The Nightmare Begins

The sun was shining brightly. She could see the two small forms playing in the green grass and she could feel the warmth of the sun on her face. She didn't need to reach out to know that he was next to her. Even though she could never see his face it was perfect. She noticed the tiny figures getting further away and she started running. She ran as fast as she could, she could hear their voices. "Mama! Help!" "Mama!" She ran faster, Her heart pounded in her ears. Suddenly it turned dark and she was within reach. She grabbed the children and when she looked at their faces their eyes had turned red. She recoiled and they ran again. She started chasing them and heard laugher behind her. She screamed.

Vexus woke with a start. She had screamed out loud this time. She was in her bed in her chambers at the school. The sheets were wrapped around her and she had apparently been thrashing around. She had moved the nightstand by the bed to keep from knocking everything off of it again. This was not the first night she had woken up like this; the dream was always the same.

It had been nearly two months since it had all happened and nearly every night between now and then she had the same dream and had woke up the same way in the middle of the night. She could've easily gone to Madam Pomfrey for a sedative and she refused to go to Snape for a potion. This was her private pain to bear, and her punishment for not being there.

Vexus swung her feet off the bed and onto the floor. She stood and looked around. The only things in the room that could even remotely be called "decorations' were five small items. She had ripped down the wall hangings and the curtains around the bed. There was only one chair; the other had been thrown into the corridor. Her books lined one wall and there was a table and a wardrobe. That was it. Besides the two small bears, the two small castings of tiny hands and one picture of two small children. The picture was a muggle one and the children did not move. They were forever frozen; smiling back at her no matter how much she cried or how many tears hit the glass of the frame.

She walked to the wardrobe and began dressing. It was 3:47 a.m.

After she and Snape had come back from their meeting with Voldemort many things had happened. She had indeed taken up the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. They decided that since they had told Voldemort that she was going to be taking that job, she' probably better take it. Albus Dumbledore had taken it rather well. He agreed to play along with them as he had before. She had moved into the castle and spent her time preparing to teach. She couldn't believe how much had changed. There had been four different professors in the position. Each one had turned out to be not at all what they seemed.

'At least Quirell was consistent' she thought as she slipped her robes on. 'That is before he had my father floating around in his head.' She did think of Voldemort as her father. She harbored no illusions about any type of "family association" between them. She just thought of him in the most literal terms. It took something away from him to do so. She also mentioned to Snape the irony of him giving away the job he had wanted by telling Voldemort what he did.

She had finished dressing and was heading up to the astronomy tower. Her wardrobe was all black. Not a single item of any colors other than black. She felt that to wear something colorful would be an insult to herself and the memory of her family. The only persons who had commented on it were the Headmaster, Professor Trelawney, and Professor McGonagall.

Dumbledore said, with sympathetic eyes "You have nothing to prove. You can not punish yourself forever either."

Trelawney had said, "it suits you so much, but I have a wonderful shawl that would compliment it..." She broke off under the weight of Vexus cold expression.

Minerva McGonagall had simply shook her head "Perhaps you and Severus can exchange fashion tips?" She was the only one that got a smile out Vexus on the subject.

Vexus usually wandered around the school until the other residents started to wake up. Then she would make her way to the great Hall for breakfast as if she had slept all night. She didn't think for a second that she was fooling anyone, and they never mentioned it.

The new term was beginning tonight with the arrival of the students. She wasn't nervous about them, she had dealt with her share of students when she was an assistant to Snape and having the twins had prepared her for anything. There wasn't any really big anticipation about their arrival. Except for the Potter boy who would be returning tonight as well. Dumbledore had briefed her on everything that had happened with him. She couldn't believe at first that someone could have so much weirdness in their life. Until she thought of herself, then she laughed.

It was still a beautiful cloudless night and from the tower she could see forever it seemed. She spent most of her time up here. She had many conversations with the school caretaker, Flich, and they got a long well. The had run-ins during her time as a student, but now that they were on the same side it was forgotten.

"You'll be good to have around when the students arrive." he had said one evening.

