Hogwarts-a crossover



Okay, that was just an explanation of what was going on. If I had gone straight onto this Chapter nothing would make sense, just give it time to mature like a good cheese (NO, maybe think of wine, it's a better analogy.).

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my soul.

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Ponder arrived in Dumbledore's office. There was no bang, or puff of smoke, which was disappointing, but as Ponder had not blown up yet, Dumbledore Sighed with relief and came from under the table.

"Well done Ponder! You've cracked it."

"Wha'" said Ponder still Confused, "I think I left my stomach behind." He scrunched his face up and sighed. Then as if just realising what had happened, he got up and shouted, "YES!" he giggled and danced a jig. Dumbledore watched and smiled. Then Ponder as if remembering himself stood up stiffly and said, " The project was a success!"

Dumbledore looked at him and said, "I see that. Ponder, do you know where you are?"

"I know I'm with you Professor." Ponder said.

"You're at Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. I am the Headmaster." He held out his hand to shake. Ponder shock it nervously.

"I'm Ponder Stibbons, as you already know, The head of Inadvisably Applied Magic at Unseen University."

"How applied?"

"Inadvisably sir."

"Well Ponder, Would you like me to show you around?"

Ponder smiled. "Yes I definitely would Professor Dumbledore"





Jennifer ran through the shades. She was scared. Very scared. She didn't know what was happening to her. It was getting worse. Last month she had broken a trolls arm when he was drunk, last week she had stopped a swamp dragon exploding, yesterday she had made her P.E (gym) Teacher levitate about 60 foot in the air .She didn't know how she did it, but she always seemed to be the source of this power.

That's what they argued about these days. She came home with the note and her Father had almost exploded with rage. How did she do these things? Why did she always have to be in trouble? How did she think she was?

Jennifer had responded by shouting back at him. It always took him by surprise, but they just kept shouting and shouting until her Mother joined in, taking dad's side and after she was 'grounded' would storm off to her room and slip out.

Then they would argue again and again and again. There didn't seem to be a point. She hated it, but this power. She felt she could break her dad in two, even though she had the smallest frame her family had ever seen. She felt as if she could hurt people, but she didn't want to. It just was. She wasn't safe. She felt she was justified in hurting those thieves, but she felt as if she could hurt some one she cared about. Like Dad. Or Mum (that's Mom for the yanks out there). She couldn't control it, it controlled her. It seemed to happen when she was scared or angry, and she was so often angry.

She turned into Scoon Avenue. She walked quietly down the street, avoiding the street lamps. She climbed over the wall to the Ramkin mansion. She crept quietly over the grass, not breaking a single twig. She reached the creepers next to her window

She shimmed up them leaving no trace of her climbing up them. Jennifer grabbed at the window sil and pulled herself in. she dropped to the floor, and lay there panting. She was home. Safe.

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"And this is the great hall." Said Dumbledore showing Ponder the school.

"Why is their no ceiling?" asked Ponder nervously.

"Oh, there is, it's just been enchanted to show the sky outside."

"Oh" said Ponder. Over the last hour he had been shown Hogwarts. It had changing staircases, a library (though not as fine as UU's), classrooms, dormitories and dungeons. It was more confusing than Bloody Stupid Johnson plans, and bigger than the Patrician's palace. And that was big. Very big. Not as big as UU, but pretty big as big went. He had learned a bit about Hogwarts as time went on.

Their were four house. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Each house was in competition with each other to gain points and earn the house cup. There was also a competition to win at a game called quidditch, but he would find out about the rules later. Basically, as far as he could work out, Slytherin hated Gryffindor, Gryffindor hated Slytherin and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw hated Slytherin and Gryffindor alternately or simultaneously.

It was being to feel uncomfortably like UU.

"Let me show you the staff room." Dumbledore showed him to the Room and opened the Door. There were men and women talking and drinking coffee. There was also a skeleton in the corner on a chair.

"Excuse me ladies and Gentlemen, I have something to tell you." Dumbledore stood on a handy chair and shouted above the crowd. They stopped talking and started to listen to Him.

" We have fixed the problem with the matter Transporter and have gained Contact with the Discworld!" The staffroom clapped appreciatively." Thank you, I have brought you a Visitor from the Discworld, he is called Ponder Stibbons, head of Inadvisably applied Magic at Unseen University on the Discworld." The staff clapped again. Ponder came out of the shadows. They looked at him and started to talk among themselves about the Discworldian.

"Ponder, would you like to say a few words?"

Ponder cleared his throat and the room went quiet." Well…it's a nice surprise to see that none of you are bug eyed monsters."

