it to his mouth. He took a sip, sighed in satisfaction, and continued on down the corridor. He heard a stangled choke from behind him, rolled his eyes, and turned around to see Voldie running towards him in a yellow nightgown with pink flowers all over it.
"Wait for me, Sevvie!" the supposedly feared Dark Lord howled. "I want to come with you!" Sev had to bite back a grin as his mind came up with several sexual suggestions with someone who *wasn't* Voldemort, but also wouldn't be thought of in case her so called boyfriend could read minds. Sev took another sip of the green liquid while he waited for Voldie to recover from tripping and falling flat on his face at Sev's feet. Voldie got up, brushed himself off, nodded at Sev, and Sev turned and continued on his way with Voldie following.
They left Hogwarts and headed down to the lake. Sev nearly threw up when his eyes fell on Remus Lupin and Minerva McGonagall cuddling on the shore. He took another sip from the Straw In The Hole Of The Lid Of The Cup With A Hole In The Lid and walked down to join them. He was rather unsteady about it, but he did it. He sat down beside Minerva, and the couple both looked at Sev.
"Whatcha doing?" Remus asked. Sev looked at him through increasingly fuzzy eyes and answered as best he could.
"Sitting. I came out here for some warmth. Voldemort was with me, but he disappeared somewhere."
Minerva smiled at Sev and leaned over to give him a kiss cause she loved him just like he loved her, but she also loved Remus, and she couldn't choose, so they were all trapped in the evil of all evils, a LOVE TRIANGLE!!!!!!
*Skyfire runs away screaming*
Then her eyes slid past him and widened in amazement. Sev turned to see what she was looking at and gasped in shock when he saw Voldemort and Harry riding a flying purple cow over the Quidditch pitch.
"Holy shit!" He exclimed, totally bypassing my censoring. "What the hell is that?"
"I should know the answer! I was a teacher in my past life! Wait a minute... I'm a teacher in this life too..." Remus said, trailing off...
Sev looked into the Cup With A Hole In The Lid as the flying purple cow flew off into the distance with Harry and Bob - I mean, Voldie on it's back. "I think that next time I make this stuff I need to lay off the sugar," he said quietly. "I am so tanked... I thought I saw a flying purple cow."
"What are you talking about Sev?" Minerva asked. Sev pointed aimlessly in the general direction of where the cow had been last seen and said,
"There was a flying purple cow there..."
"What's in that?" Minerva asked, concerned. Sev looked up at her with clouded eyes, and right before he passed out, he said,
"Lime Kool - Aid"
Disclaimer: Same as always.
AN: I'm REALLY tired tonight, so this one is going to be weirder than usual. I'm scared by it, and I'm the one who wrote it. *is suddenly cut off by the sight of a firey thing in my room* "Behold the Metatron" Oops, gotta go. After that incident in New Jersey, a certain miracle occured. *grins* Lets just say he's not in the least like a Ken doll anymore... ("ahem. Are you coming or not?") Read and enjoy!
Requirements:
~ Remus / Minerva pairing
~ Someone must sing "I'm a Barbie girl"
~ Someone must be drunk... on Kool-Aid
~ A professor (past or present) must say, "I should know the answer! I was a teacher in my past life! Wait a minute... I'm a teacher in this life too..."
~ Flying purple cows must be presented during some time in the fic
~ A LOVE TRIANGLE!
~ Voldemort must be in it
~ Snape must be in it
~ Harry must be in it
~ Sirius may NOT be in it
Down in his dungeons, all alone, all by himself, with no one to keep him company, the delicious, atanomically capable, tall, dark, handsome, probably-not-too-bad-at-giving-back-massages, Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sat in the general vicinity of his cauldron waiting for one-of-the-most-insane-authors-to-ever-write-the-name-'Severus Snape' to finish writing this ridiculously long, horribly drawn out and definately redundant, repetative run-on sentence, and at the same time, while he was waiting for her to finish, waiting for the liquid in the cauldron to be ready to store in a handly little cup with a hole in the lid for one of those cool twisty straws to fit in.
*Skyfire takes a deep breath*
When he realized that she was finally done, he spread his wings, and - oops, got my characters mixed up. My bad.