"Why is that?"

"Well even I have to sleep sometimes." She caught his meaning and smiled.

She hadn't spent very much time at all with Severus. She couldn't make herself do it. Despite that facts that they had agreed to work together and even pose a something of a couple, she still felt a great deal of anger towards him. All of her life, in any great problems she had, he was always a major factor. However, she had found out that him not coming to her before Voldemort killed her family really was a mistake. He hadn't known it was going to be that night and thought that he WAS warning her in advance.

 She had developed a sort of split personality. Part of her loved him very much and wanted to run to him every time she woke in the night. The other part of her hated him for his role in all of her pain. It was hard to keep track of who was in charge at any given moment.

"Of all the people in the world to be so intertwined with it had to be him" she whispered. There was no one else to hear, she just still talked to herself

She continued to gaze out at the stars and the horizon that seemed to go forever. Eventually she rose and headed back down to the main castle. Her thoughts about Snape were still in her head and on a whim she walked towards the dungeons. She hadn't been to this part of the school in over six years. But nothing had changed. She ran her finger along the cold stone as she walked.

She walked by the Potions classroom and felt a wave of something like nostalgia. In her years at the school she had spent most of her time in that room. She didn't want to go inside though; she didn't want to see that the room had the audacity to remain the same when her life had changed so much.

She stopped in front of the door to Snape's office. It was cracked open and she could see a light from inside.

She was half way back up the corridor when she heard the door creak open. She turned and looked back. Severus was standing in the hall. The light from inside only revealed half of his face, but it was enough to see the scowl. When he caught sight of her his expression softened. "Can I help you?"

"No. You've done enough, Thanks." She was always saying the meanest things these days. She saw him look down and then back up at her, sneering.

"It's always nice to see you, but I have work to do. Excuse me." he turned to go back in the office. Vexus heard the door close all the way this time. She stood in the corridor wondering if she should go apologize. After several minutes she started off towards the Great Hall.

The day was spent getting the final touches together for the arrival of the students. She double-checked her classroom and made sure that she had all the supplies she would need. Afterwards she wandered out to the Quidditch Stadium. She sat down in the stands and didn't notice Madam Hooch approach. "You know that team of yours lasted for two years after you'd left."

Vexus smiled "They were good, weren't they? Who looks good this year?" she still loved Quidditch and had missed the games during her self-imposed exile. Madam Hooch's eyes gleamed "Well, it's Gryffindor, with that Harry Potter."

Vexus hadn't realized he played. "What position is he?"

"Seeker. Made the team in his first year. I know you were Slytherin, but I still wager that you'll like watching him play."

They sat there looking at the stadium in the peaceful silence of knowing they loved the same thing.

They first several days she'd been back at the school Vexus had some troubles. She kept wanting to sit at the Slytherin table instead of the staff table. As she was usually eating either very early or very late there was no one else to witness her hesitation as she sat down at staff table. She also kept catching herself heading for the Slytherin tower at night. But by now she had grown accustomed to being a teacher, almost. She didn't socialize very much though. The Beginning of the Year feast would be the first time she had ever sat down with all of her fellow teachers. As she entered the Great Hall she was impressed. From the teacher's table she had a completely different perspective. She walked to her seat and stopped dead in her tracks. She had forgotten that traditionally the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor sat next to the Potions Master. Severus was looking right at her. She quickly collected herself and sat down next to him. He looked out at the tables rapidly filling with students. "Do you want me to point him out to you?" his voice was hard.

"Point out who?" she hadn't been thinking about anything beyond not spilling her food and making a fool of herself. She felt like she didn't belong at the table.

"The Potter boy. Aren't you even interested in him?"

She leaned closer to Snape, she caught the expression of surprise on his face, and "I am I just have a lot on my mind. Which one is he?"

Severus lowered his voice and said "There at the Gryffindor table, do you see that boy with the bright red hair,"

"He looks like a Weasley!" she said remembering Percy Weasly "is that another one?"

Snape scowled "Yes, His name is Ron and the black haired boy next to him is Potter."

