AN: I promised a long time ago there would be some more to this piece. My muse has been stubborn but suddenly she woke up and decided it was time to finish this. So here it is – there will be one more chapter coming after this one, I just need to finish up the editing on it.
Either Bling is right about the connection between Max and me or I have completely and irretrievably lost my mind. For weeks now I have been meeting Max every night in my dreams.
The first time or two was difficult. Faint and somewhat fuzzy and quickly over. But every night it becomes easier and easier. Seems like all I have to do is close my eyes and once I drift into sleep she is there waiting for me. I don't even need the prop of Sibelius playing any more.
The very first time I held her and talked to her briefly trying to reassure her and then she was gone. But now, as soon as I fall asleep she is there. The details of the place we are meeting are fuzzy, it's as if we are enveloped in a soft gray fog, but she is strong and clear. I can see every detail of her beloved face, now so drawn and thin that I worry even more about her. Her hair is growing longer and as it does the weight of it is pulling out her natural waves so it falls in a straight waterfall around her face.
She tells me of what they are doing to her and how hard it is to resist. Sometimes, she once said, it would be so much easier to just give up being Max and go back to being 452. My chagrin must have shown in my face for she gently placed her hand on my cheek and reassured me that such thoughts are fleeting and whenever she gets them she thinks of me.
She tells me how she replays our moments together over and over in her head. Our first kiss through the window of my car, our dream dance, the first time I stood in front of her after the transfusion, and our last kisses. She tells me that the words I said to her that night "I know who you are" are her anchor point, her guiding star. That when she wants to give in she thinks of me and knows she has to stay Max so she can come back to me someday. She says she is going to hold me to my promise to her, that when she gets back she expects us to "have all the time in the world".
In turn I tell her of my days. Of how I am fighting every day to break into Manticore's database so I can find out where they are holding her and figure out a way to get her out.
I tell her about Bling and how it was his idea for me to try to reach her through my dreams. She warns me to be careful; not to get myself killed over her. She says she has some plans of her own for getting out. I beg her to be careful as well.
She tells me that she is back to training. She is now being allowed out to mingle with the other X series, the ones who didn't escape, who don't know any life outside the walls of Manticore. They aren't especially friendly she says, regarding her as a traitor, as unclean somehow because of her years living outside. She doesn't care. She uses the training sessions to build her strength for the day she will escape and come home to me. Home …to me. Those words shook me and I guessed it showed.
Until last night we sat and talked and held hands but nothing more. These are only dreams after all. But when she said that to me I was shaken by her words and by all they implied. Max must have seen it in my eyes because she moved closer to me and put her arms around me hugging me close. My arms went up around her and for long moments we just stood there (in my dreams I can stand and walk as if I had never been shot). Then ever so slowly she raised her head from where it was resting on my chest and our eyes met. Still in slow motion I leaned down and kissed her. Her arms were wrapped around my neck and mine around her back holding her too thin frame close to me. It seemed to go on forever, her lips moving on mine, her mouth opening so our tongues could meet and dance together. Finally she pulled away and I could feel her trembling, or maybe it was mine; I don't know. I started to say something but she began to fade as she does every night when dawn grows near. Then she was gone leaving me with her sweet taste on my lips.
Today I am watching the clock, counting the minutes, moving by rote through my self appointed tasks, wanting night to come once more. I realize that it is close to 3 months that she has been gone.
My doorbell rings and I come back to earth with a start. Looking at the calendar I realize that today is the day I planned to go to the VA with the S1W to try to get some records that I think may lead me to Manticore. That must be Asha here to get me for the operation. The S1W is a group of idealistic kids out to save the world. A lot like I used to be until a blown out spinal column and a genetically engineered superwoman came along. The spinal column made me cynical and angry but the loss of Max took away my enthusiasm for anything but revenge. How do you save the world when you can't even save the woman you love?
I have my dreams but I'm still afraid to put too much stock in them. They may just be the delusional fantasies of a broken man. In any event my desire for revenge burns as strongly as ever. If Max is dead as my rational mind tells me she is, then Manticore is going to die as well. If she isn't then taking them down allows for the possibility of freeing her from their hell.
