Title: A Vampire's Word (Part 2)
Author: ImhotepsGoddess
Summary: The sequel to David's Revenge. Laddie is heartbroken after the Pack leaves Santa Carla. When they return, will they find themselves no longer welcome in his life?
Disclaimer: As we all know, the WB owns The Lost Boys and all of the characters therein. Anything else I mentioned in this story are also owned by other people, too. I still own Annabelle, and now I own Sela, Alex, *and* Charlotte too! Beat that!
Part 2
The next evening just an hour after sunset the roar of several motorcycles was heard coming towards Santa Carla.
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Laddie usually didn't get up until sunset during the summer and tonight was no exception. Lucy and Grandpa had come to accept that he liked to live this way when he didn't have school to get in the way of his nocturnal leanings and always let him sleep as long as he was up in time to take the night shift at the store. He swung his feet to the floor and slowly got up. Getting up was always the hardest thing for him. Once he was actually standing he was fine, though. He shuffled from his room to the adjoining bathroom and twisted the knobs in the shower, fiddling with them until he got the best temperature. He stepped into the shower and flinched for an instant as the steaming water washed over him. After about ten minutes he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist. Another night at the video store. Oh joy, he thought. Walking into his room he first pressed "play" on his CD player and smiled to himself as the opening cords of "Heaven Torn Asunder" by Cradle of Filth blasted out of his speakers. He then opened his closet and rummaged through it until he found what he wanted. He slipped on his plain black t-shirt and pulled on his baggy black jeans. Putting on his black boots and jewelry, he allowed his thoughts to turn to the Pack once again. Maybe he was finally ready to put away his childhood fantasy. If he could only accept that they were gone for good, he would be able to get on with his life. Perhaps he would go to college, become a writer. Be happy again. He closed his eyes and felt the last tears he would ever cry for the pack that he would never be a part of slip down his cheeks. When the last drops had fallen he got up and walked out of his room, stopping only to turn off his stereo.
Lucy turned and watched as her son walked slowly down the stairs. Something had changed in him. Call it 'mother's intuition' or whatever else you wanted to, she could just see it. No matter what anyone had ever said to her in the past ten years, Laddie had truly become her son. Just thinking about losing him the way she had lost her other boys made her heart ache and her stomach drop. It had taken so long to be able to think about Sam and Michael without crying, she never wanted to go through that again. Lucy worried day and night about Laddie. So much so that Grandpa had spoken to him a few times about how much he was worrying her. Worrying *them*, really. He worried Grandpa too, not that he would ever say as much. Turning her attention back to the present, she stopped Laddie when he reached the landing. "Laddie, are you all right?" she asked.
"Actually, Mom, I'm a lot better than I have been in a long time. I think I've finally accepted the truth," he said, a sad smile touching his lips.
"Truth?"
"Yeah, that the Pack aren't coming home. That maybe it's time to move on with my life."
"Oh, Laddie, sweetheart," Lucy said softly, enveloping him in a warm, motherly hug.
He hugged her back and knew that he was making the right decision. "Mom, I have to go and take over for Maria. I'm sure she wants to leave by now," he said, stepping out of the hug.
"Alright, be careful. I wish you would just get a car. Motorcycles can be so much more dangerous," she said, concern creeping into her voice.
"Okay, Mom, maybe I'll think about it," Laddie replied, grabbing his keys and walking to the door, pausing to pat Nanook on the head, "Say goodbye to Grandpa for me!"
With that he was on his bike and heading towards the Boardwalk.
--------------------
When he reached the video store he pushed open the door and waved a greeting to Maria, who was now the manager of the store. "Hi, Maria, you can go home now if you want," he said.
"Thanks Laddie, I think I will. Tess has a little cold," she replied. Maria had married a local police officer 4 years ago and had a two-year-old daughter.
"Oh, I hope she feels better," Laddie called as Maria left.
Laddie picked up a stack of recently returned tapes and began putting them away one by one. As he passed the "Employee Recommends" wall, he frowned slightly. Time to make some changes, he thought to himself. Scanning the titles he had put in his section, he decided to remove two of them. Picking up "Near Dark" and "Fright Night," he carried both tapes back to their section and put them away. In their places he put "Hellraiser" and "Children of the Corn." If he was going to stop thinking about the Pack, he would not be watching vampire movies anymore. He smiled to himself in satisfaction and sat behind the counter. Within minutes he was bored out of his mind. He noticed an old copy of Rolling Stone lying on the counter and picked it up, lazily leafing through it.