The staff room tittered nervously, and Ponder stumbled on

" I started this project when I had a malfunction with my Omniscope and found Dumbledore in his office. Knowing that reality is thin on the Disc, I started to develop a machine to travel to Dumbledore and his reality, which he has told me about." Very little about, he had to admit.

" Today I travelled here, and… although I had my misgivings, I think we can all get along."

The staff room went quiet. Then a large man, about ten-foot tall came over to him and held out his hand to shake." Mi name's Rubus Hagrid, an' I teach 'care of magical creatures'." Ponder shock the huge hand and smiled weakly.

Then a very small man about the size of a dwarf walked up to him and held out his hand." I'm Professor Flitwick, and I'm head of Ravenclaw house, and Charms teacher." Ponder shock his hand as well and tried to make a good impression.

A woman with fly about hair, and a good natured face came to him and smiled at him." I'm Professor Sprout, head of Herbology and Head of Hufflepuff house. " Ponder smiled back and, because she had held out her hand, kissed it. She blushed bright red and went back to her seat.

"Where's Snape?" asked Professor Flitwick, with an air of Dislike in his voice," I haven't seen him for days"

"He's not feeling well," said Dumbledore simply, " He told me he would stay in his office for a few more days yet."

"Who's Snape?" Asked Ponder.

"Potions master, and head if Slytherin." Said a voice. Ponder had a slight shock, but then realised it was a ghost. The ghost floated down from the ceiling and said curtly," Professor Binns, History of Magic. Who are you, pray."

" A representative from Unseen University" Said Ponder. He had a funny feeling that they wouldn't get on.

"Unseen University? Never heard of it. Can't be much good."

A cat sighed and said," of course you haven't herd of it Professor Binns, it's in a different dimension, and we've only just heard of it." The cat then changed shape from a cat to a tall, fear-inspiring woman. She straightened up and said, "My Name is Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor, Deputy Headmistress and Transfiguration teacher."

Ponder starred at her. Dumbledore patted her on the shoulder and said," Minerva, he's not used to Transfiguration. I don't think they have it in their World."

"Oh we do," said Ponder" but it usually happens to werewolves once a month, I've never seen a cat turn into a woman." Professor McGonagall looked at him down her nose and raised her eyebrows.

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Jennifer slept. It wasn't a peaceful sleep. She tossed and turned and murmured. She had the same dream every night for about a month. She would be walking down the street, and she would see a horse-less carriage. She would get in and it would take her to an old castle. She would get out, then a flock of owls would come and lift her off the ground.

The owls would fly her around the castle and then let her go. She would fall and keep falling. She would see a face, an ugly, horrible face. Like a snakes, but human. It would eat her whole and she would see the castle, on fire. Inside people where screaming and trying to put the fire out. The face would be laughing.

Then she would wake up. She panted as she sat up in bed. She knew something was different about this dream though. She heard the face's name.

LORD VOLDERMORT



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Ponder got ready to leave. He set up the magic circle and stood inside it. The other Teachers at Hogwarts stood around as Dumbledore got ready for an incantation. Ponder Looked at the staff. They were better than the staff at UU, but children where better than the faculty at UU. That's why he hung around Pippin. She made more sense than they ever did. Dumbledore said the incantation and Ponder disappeared. Then Dumbledore got into the circle and disappeared.

Ponder arrived in UU again. He stepped out of the Portal and sat down. He then heard Knocking on his door.

"Open up Mr Stibbon's" shouted Arch-chancellor Ridcully through the door, "We need to talk about the project"

Ponder panicked as he heard Rincewind's voice outside saying," I'm not letting the dungeon dimensions through here again." Ponder Looked behind him as Dumbledore appeared through the Portal.

"Professor, get outta hear! The staff are coming."

"Why should I go? I would like to meet the staff here, they seem to be very intelligent people from what I have heard."

"Appearances can be deceptive around here." The door burst open with the bang of several people doing what is right for mankind.

"Stop what you're doing Ponder! For Io's sake!" Shouted Mustrun Ridcully standing in a pose best described as ' hero bursting through door'.

"Ah, gentlemen. How may I help you?" The staff seemed to look through Ponder to Dumbledore standing behind him. The wizards gasped as the wizened old man looked at them smiling. They knew the code, but the dean, making a heroic gesture and, pointing his staff at Dumbledore, shouted "Go back to were thou did came, beast of the dungeon dimension!"

The room went suddenly quiet as all examined this sentence for the flaws. The Dean looked embarrassed and slipped back into line. Then Arch- chancellor Ridcully stepped over to talk to Dumbledore.

"Are you from the dungeon dimension?"

"My dear sir, I'm from the Hogwart Dimension." Said Dumbledore smiling, "And The only intention I come with is Peace and sharing of knowledge."

