Disclaimer STILL stands as is in chapter one. We're just too lazy to type
it over.
*~*~*~*~*~
Er? (Part 4)
*~*~*~*~*~
"Maa."
This was not happening.
"Maa."
This was not happening.
"Maa."
This was NOT happening.
The denial wasn't working. The more Crawford tried to ease his own mind, the more things backfired for him. The she-goat HAD been with Diego in the morning. She had the initials "VV" shaved into her fur. Then there was the collar, which had 'Velvet Venus' embroidered on it. But, that didn't men that this goat was…
"Maa."
Crawford's eye twitched. He'd already turned the stable inside out looking for evidence of Auntee. There was none. There was only one place left to look and…
"Maa."
Crawford #twitch# didn't think he could go through with it. I mean, who was sick enough to pack a goat's rectum with contraband anyway?
"Maa."
Lots of people. Yes, it was a sick sad world. Crawford had killed people, so why couldn't he…
"Maa."
#twitch# do this?
"All roads lead to…goat." Crawford said aloud.
"Maa."
"I'm really sorry to have to so this, but…"
"Maa."
"Just…hold still."
"MAA!"
~~~~~~~~
Lucretia looked up. "Forgive me sirs." She reverenced the two and then did a double take on Farfarello. "Why art thou in a dress?" Farfarello grinned. "Dressing in drag hurts God. Unless, you're Nagi or that Weiss brat, then you can't hurt God." Lucretia nodded. "Aye." She tried to escape when she felt twinges in her mind.
'He's right behind you Lucretia.'
'Er?'
'You should tell him before Weiss kills him.'
'I-'
'I'll tell him for you then.'
'Wait!'
The voice left her mind and Schuldich smirked. Diego approached the red haired girl and homosexual couple.
"Lucretia, are these men bothering you?" He slung an arm over her shoulder.
'Say Diego…'
'Que?'
'She loves you, why don't you do something about that before something…unfortunate happens.'
'QUE?!'
'Well then perhaps you should go to the barn and check on Velvet Venus.'
'Fie.'
"Forgive me Lucretia. I must away." Diego shot a glare at the German.
~~~~~~~~
Crawford sighed. Not only did her NOT find Diego's supply, but now this goat would not stop following him.
"3 Maa 3"
Oswald and the aforementioned un-named man strolled by. Crawford smirked and pushed up his glasses. "There shall be no fame for those two." He muttered as Aya walked by, dragging a badly dressed Ken by the wrist.
"I see heart break for them and…"
"Maa?"
"I hate live stock."
~~~~~~~~
Schuldich and Farfarello found the Sea Dog they sought eating his lunch under a tree near where the four and thirty show was to take place…
~~~~~~~~~
Ken was a tad more than confused. "Anou…Aya…was that just Crawford and a…goat?"
The brown haired man managed as a man dressed in all cream being stalked by a love sick goat walked briskly past them in the opposite direction. "Impossible, now lets go find Diego." The Spanish man in question was on a cell phone behind a shoe store. "Si…Si…All is going according to plan…Si, after the four and thirty show…Si, Adios!"
Aya glared at Diego. "We have to find Omi and Yohji and make sure we get him before the four thirty show ends." He hissed and dragged Ken off in search of their teammates.
~~~~~~~~~
Jack fidgeted nervously as the two men sat on either side of him. Some how, Farfarello had gotten hold of Jack's knife and looked at him.
"Keeping secrets hurts god."
Jack struggled in vain to restrain his gag reflex.
"Know you why Lucretia hates you?"
Schuldich asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Nay. Dost thou?"
"In truth, I do."
Jack looked shocked.
"But that information comes at a price."
Farfarello clutched the knife.
"What be the price?"
"Your knife."
Realizing he wasn't going to get it back anyway, Jack sighed.
"Aye, now what be thine information?"
Schuldich retold what he had taken from Lucretia's all to willing mind while he distracted her with threats on Diego.
Jack was…speechless.
Farfarello offered up the knife and with a childlike innocence asked,
"Lick?"
~~~~~~~
Lucretia sighed… again.
'All this protecting is getting on my nerves. I sure hope Diego'll be alright.'
She thought as she watched the progression of "A Midsummer Night's Dream".
Anjie and her new beau stood not twenty feet away. Ken and the man who so rudely interrupted them earlier, were on the way over.
"Oh huzzah." She said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~
Farfarello, who was in search of food that hurts God, had dragged Schuldich across all of the grounds. "Come on Farfiekins…are you sure turkey legs don't hurt God? I'm sure they died violently!" The German whined.
