Chapter 5

"Is she gonna be ok?" someone asked in a frantic voice. My head hurt, bad, and I couldn't move, well I could, but it hurt. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't focus on anything. Instead I groaned.

"I'm not sure I'm not a doctor!" I think that was Quistis and sounded just as frantic.

"Uh...." I tried to flutter my eyes open again. "What happened?" my throat was dry and raspy and I was stuttering.

"Alex!" Squall's face appeared, "Galbadia sent solders after us but we outran them, we're on our way back to Balamb." Squall's face was bleeding and he was sweating but he seemed ok.

"Where are we?" I couldn't really see much

"We're on the boat going back to Balamb." Squall looked away.

"Where's....Tim.....Timmy?" Did I save him? I couldn't remember.

"We had to leave him Alex," Quistis's voice was soft when she spoke

"No.....no.....no! Why didn't you save him!? We were so close! And you left him!" I screamed at them.

"Squall couldn't carry you and Timmy," she probably didn't think much of it, just another SeeD to replace.

"Well, what about Seifer?! He coulda done it!" Everyone went quiet.

"Seifer was shot and......" I couldn't believe it. Seifer, Timmy, who next?

"And what....?!" I wanted to hear the words

"And they took him ok?!" she ran off crying.

"I'm......" I started crying and fell asleep, either that or passed out.

""It's all your fault Alzera, it's cause of you that Timmy and Seifer are dead."" he stared at me with cold piercing eyes

""I.....I.....I didn't mean for it...."" He stepped out into the light

""Of coarse you did, you wished for it to happen. You hated Seifer and you were jealous of Aurora for having Timmy"" He held my gunblade and started coming towards me.

""No, I didn't do..."" he stood in front of me, holding my gunblade out as if to give it to me.

""You know you what you have to do,"" he tried to give it to me.

""No, I won't do it,"" I backed away

""Then I'll do it for you."" My father raised the gunblade at me and slashed down.

"AHHHHH!!!!!!" I woke up.

"Alex?! What is it?" Squall came running in.

"Uh......." I had to catch my breath "Nothing, just a........a bad dream,"

"Alex! How are you feeling?" The klutz girl, um, Selphie? Well she came in.

My eyes started tearing up, I had let someone die.

" I'm.....fine," I looked away, I didn't want them to see me cry. "Did we complete our mission?" why the hell did I ask that? Two people are dead, possibly more! And all I had to say was 'did we complete our mission'? How pathetic! "I'm sorry," I burst into tears and buried my head into my hands. Selphie ran over and hugged me but I pushed her away.

"Just go," if only I had gone with him.

"Are you sure?" I didn't look at her, I couldn't look at anyone.

"Ok if you need anything, then we'll all be in Squall's dorm." Then they left.

What happened when I blacked out? How did Seifer get shot? Why am I still here? That last question was answered. I slowly and painfully got up, found my clothes and went into the bathroom.

Taking off the hospital gown I saw a long scare on my left shoulder.

"Cool, I have a non self inflicted scar." Don't ask, it's a long story. Anyways I changed and snuck out.


Everyone I passed on my way to my dorm gave me the three headed stare, but all I wanted to do was see my bird.

"Hello? Aurora? It's me Alex," I said, walking into the dorm. Guess she wasn't there.

"Hello Zoro. Guess what I did yesterday? I got a person killed."

"Squawk!" Go figure. I went to the bathroom to clean up my face but couldn't get in.

"What the hell?....." I rammed, hurt shoulder first into the door and fell into the tub.

"Ahhhhh shit!" that really hurt. With the shoulder that I got shot in a couple of times, I busted opened a door and landed shoulder first into a tub, oh yeah, I feel great. I looked around the bathroom, went ghostly pale, and calmly exited the dorm.

knock!

"Hello?" squall asked

"uh....h..hi it's a...it's me Al....Alex."

"Come in!" Selphie seemed happy, not for long though.

"Hi, uh, um.."

"Are you ok?" Zell asked. "You look really pale." I was shaking all over.

"yeah I know, it's a cause, um, Aurora, my room mate, she a, um.. she's dead....in the um, bathroom."

Evidentially, Aurora committed suicide after she found out Timmy died. Wow, I'd say that's a record, three people died cause of me, again I say wow.

I decided not to talk to many people, although it's hard when they accuse you of killing Seifer. But I needed to find out what happened, and Squall was the one ask.

"Squall?" I knocked at his dorm door hoping no one else was there.

"Yeah? Come in." I walked into squall's dorm.