He heard the bell on the door clang but didn't bother to look up. It wasn't *that* late, but not too many people around here at this time of night in the summer were interested in renting movies. Mostly they wanted to party. With that in mind he called offhandedly, "Alex, are you *sure* you don't want a job here?"
"Who's Alex?" an all too familiar voice asked, and Laddie froze, dropping the magazine onto the floor.
---------------------------
Laddie closed his eyes for a minute to get a handle on his feelings. He looked up slowly and saw what he never thought he'd see again. The Pack, all of them, were standing by the counter. "Hi," he said meekly, his voice sounding unsure and tired.
"Laddie? That you? Wow, you've changed little man," said Paul, as usual the first to break the silence.
Laddie was the all at once aware of his current appearance. He had changed a lot in the five years they were gone and he was, in a way, very glad. It was partly their fault that his personality had darkened. Not entirely, though. He enjoyed the music and lifestyle that went with the way he looked. He would not be changing now that they were back.
"Well, it's been five years," he said harshly, walking out from behind the counter and going to the tape drop, collecting the returned tapes in his arms. He walked back to the counter and began to scan them back in, effectively ignoring the Pack.
"We're back now, Laddie. We've come to fulfill our promise," said David bluntly, tapping on the counter to get the angry young man's attention.
Laddie's head snapped up and he slammed a tape next to David's fingers, almost hitting them. Just as he was about to let loose all of his anger a soft voice interrupted the tension. "Laddie? Maybe I should come back later?"
Laddie turned his attention toward the door and smiled brightly when he saw it was his sometime-girlfriend, Charlotte, looking at him questioningly. She mouthed the word "police" and he shook his head. "No, Char, it's okay. Please come in," he said, giving her a look she knew as his "get me out of this situation" look.
She walked around to stand behind the counter and gently pried the tape from Laddie's fingers. "Here, I got these," she said, tucking a loose strand of black hair behind her ear. "Are you going to introduce me to the people?" she asked.
"Yeah. Char, these are some old friends of mine. Guys, this is Charlotte," Laddie spat, unable to control his anger.
Charlotte realized that these were the "old friends" he had always talked about. "Umm...I think you need to talk about some things. Laddie, I'll see you after work, ok?" she said, kissing him lightly and hurrying out the door before he could stop her.
Laddie continued to work in the uncomfortable silence, content to let the Pack make the first move. "So, what have you been up to?" Marco asked finally.
"Not much, just what you see," Laddie answered, looking up briefly from his task.
"From the looks of you you've been doing a hell of a lot more than just sitting in a video store," sneered David.
"Really? What does it look like I've been doing? Slipping down into a bottomless pit of despair? Marring my body to reflect my soul? Come on, *David*, tell me what you see?" Laddie shouted, his anger at their clueless-ness reaching a boiling point.
David stared at him in shock; unable to believe that this was the same carefree teenager they had left five years ago. His appearance was what had thrown them all off at first. They hadn't been totally sure it was him until he answered to his name. The jewelry, the piercings, the clothes, all of it was so different than they remembered. He realized that Laddie and the Pack were looking at him expectantly. "Well I don't know what I see, Laddie. Certainly not who we remembered," David answered, for once totally honest.
"Time changes people, David. Maybe not *you* people, but us normals. Did you expect the same naive little fifteen-year-old when you walked through that door?" Laddie shot back.
"No, of course not. All David means is that you've just changed a lot more than we expected," Annabelle interjected.
"Hmmm...well, I'm sorry that I've moved on without you. Did you think I would just be sitting here staring at that door with over-flowing hope every night?" he asked, trying not to think of the fact that that was exactly what he *had* been doing.
Dwayne chose to answer that one. "No, Laddie, we didn't. We just weren't aware of what was going on in your life. If we had known....." he trailed off, at a loss for words.
"What? What would you have done? Come back sooner? Taken the poor little boy who so desperately wanted to be Pack into your little cave and nursed him back to health?" Laddie snarled sarcastically, fighting tears that were starting to form.