Ridcully sighed from relieve, but only a little bit. " Are you sure you're not a monster with tentacles and …things?"

"Why, would you rather I was?" Said Dumbledore getting out his wand."

"No, no, not at all, it's just that we've had a few bad experiences."

"You aren't bent on destroying our Dimension are you?" said the Dean ever hopeful. The faculty stared at him. "well, he could have been" he mumbled sulkily.

"I'm afraid Gentle men that I'm not. I am in fact Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts School for witchcraft and Wizardry."

This did not get the reaction he had hoped for.

"Hog whats?" said the Senior Wrangler.

"Hogwarts." replied Dumbledore.

"Oh" replied the faculty as a whole. Then Ridcully clapped his hands together and said,

" Dumbledore, would you like to join us for Breakfast?"

"I would love to, but I must bring my staff, I'm sure you would like to meet them."

"I'm sure we would. Please Dumbledore, Invite them. Also, we'll invite our Guild leaders to meet you." Said Ridcully, much to the dismay of the other staff,

"Well, I'll bring along some men from the Ministry of magic. They'll be interested to meet you."

"The more the merrier." Said Ridcully Overdoing the whole hosting thing. "Mr Stibbons, please set up the Matter Transporter." Ponder sighed and set it up.

"When will we be expected Arch Chancellor?" Asked Dumbledore Pleasantly.

"About 10 okay for you?"

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Severus Snape slept in the dungeon dreaming. He dreamt that he could stop Potter and Lily falling in love. He dreamt that they were married. He dreamt, for some reason that he was a guard in an old city and that they lived in the best part of town. He dreamt that Dumbledore stood over him, trying to wake him up. He realised this was not a dream, and work up.

"Severus, I have something to tell you!" said Dumbledore desperately.

"What is it…" he said groggily.

"We've got an important breakfast to go to this morning! You've got to get up, have a shower and put on you're dress robes."

"Why've I got to go." Said Snape like a teenager, "I didn't know until now. What time is it?"

"Eight thirty. And we've got to be there by ten."

Snape sat up fast. Dumbledore smiled expectantly and left. As he walked out he shouted

"Severus, I expect you in my office by nine forty five."

"Yes Professor" He shouted back.

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Jennifer woke up. The sun shinned through the window like a huge blowlamp to her eyes. She realised a maid had come in and opened the curtains. She had roughly the same attitude to servants that her father did, but she knew that no one came into her room unless was important.

"Martha, what is it?"

"Morning lady Jennifer. Lady Sybil sent me up to wake you up. " Jennifer groaned. It was a school day. She hated school days. She didn't like the pupils or the teachers, and they didn't like her. She sat up and sighed into the morning.

"Madam, would you like me to help you get dressed?" Jennifer considered this.

"No thank you Maria."

"Very good Madam." she said and left the room. Jennifer got up and got dressed.

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Harry got up in the burrow and sighed happily. He liked it in the burrow. It was warmer than Privet drive, and far more relaxed. He got up in his pyjamas and gleefully listened to the ghoul in the attic. He had found that Ron was already up by the empty bed next to him. He slipped on a tee shirt and Jeans and ran downstairs.

When he was down there he found Mrs Weasley had made Breakfast.

"Good Morning Harry." She said kindly," Good night?"

"Yeah," he said tiredly.," very good."

He sat on a chair as Ron came in with Hermione.

"Morning Harry," he said," It's a wonderful day today, and you know why? "

"Why?" said Harry half laughing at his expression.

"Because Mum said she'd take me to Diagon ally and get me a broom!"

Harry laughed at his expression. So did Ron. Hermione sat down at the table and said," Mrs Weasley, where is Mr Weasley?"

"He's gone to a top secret meeting this morning. He just got a message from Dumbledore. He just read it and decided he had to go. He said it was a new opportunity to relate to Muggles. Your dad and his Muggles! Honestly! He's a pain at times!"

Harry looked at Mrs Weasley. She certainly looked annoyed. Then she seemed to forget about it and turned around with a pan of bacon.

"Bacon Harry?"

"Thanks" he said eagerly.

"Hermione?"

" Thanks Mrs Weasley"

"Ron?"

"Definitely mum!" She doled it out onto the plates as George and Fred came in.

They came in and Fred Said, "Good Morning mother! What a wonderful day!"

"Is this Bacon and eggs I smell" Said George in a mock posh voice.

"'Tis, 'tis, " said Fred," will you give us some Mother, on this frabtacular day?"

"Knock it off both of you!" said Mrs Weasley angrily.

"I'm afraid we can't mother dearest, we tried out a voice altering sweet and I'm awfraid we can't stop this inane accents." Explained George.