Vexus watched him; he was talking excitedly to a girl and the Weasly boy. He looked like any other boy to Vexus. Except she knew better.

Suddenly Vexus remembered that she had been nasty to Snape that morning. "Um, Severus?"

"What?"

"I wanted to let you know," she was still leaning towards him "I didn't mean to say that this morning. I hadn't slept and I am sorry."

Snape looked at her  "I will accept that and I know you never sleep. I can help with that" He stopped and glanced around "You do remember that we are supposed to be acting like a couple?"

Her smile was genuine this time "You dog. Moving in already, I was going to wait until at least three weeks into the term."

"Well, no harm in getting a head start. And I have been thinking"

She laughed "That surprises me on two very different levels! One, that you think, and two, that you think about me."

"I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, I was thinking that them seeing you with me all the time and especially since you have chosen to look like you are my twin, you may have some problems with the Gryffindors. And you need to be in with them to keep an eye out for Potter."

"Why Severus, how nice of you. But I would've thought that you'd know me better by now."

He looked directly at her now "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She grinned wickedly, leaned over very close and whispered in his ear "I'm evil."

He smiled as she sat back "Very well then. Meet me at the library before lunch and we'll eat together."

They then turned their attention to Professor McGonagall leading in the new first years. Neither Vexus nor Snape had noticed three pairs of eyes watching them from the Gryffindor table.

Once the sorting was finished Professor Dumbledore stood and addressed the Hall. "Greetings students. Welcome back to Hogwarts and a new year. I have an introduction to make." he turned to Vexus and motioned for her to stand "This is Madam Vexus, she is our new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor." She looked at all the faces before her and bowed her head at them then sat back down. Dumbledore continued "Very well, now let's eat."

The food appeared and everyone began eating. Vexus was involved in a very deep conversation with Professor Snape and when he placed his hand over hers on the table she smiled at him. No one noticed it except the same three sets of eyes that had seen her whisper in his ear.

"What do you make of her, Harry?" Ron asked as they began eating. Harry looked up at the staff table again. Snape had moved his hand away and they were both eating now. As he watched Snape looked at Vexus and said something (to which she smiled.) "I dunno Ron, she's awfully friendly with Snape."

"You two have too much time on your hands. You should be more worried about the class. She looks like a surefire homework giver," sighed Hermione. Ron spoke between bites of potatoes "Yeah, Hermione, but you know that the Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers are NEVER what they seem. Right Harry?"

"Ron is right Hermione" he looked away from the staff table "I guess we'll find out in the morning."

Another night, the same dream. Vexus was out and on her way to the tower again. She nearly screamed when she ran into Snape. "Severus! What the hell are you doing here?"

Snape knew she hadn't been sleeping and had seen her go to the Astronomy tower on several occasions as he didn't have very many restful nights himself. "I thought you might want some company."

She started walking again "As a rule I prefer to be alone, but since you're here, c'mon."

They were nearly there he decided to wait until they reached their destination before he spoke. "Vexus, I need to discuss a few things with you."

She had settled down on the floor next to a huge window she looked up at him now "Say whatever you want."

He stood there for a moment then sat down next to her. There was no point putting off what he had to say, "There are some things that you need to know. Things that you may have to do."

She was still looking at the sky "Like what?"

"The Dark Lord often amuses himself with his servants. I have been on the receiving end many times. As a rule he uses the Cruciatus curse. I do not doubt that he may ask you to perform it on me."

She looked at him suddenly; he continued, "I want you to know that if it helps our cause I want you to do it. He will take it as a declaration of your loyalty if you use the curse on me."

Vexus had heard about this, she wasn't going to be an excellent teacher for nothing, she spoke softly "Severus, I can do what ever I need to do, but I am way ahead of you on this. I have been practicing something." She smiled.

"What have you been practicing?" he moved closer to her. He wanted to reach out and grab her, but held himself back.

She stood up "I have to concentrate really hard, but if you can put on a convincing enough show, this will work. You'll have to sell it of course."