The Pack just watched as the young man before them crumbled, his anger dissolving into pain and disappointment. The tears started to flow down his cheeks and his shoulders shook in silent sobs. "Laddie...." Paul started.
"Please...I don't want your pity, Paul. I don't want to hear it," Laddie choked out.
"I don't pity you, Laddie. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. We're all sorry. We didn't know it would be so long. We truly thought it would only be a year, two at the most," he said, serious for once.
The video store was silent for a long time. Then the door swung open and a loud voice called, "Laddie, dude, I...."
Alex stopped when he saw the scene before him. He knew immediately that these were those people that Laddie had referred to as "family" and that whatever had happened had not been pretty. He felt the anger rise in him when he saw that his friend was crying and they were doing nothing to comfort him. Laddie was like a brother to him and he had spent a lot of time listening to him talk about what he had often called "the Pack." He had always had a note of sadness in his voice when he talked about them, but it had been obvious that he missed them and wanted them back. And now here they were and they were just standing there like complete assholes.
Ignoring them completely, he went behind the counter and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. Laddie looked up at him and smiled weakly. "Hey man," he said softly, his voice hoarse.
Alex leaned over and quietly whispered to Laddie, "You want me to kick these fuckers out?"
"Hey, who the hell are you?" asked David angrily, his vampiric hearing picking up the question.
"I could ask you the same thing, cause you obviously ain't friends or family. I, on the other hand, am Laddie's best friend. The name's Alex."
"Well, *Alex*, we're a little bit of both, actually," said David, taking in Alex's slacker-type appearance with a hint of distaste, "maybe he's mentioned us? The Pack?"
"Oh, yeah. You guys are the pieces of crap that left five years ago without another word, right?" he said sardonically.
"I wouldn't say that if I were you, *boy*, it could be dangerous to your health," David threatened in an intimidating voice.
"Oh no you don't, David. Don't you even think about threatening him. Do you really want me to hate you that much?" Laddie asked, standing up slowly.
"Of course not, Laddie. You're Pack, whether or not you believe it. We won't hurt anyone that is important to you," Paul said hurriedly, shooting a Look at David. David in turn looked Laddie in the eye and silently nodded in agreement.
"What about you David? I want to *hear* what you really think of me now." Laddie asked, crossing his arms across his chest.
David was silent for a moment, thinking of the best way to say what he wanted to say without setting off the apparently emotionally frail boy. "Laddie...whether you ever knew it or not, I liked having you in our Pack. In some ways you were the thing that held us together, even after Annabelle brought the others back and you weren't technically blood anymore. To all of us you are still Pack, no matter what has happened to you or your physical appearance. Truly we want you to be blood, we still want you to be one of us again," before Laddie could respond, David held up a hand and continued, "Now, a question for you. Do you still wish to be one of us? We will let you make that decision."
Laddie looked down, his mind racing. They still wanted him? But how long had it taken for him to give up on that? To accept life as it was? And what about Lucy and Grandpa...and all of his friends for that matter? Could he really leave Alex and Char? Finally he looked up and glanced at Alex. Alex looked back at him, unable to comprehend all the talk of blood and Pack. He could be of no help. "The truth is, I don't know anymore. It took me so long to accept my life as it was, and now you've come back and in a span of maybe an hour, you've turned my life upside down again. I need to think. Can you understand that?" he asked.
David nodded and Annabelle answered for him, "Yes, Laddie, we understand. You know where we live, but we'll be back. We need to catch up. We *all* want to know who you are now, the good and bad."
Annabelle walked behind the counter and tentatively put her arms around Laddie in a light hug. After an instant Laddie relaxed and returned the hug, She placed a light kiss on his cheek and then left. One by one the rest of the Pack hugged Laddie briefly, until only David was left. Laddie watched him in an uncomfortable silence, unsure of what he would do. Finally David sighed, realizing that although he may be Pack leader, Laddie trusted him the least. Giving in, he walked around to where Laddie was standing and hugged him, whispering, "It *is* good to see you, boy."
He released him and walked out the door to join the rest of the Pack, who were already on their motorcycles. Laddie heard the familiar rumbling of the engines and squeal of tires, and then they were gone.
"Laddie?" Alex called, breaking the hush of the store.
"Yeah?" Laddie asked.
"What are you going to do?"
"I wish I knew, Alex, I wish I knew."
