To Paris

Chapter I: Raining Tears

It was the morning Remus was to leave for Paris. A swift knocking disturbed his door at four am. Rubbing his eyes, he slowly pulled the door open.

"Don't go," Sirius pleaded from the other side.

Remus felt a knot in his stomach, and a lump in his throat. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't.

"Please," the pale man begged.

Remus turned his head sideways and examined his old friend. Outside in the rain, Sirius's disordered hair had been tamed by the downpour.

"Leave. Now," Remus managed to say, his voice soft and fragile.

"I love you," Sirius cried, the rings below his eyes seemingly growing darker.

Remus flinched, but he maintained his expressionless stare.

"It's over," Remus said casually, bowing his head.

"No, Remus, if you-"

He hadn't slammed the door, but I might as well could've.

Sirius stood at the door, being pounded by the rain, for a few moments. Remus watched him from a window beside his door.

God forgive me, the young man wept. His vision was blurred by a tear for a second, and Sirius was gone. I must've cried him away.

Remus pressed his back to the door and slid down. Down into a state of jadedness. Even hours later, while boarding the train to Paris, his emotions felt numb.

He spied a man with shaggy black hair on the train. Remus wished it was Sirius. So he could tell him he loved him too. That he wanted to be with him.

It wasn't Sirius, of course. And as many times as Remus thought he saw his lover, it would never really be him.

For three years, Remus tossed and turned at night. Dreaming of a life with Sirius. One where he hadn't sent him away. But the dream was just that-- a dream. Remus knew he would never be happy; at least not while he wasn't with his... other half. My soul, my life.

And then, one day, a letter came from a broad, dark owl. Remus immediately knew who it was from. He calmly unrolled the parchment and read the words:

Remus,

how are you doing? It was bloody difficult trying to track you down. I suppose you're doing hush-hush secret work for the Ministry? I had an inkling when you left. What do you think of Penelope? She's a beauty, isn't she? She was a gift from Peter.

We're all anxious to hear how you're fairing. Even Lily. She's concerned James might make me the Godfather of their child if you don't start keeping in touch. We wish you the best.

-Sirius