Several hours later I return home, mission accomplished. Asha has followed me up to my apartment and I am too wrapped up in what I am doing to really care. She has hinted recently about having an interest in being more than just working associates. She doesn't understand that I have nothing left to give to her or to any woman. I gave it all to Max. If she is still alive she owns my heart and soul and everything that makes me Me. If she's dead then all of that died with her. But how to tell Asha so that she will understand?
Asha surprises me though. She starts talking about the Eyes Only broadcast (I've never told her I'm Eyes Only). and then oh so gently begins to probe. She asks if I knew one of them and when I admit I did she asks if they killed her. When I say that I watched her die she falls silent, alerted perhaps by the tone of my voice, to my feelings. Shortly after she leaves and I am relieved that she let it drop. I don't want to talk about Max with her.
It is night again and I can't wait to go to bed and fall asleep. I realize how dependent I have become on these meetings with Max. I have a feeling that soon it will all be over. A climax is coming; I can sense it. Then I will know for sure. I will either end up (a) dead, (b) alive and happily insane living my days out dreaming of my lost love or (c) the happiest man alive with Max restored to me. The best chance is for (a) or (b) but perhaps there really are miracles and (c) will turn out to be true.
As soon as my head hits the pillow I fall into a deep sleep. For a while my dreams are vague and threatening, dark shadows playing across my mind. Then there is a change. For the first time since we started this the mist clears and I see that I am sitting in my own bedroom. There are candles lit all around the room and soft music is playing. I am sitting on the edge of my bed facing Max.
"What is this?" I ask her.
"I want to share my most special dream with you tonight Logan. I need to."
Her voice is soft and she seems a little shaken.
"What happened today?" I ask her concerned that they have come up with some new torture to use on her.
"Nothing really. They just, I just, oh damn it. They sent me a breeding partner."
I hesitate taking in her words. "A breeding partner?"
"Yes damn it. Since we destroyed the lab they decided to make new soldiers the old fashioned way."
"Max are you alright? He didn't hurt you did he?" She laughs shortly.
"I hurt him more than he hurt me. He didn't touch me; I made it clear I wasn't having any part of it. It's not that, Logan. It's just that he's Ben's twin. That goddamn bitch sent Ben's twin to be my breeding partner." I hear the hurt and anger in her words and I want to kill the bitch as much as she does. Of all the cruel tortures to send Max the twin of the brother she killed as her breeding partner has to be the worst yet.
"I need you tonight Logan. More than ever. I never told you but when I was dying I had a dream. I dreamt that the mission was successful and that everyone was okay. We were all at Crash together, you, me, Zack, Syl, Krit even Lydecker. Afterwards you and I came back here and you made love to me. Make love to me now. I need you to."
I reach out and gathering her hair in my hands I pull it back away from her face and then lower my lips to hers. We kiss and then reaching down I pull up her sweater, her hands helping me. We break for a moment and the sweater goes flying leaving her in only a thin camisole and jeans. As we kiss once more her hands are at my waist helping me remove my shirt. Soon our clothes are gone and we are lying together in the soft glow of the candles. My lips and hands are learning her body, worshipping it, as she does the same for me. Finally it is time and I slowly sink into her savoring this coming together, dream though it is. I move slowly letting the feelings wash over me and watching Max, lying back on my pillow, eyes closed, hair spread out around her. At that moment she looks more beautiful than I have ever seen her. She opens her eyes and our eyes meet as together we fly, reaching heights I've only vaguely imagined were possible.
Afterwards we lie there together, her head resting on my chest, my arm wrapped around her holding her close to me.
"Thank you Logan." she whispers
"Don't thank me Max. Love me. " In our dream I can say things I can't say to her in life.
It appears she is the same.
"I do."
"I do too." We lie there a few more minutes content and then she sighs.
"I know. It's time." She nods.
"Dawn is coming. Logan, something is going to happen soon. I can feel it. Be careful."
"What Max? What should I be careful of?"
"I don't know. Maybe of me." With those words she is gone and I come awake with a start to the ringing of my phone. By the time I find it next to my bed it has stopped. I see that there is a message but decide it can wait until I shower. I have the same feeling as Max. Something is going to go down very soon and I need to be prepared.
Finishing up I check the message. Feeling confirmed. It is from Donald Lydecker and he wants to set a meeting regarding Manticore. He says he has information for me and I should call him back. I try with no success so head on out to make some breakfast. If I'm going to meet with Deck today I need to be fully prepared. No telling what side he is on these days.