Author: ImhotepsGoddess
Summary: The sequel to David's Revenge. Laddie is heartbroken after the Pack leaves Santa Carla. When they return, will they find themselves no longer welcome in his life?
Disclaimer: As we all know, the WB owns The Lost Boys and all of the characters therein. Anything else I mentioned in this story are also owned by other people, too. I still own Annabelle, and now I own Sela, Alex, *and* Charlotte too! Beat that!
Part 2
The next evening just an hour after sunset the roar of several motorcycles was heard coming towards Santa Carla.
------------------------
Laddie usually didn't get up until sunset during the summer and tonight was no exception. Lucy and Grandpa had come to accept that he liked to live this way when he didn't have school to get in the way of his nocturnal leanings and always let him sleep as long as he was up in time to take the night shift at the store. He swung his feet to the floor and slowly got up. Getting up was always the hardest thing for him. Once he was actually standing he was fine, though. He shuffled from his room to the adjoining bathroom and twisted the knobs in the shower, fiddling with them until he got the best temperature. He stepped into the shower and flinched for an instant as the steaming water washed over him. After about ten minutes he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist. Another night at the video store. Oh joy, he thought. Walking into his room he first pressed "play" on his CD player and smiled to himself as the opening cords of "Heaven Torn Asunder" by Cradle of Filth blasted out of his speakers. He then opened his closet and rummaged through it until he found what he wanted. He slipped on his plain black t-shirt and pulled on his baggy black jeans. Putting on his black boots and jewelry, he allowed his thoughts to turn to the Pack once again. Maybe he was finally ready to put away his childhood fantasy. If he could only accept that they were gone for good, he would be able to get on with his life. Perhaps he would go to college, become a writer. Be happy again. He closed his eyes and felt the last tears he would ever cry for the pack that he would never be a part of slip down his cheeks. When the last drops had fallen he got up and walked out of his room, stopping only to turn off his stereo.
Lucy turned and watched as her son walked slowly down the stairs. Something had changed in him. Call it 'mother's intuition' or whatever else you wanted to, she could just see it. No matter what anyone had ever said to her in the past ten years, Laddie had truly become her son. Just thinking about losing him the way she had lost her other boys made her heart ache and her stomach drop. It had taken so long to be able to think about Sam and Michael without crying, she never wanted to go through that again. Lucy worried day and night about Laddie. So much so that Grandpa had spoken to him a few times about how much he was worrying her. Worrying *them*, really. He worried Grandpa too, not that he would ever say as much. Turning her attention back to the present, she stopped Laddie when he reached the landing. "Laddie, are you all right?" she asked.
"Actually, Mom, I'm a lot better than I have been in a long time. I think I've finally accepted the truth," he said, a sad smile touching his lips.
"Truth?"
"Yeah, that the Pack aren't coming home. That maybe it's time to move on with my life."
"Oh, Laddie, sweetheart," Lucy said softly, enveloping him in a warm, motherly hug.
He hugged her back and knew that he was making the right decision. "Mom, I have to go and take over for Maria. I'm sure she wants to leave by now," he said, stepping out of the hug.
"Alright, be careful. I wish you would just get a car. Motorcycles can be so much more dangerous," she said, concern creeping into her voice.
"Okay, Mom, maybe I'll think about it," Laddie replied, grabbing his keys and walking to the door, pausing to pat Nanook on the head, "Say goodbye to Grandpa for me!"
With that he was on his bike and heading towards the Boardwalk.
--------------------
When he reached the video store he pushed open the door and waved a greeting to Maria, who was now the manager of the store. "Hi, Maria, you can go home now if you want," he said.
"Thanks Laddie, I think I will. Tess has a little cold," she replied. Maria had married a local police officer 4 years ago and had a two-year-old daughter.
"Oh, I hope she feels better," Laddie called as Maria left.
Laddie picked up a stack of recently returned tapes and began putting them away one by one. As he passed the "Employee Recommends" wall, he frowned slightly. Time to make some changes, he thought to himself. Scanning the titles he had put in his section, he decided to remove two of them. Picking up "Near Dark" and "Fright Night," he carried both tapes back to their section and put them away. In their places he put "Hellraiser" and "Children of the Corn." If he was going to stop thinking about the Pack, he would not be watching vampire movies anymore. He smiled to himself in satisfaction and sat behind the counter. Within minutes he was bored out of his mind. He noticed an old copy of Rolling Stone lying on the counter and picked it up, lazily leafing through it.