~~~~~~~~
The fic writer smiled. She had been wondering how she would continue with the story. And now she knew.
"Time for a little "Deus ex Machina" she chuckled…
~~~~~~~~
Suddenly the German stopped. Tickled by a mighty pen from the realms of oblivion, he began to snicker. Then he laughed. Soon, tears were rolling down his face as he clutched his sides in hilarious revelation.
Farfarello blinked, mightily confused.
"Schu? What's so funny?" he asked.
His lover paused, his laughter subsiding a little.
"Darling, I think I just had an epiphany."
"Oh? Did it hurt?"
Schuldich kissed him tenderly.
"I'll tell you all about it later. But right now we have some Shakespeare to see."
Farfarello grinned and licked the knives he had stolen for good measure.
"He. He. Fairies hurt God."
"Baby, you have no idea."
And they were off.
~~~~~~~~
"Oberon, look out for the potted plants!"
"Titania, look out for the potted plants!"
Omi and Nagi were having a blast. Backstage they had discovered that they shared a mutual passion for absurdist theatre. Now they were improving a well-known play with random lines from random Shakespearean plays.
"Stay, dog, for thou shatt hear me! Thou art pigheaded, how pigheaded can thou be?"
"Turn hellhound turn! You cankerblossom, you thief of love, you are the one who is pigheaded, pigheaded, pigheaded!"
The audience, who had never really understood Shakespeare anyway, was laughing uproariously. They had never remembered the renaissance being quite so…funny.
Backstage, the other actors were fuming…and laughing. Only one person stood with a huge satisfied smile, the large stage manager. It was all going according to her plan.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ken stared at Aphrodite Quickly, who was conversing with a group of women several yards away.
"Oi. Aya, haven't we seen her somewhere before?"
"hn. We've been walking around this stupid faire all day. We probably have."
"No, I mean before this."
"Ken, get your head out of your pants and on the target!" Aya shouted.
"Maybe when you get the fencing foil out of your ass I will!" Ken shot back.
Aya paused, his expression softened.
"Fencing foil? That's a new one." He took another look at Misstriss Quickly.
"You know, she DOES look familiar…"
Before the assassins could move in for a close look, their attention was distracted by the sight of Brad Crawford running away from a goat. Aya and Ken looked at each other, trying to solve the broken rubrics cube that was their universe.
"Crawford?"
"Goat?"
Shock melted into laughter. Ken was irretrievably amused. And Aya, who hadn't broken character in twelve weeks, laughed till he hiccupped. After a lengthy duration, they recovered enough to speak.
"Should we follow them?"
"Do we have a choice?"
Still chuckling, they hasten in the direction the two had gone in. When Aya and Ken were out of sight, Aphrodite Quickly breathed a sigh of relief.
'That was close.'
~~~~~~~~~~
"Crawford?"
"You know him?"
"Erm…sort of. We're not exactly friends." Explained Yohji.
"Ah! Velvet Venus?!" cried Anjie.
"WHAT?!?!"
"Velvet Venus. She's following that Crawford guy. Wow, she looks really happy about something."
Yohji took a moment to process this information.
"So…the GOAT is Velvet Venus?"
"Yeah, she's cousin Diego's pet, but he's usually too busy to take care of her, so I do most of the work."
Yohji pondered this for a second.
"So…Diego's your cousin."
"Yes. That's why we both have obnoxiously long names."
'K'sou. This COULD ruin the relationship.' Yohji took a deep breath.
"We should follow them." Said the assassin.
"I agree." Said the Faire employee (or was she? MWHAHAH!)
It wasn't long before the pear encountered Aya and Ken. Not too far in front of them stood Lucretia. She and Anjie exchanged looks.
"I do believe Diego is in the barn…" the two girls made eye contact once more. "With the kittens."
~~~~~~~~
The Precog and his goat stalker were headed back to the barn. Crawford, in his creamy, dust covered tights, which despite said dust, still showed his nastay leg hair, glared up at the sky and yelled.
"I HATE YOU KESTREL AND PEREGRINE!!!"
The fic writers grinned and did the happy dance, for the one thing in the world they wanted was to piss off Bradley Crawford.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yeah Yeah, we know Jack should've been in the play too, and so should Diego, but you know what? We are pretty much only doing this in the interest of convenience for the plot line of the fic. Part five coming soon…WE HOPE! ALMOST DONE!! WE PROMISE!!!
