[Republic Transport Prolac]

Qui-Gon awoke to find a sleeping, naked Obi-Wan curled up next to him, cheek pressed into his chest, one arm draped around his waist.

Memories of their joining skittered across his thoughts. Images, sounds and feelings making his heart beat faster. He ran his hand through Obi-Wan's short hair, its rough texture tickling his palm. He was going to learn this body, commit every curve, nook and cranny to memory.

Qui-Gon's hand moved down to trace Obi-Wan's jaw line, following with his still swollen lips before darting down to an exposed nipple. His explorations began to rouse the sleeping form at his side, but he continued on, mapping his lover with his hand. Obi-Wan's arm received his attention next, Qui-Gon's fingertips skimming over well-defined muscles.

It felt so good to be able to touch like this, without fear of recrimination, possessing the knowledge that his touches were welcome. After years of not being able to touch...

Obi-Wan shifted and ran his hand over Qui-Gon's stomach. He was definitely awake now. Qui-Gon continued to run his fingers over Obi-Wan's arm, his stomach warming as he felt the love Obi-Wan held for him flow along their bond.

"'Morning Master."

"Good morning Obi-Wan." He kissed the top of his lover's head and felt the lips pressed up against his chest turn up in a smile.

The hand on his stomach made pleasant, lazy circles, before moving lower. Lips latched onto his nipple and then Qui-Gon knew only pleasure.




"That's not fair! They haven't even given you two a chance." Bant sat next to Qui-Gon and took his hand in hers, giving it a supportive squeeze.

He held onto it. "Mace seems to think that it won't work. He cited my track record as evidence. He would do it, you know. Petition the Council." Qui-Gon swallowed trying to will away the fresh set of tears that threatened to spill.

"Master Windu?" Bant dropped his hand, her mouth forming a little 'O' as she digested what Qui-Gon had told her.

"Bant?"

She shook her head, disbelieving. "Master Windu... It wasn't the Council who told you to end it?"

Qui-Gon nodded in confirmation, wishing that Bant would share her thoughts with him.

"Bant?"

She took his hand again, both of her hands warming it, her face animated with understanding.

"Every time you and Obi-Wan go away on missions and I'm on Coruscant, Master Windu comes by every few days to ask about Obi-Wan. Have I heard from him, how he's doing, has he met anyone interesting?" She shook her head, amazed.

"I always thought that he asked because he wanted to check up on you discretely. Obi and I always thought that Master Windu, you know...had a crush on you." Bant blushed, her gaze leaving Qui-Gon's for a moment, then returning her face alight with knowledge.

"I was wrong though. I should have seen it, 'cause looking back it was so obvious. He was fishing for information because he liked Obi-Wan not you!"

Qui-Gon followed that train of thought to the end of the line.

"You're suggesting that Mace deliberately sought to break us up?"

That was a heavy accusation, when made by any member of the Order. But as a padawan, if Bant whispered those words to anybody outside the safety of Qui-Gon's living room, she could face serious reprimands for her behaviour.

Understanding the seriousness of the situation, Bant considered his question, careful in her answer. "No, Master Jinn, but I think that it could be possible that Master Windu might be focusing on what happened with..." She waved her hand but didn't utter the name. "...as a reason to discredit your relationship with Obi-Wan because he may be...jealous? He may not know that his judgement is clouded."

There was a long pause and Qui-Gon wondered if she would continue.

"I know that it's not my place to question the wisdom of a Master and a Council member, but is Master Windu the best person to be making decisions about your relationship when his own feelings could impair his ability to be unbiased?"




[Republic Transport Prolac]

"You read my journal." "Yes." Qui-Gon sent a quick prayer to the Force, begging for Obi-Wan to remain with him in the warm confines of their bed. To loose him now...

He turned to face his lover; to get a closer look at those much loved eyes, hoping to gauge how bad the oncoming storm would be.

Obi-Wan caressed his arm. "I was hoping you had."

"Hoping?" Qui-Gon did not try to hide his surprise and relief at that wistful admission.

Obi-Wan gave a small nod as his fingers began to trace patterns over Qui-Gon's chest. "Yes. I hoped. I __left it there instead of the mission report because__"

Obi-Wan blushed and looked away. Qui-Gon caught the roving hand and kissed it in encouragement.

"Because__" Qui-Gon prodded gently.

"Because I wanted you to read it. I was afraid that if I told you straight out and you didn't want me__ It was easier to wait and see how you reacted."

"Are you pleased with my reaction?" Qui-Gon pulled one of Obi-Wan's fingers into his mouth and sucked it.

His question was considered for a long moment.

"Yes. I-I think so." Those bewitching eyes met Qui-Gon's.

Releasing the captive finger, Qui-Gon studied his lover's face.

