To Paris
Chapter V: Redefinition and Tradition
"I'm sorry, Moony. Really I am. It must've been so hard for you. Three years wallowing in self torment. I had no idea."
"I know you didn't. I was afraid to tell anyone. I was pathetic."
"Why didn't you come to James or myself earlier?"
"James never knew. In school, being a prefect and head boy... Quidditch. He was too preoccupied. Now, with Lily and the baby..."
Peter put an arm around Remus.
"I am so sorry," the short man consoled.
Remus turned and looked into the eyes of Peter. Wormtail wore a frown, but gazing deeper into his eyes, Remus saw something different... something...
Happiness?
Remus had had a mental breakdown. The Ministry had relieved him from doing anymore work and offered to relocate him.
"I have no place else to go, Cornelius. Besides, Paris is quiet. Peaceful."
"I understand. If you should ever need anything, do let us know. You've done a great deal of good for the Ministry."
The day after Peter had received an owl from Remus, he arrived in Paris. But now, he seemed to be offering more to Remus than he had previously. Something more than friendship. This startled Remus. At Hogwarts, after Peter had found out about Sirius and Remus's love affair during their sixth year, he had kept their relationship secret from James.
"I figured that you would've told him by now. Do you really think he'd mind?"
"Sirius and I are over. There's no hope of..." Remus took a deep breath. Despite his words, there was still a blind, naive part of him thought "well, maybe, just maybe..."
Peter had found himself sleeping Remus's couch for a couple of days. He talked with Remus about everything; from Azkaban to Sirius.
"I don't feel like a very good friend right now. The past few days and all we've spoken about is me," Remus frowned.
Peter put a hand on Remus's shoulder.
"I can truthfully say that there's 'nothing new' going on in my life, Moony," Peter smiled.
"Nothing? No mischievious adventures? No top-secret work for the Ministry? No love interest?" Remus questioned.
Peter's eyes flashed as Remus asked the last question.
"Hmm... Well, there was someone," Peter mumbled, removing his hand from Remus's shoulder.
"Yes, and?" Remus pryed.
"Well, he's recently been deeply hurt by someone. I'm not sure if he's ready to hear what I have to say," Peter quickly blurted.
"Oh? Well-- oh. Oh. I see. Peter, I-"
"It's okay Remus, you don't have to say anything," Peter sighed.
Remus took another good look at the man sitting next to him. He's so sweet and innocent. Just like when we were at Hogwarts. I don't know why I haven't seen him like this before.
Peter turned his back to Remus and sighed once more.
"Now I've gone and made things awkward, I'm sorry, Remus," Peter apologized.
Remus spun Peter around and stared into his eyes for a moment.
"Don't be sorry, Peter."
The two men leaned towards each other, and embraced in a passionate kiss. Peter placed his hands on Remus's shoulders and pushed him back for a moment.
"You aren't thinking of him, are you?" Peter asked, narrowing his eyes.
"Him who?" Remus shot back, pulling Peter close to him once more.
Ariel meowed, Peter and Remus taking a moment to move into the bedroom, shutting the door behind them.
"Don't hurt me, Moony. I'm not strong like you. I can't take heartbreak. I-"
Remus placed a finger on Peter's lips. He kissed Peter again and they both gently dropped onto the bed.
"Peter, I-" Remus began, opening his eyes.
Sirius stared back at him. The photograph that once contained James, Lily, Harold, and Sirius had been torn in two. Now, an overjoyed Sirius stood alone, smiling and waving at Remus. An eruption of frustration exploded within Remus and the picture turned black before being brushed off the nightstand by an unseen force.
"Yes, Remus?"
"Peter, I... I love you."
"I love you too, Remus. Forever."
It would be five months before the first of Remus and Peter's problems became visible.
"That cat hates me Remus!"
"It's all in your head, Peter. Ariel doesn't have a thing against you!" Remus replied, turning towards his pet, "Do you, Ariel?"
Ariel's eyes flashed yellow for a moment while she glared at Remus. She hissssed at him before trotting into their bedroom.
"See?!"
Debates over whether or not Ariel should stay were the least of the lover's troubles.
"What are you doing, Moony?"
"Peter! You weren't supposed to be home for-"
"I know that. What are you doing?" Peter repeated.
"Nothing, just cleaning out some boxes of things," Remus answered softly.
Peter snatched a photograph out of Remus's hand.
"Interesting," Peter stated coldly.
Examining the photograph, Peter's face turned red. Remus and Sirius, taking part in quite a sexual act.
"How come it's not moving?" Peter questioned.
Remus tried not to laugh. He's just found a picture of Sirius and I making love and he's wondering why it's not moving?
"It was taken with Muggle film and a Muggle camera that Sirius had bought-"
"I see. Well, I'm glad you're getting rid of it," Peter said. And without another word, he tore up the photograph and vanished into the living room.
Remus returned to sorting through his 'box of Sirius.' He hadn't really intended to get rid of anything in it. But not because he didn't love Peter.
A loud curse pre-empted the slamming of the door. Remus jumped, startled. He peered into the living room. I knew it... he thought. Peter is right. I should throw out that box. Nothing but old memories.
Remus picked up his wand and stared at the box with intent.
"Dis-" he began.
"Dispar..."
Looking around the room, almost as if to check and see if anyone was watching, Remus swifly scooped up the box in his hands and placed it underneath the bed.
Let go! his mind screamed.
I love him so much...
Who?
Peter.
You love Sirius.
I love Peter.
No, you love pretending that Peter is Sirius.
I love Peter.
Then why haven't you made love in two weeks?
I- LOVE- PETER!
Retiring at an early hour, Remus might as well have stayed up all night. He awoke alone.
Did Peter not come home?
He removed the sleep from his eyes and shuffled into the kitchen, then turned, and screamed.
"Peter! Oh my God! Peter, why in the world?!"
Remus rushed over to the suspended corpse of his lover. Ever so slowly, the short, husky man swung back and forth. Remus's eyes were wide with fright. He retrieved his wand from his room and aimed it at what Peter had hung himself from...
"What the...?"
A chain of photographs, all of Remus and Sirius, stretched from the noose around Peter's neck to low beam across the ceiling.
"Lies lies lies lies lies..." filled Remus's head in a flurry of whispers.
Remus awoke once more. Instantly, he turned to find he was alone in bed. Jumping up, he fumbled with to get the covers off of him. He rushed into the living room, where Peter was sleeping peacefully on the couch.
Remus fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. Crying so hard that tears began to pool in his palms, Remus began shaking.
Peter was awakened by Remus's stirring.
"What's wrong, Moony?"
"Everything, Peter. Everything."
