Yeah. Yeah. Disclaimer is still the same. This is the last chapter so don't worry about it. ^_^

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Er? (Part 6)

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CRASH!

"Look out for the potted plants!"

Absurdist theatre had taken a dangerous turn. By the powers vested in the fic authors, Farfarello had discovered a seemingly limitless supply of Geraniums in large terra-cotta pots, and was now amusing himself by hurling them through the backstage curtains and on to the proscenium, where two dismayed actors were trying to avoid being hit. Schuldich would've helped Farfarello in his bombardment, but he was laughing too hard to stand.

Of the two, Nagi was having the least trouble avoiding the pots, as he used his telekinesis to prevent being bashed in the head. And Omi, lean mean killing machine that he was, was nimble enough to duck the chloroplastic vengeance.

"Gardening hurts God!" Declared Farfarello.

But it made the crowd go wild with applause. Even Diego, who only moments before had been running for his life, had paused and was laughing hysterically at the display.

"What the HELL!" Exclaimed a creamily dressed irritated man beside him.

"Maa."

"Velvet Venus!" Diego looked down affectionately.

"Ugh!" The man's eye twitched. "Sir, is this YOUR goat?"

"Si, Senor."

"THEN KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!" Shrieked Crawford making a break for the stage. All he wanted to do was get away from the goat, get his teammates, and get the hell out.

"Maa!" cried the goat pitifully.

"No chica, you stay with me now." Scolded Diego, holding her by the collar.

"Crawford, look out for the-"

BAM!

"…potted plants." Nagi's warning had come too late, and now the precog (Or was he? MWAHAHAH!) lay sprawled upon the stage, hands cradling his screaming testicles. Every male who saw it unconsciously shifted the way he was sitting.

"I…hate…absurdist theatre." Crawford croaked before he passed out from the pain.

"Verdammnt! You really did it this time Farf!" cursed Schuldich, who had seen the terra cotta testicle-seeking torpedo through the curtains.

"What a Nancy Boy. I can't believe he passed out." Commented Farfarello, who had stopped throwing momentarily to lick at his knife.

"Easy for the gay sadist to say." Replied the German, easing up to the Irishman for a kiss.

"Do you think he'll be mad?"

"If he can remember anything."

"Oops."

~~~~~~~~~

"Man, that's gotta hurt." Murmured Aphrodite Quickly. She and the stage manager were watching the whole scene play out from the last row of benches. "You have no idea." Replied the Stage Manager.

~~~~~~~~~

"Kinsman!"

"Anjie! Why are you so out of breath?"

"I've been looking everywhere for you! You have to get out of here, those men are dangerous!"

She leaned in to whisper in Diego's ear.

"But cousin, I cannot run from danger. It is not honorable."

"Would you rather be honorable or dead!" cried Anjie, loud enough for the last row of benches to hear.

"If you do not care about your own life, at least consider Lucretia. Will you make mine friend a widow before she is even a bride?"

"Not another word." Said Diego firmly.

"Villadiego Raimund Serrano de la Espada!" cried Aya, reading from an index card.

"I am he Senor, what is it you want?"

"Your life. SHI-NEEE!"

And then it was over. (Or was it? MWAHAHAHA!!)

The stage manager and Aphrodite looked from Diego's body to Aya to each other in horror. The feeling was mutual.

~Oh, Shit.~

~~~~~~~~~~

Lucretia's eyes widened as she ran to the body of Diego. She wept torrents. Aphrodite and the stage manager were…scared beyond belief. Lucretia drew Diego's knife. Farfarello grinned and slurped on his own. "Suicide hurts God." "Oh happy dagger! Here is thine sheath! Thus rust, and let me die!" She stabbed herself in the gut. Anjie leapt forward, but was restrained by Yohji. "LUCRETIA!!!" An overzealous Farfarello in drag suddenly hugged Aphrodite and the stage manager. "HUZZAH!!!" he cried.

~Oh…Shit..~

~~~~~~~

Kestrel raised an eyebrow.

"Well this is certainly more carnage than I anticipated!" and she continued.

~~~~~~~~~

"Lucretia!" Anjie sobbed, whole Yohji struggled to comfort her. Ken and Aya stood idly by as Lucretia lay slumped over the body of Diego. Anjie was weeping over the loss of her cousin and best friend. Ken, realizing his newfound love for the crimson haired assassin next to him, turned, and buried his face in Aya's chest. The redhead blinked a few times, and he awkwardly patted Ken on the back.