He heard the bell on the door clang but didn't bother to look up. It wasn't *that* late, but not too many people around here at this time of night in the summer were interested in renting movies. Mostly they wanted to party. With that in mind he called offhandedly, "Alex, are you *sure* you don't want a job here?"
"Who's Alex?" an all too familiar voice asked, and Laddie froze, dropping the magazine onto the floor.
---------------------------
Laddie closed his eyes for a minute to get a handle on his feelings. He looked up slowly and saw what he never thought he'd see again. The Pack, all of them, were standing by the counter. "Hi," he said meekly, his voice sounding unsure and tired.
"Laddie? That you? Wow, you've changed little man," said Paul, as usual the first to break the silence.
Laddie was the all at once aware of his current appearance. He had changed a lot in the five years they were gone and he was, in a way, very glad. It was partly their fault that his personality had darkened. Not entirely, though. He enjoyed the music and lifestyle that went with the way he looked. He would not be changing now that they were back.
"Well, it's been five years," he said harshly, walking out from behind the counter and going to the tape drop, collecting the returned tapes in his arms. He walked back to the counter and began to scan them back in, effectively ignoring the Pack.
"We're back now, Laddie. We've come to fulfill our promise," said David bluntly, tapping on the counter to get the angry young man's attention.
Laddie's head snapped up and he slammed a tape next to David's fingers, almost hitting them. Just as he was about to let loose all of his anger a soft voice interrupted the tension. "Laddie? Maybe I should come back later?"
Laddie turned his attention toward the door and smiled brightly when he saw it was his sometime-girlfriend, Charlotte, looking at him questioningly. She mouthed the word "police" and he shook his head. "No, Char, it's okay. Please come in," he said, giving her a look she knew as his "get me out of this situation" look.
She walked around to stand behind the counter and gently pried the tape from Laddie's fingers. "Here, I got these," she said, tucking a loose strand of black hair behind her ear. "Are you going to introduce me to the people?" she asked.
"Yeah. Char, these are some old friends of mine. Guys, this is Charlotte," Laddie spat, unable to control his anger.
Charlotte realized that these were the "old friends" he had always talked about. "Umm...I think you need to talk about some things. Laddie, I'll see you after work, ok?" she said, kissing him lightly and hurrying out the door before he could stop her.
Laddie continued to work in the uncomfortable silence, content to let the Pack make the first move. "So, what have you been up to?" Marco asked finally.
"Not much, just what you see," Laddie answered, looking up briefly from his task.
"From the looks of you you've been doing a hell of a lot more than just sitting in a video store," sneered David.
"Really? What does it look like I've been doing? Slipping down into a bottomless pit of despair? Marring my body to reflect my soul? Come on, *David*, tell me what you see?" Laddie shouted, his anger at their clueless-ness reaching a boiling point.
David stared at him in shock; unable to believe that this was the same carefree teenager they had left five years ago. His appearance was what had thrown them all off at first. They hadn't been totally sure it was him until he answered to his name. The jewelry, the piercings, the clothes, all of it was so different than they remembered. He realized that Laddie and the Pack were looking at him expectantly. "Well I don't know what I see, Laddie. Certainly not who we remembered," David answered, for once totally honest.
"Time changes people, David. Maybe not *you* people, but us normals. Did you expect the same naive little fifteen-year-old when you walked through that door?" Laddie shot back.
"No, of course not. All David means is that you've just changed a lot more than we expected," Annabelle interjected.
"Hmmm...well, I'm sorry that I've moved on without you. Did you think I would just be sitting here staring at that door with over-flowing hope every night?" he asked, trying not to think of the fact that that was exactly what he *had* been doing.
Dwayne chose to answer that one. "No, Laddie, we didn't. We just weren't aware of what was going on in your life. If we had known....." he trailed off, at a loss for words.
"What? What would you have done? Come back sooner? Taken the poor little boy who so desperately wanted to be Pack into your little cave and nursed him back to health?" Laddie snarled sarcastically, fighting tears that were starting to form.
