Disclaimer still stands as it was in chapter one. We're still broke so don't bother suing us.

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Er?… (Part 3)

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"Alright, I want to know EXACTLY where these outfits came from!"

But Crawford already knew. And he knew this was going to complicate things in frustrating and comical ways.

"This one we stole off the hanger." Piped Farfarello gesturing to a skirt, shirt, bodice, and headscarf ensemble.

"It's for…Schuldich."

"ME! We agreed that you were going to wear the dress!"

"But you're more feminine. Just look at all that gorgeous hair-"

"Flattery will get you no where! I'm ALWAYS the one in drag! Remember the schoolgirl outfit?"

"hehe. Yeah." Farfarello grinned as Crawford almost puked on his shoes.

"So won't you be my ale wench libe?" Schuldich cupped Farfarello's face with his hands.

"Well…okay!" They kissed and Crawford swallowed his tongue.

"Stop creating a spectacle!"

"Brad, we're behind a petting zoo. No one can see us but the goats."

As if on cue, they turned to see a goat staring at them quizzically.

"Maa?" she inquired, wagging her little tail.

"Aww, I think she likes Crawford." Said Farfarello.

Crawford refused to dignify that with a response.

"Cheer up Brad. We stole this one just for you."

Crawford's face lightened at the sight of a poofy shirt, a girken, tights, and codpiece…all of them cream – colored.

"Hey! Thanks guys!"

"Maa!" said the goat.

As if on cue (wow de ja vu), Naoe Nagi came running up, breathless.

"Where have you been?" said Crawford sternly,

"I…went for a walk. I saw…" Nagi panted.

"A knife store?" asked Farfarello.

"Your first naked woman?" asked Schuldich.

"Weiss?" asked Crawford.

"Yes!" Cried the telekinetic. Two faces vaulted.

"Wow, you saw all that? This IS the happiest place on earth!"

"No, Bakas, I saw Weiss, the little one."

"Oh."

"You're a little late." Said Crawford matter – of – factly.

"But…why are they here?"

"Diego." The three men chorused.

"So…why don't we just leave and let THEM take him out?"

"Simple…it's more fun this way." Crawford walked off, now dressed in creamy renaissance regalia.

"For once, I agree with Mr. Tree – Up – His – Ass." Commented Schuldich, who had put his costume on. He was dressed all in deerskin: boots, cloak, and a rather suggestive loincloth that was giving Farfarello ideas. The Irishman was wearing his feminine ensemble.

"We're gonna fuck with We-iss. We're gonna fuck with We-iss." He sang.

"Oh! We got a costume for you too, Nagi. We stole it from some Shakespearian actor. Enjoy!" The German grabbed his lover's hand and strolled off.

"I hate you all." Said Nagi as he donned tights, fairy wings, and a pink tutu.

"Maa?" said the goat.

~~~~~~

Farfarello and Schuldich passed by a very shirtless Ken to find him pinned up against a wall by a very pretty red haired girl. "Looks like KenKen is already getting fucked with." Schuldich whispered.

At that moment Aya stalked over to the soccer player. "Ken! We have a mission! You're not supposed to be having relations! We have to complete the mission and kill Villadiego and Velvet Venus!" He made the horrid assumption that Lucretia wouldn't understand him.

"Anatatachi wa…HIDOI!!!" She yelled at the top of her lungs and ran off feigning tears.

She later found herself in a tree by the Dirty Duck Inn and contemplated the current state of Diego. She sighed. "Aye me."

~~~~~~~~~

Anjie saw Yohji before he saw her, but she ignored him, wanting him to notice her first.

He was leaning on the railing of a footbridge, smoking and nursing a beer. When he spotted Anjie strolling nonchalantly #snicker#, he wasted no time.

"Anou…I mean, Excuse me." The assassin said, torturing the English language.

"Hai?" the girl looked up and blinked innocently.

"You speak Japanese?" Yohji mused in surprise.

"Fluently, or so I'd like to think." She responded, a casual smile belying her fluttering heart.

"You're doing great."

"Arigatou."

Yohji smiled. "So, what's your name?"

Anjie cleared her throat. "Amadea Angelina Maria del Tobosa."

Yohji face vaulted.

"What's with these people and their enormous names?!?" he wondered aloud.

"Please, call me Anjie. Almost everyone does." Yohji's smiled returned.

"I'm Yohji."

"Pleased to meet you Yohji-kun." She offered her hand to him. Yohji took it, then pulled her closer to him, intent on stealing a kiss. Anjie squirmed away…reluctantly.

"I'm afraid I can't. Gomen." She stated.

'Damnit! She already has a boyfriend. I KNEW it.'

"It's just that it's unprofessional." Hope returned to the unprofessional assassin's face.

"You could always get a kiss card." Anjie suggested.

"Really?" said Yohji immediately interested. "What's that?"

"It's exactly what it sounds like. You get one; you can kiss any willing member of the staff. But…" she hesitated.

"But?"