~~~~~~~~

Kestrel raised an eyebrow.

"Well this is certainly more Shonen-ai than I anticipated!" and she continued.

~~~~~~~~

"Aya-kun! What have you don!" cried Omi. He and Nagi had run from the proscenium to the heart of the disturbance. Schuldich and Farfarello, the latter of whom was now dancing a requiem jig and the former of whom was pouring a ceremonious sip on the wood, had joined them. "This song's de-di- ca-ted, to my ho-meeeey, in that gangsta leeeeeannnnnnnnn," sang Schuldich, whose mouth had many talents, but singing was not one of them. At this Schuldich glared to the heavens, paused, and continued singing at twice the volume.

"Mission accomplished." Said Aya grimly, sheathing his now bloodless blade and preparing to leave the scene.

"Aya, how could you!" cried Manx, who had removed her red wig to reveal her crimson locks. She was trying to comfort a distraught Persia, who was still disguised in drag and was now breathing into a paper bag. The four Weiss members gasped in surprise. Well, Omi gasped in surprise, the other three faked it.

"Persia? Manx? You mean this whole mission was-"

"FAKE?!?" Crawford had regained consciousness and stumbled drunkly toward the scene.

"You mean I dressed up like 'Ye Olde English' prick, sodomized a got, RAN AWAY from said goat, and got sterilized by a pot of Geraniums…and…it was a FAKE mission?!?!" Manx and Persia managed to nod sheepishly.

"Oh. Okay." For a moment it seemed that Crawford was handling everything very well. Too well. Then his eye twitched, his chin quivere, and he wept like a bottleless baby. It was an awkward moment. No one knew if they should feel sorry for Crawford. Finally Ken, who was rather enthusiastic about his newfound gaiety #snicker# managed to sidle up to the woebegone American and give him a hug that Crawford was in no state to protest against.

"Oi Ken! What are you doing?" Yohji's voice was full of consternation.

"Yohji! Even Schwarz gets the blues. Have some sympathy."

"Ken, it's not about sympathy, the man odomized-say a oat-gay!" Whispered the blonde assassin fiercely.

"Ah! Sou da!" agreed Ken and released Crawford.

"You speak Latin?" sniffled Anjie, looking up at the stall assassin who was still cradling her.

"No. But I'll try anything once. Speaking of which, will you marry me?"

"Sure…after the…FUNERAL!" Anjie started crying again, which just drove daggers of guilt into the police chief and his secretary.

"Persia-san, what have we done?!" wailed Manx.

This teary scene might have gone on for an indeterminable amount of time until-

"Maa!"

As if on cue, Velvet Venus appeared and began licking the face of her master.

"Oh God! That's so sweet!" cried Manx and Persia in the agony of their inner cricket.

As they spoke, the goat in question began licking at the blood from her master's lifeless body.

At this, every one sweatdropped. Only Diego giggled. Wait a minute! Dead people don't giggle! (Or do they? MWAHAHAHA!)

Well the "dead" man had by now sat up and was wiping the cherry sauce from his face.

Yep, not blood, cherry sauce.

Farfarello was overjoyed.

"HUZZAH! We found food that hurts God!"

To the utter shock of Manx and Persia, Diego and Lucretia leaped to their feet grinning.

"April Fools!" cried the Weiss and Renaissance Faire employees.

"Maa!" said Velvet Venus.

THE END



Epilogue

Lucretia Bottoms ditched Villadiego Raimund Serrano de la Espada in search for a hairless effeminate man.

Kudou Yohji wed Amadea Anjelina Maria del Tobosa, and she made him quit smoking.

Crawford and the goat had six kids (Ha! Ha! Kids get it? :D) They are currently looking for a state in which they are legal.

Ken and Aya couldn't make it work. They now date Omi and Nagi, respectively.

Schuldich and Farfarello continue to amuse the hell out of us :D

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Well, that's it for the fic. Hope you liked it. Now that you've read, PLEASE!!!! Review it. We live for reviews…and cheesecake. Reviews and Cheesecake…yep…that's pretty much it.