"What happened when I blanked out?" He looked at me with a cold expression on his face, then turned away and looked out the window.

"After that guy hit you with his gun..." he started "I slashed him and picked you up....more solders were coming faster then I could run, so Seifer came back to help me. He fought off a couple of solders and started to run to the boat. The guy who clubbed you shot him and they took him away." I couldn't say a thing, I had killed Seifer basically.


"......ok" I said in a really low voice "uh......thanks.......I'm gonna.....go now." Why did he help try to save me? He's tried to kill me a couple of times. But.......he helped save me, I didn't deserve to live, I could've died and saved two lives, Timmy's and Seifer's. I needed to kill something.

"Fuck you Seifer!" I yelled while slashing at a t-rexsaurs "Why did you have to try to save me!?" I ran at the rex again. When you're pissed, you feel invincible, and do stupid things. The rex whipped me backwards with his long tail.

"Ahhhh shit!" He charged at me, jaws open ready to kill, I just laid there. Why not let it kill me? I didn't deserve to live, two people died because of me, on my team.

I closed my eyes and relaxed, waiting for my punishment.

Bang! the gunshot scared it off.

"Alex! What the hell? Why didn't you get up and fight!? Irvine ran over to me.

"Go away, leave me alone!" I got up with my gunblade and started walking away.

"Alex! It wasn't your fault...." Ooooooo why wouldn't he just shut up?

"Shut up Irvine! You weren't there!" I stopped but didn't face him.

"Then tell me...." Not likely

"SHUT UP!" I screamed and ran at him, ready to slash. He dogged but not by much. I got his forearm pretty bad. He winced a bit and applied pressure.

"Irvine!" I can't believe what I just did! I attacked a friend! "I'm....are you ok?" I ran over to him.

"Yeah I'll be fine." He was in a lot of pain. I ripped a couple of strips off my shirt and wrapped them around his wound.

"I'm sooo sorry," I sank my teeth into my lip.

"Yeah, probably," he started to walk away. And I was alone again.

I ran the other direction. I ran out of the training center, I ran to the front gate and I ran out of Balamb garden. I didn't stop until I was at the beach, and until I noticed that my gunblade cut up my legs when I ran.

"Fuck," that's just what I needed, more wounds. Squall is mad at me, Irvine won't talk to me, the rest.....I didn't want to think about it.

"Fuck!" I threw my gunblade into the crashing waves.

"Nice going Alex," now what are you going to do?........eh dive in.

The water was cold, very cold, numbing cold, but I had to find my gunblade.

I waded in up to my neck before stepping on it.

"Shit!" I went under and picked it up. When I came up, Zell was standing on the beach. I swam towards shore.

"Uh, hi Alex," he sat on the sand and started out at the glistening water.

"Hi," I sat in the shallow water.

"Listen, if your here to bug me about the fucking SeeD test, mission thing then I don't want to here it," he probably wasn't but I had to say it anyways.

"K,..........um, I just wanted to know if you were going to the SeeD dance tonight," what the hell! People have died and he was asking my if I was going to go to a stupid dance?

"Yeah right, and what will I do there? Besides get teased, laughed at and rejected by society?" He looked at me and smiled.

"Dance with me?" Ok, what the hell was I supposed to say to that?

"Um.....ok who put you up to this?" probably Rinoa.

"No one........." he's serious? Well it might get you mind off killing Seifer and Timmy but is that right? Just to forget about it and have fun?

"Um......I have nothing to wear,." What a lame answer I have all day to go and buy a dress.....wait, a dress? I never wear dresses, and I have no taste when it comes to being all fancy and how will I do my hair and.....

"Selphie suspected that so she offered to help you choose, she really thinks you should go, it will help you take your mind offa things." Ok now what?

"Uh.......I have um....." I looked at him searching for an excuse not to go.

"Oh common, please? And a isn't that water kinda cold?" Hmmmmm

"If you can stay in the water for ten minutes then I'll go, but I'll warn you, it's really cold."

What a jerk, he did it, ten minutes and I stayed in with him so we both came out blue and shivering and without towels. But we didn't have to walk, Zell had brought a car.

"I....I....I ca...cant bel..eve I di..d that....ohhh...its...co...old," Zell was having a hard time speaking, I laughed at him.

"Where were you!" Selphie ran over to me and Zell as we walked into the garden.

"Swimming," I hugged myself and shivered.

"Yeah, fun, fun" Zell agreed sarcastically.

"Oh jeez you two are stupid! So Alex? Are you going to the dance? Please say you are cause.."