"You'll have to fight me for it. Come on!" She grabbed the confused assassin's arm and away they went.

~~~~~

"Oi, Aya, did you HAVE to barge in that way?" huffed Ken, trying to keep up with his adamant teammate.

"Yes. You were jeopardizing the mission."

"This from the guy who said 'We have to kill Diego' right in FRONT of her!"

"Well whose fault is that?"

"YOURS!!!!"

The assassins had stopped walking in order to scream at each other more easily. Aya sighed deeply, regaining his self-control.

"Business, then pleasure." He said. He grabbed Ken again.

"And put your shirt on, we're going to find Yohji."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where the HELL have you been?! It's five minutes to curtain!"

"Huh?" was all Nagi could say as a burly woman dragged him in the direction of an open – air theatre. "Well at least you're dressed." She commented as she dragged the befuddled boy.

"What are you talking about?! You've got the wrong guy!" the telekinetic stammered.

"Listen! I don't care how great an actor you are, I'm not taking any crap from you!" the female Goliath shouted

Nagi's jaw slammed shut. If he used his telekinesis to rid himself of the ogress, Crawford would maul him. And he was no match for her physically. He took an inventory of his day:

He was wearing a fairy costume

He hadn't listened to Placebo

He was wearing a fairy costume

He'd seen Weiss

He was wearing a fairy costume

He was being bullied by a big scary lady

And

HE WAS WEARING A FAIRY COSTUME!!

Nagi's lower lip began to tremble. It was not a good day. The woman noticed and her attitude softened. "Now now, don't be scared, you're gonna be great. Break a leg kid." She said, shoving him through a curtain and into the actors' green room. A crash and a yelp of pain assured her that Nagi would indeed break a leg. The woman gave a satisfied smile and turned, her eyes immediately falling on Tsukiyono Omi. "And where the hell have you been Titania?!" The gargantuan stage manager bellowed. "You're not even in costume!" Before the boy in the bodice could so much as squeak, she had shoved him backstage.

Weiss met Schwarz. Two enemies came to instantaneous mutual sympathy.

"So, what play is this anyway?" asked Omi.

~~~~~~~~~

"Huzzah! That's our third free dinner!"

"Stick with me, baby, I'm just warming up."

Schuldich and Farfarello had meant to find Crawford, they really had. But the axe/knife throwing game was just too much fun to pass up.

"Yi yi yi yi!" Cried the Irish knife enthusiast as the heavy axe hit the bull's eye…again.

"Shit. Methinks this wench will take all the free food we have!" whispered the carnie to his companion.

"Hey! Only I get to call this gorgeous creature 'wench'." Said Schuldich, laying a possessive kiss on his boyfriend.

The carnies gulped in unison. "Yes of course." One of them stammered, thoroughly weirded out by this couple. If they didn't know better, they'd swear that the pale lass was really a man…no way. That was just too weird to think about…She was just…buff, yeah that's it…

While the carnies struggled to deceive themselves, and Farfarello won dinner for Crawford (for a year), Schuldich heard a boisterous "Huzzah!" from behind him. A girl with dark curls had just knocked a tall Japanese man in tights off a log, and was now gloating.

"I told you you'd have to fight me for the card." She said cheerily, offering him her hand.

Schuldich smiled, recognizing Yohji.

'Weiss sure is getting their share of girls today.' He thought, noting the waves of affection surrounding the pair. He watched them seat themselves on the log again, each armed with a sack. After a brief struggle, the girl was the one who toppled off the log.

"Victory is mine!" Crowed Yohji, helping Anjie to her feet.

"Not yet it isn't." she declared, and they took their places for the final round.

Moments later…

"HA! I win!" Yohji plucked Anjie out of the straw once more, and gleefully collected his kiss card.

'So do I.' Anjie said to herself, as she looked up at the grinning Yohji.

"Indeed. Now you just have to find someone to give it to." She replied. No sooner had she spoken than Yohji scooped her up. Moments later she found herself sitting on a bench. Well…Yohji was sitting on a bench. She was in his lab. Yohji smiled mischievously and held out his kiss card.

"Pardon, but would you redeem this for me?" he asked with mock shyness.

"If I must." She grinned.

'Well HE'S certainly getting his two dollars' worth.' Thought Schuldich. He turned his attention to Farfarello's game. He'd already won more food than Weiss and Schwarz could eat together, and he still hadn't missed. The poor carnies were almost in tears. 'Oh fine, I'll do my good deed for the day.' As Farfarello stood poised with the knife, Schuldich leaned over and blew in his ear. The knife fell harmlessly to the ground. And the carnies wept with relief. Farfarello turned to his lover, annoyed.

"Schu, I was on a roll!" he complained

"I'll make it up to you." The German answered slyly, running his tongue along Farfarello's lips. Yep. Definitely.

"Come on, let's go find Crawford."

"Okay."

The pair turned to leave and bumped directly into Lucretia Bottoms.

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Well, that's it for part three. Stay tuned for more! If we feel like it. ^_^ There's cheesecake downstairs so that may not happen right away.

~Us