So, while we were having those technical difficulties (also known as Rhonda getting two very different characters mixed up), the aforementioned Potions Master had ladled whatever mixture it was into the Cup With A Hole In The Lid, careful to not spill a single drop. I got a quick glimpse of whatever it was, and all I could tell was that it was green. Like green grass. And, incidentally, one of the two Slytherin House colors. Co-inkydink? I think not.
Everyone's favorite professor was in a really bad mood, so I apologize in advance for any bad language or sexual innuendos from him. I'll try and censor it.
Severus (Sev from now on) walked towards the door of his office type classrom thingy, totally ignoring the very real, very dangerous fire still blazing under his cauldron.
*Narrator voice type person: What will happen? Will we find out who lit that fire? Was it... Professor Snape? Professor McGonagall? Harry Potter? Remus Lupin? That Karkaroff guy? Alastor Moody? Fawkes the - awk! What you throw the shoe at me for?
Skyfire: This isn't South Park, and we're not interested in hearing who your mother / father is. Now go. you're ruining my story!*
So anyway, he was walking towards the door when suddenly, appearing out of thin air, was everyone's favorite bad guy, Bob Barker. I mean, Lord Voldemort.
*Oh ~gosh darn it~!* Sev thought to himself and all the readers. *I can't believe that my day could be so bad as to have that ~very mean man~ show up. What is with those ~funky~ symbols around those words that I did not say?*
"Those, my dear Professor Snape, are showing that the words you *really* thought are being censored and automatically replaced," announced Harry Potter, bouncing into the room on a kangaroo.
"Potter, you slimy brat, what the hell are you doing with a kangaroo?" Voldie asked, eyeing the Cut With A Hole In The Lid still in Snape's hands. "You can't get a kangaroo in England. And besides... I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world..."
"Excuse me," Sev said irratably. He pushed past Bob - I mean, Voldie, and went into the corridor. He walked to his other office type classroom thingy and got a twisty straw from a shelf. He put the straw into the hole in the lid of the Cup With A Hole In The Lid and raised it to his mouth. He took a sip, sighed in satisfaction, and continued on down the corridor. He heard a stangled choke from behind him, rolled his eyes, and turned around to see Voldie running towards him in a yellow nightgown with pink flowers all over it.
"Wait for me, Sevvie!" the supposedly feared Dark Lord howled. "I want to come with you!" Sev had to bite back a grin as his mind came up with several sexual suggestions with someone who *wasn't* Voldemort, but also wouldn't be thought of in case her so called boyfriend could read minds. Sev took another sip of the green liquid while he waited for Voldie to recover from tripping and falling flat on his face at Sev's feet. Voldie got up, brushed himself off, nodded at Sev, and Sev turned and continued on his way with Voldie following.
They left Hogwarts and headed down to the lake. Sev nearly threw up when his eyes fell on Remus Lupin and Minerva McGonagall cuddling on the shore. He took another sip from the Straw In The Hole Of The Lid Of The Cup With A Hole In The Lid and walked down to join them. He was rather unsteady about it, but he did it. He sat down beside Minerva, and the couple both looked at Sev.
"Whatcha doing?" Remus asked. Sev looked at him through increasingly fuzzy eyes and answered as best he could.
"Sitting. I came out here for some warmth. Voldemort was with me, but he disappeared somewhere."
Minerva smiled at Sev and leaned over to give him a kiss cause she loved him just like he loved her, but she also loved Remus, and she couldn't choose, so they were all trapped in the evil of all evils, a LOVE TRIANGLE!!!!!!
*Skyfire runs away screaming*
Then her eyes slid past him and widened in amazement. Sev turned to see what she was looking at and gasped in shock when he saw Voldemort and Harry riding a flying purple cow over the Quidditch pitch.
"Holy shit!" He exclimed, totally bypassing my censoring. "What the hell is that?"
"I should know the answer! I was a teacher in my past life! Wait a minute... I'm a teacher in this life too..." Remus said, trailing off...
Sev looked into the Cup With A Hole In The Lid as the flying purple cow flew off into the distance with Harry and Bob - I mean, Voldie on it's back. "I think that next time I make this stuff I need to lay off the sugar," he said quietly. "I am so tanked... I thought I saw a flying purple cow."
"What are you talking about Sev?" Minerva asked. Sev pointed aimlessly in the general direction of where the cow had been last seen and said,
"There was a flying purple cow there..."
"What's in that?" Minerva asked, concerned. Sev looked up at her with clouded eyes, and right before he passed out, he said,
"Lime Kool - Aid"