"What are you talking about? Have you gone mad?" He stood as well. She motioned him up against the wall and closed her eyes. "o.k. Severus, be still. This won't hurt a bit."

He felt a warm sensation start to move over his body, from his feet up. It felt like stepping into a warm bath. It was nice. "What is that?"

She made a shushing noise at him "keep quiet."

The sensation continued to grow until it was all through him. It was becoming a rather intense sensation of pleasure. It was almost hurting "Vexus, I'm not complaining, but this is getting to be a, well, a little much." As soon as he spoke it stopped and he gasped.

"So, if you can make that look like pain we're all right. If not," she grinned; "I'll have to make it hurt." she sat back down by the window. "I'd like it if you left now Severus."

He looked at her back and then left the room.

The following morning as the students filed in Vexus couldn't help but wonder 'You would think that Albus would stop putting the Slytherins and Gryffindors together all the time.'

She let her eyes rest on each one as they came in. This morning she had fifth-years, Gryffindors and Slytherin. A blonde boy came in accompanied by two rather large goonish looking boys. 'Must be Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle' she thought 'I'd love to get my hands on his father.'

She noticed Potter and his friends come in and sit down. She saw the Granger girl make them sit on the first row. Vexus smiled inwardly 'I'm going to like her.' immediately followed by 'I don't have a house to play favorites for anymore. This is going to be fun!"

She didn't let these things show on her face though. She had resolved to make her class a challenge and she was going to as tough a teacher as she could be. Once everyone was inside and seated she sat there watching them. They watched her back, waiting for her to say something. Vexus let it go on for a couple minutes. It was calculated discomfort.

Finally she rose and walked to the center of the class.

"I have zero tolerance for bull-shit. So don't waste my time. I won't put up with it. Do you understand?" She saw several heads nodding.

"Good. I understand that this position has a rather interesting history. I am also aware that because of this you're all behind." Hermione inhaled sharply but Vexus was still talking "even you, Miss Granger are behind. When I get finished with you NONE of you will be behind." she paused and looked around the room again. She noticed that they all seemed to be paying attention. "Now I am going to do something very special. Something that I will never do again. As I mentioned this class has a rather interesting history and I am aware of that. I am sure that some of you are wondering about me. So I now give you one opportunity to ask me any question you want. I don't guarantee an answer to every question put forth by a room full of fifteen year olds. But I'll try. Who wants to start?" she was please so see the expressions on the faces. At first no one spoke, then a hand went up.

"Yes, Mr. Longbottom?"

"Did you attend Hogwarts?"

She smiled at him, he looked like he really needed it, "Yes Mr.Longbottom, I attended Hogwarts. I believe that my last year was two years before your class arrived."

"What house were you in?" This was from Malfoy. Vexus didn't answer at first, she wanted the impact "Mr. Malfoy, I was in Slytherin."

She got the anticipated look of surprise.

"Do you know Professor Snape?"

She turned her attention to Harry Potter. 'Aw, don't make me do this Harry,' she thought 'what a stupid question.'

"Mr. Potter, I do indeed know Professor Snape. Don't you know him?" She asked. There were an assortment of noises coming from the Slytherins, mainly giggles and some snickers. Harry blushed and then spoke again "I mean, how long have you know him. You know, are you friends?"

"I have known Professor Snape all my life." she looked up towards the entrance and sneered "Speak of the devil! What can I do for you Professor?"

Snape didn't have a class this morning and had been standing outside her door for several minutes. When he heard Potter asking about him he positioned himself in the doorway waiting to be noticed.

"Good Morning, Madam." his voice smooth.

"I was just about to tell Potter here that you and I go way back." she was trying not to glare at him. 'Who does he think he is coming here. I don't need him checking up on me.' she fumed internally.

"I was also going to say that I didn't think the good Professor had any friends at all. But if he did, then I guess I am his friend, in a manner of speaking." It was a confusing answer thought the students. Vexus wanted it that way.