"Yeah, I am" I didn't know why, but I was.

"Yay! Common lets get you changed!" she dragged me away from the shivering Zell who just stood there probably trying to get the feeling back in his body.

"Ok," we (Me and Selphie) were in Balamb looking at dresses, "What ones do you like?" she looked like she was having a lot of fun

"um.............." I looked around, lost, like I was at a four way stop, no map, and trying to choose which way would bring me home

"Oh jeez, try this on," she threw me a puffy shouldered, long sleeved high cut green dress. Yuck but I tried it on anyway, yuck

"Next!" over the dressing room door flew a red tub mini dress that zippered in the back. Huh? It was a yard or two of material with a zipper slapped on the back to hold it together. I wasn't even gonna try that on.

"Next!" over came a long yellow puffy skirt and a corsetry thing that zipped up in back for a shirt. I tried it on and came out

"Wow! That looks really good!" Selphie was like all over me with complements but I didn't like it...

"I don't like yellow, anything in blue?" she rolled her eyes and was back at the racks. It's not the Prom! I'll choose.

"Hmmmmm" I took the plainest looking one there, to try on, it was blue, purple just a bunch of diff shades of blue and purple, it went really, really low in the back, it was low cut and the straps were really thin, I liked it.

"Selphie!" I yelled from inside the dressing room, "Come take a look at this."

"Ok!" I walked out of the dressing room and twirled, why I don't know.

"What da ya think?" Oh, and did I mention, it was like made for my body? It fit like a dream.

"Wow! Nice choice! If you didn't want something all fancy and prom-like then why didn't you say so?"

"You looked like you were having fun" I smiled that 'I'm an angle' look.

"Ok, next stop, the hairstyler's!" Oh yay.

Ok, so I had my dress, shoes, make up(not on yet but I got everything), hair done, now all I needed was supper.

"We're not gonna let anyone see you till the dance ok? It's only in like two hours so I'll go back to get my stuff and you chill out here, but touch the hair and die!" Selphie smiled and dashed out the door.


Ok, now what? Oh, duh, Eat!

I ate a salad with corn chips and chocolate sprinkles. Yum. Then I turned on my CD player and began to drift away to the sound of the music....

""Why do you hide from it? You can't run from your actions,"" Seifer looked at me with his cold eyes, he stood before me pale, a bullet hole on his chest, dead but yet so alive with anger.

""It wasn't suppose to happen like that, I was suppose to save Timmy.""

He held my gunblade out to me, ""But you didn't, and now were both dead cause of you.""

I looked at him with a blank face, ""I know.""

""You know what you have to do, to make it right,"" I took my gunblade and read the words:

Alzera,

keep this close, you never know when you need a reminder of your true family

Love

Nanny.

""Do it,"" his voice was strong and forceful

I lifted the gunblade over my head, ""I have no true family."" Then I slashed it down on my wrist and watch the blood drain out.

""Now it's right,"" Seifer walked away

"Ahhhh!" why did I keep dreaming that I died? But it was so real...

"Alex I'm back! Did you get something to eat?"

"Uh...yeah" I sat up quickly,

"Ok we have half an hour to get ready! Put on your dress, I'll be in the bathroom putting on mine."

I took off my shirt and slid the dress over my head, then I took my pants off and put on some spandex shorts. I know I said I never wear dresses, but I had to, and when I did I always wore shorts underneath.

I put on my high heel shoes and dingily earrings, then to top it off I put on a Cross necklace with blue gems on it on and walked downstairs.

"Uh Selph? Um......am I really going to the dance like this? I feel like royalty, I don't want to feel like royalty, I wanna feel like me," I slowly came down stairs half falling. Man! These shoes are way to high.

"Oh just get down hear with out ripping your dress, dances are fun!" Selphie was running back and fourth looking for something.

"Ug, there is so, no room to move in this dress," I could only take two foot long steps or it would rip.

"There isn't supposed to be, that's why it's a dress!" Selphie was warring that yellow puffy skirt thing, and she looked really good in it.

"That looks good on you Selphie." I grabbed my jean coat and headed for the door.

"Thanks, and hold on, what about your makeup? Get back here...."

Ok, now I was ready and I felt like 'princess clown' ug, ahh whatever, only for one night and I liked the dark green eyeliner, it looked good.

"Ok, lets go," and I headed for the door, followed by Selphie.

"It'll be fun, trust me," she smiled one of those big bright things that you can't help smile back at and then started the car.

"Ok! Here we come!"