"You think so?" That answer was simply not good enough.

"I'm not entirely satisfied Master." A smirking, irrepressible and insatiable Obi-Wan took one of Qui-Gon's hands and placed it on his erection.

His padawan's point proven in that action, Qui-Gon laughed and kissed Obi-Wan's nose. "Well, we will have to rectify that problem immediately!"




The short flight back to Coruscant had been a pivotal point in Qui-Gon's life. Obi-Wan he was sure, would be forever changed too.

They had both longed for something they thought out of reach for many years, had resigned to take comfort in what little they had, while all along wishing, pining for something more.

Then in the course of a few short hours, their worlds had turned upside down and everything they had each dreamed of alone at night in large, lonely beds, had been theirs for the taking and they had both lunged for the dream and lived it.

And then he destroyed it.

Both their lives had changed, but they had taken a turn for the worst.

Qui-Gon wished that he could take back the previous night, pull Obi-Wan into his arms and hold him there; never uttering the words that ripped through the heart and soul of the one he loved more than his own life.

Too late.

Or perhaps not - Bant was hopeful, preferring to believe that the hurt could be undone and the threat of forced separation removed. She didn't have a plan, short of going to the council and proclaiming that Mace Windu had unconsciously sabotaged Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's relationship, but the hope shone in her eyes.

Qui-Gon admired her positivity, but he knew better. Age and experience on his side, he knew that words could not be unsaid. And they tended to scar worse than any physical injury and took longer to heal.

Despite his protests, Bant seemed assured that there was a happy ending on the horizon. If Qui-Gon would just look for it. So sure was the Mon Calamarian that it could be fixed that for a few minutes Qui-Gon allowed himself to feel the hope well up in his chest.

The fatalistic part of him ran that tiny glimmer through with his lightsabre.

He recognised that it wasn't like him to give up, but he could see no way that he could salvage his relationship with Obi-Wan. Too much hurt. Obi-Wan wouldn't want him, not now.

"Master Jinn?" Bant's soft voice intruded on his silent misery. "I have to go back to Obi-Wan. I don't want him to wake up alone." Her grip on his hand tightened, "Don't give in, this will work out. We just need to think it out and," she paused and blushed, "you need to meditate." She added, slightly abashed at ordering a master to do anything.

She took her leave then, turning at the door to gaze at him. Indecision was written in her expression.

"Go Bant. He needs you more than I do." Qui-Gon pulled his face into a stiff smile that did not reach his eyes. "Go."

Bant nodded, offering her own smile and left, her light vanishing behind the metal door as it closed.

Alone again, Qui-Gon let the unshed tears loose.




[Republic Transport Prolac]

"I love you."

Qui-Gon flushed with pleasure. "I love you too."

"Forever?"

He heard the hope in his padawan's voice and found that it matched his own.

"Forever."

Nothing more needed to be said.

____________________

Some time later, the door chime woke Qui-Gon from a fitful, tortured sleep.

In his haunted dreams, Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon first, or accused Qui-Gon of taking advantage of him. In one scenario, his padawan had petitioned the Council to sever their bond, claiming that Qui-Gon had influenced him into having an unwanted sexual relationship. Raped him.

The chime saved him from having to witness his own execution at the hands of a Dark Obi-Wan's sabre.

Struggling off the couch Qui-Gon stumbled to reach the door. It slid open before he was halfway across the room, the over-ride function activated.

Mace Windu strode into the room.

"Qui-Gon! Damn it, I was worried about you! I've been comming you for a good ten minutes and ringing that damn buzzer for another five_"

Retreating to the couch, Qui-Gon just looked at the Councillor, numb and not particularly paying attention. There was nothing that he wanted to hear from this man.

A blatant mental probe jolted Qui-Gon out of his thoughts just in time to hear the enquiry, "_have you told him yet?"

Qui-Gon wasn't ready to answer any questions yet, he had one of his own and he wanted an answer. "You would truly take him away from me, wouldn't you?"

Bant's suspicions seemed so right now that he was facing the man who had threatened to remove Obi-Wan from his care. "And who would be his master? You? Who, Mace?" Qui-Gon spat the words out, angry with Mace, at the world, at himself for letting Obi-Wan go.

And for allowing the relationship to proceed in the first place.

Qui-Gon's response was not the one that Mace had expected. The usually prudent council member jumped to the wrong conclusion immediately. "You haven't told him have you! Sith's hell, Qui-Gon! You have a responsibility to him. Tell him now, damn you, or I will petition the Council at this afternoon's session."

Mace began pacing; his tone harsh, implying that he was willing to carry out his threat. "Poof and Mundi have indicated their support Qui-Gon. They have also stated that they believe Obi-Wan would benefit immensely if you were not allowed to see him until he is knighted."