*~*~*~*~*~
Er? (Part 4)
*~*~*~*~*~
"Maa."
This was not happening.
"Maa."
This was not happening.
"Maa."
This was NOT happening.
The denial wasn't working. The more Crawford tried to ease his own mind, the more things backfired for him. The she-goat HAD been with Diego in the morning. She had the initials "VV" shaved into her fur. Then there was the collar, which had 'Velvet Venus' embroidered on it. But, that didn't men that this goat was…
"Maa."
Crawford's eye twitched. He'd already turned the stable inside out looking for evidence of Auntee. There was none. There was only one place left to look and…
"Maa."
Crawford #twitch# didn't think he could go through with it. I mean, who was sick enough to pack a goat's rectum with contraband anyway?
"Maa."
Lots of people. Yes, it was a sick sad world. Crawford had killed people, so why couldn't he…
"Maa."
#twitch# do this?
"All roads lead to…goat." Crawford said aloud.
"Maa."
"I'm really sorry to have to so this, but…"
"Maa."
"Just…hold still."
"MAA!"
~~~~~~~~
Lucretia looked up. "Forgive me sirs." She reverenced the two and then did a double take on Farfarello. "Why art thou in a dress?" Farfarello grinned. "Dressing in drag hurts God. Unless, you're Nagi or that Weiss brat, then you can't hurt God." Lucretia nodded. "Aye." She tried to escape when she felt twinges in her mind.
'He's right behind you Lucretia.'
'Er?'
'You should tell him before Weiss kills him.'
'I-'
'I'll tell him for you then.'
'Wait!'
The voice left her mind and Schuldich smirked. Diego approached the red haired girl and homosexual couple.
"Lucretia, are these men bothering you?" He slung an arm over her shoulder.
'Say Diego…'
'Que?'
'She loves you, why don't you do something about that before something…unfortunate happens.'
'QUE?!'
'Well then perhaps you should go to the barn and check on Velvet Venus.'
'Fie.'
"Forgive me Lucretia. I must away." Diego shot a glare at the German.
~~~~~~~~
Crawford sighed. Not only did her NOT find Diego's supply, but now this goat would not stop following him.
"3 Maa 3"
Oswald and the aforementioned un-named man strolled by. Crawford smirked and pushed up his glasses. "There shall be no fame for those two." He muttered as Aya walked by, dragging a badly dressed Ken by the wrist.
"I see heart break for them and…"
"Maa?"
"I hate live stock."
~~~~~~~~
Schuldich and Farfarello found the Sea Dog they sought eating his lunch under a tree near where the four and thirty show was to take place…
~~~~~~~~~
Ken was a tad more than confused. "Anou…Aya…was that just Crawford and a…goat?"
The brown haired man managed as a man dressed in all cream being stalked by a love sick goat walked briskly past them in the opposite direction. "Impossible, now lets go find Diego." The Spanish man in question was on a cell phone behind a shoe store. "Si…Si…All is going according to plan…Si, after the four and thirty show…Si, Adios!"
Aya glared at Diego. "We have to find Omi and Yohji and make sure we get him before the four thirty show ends." He hissed and dragged Ken off in search of their teammates.
~~~~~~~~~
Jack fidgeted nervously as the two men sat on either side of him. Some how, Farfarello had gotten hold of Jack's knife and looked at him.
"Keeping secrets hurts god."
Jack struggled in vain to restrain his gag reflex.
"Know you why Lucretia hates you?"
Schuldich asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Nay. Dost thou?"
"In truth, I do."
Jack looked shocked.
"But that information comes at a price."
Farfarello clutched the knife.
"What be the price?"
"Your knife."
Realizing he wasn't going to get it back anyway, Jack sighed.
"Aye, now what be thine information?"
Schuldich retold what he had taken from Lucretia's all to willing mind while he distracted her with threats on Diego.
Jack was…speechless.
Farfarello offered up the knife and with a childlike innocence asked,
"Lick?"
~~~~~~~
Lucretia sighed… again.
'All this protecting is getting on my nerves. I sure hope Diego'll be alright.'
She thought as she watched the progression of "A Midsummer Night's Dream".
Anjie and her new beau stood not twenty feet away. Ken and the man who so rudely interrupted them earlier, were on the way over.
"Oh huzzah." She said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~
Farfarello, who was in search of food that hurts God, had dragged Schuldich across all of the grounds. "Come on Farfiekins…are you sure turkey legs don't hurt God? I'm sure they died violently!" The German whined.