The Pack just watched as the young man before them crumbled, his anger dissolving into pain and disappointment. The tears started to flow down his cheeks and his shoulders shook in silent sobs. "Laddie...." Paul started.
"Please...I don't want your pity, Paul. I don't want to hear it," Laddie choked out.
"I don't pity you, Laddie. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. We're all sorry. We didn't know it would be so long. We truly thought it would only be a year, two at the most," he said, serious for once.
The video store was silent for a long time. Then the door swung open and a loud voice called, "Laddie, dude, I...."
Alex stopped when he saw the scene before him. He knew immediately that these were those people that Laddie had referred to as "family" and that whatever had happened had not been pretty. He felt the anger rise in him when he saw that his friend was crying and they were doing nothing to comfort him. Laddie was like a brother to him and he had spent a lot of time listening to him talk about what he had often called "the Pack." He had always had a note of sadness in his voice when he talked about them, but it had been obvious that he missed them and wanted them back. And now here they were and they were just standing there like complete assholes.
Ignoring them completely, he went behind the counter and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. Laddie looked up at him and smiled weakly. "Hey man," he said softly, his voice hoarse.
Alex leaned over and quietly whispered to Laddie, "You want me to kick these fuckers out?"
"Hey, who the hell are you?" asked David angrily, his vampiric hearing picking up the question.
"I could ask you the same thing, cause you obviously ain't friends or family. I, on the other hand, am Laddie's best friend. The name's Alex."
"Well, *Alex*, we're a little bit of both, actually," said David, taking in Alex's slacker-type appearance with a hint of distaste, "maybe he's mentioned us? The Pack?"
"Oh, yeah. You guys are the pieces of crap that left five years ago without another word, right?" he said sardonically.
"I wouldn't say that if I were you, *boy*, it could be dangerous to your health," David threatened in an intimidating voice.
"Oh no you don't, David. Don't you even think about threatening him. Do you really want me to hate you that much?" Laddie asked, standing up slowly.
"Of course not, Laddie. You're Pack, whether or not you believe it. We won't hurt anyone that is important to you," Paul said hurriedly, shooting a Look at David. David in turn looked Laddie in the eye and silently nodded in agreement.
"What about you David? I want to *hear* what you really think of me now." Laddie asked, crossing his arms across his chest.
David was silent for a moment, thinking of the best way to say what he wanted to say without setting off the apparently emotionally frail boy. "Laddie...whether you ever knew it or not, I liked having you in our Pack. In some ways you were the thing that held us together, even after Annabelle brought the others back and you weren't technically blood anymore. To all of us you are still Pack, no matter what has happened to you or your physical appearance. Truly we want you to be blood, we still want you to be one of us again," before Laddie could respond, David held up a hand and continued, "Now, a question for you. Do you still wish to be one of us? We will let you make that decision."
Laddie looked down, his mind racing. They still wanted him? But how long had it taken for him to give up on that? To accept life as it was? And what about Lucy and Grandpa...and all of his friends for that matter? Could he really leave Alex and Char? Finally he looked up and glanced at Alex. Alex looked back at him, unable to comprehend all the talk of blood and Pack. He could be of no help. "The truth is, I don't know anymore. It took me so long to accept my life as it was, and now you've come back and in a span of maybe an hour, you've turned my life upside down again. I need to think. Can you understand that?" he asked.
David nodded and Annabelle answered for him, "Yes, Laddie, we understand. You know where we live, but we'll be back. We need to catch up. We *all* want to know who you are now, the good and bad."
Annabelle walked behind the counter and tentatively put her arms around Laddie in a light hug. After an instant Laddie relaxed and returned the hug, She placed a light kiss on his cheek and then left. One by one the rest of the Pack hugged Laddie briefly, until only David was left. Laddie watched him in an uncomfortable silence, unsure of what he would do. Finally David sighed, realizing that although he may be Pack leader, Laddie trusted him the least. Giving in, he walked around to where Laddie was standing and hugged him, whispering, "It *is* good to see you, boy."
He released him and walked out the door to join the rest of the Pack, who were already on their motorcycles. Laddie heard the familiar rumbling of the engines and squeal of tires, and then they were gone.
"Laddie?" Alex called, breaking the hush of the store.
"Yeah?" Laddie asked.
"What are you going to do?"
"I wish I knew, Alex, I wish I knew."