The pacing stopped and Mace pinned him with a glare that made Qui-Gon's heart skipped a beat. The words sunk in. It was his worst nightmare. No, he could not loose Obi-Wan like that. Death would be kinder than forced separation, than any separation at all.

Oh, Bant was wrong, so very wrong. Regardless of Mace's motives, there would be no happily ever after. Not when Mundi, Poof and Mace had their talons prepared to sink into Qui-Gon's back. Three influential council members against one Jedi Master. It seemed that his fate was sealed.

"I've already told him Mace." He said, voice cracking under the strain of his emotions. He stared at his hands, fisted tightly, knuckles white. He could almost feel Mace's shock.

No doubt, the man thought that his renegade friend would defy him, as was typical of Qui-Gon's famous contrary nature. Never mind the fact that it was also well known that he cared deeply for Obi-Wan's welfare.

"You've told him? When?" Mace's surprise was very evident; his voice filled with amazement.

"Yesterday. At lunch. He's__ with a friend now. I don't know if he's coming back."

Qui-Gon's admission was greeted with silence. Neither man looked at the other as they both contemplated what had been said.

Mace broke the pause, his voice sounding from near the door. "Perhaps I should check on Obi-Wan for you? Is he with Bant?"

Ah, Qui-Gon thought, it was definitely true. Mace was after his padawan. Defeated, Qui-Gon knew there was little he could do about it now.

He nodded, his voice not up to the task of talking when all he wanted to do was scream at the unfairness of it all. So Mace would be the

Councillor in shining armour who would rescue Obi-Wan from his heartache.

A part of Qui-Gon rebelled at the thought of giving up on his love so easily. Fight it! You love Obi-Wan, why are you letting Mace win?

The other part of his mind, the section allied with his heart and already defeated, offered a small hope to quell his rising despair. Perhaps when Obi-Wan was knighted... there would be no restraints, nothing to hold them back. If Obi-Wan would still want him.

When. If.

He would hold onto that hope. He was not going to defy Mace and loose Obi-Wan forever. Take what you can get, he had thought that often enough when he couldn't have Obi-Wan in his bed. Better in your life than not at all.

He would take what he could get.




The hours passed in a haze, time deciding to punish Qui-Gon for his broken vows by crawling slower and slower still. His memories joined in the torture, plaguing him wherever he went in the small apartment.

He had taken a shower and images of Obi-Wan, wet and wrapped around his body crying out in pleasure, had driven him from the stall.

Fixing a lunch at noon, simply because noon was time to eat and not because he was actually hungry, Qui-Gon had remembered eating the last two pieces of fresh fruit on board the Prolac. Straight off Obi-Wan's naked body.

Everywhere he turned, ghosts of his doomed relationship with his Padawan confronted him.

It was maddening.

He walked aimlessly around the living area, picking up knick-knacks and summoning the memory or story connected to their acquisition. They offered little comfort or distraction though, because most of them belonged to Obi-Wan, had memories of Obi-Wan attached to them.

Qui-Gon tended not to collect many trinkets or material goods. He hadn't needed them after he accepted Obi-Wan as his padawan. The gap that had been sore and aching after Xanatos had been filled with that one addition to his life. All material goods paled in comparison to the light and laughter that his apprentice had brought to their pairing.

Qui-Gon sighed as he touched a feather. Sleek and black it was a reminder of a mission that had ended with both of them accidentally tarred and feathered. He had protested when Obi-Wan plucked the feather from his hair, it wasn't the sort of thing that anyone should want to remember. But Obi-Wan had been adamant. He wanted the feather, so he got it. For the memories, he had said. The collection had started that day.

"I never saw you laugh so much as you did on that mission, Master."

Qui-Gon did not turn although Obi-Wan had startled him. He waited a moment and collected himself, turning when he felt the familiar calm wash over him.

Obi-Wan stood in the doorway his eyes boring into Qui-Gon's. Staring into their murkiness, Qui-Gon wanted nothing more than to flee into his bedroom.

It hurt all over again. He wanted and he couldn't have. He would always be taunted by the vision of Obi-Wan. Always.

Instead of running, he met those eyes calling on all of his training to keep him rooted to the spot. He would meet whatever Obi-Wan had to say with the dignity befitting a Jedi Master.

And save the break down for after Obi-Wan left.

Obi-Wan stepped inside the door and folded his arms, but came no further. His gaze falling to the dark feather.

"I kept the feather because it reminded me of your laughter. I've always loved that sound." Obi-Wan raised his eyes and Qui-Gon stared into their depths.

How he wished he could ease the hurt he saw in them.

But he remained silent. There was nothing he could do. No words could express how he felt, how sorry he was. That his decision was right, even if it was painful. He couldn't say those things and expect Obi-Wan to listen like the diligent student that he was.