"But you have to admit, they are spiffing accents"

"You two and your voice altering sweets! And your joke shop stuff. I wish you would just concentrate on your studies, and not on making…exploding quills."

"But they where funny Mummy dearest…"

"Not when you have to clear it up. Honestly, that was a mean thing to do to Ginny."

At this point Ginny came in and looked slightly shamefaced. Her face was covered with faded ink, and when she saw Harry she yelped and ran back to her room.

"We've working on a less permanent ink Mother…"

"Just stop it you two" She slammed the frying pan down. "All you see to do is make trouble, where ever you go! Why can't you be like Bill or Charlie or Percy? And this kind of high jinx has an effect on Ron and Ginny. Ron has been in loads of trouble these few years he's been at Hogwarts. And then what do you think Harry and Hermione think…" Harry and Hermione looked at each other. They weren't looking forward to this part." They think that we aren't good parents, that's what!"

"We do think you are good parents Mrs Weasley," said Hermione earnestly," Fred and George just are jokers, and good jokers at that."

"Thank you Hermione, I suppose I can't stop them two. They're just like that. Come on, Who want's eggs?"

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Jack Swifytery woke up in his Home in Ankh-Morpork. He hated school and all related topics, but he had to go. He knew he had to go, but he didn't want to. He looked out at the university. His parents where and trying to go up the social ladder, but what can you expect from the guild of teachers secretary.

His parents were desperate for him to get a good education, so they forced him to go to the guild school. He hated it. He didn't wan to be a teacher. He waned to be a wizard, but he didn't have any magic in him. He was totally normal.

Too normal. But today he felt angry. At the world, normalness and his parents. He felt angry at the guild, his teacher and wanted to do something big. Very big. Something so big, it would get peoples attention.

He didn't know it, but he wasn't normal. In one respect he wasn't like his mother. Or his father. He wasn't going to be like anyone they had ever met. He was also wrong when he though he had no magic in his blood. He was a changeling in the discworld.

He was a changeling. He wasn't like other children. He was going to find that out today.

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Jennifer walked down the street in her Mud brown uniform. Other children ran passed her, wanting to meet their friends. They were talking, shrieking, laughing, joking, whispering, and living. Jennifer looked out of place as she walked through the mud to her school. They wore there uniform the same way, but for some reason hers was different.

She was the type of person who, if taken into any shop, would only have black velvet tops, or short leather shirts in her size. And they would be in the sale.

Even this uniform seemed to have grown shorter in the leg and tighten to make the best of her body. The long black boots she wore also helped this effect. They were the only flat shoes in her size.

She looked as if she wouldn't think twice about killing a man, but worried about a broken nail. She also looked as if she kept a knife in her boot.

She walked along and looked across the road. There was another boy walking like she was. He seemed out of place as well. She had seen him for the last few days, just notice him. She didn't fancy him, she just was intrigued by him. He was like her. Different. She sighed and turned into the school. She had another day to go.

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Ridcully was running around the university, waking up the wizards. They had prepared for this however by waking up about half an hour before. Contrary too popular believe, you don't have to get up very early to catch a wizard, but you do have to make sure their staff is out of reach. The only recent exception was Arch- Chancellor Ridcully, who had stayed Arch- Chancellor for more than one year. To go onto his Corridor was a challenge was enough, let alone get into his office.

The wizard got up and put on their best robes. The servants were getting breakfast ready. The tables where only half laid and they were already groaning under the weight. Many of the guests to this breakfast meet where already turning up. The Patricians coach was already was outside.

The wizards had already locked the bursar up. They didn't want the guests to meet him. He didn't really represent what they wanted to convey. They all met in the big hall, looking uncomfortable in their best robes. Many of them had put on weight since they had bough them.



Ponder sat in his workshop. He had tried to tidy it up a bit, but that was like trying to empty the ocean. He was still devoted to Hex, in a kind of ex- lover way, but he had pasted it onto the next generation of student to fiddle with. They would have a few shocks he had to admit, but Adrian was in charge of Hex now, so it was his problem. He also wore his best robes, but he had lost weight due to eating pizza at irregular hours and missing meals for every little accomplishment Hex made.

He didn't like this. It felt to regular, to safe, to…tame. When you make a leap like this, people where meant to leave half their body behind, or scantily clad young women would be running away from animal sacrifice or an unjust society. To meet a very nice bunch of wizards with the same agenda as you was far too easy. Something had to be wrong.

He looked at his watch. It was nine thirty. He sighed. Half an hour and he would have to meet their guests.



Right, that was part 2. Part 3 in about a week. I have to fit in through work!