~~~~~~~~
The fic writer smiled. She had been wondering how she would continue with the story. And now she knew.
"Time for a little "Deus ex Machina" she chuckled…
~~~~~~~~
Suddenly the German stopped. Tickled by a mighty pen from the realms of oblivion, he began to snicker. Then he laughed. Soon, tears were rolling down his face as he clutched his sides in hilarious revelation.
Farfarello blinked, mightily confused.
"Schu? What's so funny?" he asked.
His lover paused, his laughter subsiding a little.
"Darling, I think I just had an epiphany."
"Oh? Did it hurt?"
Schuldich kissed him tenderly.
"I'll tell you all about it later. But right now we have some Shakespeare to see."
Farfarello grinned and licked the knives he had stolen for good measure.
"He. He. Fairies hurt God."
"Baby, you have no idea."
And they were off.
~~~~~~~~
"Oberon, look out for the potted plants!"
"Titania, look out for the potted plants!"
Omi and Nagi were having a blast. Backstage they had discovered that they shared a mutual passion for absurdist theatre. Now they were improving a well-known play with random lines from random Shakespearean plays.
"Stay, dog, for thou shatt hear me! Thou art pigheaded, how pigheaded can thou be?"
"Turn hellhound turn! You cankerblossom, you thief of love, you are the one who is pigheaded, pigheaded, pigheaded!"
The audience, who had never really understood Shakespeare anyway, was laughing uproariously. They had never remembered the renaissance being quite so…funny.
Backstage, the other actors were fuming…and laughing. Only one person stood with a huge satisfied smile, the large stage manager. It was all going according to her plan.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ken stared at Aphrodite Quickly, who was conversing with a group of women several yards away.
"Oi. Aya, haven't we seen her somewhere before?"
"hn. We've been walking around this stupid faire all day. We probably have."
"No, I mean before this."
"Ken, get your head out of your pants and on the target!" Aya shouted.
"Maybe when you get the fencing foil out of your ass I will!" Ken shot back.
Aya paused, his expression softened.
"Fencing foil? That's a new one." He took another look at Misstriss Quickly.
"You know, she DOES look familiar…"
Before the assassins could move in for a close look, their attention was distracted by the sight of Brad Crawford running away from a goat. Aya and Ken looked at each other, trying to solve the broken rubrics cube that was their universe.
"Crawford?"
"Goat?"
Shock melted into laughter. Ken was irretrievably amused. And Aya, who hadn't broken character in twelve weeks, laughed till he hiccupped. After a lengthy duration, they recovered enough to speak.
"Should we follow them?"
"Do we have a choice?"
Still chuckling, they hasten in the direction the two had gone in. When Aya and Ken were out of sight, Aphrodite Quickly breathed a sigh of relief.
'That was close.'
~~~~~~~~~~
"Crawford?"
"You know him?"
"Erm…sort of. We're not exactly friends." Explained Yohji.
"Ah! Velvet Venus?!" cried Anjie.
"WHAT?!?!"
"Velvet Venus. She's following that Crawford guy. Wow, she looks really happy about something."
Yohji took a moment to process this information.
"So…the GOAT is Velvet Venus?"
"Yeah, she's cousin Diego's pet, but he's usually too busy to take care of her, so I do most of the work."
Yohji pondered this for a second.
"So…Diego's your cousin."
"Yes. That's why we both have obnoxiously long names."
'K'sou. This COULD ruin the relationship.' Yohji took a deep breath.
"We should follow them." Said the assassin.
"I agree." Said the Faire employee (or was she? MWHAHAH!)
It wasn't long before the pear encountered Aya and Ken. Not too far in front of them stood Lucretia. She and Anjie exchanged looks.
"I do believe Diego is in the barn…" the two girls made eye contact once more. "With the kittens."
~~~~~~~~
The Precog and his goat stalker were headed back to the barn. Crawford, in his creamy, dust covered tights, which despite said dust, still showed his nastay leg hair, glared up at the sky and yelled.
"I HATE YOU KESTREL AND PEREGRINE!!!"
The fic writers grinned and did the happy dance, for the one thing in the world they wanted was to piss off Bradley Crawford.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yeah Yeah, we know Jack should've been in the play too, and so should Diego, but you know what? We are pretty much only doing this in the interest of convenience for the plot line of the fic. Part five coming soon…WE HOPE! ALMOST DONE!! WE PROMISE!!!
