Part 17
"Who the hell is Sargent Rock?"
At the hospital, everyone is gathered around Esuoma who's sitting on a bed, just staring at a wall, giggling by herself.
Dusk-I'm sorry Maple, this is all my fault!
Maple-Don't worry it's not your fault Dusk. It's Bory's, and kinda Esuoma's for still going to that hockey game.
Lynch-Maple's quite right, in no way are you to blame for Esuoma's um, condition.
Esuoma-Haha. You guys, you guys respect me, you guys, heh, you guys are soooo cool.
Muffy-We'll figure this out Maple, don't worry, everything is going to be fine.
Jeff-I hate this. Just waiting here for her to strike again, we've got to go Sargeant Rock on her.
Offya-I agree with Jeff. This is worse than old people smell.
Muffy-Okay, how about this; Jeff, Offya, Lynch; you find out what you can about Bory; vulnerabilities, weaknesses, anything. Maple, Dusk, and I are going to go back with Esuoma to her dorm room. Bory will never find us there. We'll meet up in a few hours.
So they each head off in their separate direction. Jeff, Offya and Lynch gather and The Magic Tupperware.
Jeff-I'm going to go check in the old forbidden books that you keep around, Lynch. Where are they?
Lynch-Just follow the signs.
Lynch points to a sign that reads: "Forbidden, Black Magic, and Dangerous books, this way" It has a little hand that points to the back of the shop. Jeff follows the sign, sees where the books are; that little second story thing Lynch has got going on at the end of the shop. As Jeff arrives near the staircase, he passes the "You're almost there" sign, and climbs up the staircase and starts pulling out random books to look through. Lynch searches through some dusty books in the bookshelf while Offya sits at the table and stares in the direction of the cash register.
Lynch-Offya, Muffy needs our help for researching, I suggest you start looking though books and such.
Offya-I wonder if more appeared.
Lynch, staring at her-Beg your pardon?
Offya-While we were gone, you know, the cash register could have magically filled itself with 100 dollar bills. I better go check.
Lynch-Offya!
Offya-Okay okay, I won't go investigate. And you call yourself an entrepeneur.
Lynch pretends to ignore her comments and hands her some dusty books.
Meanwhile at Esuoma's dorm room, Dusk, Muffy and Maple are sitting around Esuoma.
Maple-They gave me some pretty strong meds to keep her calm, that should help. But I'm determined to take care of her. Even if this lasts forever. Wow, forever's is seeming a long time right now.
Muffy-We're going to figure this out. I've been saying that since the beginning of this stupid story, you know. Anyway, for now we're perfectly safe here, no way Bory would know where to find us. Here, let's just eat these weird sandwiches that I've brought. Okay, whose is this one; Bologna, Bacon and Jelly.
Just as Muffy was handing out that really gross sandwich to Dusk, a rumble is heard, and suddenly the whole side wall of Esuoma's dorm room is ripped off. In the gap is standing; The Tick! No, not really, it's Bory.
Bory-So there you are. Did you miss me?
Suddenly Esuoma starts acting up, she stares at Dusk.
Esuoma-I can stop! But after a nice Beer, I want the Beer!!
Dusk-Um, why are you just noticing now that I'm the Bottle? I've been around you all day!
Bory starts to smile, finding out who the actual bottle is. Muffy sees that they're in danger, grabs Dusk and starts to run like hell. She crosses the university halls and hangout areas with Bory crashing through walls chasing her.
Student 1-Hey did you see that lady just crash through that wall?
Student 2
-Oh, yeah. Hey do you think they're serving hot dogs for lunch?
Student 1-Good question.
Muffy runs through the streets of Overcastdale with Bory just behind her. Muffy outruns her when Bory is distracted by a leather jacket in a window at the Gap. Only for awhile though, Bory catches up to Muffy, and stops her.
Bory-Well well. Hello there. I'll just be grabbing the Bottle now.
Muffy-I don't think so Bory. You'll have to think take her from me.
Bory-Hey isn't that Freddie Prinze Jr over there?
Muffy-Where?
Muffy looks in the direction that Bory pointed. Bory sees her chance, grabs Dusk and runs away snickering. Muffy turns back, sees that her sister has been taken, and goes into a coma. Heh, no way, I'm not writing the coma in this story, so, tough. Muffy panicked, runs to the Magic Tupperware.
Part 18"Sorry, no Muffybot in here"
After sundown at the Magic Tupperware, the whole gang is reunited. Trying to figure out what to do. The door opens, and Spear comes waltzing in. He wasn't actually dancing in, just a figure of speech.
Jeff-What do you want, Spear?
Spear-Well, I think I could be a help in fighting this Bory person. I'm quite bored actually, and I want to help.
Jeff-I don't thi—
Muffy-You can help. Guys, he can be an asset to us, he's strong enough to help us rescue Dusk.
Jeff-Fine. But don't sit next to me. You've got blood breath.
Spear-Whatever.
Muffy-So Lynch, have you guys discovered anything?
Esuoma, in the background-33 bottles of beer on the wall, 33 bottles of beeeeeer, take one down, pass it around…
Lynch-Yes. Bory wants the Bottle of Beer to destroy it, but can only do it at midnight tonight. She is quite strong, but the only way to defeat her is well, actually you can kill her pretty much any way; she's not invincible, just remarkably strong and quick.
Muffy-Okay then. Now we just need to know where to find her.
Lynch-Yes, where to find her. But how.