They continued to stare and Qui-Gon started to shift under the intense scrutiny. After a full minute of looking red rimmed eyes, Qui-Gon began to wonder if Obi-Wan had simply come home to make him feel worse.

Why was he there?

One worrying thought spun around his mind, a question that he needed an answer as much as Qui-Gon needed air to breath.

He had resolved not to tell Obi-Wan about Mace, about the possibility of separation. Had Bant?

"Obi-Wan__" He began, but he was stopped by a sharp shake of his padawan's head.

"I've just come to get some fresh clothes, Master. I just need to be away for awhile."

Qui-Gon stood where he was and watched as Obi-Wan retreated to his room, stung. Obi-Wan was leaving. But for how long? Would he come back?

He shook his head, angrily brushing away a stray hair as he wiped the thought from his mind. He couldn't deal with it now without blubbering like a complete idiot in front of his padawan. Later, he promised himself. He would think about what would happen if Obi-Wan left for good, later.

Switching mental gears he thought about Bant. It looked like she hadn't told Obi-Wan. If she had, the young man would be confronting Qui-Gon this very instant.

He thanked the Force for the small favour. Only one person needed to feel the pain of making such a life altering decision. He was glad that it had been him. Obi-Wan was young and with time, he would rebound and find someone else. Not so for Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan was it. He would not take another lover. No casual flings, no heart-stopping romances. After tasting perfection, he knew he would never be able to settle for anything else. Only Obi-Wan.

Pushing that thought away too, because it led to more thinking than he felt he could handle, Qui-Gon turned back to his inspection of the curious items that littered their shelves.

Running the feather across his palm one last time, he placed it back on the mantle and picked up another of Obi-Wan's treasures. A shoe. He turned the battered thing over in his hand and examined it.

An old sport shoe, probably electric blue once, one size too large for Obi-Wan and three sizes too small for Qui-Gon. Its fit irrelevant because it didn't have a partner.

Just one lonely shoe. Qui-Gon smiled a bitter smile that didn't reach his eyes. He and the shoe had a lot in common, apparently.

"We were on Helzi when I got that." Obi-Wan said as he re-entered the living area with his pack in hand. "We were helping build a refugee camp and some of the older kids got bored. You decided to entertain them by teaching them_"

"Gustball. I remember. This was the ball."

"Yes. You were laughing, despite the fact that you kept getting tackled into the mud." Obi-Wan's eyes clouded over as he remembered. "It was one of the only times you let go of your Jedi Master mask and let anyone see who was underneath. I fell in love with you that day."

Oh.

One month after that game they had returned to Coruscant and Obi-Wan had broken up with Knight M'Lel, his partner of over two years. They had been one of the most committed couples in the temple and it had shocked quite a few people, including M'Lel, when it ended.

Now he knew why it had happened. Obi-Wan had left M'Lel for him and the slim chance that one day he might have a place in his master's life.

"I'm sorry." Inadequate words that they were, they were all Qui-Gon had to offer.

Obi-Wan nodded at the gesture, moving towards the door.

Qui-Gon realised that he had no idea where Obi-Wan was planning to stay, although he assumed it would be with Bant. Assume, one never should.

"Obi-Wan. Wait!" Qui-Gon commanded when Obi-Wan reached the threshold.

It was apparent that he was reluctant to turn, but Obi-Wan responded to the command automatically, his lips pressed into a tight line.

"You_, I mean, I would like to know where you are staying so I can contact you if something comes up." Qui-Gon stammered as he stared at the distressed look on his apprentice's face.

"Oh." Obi-Wan said, surprised. "I'm sorry Master. I'll be staying with M'Lel." As an afterthought, he added, "with your permission, of course."

Qui-Gon flinched at the mention of the Knight.

"Not Bant?"

Obi-Wan frowned and it struck Qui-Gon then that he didn't have a claim on Obi-Wan any more.

He corrected his words immediately. "Of course, Obi-Wan. Your time is your own, as long as you attend your classes."

Obi-Wan gave him a long hard look. "I would be staying with Bant, Master, if she wasn't about to go on a mission. She's with the Council right now." Not that it's any of your business, his tone said.

"With the Council? Right now?" Qui-Gon repeated in shock. Oh no. This could not be good. Qui-Gon's instincts told him what Bant was going to do in the Council chamber and it had nothing to do with missions or briefings.

Bant had told him that it would work out and he'd brushed it aside thinking all was lost. Qui-Gon knew he should have realised that she would head straight to where the problem was - even if it meant risking her own apprenticeship by accusing a Mace in front of a fully assembled Council.

Shaking from rage and shock, Qui-Gon pushed past his startled apprentice and raced towards the chambers before Bant had the chance to make the biggest mistake of her young life.