"Indeed, Madam. In that case I shall endeavor to work harder to climb in your esteem and one day truly call you a friend." He was mocking her and he bowed a little to rub it in. He looked at Vexus and saw it was a waste. She was still smiling at him. Just then he noticed the warmth running over his feet and moving up his legs. He quickly stood up straight scowled at her and left.

Vexus returned to the questions, now there were many hands raised.

Once the day was over she was exhausted. She had skipped the lunch with Snape and had skipped diner too. She was in her chambers laying across the bed trying very hard to fall asleep. She wasn't paying attention when the fire suddenly roared up. She jumped when she heard Snape's voice, "Vexus, would you come here please?"

"I don't have any Floo-Powder, it'll be a moment." She pulled a robe on over her nightclothes. She smiled when a thought popped into her head 'I wonder if he'd approve of this?' She could still remember the exact expression on his face when he had given her a nightshirt to sleep in after determining that all of her nightgowns wouldn't be enough defense against the cold.

It didn't take long to get to his chambers; she wasn't that far away from him. She knocked on the door and heard him call out for her to come in. She closed the door behind her and stood there. He was sitting on the side of his bed. She thought he looked so tired. Maybe it was just the light.

"Severus, what do you want?" she tried very hard to sound impatient. She couldn't stop herself from wanting to sit down next to him however.

Snape looked up at her and took a deep breath, "Vexus, I wanted to tell you, ask you, that you not do what you did to me this morning again. You can't just do that, what ever it was, to people on a whim."

She twisted her face into an evil grin "Why Severus, did you call me down here just to ask me not to pick on you?" she walked towards him "Because if you did, that just makes me want to do it again." she was standing in front of him now. "If I want to make you squirm I don't need a charm to do it." She unfastened her robe and let it slide off her shoulders onto the floor. Snape started to say something but before he could she had pushed him down and was climbing on top of him.

"Severus, isn't this what you want?" she leaned down and began to nibble on his ear. He could feel one of her hands in his hair and the other one pinning down his arm.

"Yes, but I, please.."

"Please what? Please stop? Or Please don't? You must be a little more specific." She sat up and then suddenly leaned forward again and kissed him full on. She had pinned his arms down and he could feel the Mark burning. She held the kiss until he nearly threw her off. When she broke the kiss she stood up, retrieved the robe and began putting it back on.

Snape was yelling, "What the hell was that about?"

She sighed and spoke "Severus, it was to remind you of what is between us. No matter how much you love me or how much I love you it doesn't matter. It makes no difference if we want a family or if we just want to shamelessly shag for the hell of it. It's never gonna happen. And to let you know that if you ever stick that nose of your in my class again," she smirked "I can make sure that it gets very ugly between us. Understand?"

He scowled at her, "Fine. If that's how it is." He stood and began pacing. "Have you prepared you first message to the Dark Lord?"

Vexus sat down in a nearby chair "I have it ready to go, but Severus," she kept her voice steady "He has requested that I deliver it personally."

Snape snapped his head towards her "What?"

"He wants me to bring it to him. Alone." she hadn't told him, or anybody for that matter, that she had received the summons. She knew that they would insist on trying to keep her from going at it alone. And she didn't feel like fighting them, until now. She suddenly wanted Severus to know what she was going to have to do. Snape wasn't taking it well.

"We need to speak with Dumbledore, perhaps there is a way to send someone with you that he wouldn't know about."

"Severus, do you realize what you just said?"

"Well there must be something, when do you go?" he didn't know what was more of a concern. Vexus being found out or being killed.

She was still sitting in the chair and she studied her hands for a moment before she looked up "What time is it?"

He glanced at a clock on one of the shelves "it's 11:20, why?" She could see the understanding on his face "Not tonight? You're not going tonight, are you?"

Vexus stood up and went to the door "Yes tonight and I must get dressed. Goodnight." She pulled the door open and quickly made her way back to her rooms. She dressed quickly and by 11:37 she was on her way out of the castle, headed off the grounds to a place where she could dissipate.

She knew that Severus had followed her out, which is why she never looked back.