Esuoma, again in the background
-I know how to find Bory! I know! I know!
Jeff-Yeah, how to find her. Man, this could be tough.
Esuoma-Hello? Time! Time! Time to find her!
Maple, looking concerned at Esuoma-Oh honey, I'll get you your pills.
Esuoma gets up. Everybody stares at her.
Esuoma-Must… construct …giant tower! Naaah, maybe tomorrow.
She sits back down.
Spear-Um, why don't you lackbrains listen to drunkey over here. She could lead us right to Bory.
Jeff-I think that could work!
Muffy-Okay guys, if Bory destroys Dusk, not only will I be very upset, it'll cause the apocalypse. So gather weapons, we leave in a couple of hours.
During that time, they gather weapons, and possibly a lookalike Muffyrobot. Wait no, that's not in this story. Um, if it makes you feel better you can think that they were wishing they had a Muffybot with them. There. Hehe, Muffybot.
Part 19
"I think it's about time we wrap things up!"
On the other side of town from the Magic Tupperware, Bory brings Dusk to where all the drunken-crazy people have constructed a giant bottle opener. Hehe, bottle opener.
Dusk-My sister is gonna kick your ass.
Bory-Oh sweetie, sweetie. Big sister's not coming, and if she is, well, she's no match for me. You just sit in that corner over there while I consult my miners, um, minions, about the final preparations.
Dusk-Hehe, miners.
Bory-Shut up!
Dusk goes to sit in a corner, she actually doesn't seem to be that terrified. Maybe it has something to do with her actually being alcohol.
Back at the Magic Tupperware, the time has almost come to leave. Muffy is talking with Maple.
Muffy-I'm counting on you tonight, with some spells. What have you come up with?
Maple-I found a way to reverse Esuoma's drunkiness, all while damaging Bory a bit.
Muffy-Oh so you can dedrunk, or sober up, everyone?
Maple-If I wanted to. I'm not though. Just Esuoma.
Muffy-Okay, well gang, it's time!
They gather around Esuoma.
Maple-You have somewhere to be Esuoma? You can go there, you know.
Esuoma-Yeah, yeah, whatever.
So Esuoma heads out of the shop, with everybody following closely behind. She leads them to the giant bottle opener site.
Jeff-Well then, never quite noticed that before.
Muffy-Allright, let's head in.
Spear- It's about time we finish this stupid story.
They all enter the construction site. Attack the drunk people, yada yada yada. Bory sees Esuoma wandering around.
Bory-Well well well, look who's here.
Maple comes up behind Bory and taps her on the shoulder. Bory turns around as Maple shoots blue light from her hands at Bory, wich is redirected from Bory onto Esuoma, in the form of a brown light. They all go flying backwards, because that's what happens when you use a powerful spell. You go flying backwards. Apparently.
Maple then goes running to Esuoma, who's allright now. You see the brown light that was redirected from Bory onto Esuoma was really strong caffeine substitute. Coffee light! Hehehe, get it? You know, when you're drunk, um, coffee will, uh… Ok ok ok, not the most original spell. But hey, it worked, so there.
Bory gets back up, and now faces Muffy.
Meanwhile, Spear sees that at the top of the giant tower, Dusk is tied up. He goes running past a few drunk people, and goes up to rescue Dusk. Ah, brave little Spear. He reaches the top and sees Dusk, who is being tied there by a minion.
Spear-Okay, back away from the girl.
Minion-This is a private matter. You shouldn't interfere with Bory's affairs.
Spear-Then let's go at it, then. You and me.
Minion-Allright. Hey isn't that Freddie Prinze Jr over there?
Spear-Where?
What is it with these people and Freddie Prinze Jr? As Spear turns around, the minion pushes him off the top. But Spear grabs the minion and brings him with him. Spear survives the fall (if he didn't I'd probably get hate e-mails), but the minion doesn't. Squished minion. Mmmmm.
At the bottom Bory faces off with Muffy
Bory-It's too late. I'm going to win.
Muffy-We'll see about that.
They exchange punches a while, and finally Muffy pushes her to where there's a giant X painted on the ground.
Muffy-Now!
A giant anvil is dropped by Xander. Ok, it's lame, but hey, again, it works. Bory gets squished, actually if this were a cartoon, she'd be a giant accordeon now, hehehe. But it's not a cartoon, so Bory is pretty much screwed. Besides, it's about time this story ended.
Muffy-Well that was easy.
Muffy rushes up to where her sister is tied. She unties Dusk, and uh oh! Muffy sneezes and loses her balance!
Dusk-Watch out Muffy!
Muffy plumits from the top of the tower! Oh no!
When she reaches the ground, 3 miners each hold up a sign; 8.9 , 8,6. 9,1.
Everybody gathers around Muffy, and looks on in horror. Muffy slowly gets back up.
Muffy-It's okay everyone, I landed on this mattress that was here.
ConclusionSo everything's back to normal. Well, whatever you call normal in this town. Evil will take a convenient 3 month vacation and return in October, around the 2nd I think. Funny how things work out.
THE END!By the way, did you figure out the names?
Think you did? How about Esuoma? Spell Esuoma backwards, and then spell Tara backwards. Hey, I thought it was clever! And Lynch was actually the librarian and my high school, he looked an awful lot like Mulder.
Okay, I might do a Spear/Muffy spoof, or a season 6 spoof if I get any requests. Until then, write me a review, and happy Muffy, um Buffy watching!
-Sperulez J
