Judged by the Mask
Judged by the mask
The mask I created
Three personas
Each having their own stereotypes
I made them to keep hurt away
But now, people don't know me
Only those personas
And the hurt comes flooding back
I'm trapped within the confines of my own creation
Why can't anyone see beyond the clown?
Why would they want to ?
Don't think I'm not grateful for all these masks have done for me
But I'm no longer sure where I end and the masks begin
Am I even there anymore?
The Maxwell's demon, that's what they call me
Perhaps they're right
If I hadn't been there, maybe two hundred odd people would be alive now
I was already the clown then
But he couldn't help me out of that guilt, I needed something more
That something came to me in the form of Shinigami
My past has built expectations about me
The only thing I can do now is live up to them
I become the true god of death for those few moments in every battle
Afterwards, I see what I have done, the chaos I have helped create
The lives I have taken, the ones I've ruined
I'm creating more Maxwell's demons with every battle
I have to become the clown again to sheild myself from that self hatred
To help the others hold up to the strain of taking lives
The clown is there to help the others see that what we do can't be all evil
But do I even believe that myself anymore?
I'm not sure.
The others never try to see beyond the masks
Maybe they're afraid of what they might find
Maybe...
I'm still a boy
I haven't grown
Those fears of what may happen, what has happened
The conflicting forces of past, present and future
The boy within me still fears them
Some part of me is that boy
I think
I know he's there, but I can't bring him to the surface
Maybe he's afraid of what he has become
I'm not sure
One thing I do know is that I can't remove the masks
What will become of the boy behind them?
What am I if not the clown, or the god of death?
I'm too used to the twisted sense of security that these masks bring
Take them away, and the others don't know me anymore
I won't be known, not even by myself
Is that what true freedom feels like?
I'm not sure
Judged by the mask
The mask I created
Maybe it's better off this way
I'm not sure.
~~~~~~~~~~~
End. R&R please, if you didn't like it, well I guess you're entitled to your opinion, I know It was short, but I quite liked it.
Feedback please.
~ The Unguided Angel.
